I can't decide if I should be furious or hurt.

erinlin25 · April 2014

KGold80 said:

KGold80 said:

So I'm just going to throw this out there, but maybe she is hurt that you aren't going to her wedding or something along those lines? Either way, she shouldn't have bad mouthed you like that...

She doesn't even know I've decided not to attend. That was my bridge to cross when she got my RSVP, and whether or not she asks me why (the reason is because I wasn't invited with my SO of two years, who she has met many times). Also, she doesn't really have feelings to be hurt. She is the type of person who will wait until someone is out of earshot and then say something nasty about them. I guess I'm naive to think she'd never talk about me that way, since I'm not a client or a random person but an employee who she seems to be close with.
Oh, I see...well, if that is the kind of person she is I guess you should keep her at arm's length. I'm really sorry that happened.

My motto is people who talk shit to you will not hesitate to talk shit about you. If you guys are actually close, I would say something to her and let her know it upset you to hear she was talking about you behind your back. The friend who told you should not get in trouble, since really your boss was the one being unprofessional and inappropriate. The girl who told you was actually being a friend by letting you know what was said. as for your boss--As "friends" you should expect more from her. But this is also why business and pleasure can ultimately backfire. Work friends will most likely come and go. She is not a "friend" she is your boss, and obviously does not respect people. I would be on the bandwagon of looking for a new job. I could never work for someone whom I did not respect.

larrygaga · April 2014

mysticl said:

larrygaga said:

I almost wonder if she breached any confidentiality agreements with that comment to your co-worker. It's borderline, you need to look into that. I am a social worker, so I know all about confidentiality rules and they are very binding. Does she have a boss above her? Be furious!

Even if it didn't break any rules, she still was extremely unprofessional.

So am I. That confidentiality extends to our clients, not our after hours, personal interactions with co-workers. The company may have a policy about sharing personnel information, so it could be a violation of that if the boss had disclosed OP's salary to the other worker but she didn't. She made a rude comment about something that happened at a non work function. It doesn't even automatically mean the OP has money problems. She could make the same comment about someone who is wealthy.

OP my advice is this woman is your boss not your friend. You need to interact with her in that manner. Being friends with a supervisor does not go well. Save being friends for when one of you leaves the company.

Yeah, that's why I thought it was borderline. Also, confidentiality for social workers is always. Probably not in most jobs.

KittyKaty20 · April 2014

Leave. This. Job! Let's be real, here: your boss is HORRIBLE! From this and other posts, I have no doubt she's just a terrible human being. Also, you have said that she's stated she'll write you a recommendation letter...how much weight is that going to have for law school when it comes from a small, family-owned company that doesn't look after the day-to-day well being of it's employees?

I work in a small franchise of an international corporation; although I love the customers, and I have had some amazing co-workers in my five years, my boss has always been hit-or-miss. It's gotten worse in the last 2 years since our manager left. I'll be looking for a new job/returning to school after the honeymoon. I urge you to do the same!!

loro929 · April 2014

I agree with all above PPs. We spend too much time in the workplace for it not to be a healthy, friendly environment in which everyone is treated with respect.

"Friends" are oftentimes circumstantial, and it seems like your boss fits that bill. No one that thinks it is OK for them to comment negatively regarding anyone in general, but especially someone who works under them is not a nice person and probably has done it before and will do it again. If you can find another job, now is the time to take that leap. In the meantime, evaluate the short-term consequences of mentioning something to her. Do what is best for you (and also, secondarily, the seemingly by-standing co-worker who informed you of this information).

STARMOON44 · April 2014

Wait, you're concerned about getting her recommendation for law school? Don't be. Schools don't care.

ElcaB · April 2014

Eeek.

Someone may have posed this question already, but is this coworker of yours a reliable source? I have a coworker who retells conversations differently than they actually happened, so I know when she gossips or shares information is usually needs double checked before I take it as fact.

climbingsingle · April 2014

I would be so angry! The fact that this is a small owned business and her mother is the owner concerns me for you. I would also be looking for another job.

lalalorelai · April 2014

STARMOON44 said:

Wait, you're concerned about getting her recommendation for law school? Don't be. Schools don't care.

