Name Change Reflections

QueerFemme · April 2014

phira said:

@laurynm84 My partner used to work for a local insurance agency and said that it's a lot more annoying when people didn't have the same last name. But that's all I know of off the top of my head. Not sure how easy it is for dudes to change their last names after marriage in MA.

My partner was on my insurance as a domestic partner before we got married. We had different last names and it was no big deal.

amakayeb · April 2014

A little sidebar, but my mom and I were talking about how my cousin moved her maiden name to her middle name after she got married and took her husband's last name. My mom was just astonished that my cousin would "so easily throw aside the middle name that her parents worked so hard to pick out for her." Basically, from my mom's point of view, it was almost a slap in the face to do that--her parents would have always expected her to change her last name, but they had specifically picked her first and middle name to go together. It was just a very interesting conversation with an angle I had never thought of before...

phira · April 2014

amakayeb said:

A little sidebar, but my mom and I were talking about how my cousin moved her maiden name to her middle name after she got married and took her husband's last name. My mom was just astonished that my cousin would "so easily throw aside the middle name that her parents worked so hard to pick out for her." Basically, from my mom's point of view, it was almost a slap in the face to do that--her parents would have always expected her to change her last name, but they had specifically picked her first and middle name to go together. It was just a very interesting conversation with an angle I had never thought of before...

My mom and my aunt don't have middle names because my grandparents assumed they would change their last names and move their old last name to their middle name!

hikebikebemerry · April 2014

PDKH said:

Am I the only one who has experienced pressure to NOT change her name? There are some people I wont even discuss the issue with because they tell me crap like I'm perpetuating oppressive patriarchal practices or that I clearly am not an independent woman because I may change my name.

I'm getting this too!

Changing my name doesn't make me less of a feminist, nor do I think that not changing your name makes you a superior feminist, if you're doing what makes you happy*, and it works for your situation, who gives a fuck?

But it should totes be easier for men to change their last name, and it shouldn't be difficult to have accounts with two different last names.

*By doing what makes you happy, just make sure to pick a name and stick with it. I've mentioned it before, but my sister didn't really commit to hyphenating her last name, and it's a real pain if I have to send her money or anything to make sure that I have the right name for that account.

RedJacks25 · April 2014

I'm not in love with FI's last name, but I don't dislike it. When I realized that my last name will die with me (because I have all sisters and my dad's brothers had no kids), it made me really sad because it feels like the legacy of my dad will be gone.

I asked FI how he would feel if I didn't change it, and he was a bit offended. I asked him how he'd feel about us creating a last name together by meshing both names...he hated it. Right now I'm contemplating moving my last name to my middle name. I haven't entirely decided yet, though.

CrazyCatLady3 · April 2014

Just curious to those whose fiances took their name, did their side of the family freak out that they (the man) was giving up their family name? I am keeping my name, and hadn't really thought about throwing out the idea of FI taking mine (though he probably wouldn't and that's fine), but I think his traditional family would completely freak out at the idea.

flyingfoxes · April 2014

I don't think you owe anybody any explanations as to whether you want to change your name or not. I've had mine for almost 38 years, but I'm excited to take FI's last name. He said I could do whatever I wanted and keep mine if I wanted to, but it's just a name to me. He also said he would change his name to mine if I wanted.

jdluvr06 · April 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

Just curious to those whose fiances took their name, did their side of the family freak out that they (the man) was giving up their family name? I am keeping my name, and hadn't really thought about throwing out the idea of FI taking mine (though he probably wouldn't and that's fine), but I think his traditional family would completely freak out at the idea.

His parents freaked a little at first. They were worried about the family name dying out because they didn't think their other son would ever want kids. Well when FBIL confirmed that he did in fact want children some day they were ok with it.

kla728 · April 2014

I haven't decided what I want to do on this yet, and I think there are probably people who know me who assume I'm definitely changing it and others who assume I'm definitely NOT changing it.

While I'm generally feminist-leaning, since the beginning of time people have f*ed up my name. They take a few letters from my first name, a few letters from my last name, and come up with a totally new name! This isn't just people that have just met me... the first person to do it was a family friend who was also my science teacher in middle school. I switched jobs in July and two women in the office kept calling me NotName until I finally took them each aside (separately) and let them know this has always happened but FYI this is my RealName. While it is funny in some ways it also drives me NUTS, so I've actually always assumed I would change my name. But I'm Irish (and have an Irish name) and FI is Italian. Our names don't sound quite right together. I've considered hyphenating, but I think it wouldn't resolve the NotName issue. Also considered making it my middle name, but I really like my actual middle name. So I will probably take his, and just have a strange sounding name.

I do enjoy throwing out the idea of us making a new name together, or even him taking my name, just to throw him off. He would never seriously consider it, but I like to challenge his assumptions that this is how the world works and point out how nuts it is that I should consider it but he won't. He actually doesn't care what I do, but he knows how much NotName drives me bananas. The first time he heard someone do it he started laughing because its so ridiculous.

Senecaf · April 2014

I'm undecided about changing my last name.. I like my last name as it is. my middle name is already my mother's maiden name. But I have children and they would really like for me to have the same last name as Them. and I would like that too. I'm not a fan of hyphenation. Because I'm so undecided chances are I will keep my name.

phira · April 2014

@Senecaf What really sucks is that you could keep your last name as is and have the same last name as your kids. But I'm having enough trouble convincing my very feminist partner to let our kids have my last name instead of his, so ...

rajahmd · April 2014

I just recently went through the name change process. I dropped my middle name, moved my last name to my middle name, and added DH's last name. DH also wants to change his name. He's going to add my last name as his middle name. Unfortunately, he has to go through the court system. Because he goes by his middle name, not his first name, he wants to drop his first name and make his middle name his legal first name. Since you can only change middle and last names with marriage, he'll be going through the courts. Eventually, we'll share two names- our middle and last. Essentially it's like hyphenating, but we're only having one family name vs two.

DH's family definitely was taken aback at first. His sister actually made a crude joke about did I take his balls. I don't think his parents realized he was serious about it until I went through the process and he told them that he was dropping his first name. His dad really did not like that (it's a family name). I was really proud of DH for standing up to his dad and basically saying it was his name and he was going to change it to what meant the most to him.

mysticl · April 2014

I regret changing my name. It's not some massive regret but if I had it to do over again I'd keep my maiden name. I can't give you a specific reason why, I just wish I had kept my name. I never considered moving my maiden name to my middle name because I often go my first and middle name together so that didn't make sense. I did give my son my maiden name as his first name, it happens to be a fairly common boy's name, so it will go on in some form.

Name Change Reflections

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