Registry and Gift Forum

Has anyone done a wedding shower and asked for money? Interested in hearing how it went.

Hi all!

I've researched in great detail the pros and cons of asking for monetary gifts at your bridal shower/wedding. I still can't seem to decide what I would be most comfortable with. However, I'm curious if anyone has asked for monetary gifts only and how it went. I can't seem to find a lot of stories after the fact.

Thanks!
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Has anyone done a wedding shower and asked for money? Interested in hearing how it went.

  • People might not say it to your face, but will most likely consider it rude that you asked for monetary gifts only.  You're not supposed to ask for gifts period.  Do a small registry and people will understand that you want cash.  Also, if you really don't want physical gifts you shouldn't have a shower because the whole point of a shower is to give and watch the bride open boxed gifts.
    Jeces said:
    Hi all!

    I've researched in great detail the pros and cons of asking for monetary gifts at your bridal shower/wedding. I still can't seem to decide what I would be most comfortable with. However, I'm curious if anyone has asked for monetary gifts only and how it went. I can't seem to find a lot of stories after the fact.

    Thanks!

    doeydochibiyuigrumbledore
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts.  If you do not want physical gifts, then you should decline a shower.  

    In my circle, most people gift physical gifts for the shower and gift cash for the wedding.  The best way to hint that cash is most desirable is by making a very small registry.  Many people will get the hint.  

    My guess is that you won't find a lot of stories "after the fact" because your idea is simply not done.
    doeydochibiyuiRebeccaB88grumbledore
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Showers are specifically for physical presents. Some people may choose to give money, but that is at their discretion. 

    My grandmother, and two aunts came from 2+ hours away to my shower. All three gifted me cash because none of them like online shopping and the nearest store I registered at was still an hour away from them (they live in the boonies) At no point did any suggest they do that, it's just what they personally chose to do. 

    Also, it was a bit awkward opening those for me personally, because there was nothing to hold up like with the physical presents. People want to see what your given, but once actual cash gets involved it starts turning into a dick measuring contest. 
    image



    Anniversary
    doeydogrumbledore
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Newsflash: Everyone wants cash! I hope I get money too, but I'm certainly not going to ask for it. It's rude to ask for monetary gifts. If you don't want physical items, than it's inappropriate to have a shower.
    image
    image

    image


    doeydochibiyuigrumbledore
  • JecesJeces member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper
    I really do appreciate all the feedback from everyone. I totally understand that the majority of people think that it is rude. However, I know their are brides who are doing this because this topic is all over the message boards. Although, @mobkaz may be correct in saying that the reason there are not a lot of stories after the fact is that people just simply don't do it.

    Thanks Again.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jeces said:
    I really do appreciate all the feedback from everyone. I totally understand that the majority of people think that it is rude. However, I know their are brides who are doing this because this topic is all over the message boards. Although, @mobkaz may be correct in saying that the reason there are not a lot of stories after the fact is that people just simply don't do it.

    Thanks Again.
    This topic is indeed all over the message boards.  And yes, there are brides doing this.  It doesn't make the idea any less rude or inappropriate.  It simply means that there are brides who put themselves and their wedding first over the way they may be perceived by others.

    There are also brides on the boards who will not provide chairs for their guests, have tiered receptions, cash bars, or other poor hospitality choices.  Again, it doesn't mean these ideas are appropriate.  It just speaks to the number of thoughtless, selfish brides.
    doeydochibiyuiRebeccaB88grumbledore
  • Fortunately I have never been invited to a shower where cash was requested, very inappropriate. I do remember a couple of times my mom was invited to a "green back" or money shower. She was totally disgusted by the request and obviously refused to give a cash gift. 

    As others have suggested if you don't need things, decline the shower. Please don't put your shower host and guests in an awkward position by requesting they give you cash. You will only make yourself look bad.
    grumbledore
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you don't want to receive physical gifts, decline any offers of showers.  But whatever you do, don't request cash as a gift, especially a shower gift.  It alienates people who prefer to give physical gifts.
    doeydochibiyuiRebeccaB88grumbledore
  • Jeces said:

    Hi all!


    I've researched in great detail the pros and cons of asking for monetary gifts at your bridal shower/wedding. I still can't seem to decide what I would be most comfortable with. However, I'm curious if anyone has asked for monetary gifts only and how it went. I can't seem to find a lot of stories after the fact.