I disagree with this. I'm graduating from law school in a month and am also in a PhD program. I know a lot of programs where a good rec can make your application, and a bad one can destroy you. My law school definitely reviews letters of rec, as they can tell you a lot more than test scores and GPA's can.

But I would be worried about whether or not your boss would be a good person to ask for a recommendation at this point. She's certainly already shown that she has no problem talking crap about you, so who knows what she would put in her rec??

lennonkdc · April 2014

lalalorelai said:

STARMOON44 said:

Wait, you're concerned about getting her recommendation for law school? Don't be. Schools don't care.

I disagree with this. I'm graduating from law school in a month and am also in a PhD program. I know a lot of programs where a good rec can make your application, and a bad one can destroy you. My law school definitely reviews letters of rec, as they can tell you a lot more than test scores and GPA's can.

But I would be worried about whether or not your boss would be a good person to ask for a recommendation at this point. She's certainly already shown that she has no problem talking crap about you, so who knows what she would put in her rec??

Whether or not the law schools care is going to depend on the OP's current field, if its legal or 'professional' they'll care, if its not a 'traditional' professional field, its not going to matter much. I do agree that I don't think OP's current boss is the best person to ask either way.

OP, as lawyer currently struggling in the WORST economy for lawyers in the history of the profession, wanted to yell "Dear GOD WHY!!!!" lol Its pretty bad out here and I wish you luck.

JellyBean52513 · April 2014

lennonkdc said:

lalalorelai said:

STARMOON44 said:

Wait, you're concerned about getting her recommendation for law school? Don't be. Schools don't care.

I disagree with this. I'm graduating from law school in a month and am also in a PhD program. I know a lot of programs where a good rec can make your application, and a bad one can destroy you. My law school definitely reviews letters of rec, as they can tell you a lot more than test scores and GPA's can.

But I would be worried about whether or not your boss would be a good person to ask for a recommendation at this point. She's certainly already shown that she has no problem talking crap about you, so who knows what she would put in her rec??

Whether or not the law schools care is going to depend on the OP's current field, if its legal or 'professional' they'll care, if its not a 'traditional' professional field, its not going to matter much. I do agree that I don't think OP's current boss is the best person to ask either way.

OP, as lawyer currently struggling in the WORST economy for lawyers in the history of the profession, wanted to yell "Dear GOD WHY!!!!" lol Its pretty bad out here and I wish you luck.

I know this, I do lol what I really want to do is family law and victim advocacy... lawyers aren't exactly clamoring for jobs in this particular field. I, like many PPs, have a BSSW and that was the field I practiced in before law school & moving to Boston, it's always been my passion, and a piece of me will always be dead until I finally get back to that field of work.

The reason why I NEED a letter of rec. is because I have been out of undergrad now for 3 years, plus I took a leave of absence during my first year as a 1L; I need SOME kind of letter of reference that's relatively current to vouch for me as to why I should even be considered for admission. My undergrad GPA is great (I graduated Summa Cum Laude), my LSAT score is disappointingly average, so a letter of rec. attesting to my work ethic, aptitude for the field, etc. will be a make-or-break for my application.

I believe she will write me a good letter because I've agreed to go part-time at night so I can continue working during that time (and yes, I KNOW how tough it's going to be). She's always had a "you scratch my back, I scratch yours" approach to working with me and despite her personal level of shittiness, she's never faltered on that when it came to helping me out with work-related things.

My SO wants me to kick ass the first year going part-time so I can transfer to another school full-time for the second two years, and I'm strongly considering it, if for no other reason than so I can GTFO and move on with my life lol

kitty8403 · April 2014

I'm so sorry.

