Weddings on Holiday Weekends

Simply Fated · April 2014

For me, it would depend on who and what holiday.
My SO's family has a huge, longstanding tradition for the Fourth of July. If I were to upset that tradition there would be some major grumbling. They'd either suck it up and attend or decline. Neither of those options are ideal. It sounds like that's what's happening in your situation... that you're changing the tradition and they're not grateful for it.

Honestly? It sounds like you know the answer. You heard grumbling.
What does your fiance say?

jdluvr06 · April 2014

In my area there is a huge fireworks show during Labor Day weekend. It draws over 100,000 people to the river, closes bridges, and pretty much makes the whole weekend a PITA because I only live a few blocks away from where the fireworks are. If someone had a wedding over Labor Day you would be my least favorite person in the world. I really hate any holiday weekend weddings though. My family gets together for all major holidays so unless you are a relative I would not be attending your holiday wedding. Sorry but for me personally, I would much rather spend that time with my family then at a wedding and since it is a holiday that is exactly what I would be doing.

s-aries8990 · April 2014

Like PP's have said - check with your VIPs. If THEY'RE the ones grumbling, find a new date. If its a few cousins or other distant relatives that you aren't too concerned about, then you're fine choosing your date.

I don't have any longstanding traditions on federal-holiday weekends (labor day/ memorial day), but I know people who do. I would much prefer to travel on a holiday weekend, but as you can see here, many people don't feel the same way.

tcnoble · April 2014

@klove162 other PPs have had some great advice. I just wanted to say that being from Wisconsin, and having been to the Dells, if I was invited to a wedding located there over labor day weekend I would absolutely DREAD it. People with children may find that it's a great excuse to vacation there, but as someone who despises water parks because I equate them with children peeing in bathtubs, I would decline on that principle alone. Especially Labor Day weekend, where it's an absolute mad house. Bleh.

I can tell you are really trying to be considerate of your guests, though, which I applaud you for! You just may have to make some changes in the plans or be prepared to accept a high rate of decline.

abbyj700 · April 2014

I'm good with holiday weekend weddings. I wouldn't love them happening the weekend of say Christmas, but that's about my only exception. Having an extra day to travel would be something we would love.

Our wedding is the day after Halloween. It's pretty much our favorite holiday and we're having a costume party for our rehearsal. A few friends were bummed to miss trick or treat / Halloween festivities until they realized we are just planning our usual Halloween party as a rehearsal dinner instead! We realize especially with a kid free wedding that some OOT guests may opt out - but that's understandable and okay with us.

MGP · April 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Also, I don't mean to sound rude, but please don't plan other people's vacations for them. Expecting them to turn your wedding weekend into a mini-vacation for themselves is incredibly presumptuous of you. People are perfectly capable of planning their own holidays, on their own schedules, at a time that is convenient for them -- such as off-season in a touristy area, so things are much cheaper than they otherwise would be.

This, 1000%!

Has anyone had to travel for work? Even to a beautiful, vacation like spot? Did it still feel like work? Of course it did. Why? Because it wasn't your choice. Weddings that require travel or extensive time off are no different, although at least on a work trip your employer picks up the tab.

Seriously most people I know get 10 - 20 paid time off days a year. Asking/expecting someone to take a good portion of those just for your wedding - no matter how vacation-esque it may be - can be extremely annoying to people. Factor in a few sick and personal days and where is the time left for a "real" vacation with self selected location, budget, and travel companions?

Don't get me wrong, decide to get married wherever you want, whenever you want. Just be prepared that people will decline because it is not at the top of THEIR priority list to invest the time/money it takes for YOUR wedding. It doesn't make them a horrible person, it just means they have other things going on.

chibiyui · April 2014

You would have to be a very, very good friend/sibling to travel on a holiday weekend. I'm in sales, holidays are when I BANK. As in, missing one or two holidays can throw my avg. hourly pay off by 10 or more dollars an hour. For the YEAR.

I would much rather attend a local holiday weekend wedding, because then I could work a short shift or not miss the whole weekend at least.

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

Also, I responded above specifically about Labor day. I completely understand people wanting to have their wedding on whatever day. I would never be mad. I just might not attend.

Our wedding is slated for Dec 27th. Yes, the saturday after christmas and we are expecting a lot of declines, but also know that all of our friends that are important will be able to attend. I have a few foreign friends who are in the US during Christmas and most of my closest friends and coming to spend Christmas with my family. If people decline, I won't be offended. We recognize that it is inconvenient.