    Thanks!
    If you've really researched it "in great detail" then presumably you already know the answer.

    Don't do it.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  •  You won't find much on it, because it's not the point of a shower..& it's rude.

     Unless it was a super close friend, (in which I'd still side eye), I wouldn't attend a shower where the bride specified cash-gifts. 

     *J
  • People that do money showers are usually considered really tacky and rude.  So, you probably won't find a lot of stories about it. 
  • ladybird29ladybird29 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    Don't mean to hijack this thread, but I'm in the opposite camp. Half of my relatives are from Canada and they never bring physical gifts to anything - just cash. Birthdays, Christmas, baby showers, you name it. Of course everyone needs cash, but that's why it's sometimes not fun to get...I know for my shower coming up next month I'd prefer they bring a physical gift because any cash we get will just go toward the wedding, bills, etc. Of course, I am SUPER grateful for anything we receive, but I wish they'd at least do a gift card instead of a straight up check (at least for the shower) because then I'd be forced to buy a physical gift and wouldn't feel guilty about it. I say this even though my FI and I have lived together for a while and are in our late 20's -- we're just really psyched to fill our home with new upgrades and nice things that aren't a priority to buy for ourselves right now, even though we could buy them. I'm pretty positive I'm in the minority on this one, but just thought I'd share in case this helps with perspective.

    ETA: totally realize this sounds like a "first-world" problem, but hopefully ya'll know what I'm saying...
    wanderingbookworm
  • So at a cash shower, everyone just sits around and watches you open envelopes of cash?
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OP, I get the feeling you know its rude to ask for cash but you are looking for that one lone poster to validate this idea.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Showers are suppose to help set up the couple up in their new home. It's entire purpose is to give a gift. 

     In this day and age many of us are getting married later and already have established home. What gets me is instead of moving away having a shower at all people rather people shower them with cash?   It's such an odd concept to me?   I have no problem helping someone establish a home with a set of mixing bowls.  Setting up a home from scratch can be expensive and overwhelming.    That is why I often give house warming gifts.

    I also got married late, already owned a home.  I was still able to find some cool stuff to register for.  If I really  could not have found some stuff I would have declined the shower altogether.  I would be embarrassed to have a monetary shower.   It's weird to say "hey I'm getting married, my friend here is inviting you to throw some cash to me at a party." So strange.


    While most people give gifts at a wedding it's not the purpose of the wedding.  It's not required and should never be expected.   We got mostly cash.  It was appreciated, but never expected.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    countrygirl061513
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Here are the pros and cons of a cash shower:

    Pros
    -You get cash because you begged your guests into giving you money

    Cons
    -You lose the respect of your nearest and dearest by blatantly asking for money
    -Force your guests to sit through watching you open up envelopes of cash instead of getting to see exciting and fun new homewares
    -Makes you seem like a stripper by having them all throw cash at you (could be a pro-make it rain!)
    -You lose self-respect by begging for money like a charity case
    - Come off as incredibly rude and be talked about for years to come behind your back.
    - Sit through a party where everyone is side-eyeing you and has hurt feelings

    Is money really worth all of that? Just don't register if you want cash at the wedding. Everyone knows cash is a good wedding gift. If someone offers to throw you a shower, you need to either a.) create a small registry or b.) decline the shower.

    Showers are for boxed gifts ONLY. Anything else is really, really rude. 


    ei34Kauris
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    jneen101 said:
    So at a cash shower, everyone just sits around and watches you open envelopes of cash?
    Maybe the bride could stand in the middle of the room while the guests "make it rain", at least that'd be more exciting.
    ei34AshleyNicole1218
  • The original poster said bridal shower/wedding, not only bridal shower.

    So I think the answer most people agree on is:
    - inappropriate for a shower.  Don't have a shower if you want cash.
    - Have a small registry for a wedding and the message will get through.
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    KatWAG said:
    OP, I get the feeling you know its rude to ask for cash but you are looking for that one lone poster to validate this idea.
    Here, I'll validate it. 

    A cash shower won't make you look greedy and money grubbing at all! It will only show your expectations to your guests. I, for one, would love watching you open envelopes of cash! Make it rain! That's why it's called a shower! A shower of money!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I would decline an invite to shower that told me to bring cash instead of a boxed gift (and I would think the bride and hostess were incredibly rude). Same for the request of gift cards. If you don't want a boxed gift don't have a shower.