I would strongly suggest, having worked for a law prof in a past life, that you reconsider working for this woman while attending law school. Holding down any job as a law student is extremely tough; this sounds like an unbelievable stress load. Surely there is some other legal professional, former teacher, or colleague who can give you a recommendation, or at least some relevant organization where you could volunteer for a little while? Letters of recommendation, in my experience, are not typically acceptable unless they are sealed. Do you trust this woman to meet your application deadline and represent you well?

As for the rest, I do think perhaps quietly looking for another job would be wise. At this point, all you have is a coworker's word, and that is gossip related to a non-work event. I'm not sure what exactly anyone handling HR duties there will be able to do for you unless you can present evidence that a.) the inappropriate statements occurred in the first place, and b.) the fallout is affecting your work environment. Since it's a small company where your boss is related to the owner, you unfortunately may have limited recourse unless/until you find yourself coping with others' unprofessional behavior in a workplace setting. Hopefully you won't have to, because you'll have moved on before then.

ETA: The only option I really see is a formal, written complaint, preferably signed by you with supporting statements from the reporting coworker and any witnesses. I don't see a good way to report or address the issue while keeping everyone involved anonymous. Anyone investigating needs something to go on, and a written statement from multiple complainants covers your rear in case your coworker tries to throw you under the bus.

Swazzle · April 2014

ElcaB said:

Eeek.

Someone may have posed this question already, but is this coworker of yours a reliable source? I have a coworker who retells conversations differently than they actually happened, so I know when she gossips or shares information is usually needs double checked before I take it as fact.

This is exactly what I was wondering.

Either way, I would be hurt and furious that anyone would say that about me.

loves2shop4shoes · April 2014

I think I may just be desensitized because I've had a string of horrible bosses, but I don't think what she said was THAT bad.

Was it rude, uncalled for, and classless? Sure.

Is it worth making a huge deal over? No. Just be careful from now on what you say and do around her.

For reference, I've had a boss call me fat…to my face. And tell me "Thank God you have such a pretty face. It saves you because you're so huge."

I've had coworkers tell me that the reason I'm not invited to social events is because I'm not attractive enough to be seen with them.

I've had bosses dig through my trash while they were nosing through my things.

I'm not saying what she said wasn't wrong, but really, it could be a LOT worse. My guess is it really hit a nerve for you because you take your financial situation so personally. Calm down, and stop confiding in this tart.

Jen4948 · April 2014

loves2shop4shoes said:

I think I may just be desensitized because I've had a string of horrible bosses, but I don't think what she said was THAT bad.

Was it rude, uncalled for, and classless? Sure.

Is it worth making a huge deal over? No. Just be careful from now on what you say and do around her.

For reference, I've had a boss call me fat…to my face. And tell me "Thank you have such a pretty face. It saves you because you're so huge."

I've had coworkers tell me that the reason I'm not invited to social events is because I'm not attractive enough to be seen with them.

I've had bosses dig through my trash while they were nosing through my things.

I'm not saying what she said wasn't wrong, but really, it could be a LOT worse. My guess is it really hit a nerve for you because you take your financial situation so personally. Calm down, and stop confiding in this tart.

The OP didn't "confide" in this woman. The boss first invited her to a private event, then apparently talked smack about her behind her back to a co-worker. None of that is professional or appropriate, and a boss of all people doing that, who has the power to screw over the OP with her recommendation. Why the hell shouldn't the OP "take it personally" or should she "calm down" after being stabbed in the back like that?

loves2shop4shoes · April 2014

Jen4948 said:

loves2shop4shoes said:

I think I may just be desensitized because I've had a string of horrible bosses, but I don't think what she said was THAT bad.

Was it rude, uncalled for, and classless? Sure.

Is it worth making a huge deal over? No. Just be careful from now on what you say and do around her.

For reference, I've had a boss call me fat…to my face. And tell me "Thank you have such a pretty face. It saves you because you're so huge."

I've had coworkers tell me that the reason I'm not invited to social events is because I'm not attractive enough to be seen with them.

I've had bosses dig through my trash while they were nosing through my things.