[Deleted User] · April 2014

People who want to go to your wedding will make the time and trip to go. Of course you want to make sure the people you want to be there can make it, but I don't see why not. We are having our wedding the Friday before Memorial day and have had one couple decline simply because they already have plans. We also went to Vegas for a 4th of July wedding and we were stoked!

Weesh · April 2014

I'd echo PP's and say check with your VIP guests.

This year, July 4th falls on a Friday. It's the anniversary of the day we met, my favorite holiday, and my fiance is in the military. We asked our families, and no one has long standing family plans on either side. We planned for 7/4/14. We checked with hotels around here (I live the Hudson Valley in NY) and most said that it's a relatively slow weekend--so we got decent rates.

While some of his family is making a vacation out of it by coming up earlier in the week, we didn't mention that to them. They are taking advantage of the room block and school being out to come up and see family. My family is Argentinean--as long as they didn't have to travel at Christmas time, any other holiday would have been fine.

As PP's have said, it's a know your crowd thing. I already know of two couples who can't make it because of family plans, and I told them to have a great time. As long as you don't get upset when people can't make it and it works for your VIP guests, go for it.

Our friends are thrilled that they get to see two sets of free fireworks, lots of food, and booze! And that they'll be able to still BBQ on Saturday

ETA grammar fail

MandyMost · April 2014

I think this is also a big case of "attitude is everything". If you are planning a holiday-weekend wedding (no matter how big or small the holiday), I think you need to go into it like this...

"I know we're taking away from everyone's free time and pre-existing holiday plans, but we've already checked with all of our VIPs who say it works fine for them. We know it's not convenient for everyone, but I'm so blessed that anyone would consider giving up their precious free time for my wedding, especially a wedding on a holiday weekend when we know there would be so many other things many people would like to be doing. As with any out-of-town wedding I'll make sure the guests have some information about the area, but I will not expect my guests to do anything I suggest for them. I fully understand if people essentially make the trip just for the wedding itself and leave immediately afterward, even if I personally think it would be easier on them if they just stayed the whole weekend. My wedding is JUST a wedding, it's not some major event for people".

and not...

"It's a holiday weekend, so it should be extra easy for everyone to come! And I know they won't mind, because we'll be feeding them and giving them free booze, anyway. And it'll be like a vacation for them, so they should basically thank me for planning a fun vacation away for them. Obviously because it's a 3-day weekend everyone will be here for the whole time and I'll have everything scheduled, or at least recommended for how they should be spending their time, and they should thank me for putting in this effort for them. I mean, my wedding is a multi-day extravaganza with a lot of expectations, so they need to meet them".

melbenso · April 2014

I don't mind weddings on minor holiday weekends and have actually been to several Sunday weddings that fell on Labor Day or Memorial Day weekend (will be going to another one this year). Fourth of July weekend would be fine too. But my family doesn't do much other than have a casual cook out those weekends anyway, and these weddings were all within a few hours drive of my home. I'd fly out for one if flights weren't too expensive.

Weddings over bigger, traditionally family oriented weekends, like Thanksgiving of Christmas, I would not travel for but would attend if I were in town - provided it was not on the holiday itself, including Christmas Eve.

FI's friend was scheduled to get married 2 days before Christmas the year before last two time zones away. I never even considered going to the wedding, even though FI was. (I don't particularly care for this friend since she was spectacularly rude to me and FI the last time she came to visit - seriously, my 6-year-old nephew was an infinitely better house guest.) Good thing too, she called off her engagement a few weeks before the wedding and after FI and a number of other out of town guests had booked their tickets.

FI still went out, enjoyed seeing some old friends he hadn't seen in a while (who I don't know), and flew back in Christmas Eve, causing me to leave my big family gathering half way through it to pick him up. I would have been hella pissed if I had planned on flying out for a wedding that did not happen. He was pretty upset himself, but decided to make the best of it.

Viczaesar · April 2014

JMVA2014 said:

People who want to go to your wedding will make the time and trip to go. Of course you want to make sure the people you want to be there can make it, but I don't see why not. We are having our wedding the Friday before Memorial day and have had one couple decline simply because they already have plans. We also went to Vegas for a 4th of July wedding and we were stoked!

I HATE HATE HATE that rationale. NO, they won't necessarily "make the time and trip to go," no matter how much they want to or how much they love you. Expecting them to at great cost and personal sacrifice is rude as hell. Be hopeful that they might be able to come to your destination wedding, but don't be expectant.

Sugargirl1019 · April 2014

Good advice and situations given by PP.