    We did not register - anywhere. I declined all offers of showers. Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. =o) 

    But I have good news :) 
    For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. 
    If you want money or don't need anything don't register and don;t have a shower. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) 
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Here are the pros and cons of a cash shower: I have attended two "showers" for the same woman, the first for baby and the second for bridal. Since she had moved away from her hometown a few years ago, and these showers were to spend time with everyone in the hometown, the invitations specifically asked guests to ship any boxes to her new home in another state to save HER on shipping-- and to bring a picture of the gift in a card.  For her bridal shower, she had a very tiny boxed-gift registry and a honeyfund (but the kind that doesn't charge fees; you print a "certificate" and bring your own check in person). 

    Pros
    -You get cash because you begged your guests into giving you money  I suppose this indeed happened, yes. She had enough grace not to ever say how much a check or gift-card was for. 

    Cons
    -You lose the respect of your nearest and dearest by blatantly asking for money Yup!
    -Force your guests to sit through watching you open up envelopes of cash instead of getting to see exciting and fun new homewares Yup! Totally boring!
    -Makes you seem like a stripper by having them all throw cash at you (could be a pro-make it rain!) LOL
    -You lose self-respect by begging for money like a charity case Seriously. Her baby website (mind you, the baby wasn't planned), literally said, "We're finding out how much babies actually cost! It would be great if family and friends could team up to purchase the larger, more expensive items!"
    - Come off as incredibly rude and be talked about for years to come behind your back. Clearly, that's what I'm doing here, right? And this is not the first time I've posted about her on these boards as a case-study in rudeness. 
    - Sit through a party where everyone is side-eyeing you and has hurt feelings Honestly, not hurt feelings, but major side-eye.

    Is money really worth all of that? Just don't register if you want cash at the wedding. Everyone knows cash is a good wedding gift. If someone offers to throw you a shower, you need to either a.) create a small registry or b.) decline the shower.

    Showers are for boxed gifts ONLY. Anything else is really, really rude. Amen, sista. 

    OP, there's your "After the fact" example.  Cheers!


    ________________________________


    KaurisSKPM
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I just remembered FI was once invited to a shower where it was requested that the guests bring "paper products". We really thought paper products. Like paper towels, paper plates, maybe some toilet paper. We were informed by a friend's mom that this what people think is the "classy way" to ask for guests to bring money. A paper check, paper cash, ah...funny. 

    FI opted not to go, she had finals that week anyways. I was pushing for her to bring some toilet paper and a sack of pennies.
    lyndausvichibiyui
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Here are the pros and cons of a cash shower:

    Pros
    -You get cash because you begged your guests into giving you money

    Cons
    -You lose the respect of your nearest and dearest by blatantly asking for money
    -Force your guests to sit through watching you open up envelopes of cash instead of getting to see exciting and fun new homewares
    -Makes you seem like a stripper by having them all throw cash at you (could be a pro-make it rain!)
    -You lose self-respect by begging for money like a charity case
    - Come off as incredibly rude and be talked about for years to come behind your back.
    - Sit through a party where everyone is side-eyeing you and has hurt feelings

    Is money really worth all of that? Just don't register if you want cash at the wedding. Everyone knows cash is a good wedding gift. If someone offers to throw you a shower, you need to either a.) create a small registry or b.) decline the shower.

    Showers are for boxed gifts ONLY. Anything else is really, really rude. 


    HAhaha, this reminds me of the Godawful shower I went to: the bride requested cash with a tacky poem, AND her mom actually hired a male stripper at the shower.  Full of aunts and grannies.  A stripper.

    OP, here are my posts about that.  The comments should be instructive.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    MagicInk said:
    I just remembered FI was once invited to a shower where it was requested that the guests bring "paper products". We really thought paper products. Like paper towels, paper plates, maybe some toilet paper. We were informed by a friend's mom that this what people think is the "classy way" to ask for guests to bring money. A paper check, paper cash, ah...funny. 

    FI opted not to go, she had finals that week anyways. I was pushing for her to bring some toilet paper and a sack of pennies.
    My grandmas traditional gift for a bridal shower is a large plastic storage bin, filled with paper towels, tin foil, paper plates, napkins, and other consumable kitchen products. I'm actually kinda bummed she didn't make one for me..... .......I'm thinking it's cause I'm the only grandkid that moved in with my FI before marriage, instead she got me a lovely lantern though. She probably figured I didn't need paper products
    image



    Anniversary
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards