Vegetarian options?

KGold80 · April 2014

This may not belong here, but I think it is an etiquette related issue, so it seemed like the best fit. My apologies if it isn't. We will have a couple of vegetarians at both the rehearsal dinner and the reception (one veg is my MOH), so we need to be sure to offer a vegetarian dish at both events. I have had difficulty getting either venue to commit to a particular vegetarian dish and instead they said "The chef will take care of that." That really rubs me the wrong way. I may not know what they are going to be served so I couldn't even have it listed on the menu at each place setting. My question is, does it come across as rude to offer meat eaters specific choices so they know what they will be served and have vegetarians just check the "Vegetarian" box with absolutely no idea what they will eat? It just seems like they are often treated like second class citizens because they don't eat meat and I would hate for anyone to feel that way at our wedding. Any thoughts or advice as to how to handle this?

grumbledore · April 2014

I think that's sort of ridiculous if you have set options for the non-vegetarian meals. I would push the caterer/venue for more specifics.

Otherwise, if you are doing, say, a chicken dish, a beef dish, and then the veg options, then I would be more general with the listings and just say Chicken, Beef, Vegetarian on the RSVP.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2014

I agree it's a total double standard. Especially because I often find vegetarian options to be more appealing than meat options, so I want everyone to be able to make an educated choice on what they want. Our venue is allowing us to choose, so we can spell out on the wedding website exactly what each dish is (especially since our chicken dish has pork and mushrooms in it so people may opt for veggie instead, when they otherwise may have blindly chosen chicken). I would push for more information, or choose something and make a specific request ("I understand the chef typically handles this day of, but can I request a stuffed mushroom with quinoa pilaf as the veg option?")

TeddiD34 · April 2014

I'm in the same boat, and currently emailing the crap out of the coordinator for our venue, for specific veg. dishes/options.

I think you just have to be persistent on the fact that you'd like to know exactly what the options are.

Good luck!

KPBM89 · April 2014

I wish I could be more help with experience with this because I'm a vegetarian, but our food is being served buffet style. My main meal will be mac n cheese!

(ETA: That's only my personal main meal; we're having meat, too, I swear! Smoked turkey and pulled pork)

I would not be comfortable just selecting "vegetarian" myself because I am allergic to mushrooms, which are used in several veggie dishes. I would either try to get a definitive meal from the venue or tell the venue the veggie meal.

One of my best friend's was married last summer. Her veggie meal had mushrooms in it (she put the options on her website with details about each dish), but I ended up selecting the fish meal just because the side was asparagus and I love asparagus. Everyone else at my table got to enjoy some salmon added to their food.

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

I would insist on knowing the veg option in time to put it on your reply cards and/or website. Some carnivores might prefer that option to meat, and a lot of people are limiting the amount of meat they eat. For instance, my mom eats meat, but she won't order beef out because she knows they won't burn it for her, and if there's an option for butternut squash ravioli, she will choose that every time because she loves it.

blabla89 · April 2014

Can you request a specific dish for the vegetarian entree? They really need to tell you what it will be.

manateehugger · April 2014

I would also insist upon knowing what the vegetarian options are. You have the right to demand to know what your guests will be served and what you are paying for. Call them back and say you need to know now. I can't believe they wont tell you.

My caterer gave me about 5-6 vegetarian options in my price range.

daria24 · April 2014

My venue initially said the same thing, so I asked for an example of some of the different veg options they have made in the past. From that, I requested the one that sounded the best (stuffed acorn squash).

I mean if you asked what kind of beef would be served and they responded the same way you would think...um...well is it filet mignon or a steak sandwich? It makes a difference! You have a right to know.

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2014

I ditto PPs that there is no good reason for them NOT to tell you what the vegetarian options are. I'd call them and say, 'I really need to know which options are in my price range, and I want to pick one by X date.'

They're being unnecessarily difficult.

abbyj700 · April 2014

Ditto PP's on demanding to know your vegetarian items. I'm a vegetarian bride but would never consider a place where they told me they'd "just cook something up" for my meat eaters." You're in no way in the wrong wanting to know what they're going to serve.

I am kinda floored they aren't telling you....

JaxInBlue · April 2014

Agree with grumbledore. If you can't push your caterer for more specifics on the vegetarian option so it can be presented similarly to the other choices, I'd go with the standard chicken, fish, beef, vegetarian. If the second case is where you wind up because of timing, I'd definitely try to put more complete descriptions on your website or put a line on the response card where people can put food allergies.

lyndausvi · April 2014

I find it odd that they do not giving you any vegetarian options. Not all veggie options are good. I would demand options so you can choose what you want.

KGold80 · April 2014

Thanks for letting me know I'm not crazy or "bridezilla" for asking for specifics on this.

I just called my wedding venue coordinator and told her I really need to nail it down because my invites need to go out in two weeks. She just said she is going to go talk to her chef and call me back with two options so I can choose which one we want to serve. I'm still not sure why that was so friggin' hard all this time! I guess maybe she is tired of me asking about it. Now I need to pin it down with the RD venue.

