Seriously, wtf

Angusaur · April 2014

I'm disgusted this person is even my friend. My best friend who is also my MOH has 2 adorable little girls that I am also having as my flower girls. Her oldest daughter has put on a lot of weight and is pretty big for her age. I've talked about it with my best friend (she brought it up to me, we talk everyday about pretty much everything) and how she is trying to get her to eat more fruit and exercise more. Totally understandable. I don't really think its necessarily due to her poor eating habits, she has a very similar build to her father. Some kids just gain and carry weight differently than others.

So fastforward to today me and best friend are sending each other different flower girl links from etsy and just looking. She is four but she's currently in a kids 6/7 and we're guessing she'll be in a 10 by the time my wedding comes around. So 3rd friend who is friends with us both and also in the WP seen where best friend had tagged me in a cute flower girl dress. 3rd friend messages me asking if both daughters are being FGs, I said yes. She said if daughter keeps going the way she is going she's going to be huge for my wedding and my best friend should really make her go on a diet. She asked me if I'm going to bring this up.

Uh, fuck no. Her daughters weight has not a damn thing to do with why I asked her to be a flower girl. Her and her children are like my family. She will look beautiful at any size. And I know my best friend is trying to control her weight, but either way it doesn't make a difference to me. I can't believe 3rd friend would even say something like that. I should say, are YOU going to go on a diet?

JennyColada · April 2014

HaileyDancingbear · April 2014

Let's pick on young girls for their weight then wonder why they grow up to be insecure and have body image issues (And pick on them further, calling them sluts/whores etc. because they now need constant validation, from whoever will pay any attention, in order to feel pretty since they are so insecure.) Good plan, 3rd friend.

Your MOH is totally fine in encouraging healthy eating habits, kids of any size should be taught what is good for them and what is bad so that they can develop good habits by the time they are old enough to feed themselves. But forcing a diet (The exception being medical issues requiring a special diet) and making a girl feel bad about her size is just harmful.

Angusaur · April 2014

HaileyDancingbear said:

Let's pick on young girls for their weight then wonder why they grow up to be insecure and have body image issues (And pick on them further, calling them sluts/whores etc. because they now need constant validation, from whoever will pay any attention, in order to feel pretty since they are so insecure.) Good plan, 3rd friend.

Your MOH is totally fine in encouraging healthy eating habits, kids of any size should be taught what is good for them and what is bad so that they can develop good habits by the time they are old enough to feed themselves. But forcing a diet (The exception being medical issues requiring a special diet) and making a girl feel bad about her size is just harmful.

Exactly. I've struggled with weight since I was a child and I can remember hurtful things that were said to me even at the age of 7. Those things don't just go away. The fact that my friend would even think I'd be that kind of person to care is what is bothering me too.

phira · April 2014

I wish my mom had just left me alone when I was a kid. She didn't encourage healthy habits and eating for all three of us (I have two siblings)--she just pressured me to lose weight and diet, starting when I was 13 years old. I weight a LOT more now than I did when I was 13, and I have a feeling a lot of it is from yo-yo dieting. It's taken be years to be okay with how my body looks, and even now, I'm still constantly feeling messed up and unhappy.

Making this little girl feel bad about her weight and how her body looks is just cruel!

Angusaur · April 2014

I'm sorry @phira and just know I'm right there with you. I'm not doubting that it's hard for boys, but it's so hard to be an overweight girl growing up in this world. There's enough cruelty from other kids, why would an adult make a child feel that way? My upbringing was very similar, my mom and dad encouraged a very poor diet but I was made to feel guilty about it once I was already heavy. One of the comments that stuck out in my head when I was 10 and asking for some sort of pudding at the grocery store, my mom said "You're going to be 200 lbs by the time you're 13" and I'm pretty sure I didn't eat for 4 days after that.

I am really happy with the way my friend is approaching this. No pressure, just introducing fruits as yummy snacks, and taking the time to do outside things with her kids. Her daughter is probably just seeing this as new fun things to do with mom. I'd never in a million years tell her to lose weight or make her think anything negative about herself. It can be very damaging for a very long time, as I think we both know.

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

My mom has told me to watch my weight since I can remember. I look back at my high school pictures where I was 5'2" and 130. I was gorgeous. Most of that weight was muscle from softball and soccer. I didn't need to lose weight. I wish I looked like that now. It completely destroyed my self confidence in high school.

AddieCake · April 2014

WTF. I'm pissed at this bitch now, too. That was just so inappropriate.

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2014

I would be tempted to say, 'If I'm not going to ask you to alter your appearance, why on Earth would I ask a little girl, who's ADORABLE, btw, to change hers?'

smalfrie19 · April 2014

I mean for Christ's sake..she's FOUR!!!! FOUR! I mean REALLY!

jdluvr06 · April 2014

That is so damn sickening.

chibiyui · April 2014

Angusaur · April 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I would be tempted to say, 'If I'm not going to ask you to alter your appearance, why on Earth would I ask a little girl, who's ADORABLE, btw, to change hers?'

Exactly this and I think I might even reply that. This friend has tattoos and facial piercings. I knew that when asking her to be in the wedding. I would never ask her to cover up or take them out. I wonder how she'd react if I did? If I said "With the way you're going, you're going to look like a pin cushion for my wedding, and you should really restrict from the tattoo shop."

(Not how I feel about tattoos and piercings, but equally offensive)

pinkcow13 · April 2014

That's horrible. Who would even say that about a child??

ElcaB · April 2014

That is so sad.

misscoffeeplease · April 2014

That was way out of line for her to ask you that if you were going to ask the mom. RUDE, RUDE, RUDE! I hate when people feel the need to make a comment that isn't any of your business. The mom is already promoting healthy eating and exercise! She is 4 years old! They are still growing!

sassyfrass2014 · April 2014

This makes me SO ANGRY. SO. ANGRY. THIS IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY. I CAN'T EVEN RIGHT NOW I CAN'T EVEN.

DaisyMaeMommy · April 2014

I hate when people talk about children that way. She's FOUR, she's still growing! And since when is someone else's child's weight her freaking problem? I'd be tempted to make some bitchy comment about her weight.

FiancB · April 2014

Jeez. I am relieved to hear it's a 3rd party though and not the mom. I hope 3rd party doesn't have kids, and that her metabolism suddenly crashes and she gets fat. Since apparently she thinks that's the worst thing in the world. Good for the mom recognizing early on that kiddo needs healthier habits and seems to be going about it sensibly. I was pretty fat as a kid and so was FI. While we'll never be skinny, we are pretty healthy now. Some kids just have a lot of baby fat.

Seriously, wtf

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