I am invited to a wedding over Memorial Day weekend for a friend of FIs. We have to drive 3 hours to get there, and it is on Monday evening. I personally don't want to go because we will be driving back at 1 am to be back for work Tuesday morning. It doesn't seem worth it to me

Fi insists we go. It may have been a great option for local guests, but not for OOT guests.

For you OP, I think it depends on the holiday and how your VIPs (and other guests) feel about that holiday regarding vacations. If it was in town, I would go if I didn't have a vacation planned. If I had to travel, I probably would not travel unless you were super special in my life.

sofakingmad · April 2014

Sugargirl1019 said:

Good advice and situations given by PP. I am invited to a wedding over Memorial Day weekend for a friend of FIs. We have to drive 3 hours to get there, and it is on Monday evening. I personally don't want to go because we will be driving back at 1 am to be back for work Tuesday morning. It doesn't seem worth it to me Fi insists we go. It may have been a great option for local guests, but not for OOT guests. For you OP, I think it depends on the holiday and how your VIPs (and other guests) feel about that holiday regarding vacations. If it was in town, I would go if I didn't have a vacation planned. If I had to travel, I probably would not travel unless you were super special in my life.

Wait. The wedding is on the Monday evening of Memorial Day weekend?

That's ridiculous and I would definitely NOT go.

alphabridesmaid · April 2014

I haven't read all the responses yet but I just want to say, the Wisconsin Dells are AWESOME! There's so much to do there and if your family is from mostly in state (AKA they know about the Dells) I don't think it being on Labor day should be such a big deal. If they don't get the appeals of the Dells, I can understand frustration. That said, the Dells are probably super busy that time of year so hotels will cost more and everything will be busier.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

Sugargirl1019 said:

Good advice and situations given by PP. I am invited to a wedding over Memorial Day weekend for a friend of FIs. We have to drive 3 hours to get there, and it is on Monday evening. I personally don't want to go because we will be driving back at 1 am to be back for work Tuesday morning. It doesn't seem worth it to me Fi insists we go. It may have been a great option for local guests, but not for OOT guests. For you OP, I think it depends on the holiday and how your VIPs (and other guests) feel about that holiday regarding vacations. If it was in town, I would go if I didn't have a vacation planned. If I had to travel, I probably would not travel unless you were super special in my life.

I would be telling FI to have a fabulous time at the wedding and to fill me in on all the stories when he gets home. My ass would not be going to a Monday evening wedding on Memorial Day weekend, with a 3 hour drive home, when I have to get up and go to work the next day.

arrippa · April 2014

JMVA2014 said:

People who want to go to your wedding will make the time and trip to go. Of course you want to make sure the people you want to be there can make it, but I don't see why not. We are having our wedding the Friday before Memorial day and have had one couple decline simply because they already have plans. We also went to Vegas for a 4th of July wedding and we were stoked!

I disagree. I couldn't make my MOH's wedding becasue it was a DW around the holidays. I had just moved across the country and didn't have a job. I really wanted to go but I just couldn't come up with the money. Some people, no matter how much they want to attend, just can't. Luckily, she understood and never held it against me.

lyndausvi · April 2014

moemacWed30594 said:

JMVA2014 said:

People who want to go to your wedding will make the time and trip to go. Of course you want to make sure the people you want to be there can make it, but I don't see why not. We are having our wedding the Friday before Memorial day and have had one couple decline simply because they already have plans. We also went to Vegas for a 4th of July wedding and we were stoked!

I disagree. I couldn't make my MOH's wedding becasue it was a DW around the holidays. I had just moved across the country and didn't have a job. I really wanted to go but I just couldn't come up with the money. Some people, no matter how much they want to attend, just can't. Luckily, she understood and never held it against me.

No amount of wanting will get DH off work on holidays. Just not going to happen.

SP29 · April 2014

Good advice so far.

The big thing is to clear it with your VIPs. Agreed- who is grumbling? If it is parents, siblings, grandparents, your MOH or BM, you should seriously consider a different weekend. If it is a more distant relative- that is your decision to make about whom you want to please.

If you have cleared the date with your VIPs, then you can have your wedding any weekend you want to, but realize that you may get more declines on a holiday.

With one exception that I will elaborate on later, I generally would have no issue with a wedding on the Sat or Sun of a long weekend, but it would also depend on location, travel and expenses...

