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Disabled mother of the bride

amorgan9763amorgan9763 member
5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Woes
My mom is in a wheel chair and on oxygen.  She is not able to feed herself, let alone, light a unity candle but she has her heart set on being part of the ceremony. Are there any alternatives we could do to include her?  My step-mom is able to do the unity candle in her place but I'm worried that mom will see that as a slight to her.  I can't omit the unity candle because the mother of the groom would be crushed.  I would appreciate any help you can give me.
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Re: Disabled mother of the bride

  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Could she give you your bouquet or you could take your bouquet from her when you've come down the aisle? 
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  • dharmabunnydharmabunny member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    So, what sort of things can your mom actually do? Maybe brainstorm around her capabilities.
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yes, that's a good idea.
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  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    That is a good idea.  You should also ask her how she would like to be involved.
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  • PirateBarbiePirateBarbie member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    The bouquet idea is nice. 
    Could she do a reading during the ceremony?
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  • amorgan9763amorgan9763 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    She can't talk anymore, it's so sad because she recorded two gospel albums years ago and sang at my first wedding. I appreciate the comments from everyone, I've been worred sick -- I want her and everyone else to know how much she means to me.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2014
    Can you possibly use one of her songs as an entrance or exit piece?  Or while she's being seated?

    ETA: this could go well or really badly, I think you'd have to make that call.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2014
    Maybe you two could go down the aisle together?  Or she could just be part of the procession, you could give her a corsage, list her in the program, mention her in your toast, etc..  Also, I like the idea that a PP said about her holding your bouquet or something.  Make sure to include her in pictures and everything.  
    ETA below are some brides incorporating their disabled parents
    NO SALES
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2014
    Can you bring the candle to her and maybe help her light it? IDK.

    Disability is hard, especially if it's a new thing. You gotta pay careful attention to what might and might not offend her. You know that, though. 
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2014

    I think FMIL is being really short sighted. I would skip the unity candle all together. I know my mom would be really hurt if Step-mom took her place to light the candle.

    I agree that having her hold your flowers is a nice touch.

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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you really want to have parents involved in the unity candle, I would have one of your mother's song playing during the unity candle ceremony. Also, do your mother and step mother get a long? Could you arrange with them for during the unity ceremony having your step mother and father make a point of taking a lace handkerchief or special memento from your mother and holding it prominently in their hands when they lights the candle?It might be a nice way for your mother to feel involved in that part of the ceremony. 

    But, you could very easily do a unity ceremony without your parents so it might save some hurt feelings. You know the situation and how it will be interpreted. 

    I also agree with having your mother hold the bouquet during the ceremony- that seems really nice.
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  • amorgan9763amorgan9763 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    I talked to the priest and he's agreed to move the table for the candles off the altar and my sons will take her there and move her hand for her so she is lighting the candle, then the ushers will move the table up where it belongs.  I have found 5 of her songs to play during the prelude and she has no idea.  I'm so happy!  Thank you all for your comments and encouragement!
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