I'm not saying what she said wasn't wrong, but really, it could be a LOT worse. My guess is it really hit a nerve for you because you take your financial situation so personally. Calm down, and stop confiding in this tart.

The OP didn't "confide" in this woman. The boss first invited her to a private event, then apparently talked smack about her behind her back to a co-worker. None of that is professional or appropriate, and a boss of all people doing that, who has the power to screw over the OP with her recommendation. Why the hell shouldn't the OP "take it personally" or should she "calm down" after being stabbed in the back like that?

Actually, if I read correctly, the OP DID confide in this woman about her financial situation, which she is obviously very sensitive about. And since the crux of the comment revolved around her financial situation, she feels betrayed.

I am confident that I in no way conveyed that her boss's comment was professional or appropriate.

She shouldn't take it personally because obviously this woman is a gossip, and it is highly unlikely that she reserves comments such as these for OP, especially since this comment came seemingly out of nowhere and was over something so petty.

APDSS22 · April 2014

loves2shop4shoes said:

I think I may just be desensitized because I've had a string of horrible bosses, but I don't think what she said was THAT bad.

Was it rude, uncalled for, and classless? Sure.

Is it worth making a huge deal over? No. Just be careful from now on what you say and do around her.

For reference, I've had a boss call me fat…to my face. And tell me "Thank you have such a pretty face. It saves you because you're so huge."

I've had coworkers tell me that the reason I'm not invited to social events is because I'm not attractive enough to be seen with them.

I've had bosses dig through my trash while they were nosing through my things.

I'm not saying what she said wasn't wrong, but really, it could be a LOT worse. My guess is it really hit a nerve for you because you take your financial situation so personally. Calm down, and stop confiding in this tart.

Please tell me you started disposing of moldy food in your trashcan.

loves2shop4shoes · April 2014

APDSS22 said:

loves2shop4shoes said:

I think I may just be desensitized because I've had a string of horrible bosses, but I don't think what she said was THAT bad.

Was it rude, uncalled for, and classless? Sure.

Is it worth making a huge deal over? No. Just be careful from now on what you say and do around her.

For reference, I've had a boss call me fat…to my face. And tell me "Thank you have such a pretty face. It saves you because you're so huge."

I've had coworkers tell me that the reason I'm not invited to social events is because I'm not attractive enough to be seen with them.

I've had bosses dig through my trash while they were nosing through my things.

I'm not saying what she said wasn't wrong, but really, it could be a LOT worse. My guess is it really hit a nerve for you because you take your financial situation so personally. Calm down, and stop confiding in this tart.

Please tell me you started disposing of moldy food in your trashcan.

Empty tuna cans actually. That smell is AWFUL!

Jen4948 · April 2014

loves2shop4shoes said:

Jen4948 said:

loves2shop4shoes said:

I think I may just be desensitized because I've had a string of horrible bosses, but I don't think what she said was THAT bad.

Was it rude, uncalled for, and classless? Sure.

Is it worth making a huge deal over? No. Just be careful from now on what you say and do around her.

For reference, I've had a boss call me fat…to my face. And tell me "Thank you have such a pretty face. It saves you because you're so huge."

I've had coworkers tell me that the reason I'm not invited to social events is because I'm not attractive enough to be seen with them.

I've had bosses dig through my trash while they were nosing through my things.

I'm not saying what she said wasn't wrong, but really, it could be a LOT worse. My guess is it really hit a nerve for you because you take your financial situation so personally. Calm down, and stop confiding in this tart.

The OP didn't "confide" in this woman. The boss first invited her to a private event, then apparently talked smack about her behind her back to a co-worker. None of that is professional or appropriate, and a boss of all people doing that, who has the power to screw over the OP with her recommendation. Why the hell shouldn't the OP "take it personally" or should she "calm down" after being stabbed in the back like that?

Actually, if I read correctly, the OP DID confide in this woman about her financial situation, which she is obviously very sensitive about. And since the crux of the comment revolved around her financial situation, she feels betrayed.

I am confident that I in no way conveyed that her boss's comment was professional or appropriate.