A) Flights are always more expensive

Hotels likely more expensive

C) The location you choose is potentially much more busy, makes hotels harder to find, and those "fun" tourist events are more busy to go to

D) People may have outstanding plans made

And my one exception- I work in health care, at a hospital. My job has coverage 7 days a week, 365 days per year. We earn pretty good vacation over the years, but we have to apply for it and it is granted based on seniority and the manager has to ensure minimum staffing requirements. Being a newbie, I'm low on the totem pole for seniority and we have lots of staff with young families who want those long weekends off. Based on that alone, no matter how much I loved you, I might not be able to come. Of course you're not inviting me

, but something to think about in general when picking dates around holidays (any holiday).

DH and I got married Jan 4th, and it was OOT for many guests (it was OOT for us! It was in our hometown). I didn't realize till after we booked everything that up until Jan. 6 is considered holiday flying time for airlines. Flights were still expensive and though lots of flights were available, they were busy. Also, because it was so close to Christmas (again, something we didn't realize until after) is that some guests (mostly the OOT guests) had trouble getting time off work because they had just been off for Christmas. Our wedding was lovely, and we were quite happy with the wedding size in general (70 people), but we only had a 65% attendance rate, because the wedding was OOT and post Christmas. Something else to consider.

schellzinator · April 2014

I agree with the PPs that are advising to clear it with your VIPs and don't get upset if other guests choose not to come. I personally do not like weddings on holiday weekends for all of the reasons stated above. I especially can't stand when the bride/groom feel that they are doing guests a favor by planning it on a holiday weekend.

Sugargirl1019 · April 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

Good advice and situations given by PP.

I am invited to a wedding over Memorial Day weekend for a friend of FIs. We have to drive 3 hours to get there, and it is on Monday evening. I personally don't want to go because we will be driving back at 1 am to be back for work Tuesday morning. It doesn't seem worth it to me

Fi insists we go. It may have been a great option for local guests, but not for OOT guests.

For you OP, I think it depends on the holiday and how your VIPs (and other guests) feel about that holiday regarding vacations. If it was in town, I would go if I didn't have a vacation planned. If I had to travel, I probably would not travel unless you were super special in my life.

I would be telling FI to have a fabulous time at the wedding and to fill me in on all the stories when he gets home. My ass would not be going to a Monday evening wedding on Memorial Day weekend, with a 3 hour drive home, when I have to get up and go to work the next day.

Fi doesn't want me to "make him look bad" if I don't come. Talk about social pressures. I'm like who gives a fuck? But I love him and am dragging my ass down there with him.

Besides, FMIL was NOT invited to this wedding (and is upset) and I want to go to see if she shows up or tries any funny business!

alpacalunch · April 2014

Long weekends are so freaking complicated. Fi and I have our venue next May 17, which is the Sunday of Victoria Day weekend (stat holiday up here in the Great White North). We fell in love with the venue, and knew that we wouldn't meet their Saturday minimums. So we checked with our VIPs, and all seems well. But as PPs have said, people may have long-standing traditions, family or otherwise. We are expecting a reasonably high decline # due to that.

Like OP, ours is also a DW, sorta. We live in town, and a handful of our guests do, but most are coming from Toronto or Ottawa and we are between the two (2h/3h drive respectively). The way I'm trying to mollify people who may give up their plans for us is by making a few plans, like a day at the beach after, canoeing etc, but all super voluntary. It's out in the country, which makes these easily accessible.

If they want to turn it into a cottage weekend, or something like it, fantastic. If it's just the 6h we'll have them, that's cool too. It's our wedding, but their weekend. Hopefully your guests will cease the grumbles and just have fun.

klove162 · April 2014

Just to update everyone:

I looked into switching the date and when I got the new contract from the venue the price for the blocked out rooms went from $99 for Friday and $109 for Saturday to $189 for both nights. So the commonly held belief that hotel prices will be higher for Labor Day weekend is not always true. That doesn't mean it is always false, but maybe keep that in mind the next time the topic of holiday weekend weddings comes up.

lyndausvi · April 2014

klove162 said:

Just to update everyone:
I looked into switching the date and when I got the new contract from the venue the price for the blocked out rooms went from $99 for Friday and $109 for Saturday to $189 for both nights. So the commonly held belief that hotel prices will be higher for Labor Day weekend is not always true. That doesn't mean it is always false, but maybe keep that in mind the next time the topic of holiday weekend weddings comes up.

Yep. Holidays are not the only things the drive hotel rates. City wide conventions, superbowls, Graduation weekends in a college town, NACARS races all can drive up prices more than a holiday.

There are ton of variables. It depends on the location and dates.

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