Simply Fated · April 2014

KGold80 said:
Thanks for letting me know I'm not crazy or "bridezilla" for asking for specifics on this.

I just called my wedding venue coordinator and told her I really need to nail it down because my invites need to go out in two weeks. She just said she is going to go talk to her chef and call me back with two options so I can choose which one we want to serve. I'm still not sure why that was so friggin' hard all this time! I guess maybe she is tired of me asking about it. Now I need to pin it down with the RD venue.

A lot of times people think vegetarian dishes are interchangable or unimportant.

singinchick13 · April 2014

I think I have actually read on here before that certain caterers/hosts do not want to list the vegetarian option on the invitation because they fear guests who are not vegetarians will select this option as well. I can't remember the reasoning behind it, but I think it had a lot to do with the fact that the meat dishes are more expensive to make than the vegetarian dishes, but the couple has to pay the same price per head across the board for the more expensive dish. Caterers worry this would cause clients to negotiate prices on entrees since more people may want to go with the least expensive option.

bananasplit472001 · April 2014

Request something specific to be added as the vegetarian choice. If they can't do that then it is not a venue you would want to work with. My MOH is a vegetarian and we are letting her chose the vegetarian meal which will also be presented on the menu to other guests.

lyndausvi · April 2014

DH finds that the counts couples give for vegetarian meals are often wrong. Like way wrong. It's not the couple's fault. Guest will pick one thing, see the veggie meal and then ask to switch.

Just last week DH had 4 veggie meals. 15 uneaten meat meals came back wanting veggie meal. Then they complained that the meal took too long. Umm, well they were expecting 4, they made 8, they could not predict they needed 6 beyond that.

RSVP meal counts are always a problem for DH as they are rarely correct.

KGold80 · April 2014

bananasplit472001 said:

Request something specific to be added as the vegetarian choice. If they can't do that then it is not a venue you would want to work with. My MOH is a vegetarian and we are letting her chose the vegetarian meal which will also be presented on the menu to other guests.

Well, given that the wedding is in June, it's a little late in the game for us to be changing venues. So far this has been the ONLY real issue with the venue and apparently it's being fixed now. I'm going to do the same with my MOH - let her choose. She's a very picky eater, so if she's good with it, chances are anyone else will be, too!

Thanks again everyone for confirming that I am indeed in the right for demanding this. I'm kind of shocked that they apparently don't have many brides (or others hosting large events) who have an issue with the lack of specificity.

Inkdancer · April 2014

lyndausvi said:

DH finds that the counts couples give for vegetarian meals are often wrong. Like way wrong. It's not the couple's fault. Guest will pick one thing, see the veggie meal and then ask to switch.

Just last week DH had 4 veggie meals. 15 uneaten meat meals came back wanting veggie meal. Then they complained that the meal took too long. Umm, well they were expecting 4, they made 8, they could not predict they needed 6 beyond that.

RSVP meal counts are always a problem for DH as they are rarely correct.

I think getting a specific commitment on what the meal will be should help with that.

If FI and I saw fish, chicken, or vegetarian options, we would both probably choose chicken. If it turned out that the chicken was cooked with mushrooms, FI couldn't have it and would want to switch to fish. If it turned out that the chicken was covered in cream sauce, I couldn't have it and would probably want the vegetarian. By letting people know that they can expect salmon and risotto, chicken marsala, or butternut squash ravioli, it's pretty easy for everyone to narrow down what they want in advance.

grumbledore · April 2014

@KGold80 - unfortunately, a lot of brides are selfish and don't care what their guests are eating. Honestly.

abbyj700 · April 2014

Musikalbunni said:

Fiance and I have a few vegetarian friends. We are having Mexican food for our wedding reception.

We had a meat and a vegetarian option listed on our rsvp card. For those who went to our wedding website, there is a section that let's them know what each entree entails. Basically they are both made out of the same ingredients and sides. We chose "poblano chile" as our central ingredient for both entrees. The vegetarian dish has poblano chiles or "chiles rellenos" as the main entree, and our main dish has a poblano chile sauce on top of chicken breasts.

Fiance and I went to a wedding a year ago where we sat next to about 5 vegetarians who were stuck with eating, mash potatoes and veggies for dinner. Fiance and I promised each other to avoid that sort of stuff for our wedding.

From a vegetarian - thank you!!!

jdluvr06 · April 2014

I would insist on knowing the vegetarian option. I had a similar problem. We're just having appetizers but I have some vegan friends and I wanted to know what options they had for them. They kept saying we'll take care of it. I flat out said I wanted to know the options I would go to another caterer. I'm happy they told me because some of their vegan options had cheese. I think I drove the caterer nuts because I also insisted that absolutely nothing have any nuts in it.

mysticl · April 2014

KGold80 said:

Thanks for letting me know I'm not crazy or "bridezilla" for asking for specifics on this.

I just called my wedding venue coordinator and told her I really need to nail it down because my invites need to go out in two weeks. She just said she is going to go talk to her chef and call me back with two options so I can choose which one we want to serve. I'm still not sure why that was so friggin' hard all this time! I guess maybe she is tired of me asking about it. Now I need to pin it down with the RD venue.

Here is my thought. She's not expecting you to be giving people a choice of vegetarian. I have been to weddings with a plated meal where a vegetarian option was not provided in the invites. However, the vegetarian guests at the wedding were presented with a vegetarian dish. She's expecting you to just say "we need x vegetarian meals" and then she will pass that number onto the chef who will plan the menu from there. He may even plan the menu the day of based on what vegetables they get in that morning.

KGold80 · April 2014

mysticl said:

KGold80 said:

Thanks for letting me know I'm not crazy or "bridezilla" for asking for specifics on this.

I just called my wedding venue coordinator and told her I really need to nail it down because my invites need to go out in two weeks. She just said she is going to go talk to her chef and call me back with two options so I can choose which one we want to serve. I'm still not sure why that was so friggin' hard all this time! I guess maybe she is tired of me asking about it. Now I need to pin it down with the RD venue.

Here is my thought. She's not expecting you to be giving people a choice of vegetarian. I have been to weddings with a plated meal where a vegetarian option was not provided in the invites. However, the vegetarian guests at the wedding were presented with a vegetarian dish. She's expecting you to just say "we need x vegetarian meals" and then she will pass that number onto the chef who will plan the menu from there. He may even plan the menu the day of based on what vegetables they get in that morning.

STUCK IN BOX:

I don't want to put "vegetarian" on the response card. I want to specifically list what the dish will be and also denote that it is the vegetarian option. That requires knowledge ahead of time. I'm totally good with serving veggies based on what is in season (and actually prefer it), but I'm assuming they're not just going to get a big plate of vegetables and nothing else. If they're getting pasta with veggies, GREAT! But let me know so I can say it's "Pasta primavera" or "vegetable lasagna" or whatever it is on the response card...as well as on the menu that will be at every single place setting. I just don't think it's right to give meat eaters information about what they will be eating and then not offer the same consideration to vegetarians. Someone who is not a vegetarian very may well prefer the vegetarian dish...and that is totally fine with me, or someone may have just changed to a plant-based diet without my knowledge. We want to offer the same choices to each guest and let them decide on their own. I'm certain we won't have enough people request the veggie dish to then feel justified in going back to the venue to renegotiate a lower price or anything like that. It just seems crazy to have this much trouble figuring out what the hell is going to be served to a handful of people.

KGold80 · April 2014

Eureka! These were the two options given:

1. Pasta Fresca - Pasta with fresh vegetables in a white wine butter sauce
2. Vegetable Medley with Tomato Florentine - Stuffed Tomato served with rice

My MOH chose the stuffed tomato. Problem solved.

TeddiD34 · April 2014

I'm happy you're happy with that, but I'd be pretty pissed. Where's the protein in those 2 options? Some venues/chefs/cooks just don't get it.

KGold80 · April 2014

TeddiD34 said:

I'm happy you're happy with that, but I'd be pretty pissed. Where's the protein in those 2 options? Some venues/chefs/cooks just don't get it.

Well, I'm definitely happier with this than "Vegetarian" and I know it won't end up being just a bunch of grilled or roasted veggies tossed on a plate.

KPBM89 · April 2014

Musikalbunni said:

Fiance and I have a few vegetarian friends. We are having Mexican food for our wedding reception.

We had a meat and a vegetarian option listed on our rsvp card. For those who went to our wedding website, there is a section that let's them know what each entree entails. Basically they are both made out of the same ingredients and sides. We chose "poblano chile" as our central ingredient for both entrees. The vegetarian dish has poblano chiles or "chiles rellenos" as the main entree, and our main dish has a poblano chile sauce on top of chicken breasts.

Fiance and I went to a wedding a year ago where we sat next to about 5 vegetarians who were stuck with eating, mash potatoes and veggies for dinner. Fiance and I promised each other to avoid that sort of stuff for our wedding.

OMG I am jealous of your food! I legitimately wanted Mexican food at our wedding just because it's so easy to make it vegetarian or add meat to Mexican food.

offthemarket915 · April 2014

Glad they came through. Was ridiculous to fight you on that.

We're offering a third vegetarian option, but were lucky in that the venue had a whole vegetarian section of their meal choices. Got to try our choice at our tasting and it was delicious.

netskyblue2 · April 2014

KGold80 said:

Eureka! These were the two options given:

1. Pasta Fresca - Pasta with fresh vegetables in a white wine butter sauce
2. Vegetable Medley with Tomato Florentine - Stuffed Tomato served with rice

My MOH chose the stuffed tomato. Problem solved.

Will you be listing these as choices for everyone? I'm not a vegetarian, but I'd choose the stuffed tomato over chicken OR beef!

Vegetarian options?

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