She shouldn't take it personally because obviously this woman is a gossip, and it is highly unlikely that she reserves comments such as these for OP, especially since this comment came seemingly out of nowhere and was over something so petty.

I still think "Calm down and don't take it personally" is not a good position to take when a boss betrays you by talking behind your back about very personal information and makes fun of you. The boss crossed the line and "calm down and don't take it personally" gives her permission to keep doing it by saying nothing.

bnwright0721 · April 2014

If the boss is one of your friends, what are the chances your co-worker was trying to stir the pot? Do you 100% trust that this co-worker was telling the truth?

mysticl · April 2014

Jen4948 said:

loves2shop4shoes said:

Jen4948 said:

loves2shop4shoes said:

I think I may just be desensitized because I've had a string of horrible bosses, but I don't think what she said was THAT bad.

Was it rude, uncalled for, and classless? Sure.

Is it worth making a huge deal over? No. Just be careful from now on what you say and do around her.

For reference, I've had a boss call me fat…to my face. And tell me "Thank you have such a pretty face. It saves you because you're so huge."

I've had coworkers tell me that the reason I'm not invited to social events is because I'm not attractive enough to be seen with them.

I've had bosses dig through my trash while they were nosing through my things.

I'm not saying what she said wasn't wrong, but really, it could be a LOT worse. My guess is it really hit a nerve for you because you take your financial situation so personally. Calm down, and stop confiding in this tart.

The OP didn't "confide" in this woman. The boss first invited her to a private event, then apparently talked smack about her behind her back to a co-worker. None of that is professional or appropriate, and a boss of all people doing that, who has the power to screw over the OP with her recommendation. Why the hell shouldn't the OP "take it personally" or should she "calm down" after being stabbed in the back like that?

Actually, if I read correctly, the OP DID confide in this woman about her financial situation, which she is obviously very sensitive about. And since the crux of the comment revolved around her financial situation, she feels betrayed.

I am confident that I in no way conveyed that her boss's comment was professional or appropriate.

She shouldn't take it personally because obviously this woman is a gossip, and it is highly unlikely that she reserves comments such as these for OP, especially since this comment came seemingly out of nowhere and was over something so petty.

I still think "Calm down and don't take it personally" is not a good position to take when a boss betrays you by talking behind your back about very personal information and makes fun of you. The boss crossed the line and "calm down and don't take it personally" gives her permission to keep doing it by saying nothing.

That's were things get a little gray. OP specifically stated she went to this woman "as a friend" about her financial situation and I'm guessing she attended the shower as a friend not an employee. So the woman may have said these things as a "friend" (granted a very crappy friend) instead of as a boss. This is why being friends with the person who writes your performance review and/signs your paycheck can be a bad idea. Lines can get blurry.

mysticl · April 2014

loves2shop4shoes said:

I think I may just be desensitized because I've had a string of horrible bosses, but I don't think what she said was THAT bad.

Was it rude, uncalled for, and classless? Sure.

Is it worth making a huge deal over? No. Just be careful from now on what you say and do around her.

For reference, I've had a boss call me fat…to my face. And tell me "Thank God you have such a pretty face. It saves you because you're so huge."

I've had coworkers tell me that the reason I'm not invited to social events is because I'm not attractive enough to be seen with them.

I've had bosses dig through my trash while they were nosing through my things.

I'm not saying what she said wasn't wrong, but really, it could be a LOT worse. My guess is it really hit a nerve for you because you take your financial situation so personally. Calm down, and stop confiding in this tart.

In your house or at the office? Because they can go through stuff that is located in their offices.

fourtsixand2 · April 2014

JellyBean52513 said:

This past Sunday was my boss's shower, which I agreed to go to since I will not be attending her wedding. The shower was lovely, hosted by her mom, and I even met up with my boss early to do her makeup for her. At the shower, champagne, red, and white wine were hosted and there was a cash bar. I had one paid for glass of wine, the rest of what I drank was the hosted stuff. All the girls from work had a blast--there was a DJ, there were lights, my boss's cousin greeted us all upon arrival totally blasted--it was a fun few hours.

Today, my co-worker told me that our boss asked her if I was drunk at the shower. She told her "not anymore than the rest of us?" to which my boss replied "She was only drinking that much because it was free."

I'm fucking fuming right now. My boss knows my financial situation, she sees my paycheck every other week and she knows that I don't have much spending money after I pay bills. She was essentially say, "JellyBean's only drinking because she's broke and doesn't have to pay for it herself." For her to sit there and pass judgment on me for indulging in the hosted beverages, let alone behind my back to a co-worker while at work, is the rudest and most unprofessional shit I've ever heard. Plus, I'm just very hurt because I came to her a while back as a friend and told her that if I didn't have a raise, I would have to move back to NY because a very extreme set of circumstances occurred that jeopardized my living situation. She advocated for me to get the raise to the owner, because it was worth it to keep me there. I'm confused as to what she really thinks of me. My co-worker is begging me not to say anything, but I don't know if I can keep quiet about this. I prefer not to be the subject of ridicule while at work.

Wow .... okay, well ... sure, someone said how soon could you find another job? That's all well and good except in this market right now you do NOT want to just up and leave your job.
People are catty and always will be.

You have two options: sit back and not say a word and suck it up, or say something and get it off your chest.

If it were me, I would address it (just my opinion). I could see being leary of addressing it in person. It's your boss, after all. I would write up a nice email - that way you can read over it a time or two and make sure you've said what you needed to say in a respectful way, without compromising the insult you feel.

You might say something like:

I've been struggling with addressing an issue that arose, but I feel that for the benefit of our professional and personal relationship I would like to get this issue out in the open so I may move forward. There were a few comments that were brought to my attention that you allegedly made in regards to my alcohol intake at your shower. Out of respect for those involved, I would rather not mention any names of where I heard these comments from.
While I did consume wine that was provided for guests, I don't believe I drank any more than any of the other guests. Please keep in mind that every person's tolerance is different than the next person's.

I had a wonderful time partaking in your special event and I appreciate the thoughtful invitation. I just wanted to clear this up out of respect for our relationship so I can move forward in a positive manner.

Thank you for your understanding.

fourtsixand2 · April 2014

I wanted to add something else about the chatter on here about not befriending your boss. Years ago I would've absolutely negated that comment. However, having been burned more than once, I fully agree. I currently work with an amazing group of people and absolutely adore and respect my boss(es). However, you won't be catching me having drinks or visiting after work. I believe there are boundaries. If the entire group is going to a departmental event, sure that's one thing .... but having drinks after work with the boss is another thing.

I made the mistake of befriending my old boss, who was a CEO. I house sat for him, picked his kids up from time to time, and chit chatted like friends. But his ego eventually grew and he stepped down as CEO and I was suddenly a pee-on. In one day we went from buddy-buddy to no longer even facebook friends over a silly tiff that in all reality wasn't my fault. Lesson learned, I guess.

JellyBean52513 · April 2014

I want to thank everyone for the support and advice, once again. I've definitely started to keep to myself when it comes to socializing at work. Like I mentioned in another thread, my boss asked me twice about why I declined her wedding and even asked a co-worker (the same co-worker as before!) about me declining. Yes, I do trust this co-worker and I'm sure that's why my boss keeps going to her. It's tough to be completely platonic with my boss when I spend so much time at work, we're the same age, and the workplace environment is very much "like a family." FTR, I told her that my SO has things going on that weekend and I know I won't be available. She said "Ok, I was just wondering what happened and hoped it wasn't anything I did or said." I bean dipped ASAP.

I've decided not to say anything about the incident, because I really don't think there's a whole lot I can do to influence her being the kind of person that she is. I'd rather not risk my income over it. I will just keep our social interactions to a minimum and learn from this experience not to be so trusting.

Edited to fix the whole post being underlined

mysticl · April 2014

JellyBean52513 said:

I want to thank everyone for the support and advice, once again. I've definitely started to keep to myself when it comes to socializing at work. Like I mentioned in another thread, my boss asked me twice about why I declined her wedding and even asked a co-worker (the same co-worker as before!) about me declining. Yes, I do trust this co-worker and I'm sure that's why my boss keeps going to her. It's tough to be completely platonic with my boss when I spend so much time at work, we're the same age, and the workplace environment is very much "like a family." FTR, I told her that my SO has things going on that weekend and I know I won't be available. She said "Ok, I was just wondering what happened and hoped it wasn't anything I did or said." I bean dipped ASAP.

I've decided not to say anything about the incident, because I really don't think there's a whole lot I can do to influence her being the kind of person that she is. I'd rather not risk my income over it. I will just keep our social interactions to a minimum and learn from this experience not to be so trusting.

Edited to fix the whole post being underlined

I have worked in a place like that. I much prefer a place that is like a business. Because when it is a like a family lines get blurred and policies change depending on who you talk to. For example when I started there I asked what the call of policy was. I was told to ask my direct supervisor what her personal call off policy was. This individualized call off policy resulted in no one realizing I was out sick until 10am one day. There was also a situation where changes were made to the dress code, not all of the supervisors informed their people and my supervisor only informed people who didn't already dress according to the new plan.

OnionBreath · April 2014

JellyBean52513 said:

This past Sunday was my boss's shower, which I agreed to go to since I will not be attending her wedding. The shower was lovely, hosted by her mom, and I even met up with my boss early to do her makeup for her. At the shower, champagne, red, and white wine were hosted and there was a cash bar. I had one paid for glass of wine, the rest of what I drank was the hosted stuff. All the girls from work had a blast--there was a DJ, there were lights, my boss's cousin greeted us all upon arrival totally blasted--it was a fun few hours.

Today, my co-worker told me that our boss asked her if I was drunk at the shower. She told her "not anymore than the rest of us?" to which my boss replied "She was only drinking that much because it was free."

I'm fucking fuming right now. My boss knows my financial situation, she sees my paycheck every other week and she knows that I don't have much spending money after I pay bills. She was essentially say, "JellyBean's only drinking because she's broke and doesn't have to pay for it herself." For her to sit there and pass judgment on me for indulging in the hosted beverages, let alone behind my back to a co-worker while at work, is the rudest and most unprofessional shit I've ever heard. Plus, I'm just very hurt because I came to her a while back as a friend and told her that if I didn't have a raise, I would have to move back to NY because a very extreme set of circumstances occurred that jeopardized my living situation. She advocated for me to get the raise to the owner, because it was worth it to keep me there. I'm confused as to what she really thinks of me. My co-worker is begging me not to say anything, but I don't know if I can keep quiet about this. I prefer not to be the subject of ridicule while at work.

I'd definitely be hurt and upset and I would distance myself from this boss and evaluate the relationship I want to have with her.

I wouldn't go to HR, she expressed her opinion in private to someone she considers a friend outside of work. It doesn't really affect how she's treated you in a professional context as far as you've explained.

I don't like to engage in social activity outside of a light banter with coworkers for this reason. If this is something you can't get over, start looking for another job.

carliealissa · April 2014

FWIW, I don't think law school reference letters matter all that much. Obviously those letters are only going to contain praise, so they aren't incredibly informative. I don't even remember who wrote mine.

MinnieLovesMiki · April 2014

I would be furious also but tread carefully.

I know the logical thing to do would be to go to HR, but that really depends on the kind of company you work for.

Speaking from experience, I went to HR over a completely work-related issue concerning my Supervisor, but somehow that "private" meeting got leaked to her. The next two months were hectic until they finally let me go as a "business decision" a week after I got in a major car accident. (Sorry, kind of got on a rant...)

But seriously, I'd start looking into finding another job. You don't need to work for or with people like that.

I can't decide if I should be furious or hurt.

Re: I can't decide if I should be furious or hurt.

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