Can we get real for a minute here? Are there really people here who will have their DOC ask a family member to leave their wedding reception because they have an uninvited child in tow?
I'm not defending the parents who do this here, but the only way I would feel comfortable asking someone to leave would be if they were being blatantly abusive somehow during the reception, and dragging around a 6 year old doesn't qualify imo.
The lasting damage of kicking a friend or family member out of one's wedding reception would definitely not be worth it to me, or (I assume) the vast majority of people.
I think this really depends. Let's say for example that I invite my cousin C. I don't much care for her but my mom asked me to invite her. Then cousin C shows up with a kid in tow. Heck yeah I'd kick her out, because I didn't want her there to begin with and now she's bringing extra people.
On the other hand, FI's cousin H has a 4-year-old daughter A. A is very well behaved, and I like H a lot. If H brings A, I will not throw them out, because H is a responsible adult and will watch A and make sure she's being good.
In the OP's situation, it sounds to me like the damage is already done. By phrasing the invites in that way, people were offended, and now they're ignoring the request because they're hurt by it and want to "get back" at the "crazy bride who made her FI ignore family rules"
I love how everyone here always assumes it's the 'crazy' bride who screwed up.
And by the way, it's rude to allow exceptions to the rule of no kids just because you like someone's kid better than the other. Ew.
we are having a child free wedding all the std went out and only to those listed on the std. our invites go out soon and when they do its going to be adressed to only those on the envelope. if people send and rsvp for more than they were given we are going to call them and kindly tell them the invite was for you and your wife, unfortunately we cannot accommodate any children, we hope you can make our wedding and leave it at that.
There's a difference between "someone just bringing their uninvited kids" and "someone bringing their uninvited kids, even though they have repeatedly asked the bride and groom, and have been repeatedly told that the kids are not welcome there." The first one could just be incompetance - the guest not knowing proper etiquette or making assumptions about the invite. The second shows a willful and intentional action to disrespect the bride and groom on their wedding day.
If the first one happened to me, i'd get over it. If the second one did, I'd absolutely have my planner ask the people in question to leave and only return when they have found acceptable accommodations for their children for the duration of the reception.
Even if the first one happened to me, I may not be able to accommodate their uninvited kids. "Getting over it" and letting them stay may not be an option if there's no room for them or the venue won't allow them.
Can we get real for a minute here? Are there really people here who will have their DOC ask a family member to leave their wedding reception because they have an uninvited child in tow?
I'm not defending the parents who do this here, but the only way I would feel comfortable asking someone to leave would be if they were being blatantly abusive somehow during the reception, and dragging around a 6 year old doesn't qualify imo.
The lasting damage of kicking a friend or family member out of one's wedding reception would definitely not be worth it to me, or (I assume) the vast majority of people.
Yes, there are. I'm one of them. Why? Because if you have politely and firmly and appropriately told people that their children aren't invited, they need to honour that. They don't have to like it, but they have to honour it.
Actions have consequences. Why did the parents of the uninvited child(ren) not think about the lasting damage of bringing their specifically-not-invited child along to the event?
Had DH's parents attempted to attend our reception, I absolutely would have had them arrested for trespassing and escorted off the premises. No hesitation whatsoever.
There are times I don't think it's worth dying on the hill and risking a family feud over things relating to your wedding, and there are times there are. People bringing along uninvited guests is one of those.
Re-frame it; how would you react if your friend decided to bring her BF (invited), but also her brother and her brother's GF (not invited). I mean, they're family (to her), but they weren't invited, and now you're on the hook for those meals (and I don't know about anyone else, but our venue charged us a per-person fee for anyone over the headcount that we had given them the week before our wedding; it was essentially a convenience fee for extra guests), and your venue is scrambling to find seating and chairs and linens.
What if you didn't rent enough tables/chairs/table clothes/napkins/glasses/flatware/etc.? Who gets stuck eating off the plastic plates? And what if those kids put the venue over its fire-code capacity? Who gets kicked out of the venue because Cousin Susie was rude?
Also, @lyndausvi tells a story frequently about people who got turned away because the boat's capacity was 99 people, and that included infants, and people thought, 'Oh, my infant doesn't count.' Yes, to the US Coast Guard, your kid does, in fact, count as a body.
Yep, the count was 49. Regardless if you were an hour old or 200 years old. A person, is a person, is a person.
People who assume should be called out. If they don't what stops them the next time?
Oops, 49. Damn. Sorry, lynda!
I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
Can we get real for a minute here? Are there really people here who will have their DOC ask a family member to leave their wedding reception because they have an uninvited child in tow?
I'm not defending the parents who do this here, but the only way I would feel comfortable asking someone to leave would be if they were being blatantly abusive somehow during the reception, and dragging around a 6 year old doesn't qualify imo.
The lasting damage of kicking a friend or family member out of one's wedding reception would definitely not be worth it to me, or (I assume) the vast majority of people.
Yes, there are. I'm one of them. Why? Because if you have politely and firmly and appropriately told people that their children aren't invited, they need to honour that. They don't have to like it, but they have to honour it.
Actions have consequences. Why did the parents of the uninvited child(ren) not think about the lasting damage of bringing their specifically-not-invited child along to the event?
Had DH's parents attempted to attend our reception, I absolutely would have had them arrested for trespassing and escorted off the premises. No hesitation whatsoever.
There are times I don't think it's worth dying on the hill and risking a family feud over things relating to your wedding, and there are times there are. People bringing along uninvited guests is one of those.
Re-frame it; how would you react if your friend decided to bring her BF (invited), but also her brother and her brother's GF (not invited). I mean, they're family (to her), but they weren't invited, and now you're on the hook for those meals (and I don't know about anyone else, but our venue charged us a per-person fee for anyone over the headcount that we had given them the week before our wedding; it was essentially a convenience fee for extra guests), and your venue is scrambling to find seating and chairs and linens.
What if you didn't rent enough tables/chairs/table clothes/napkins/glasses/flatware/etc.? Who gets stuck eating off the plastic plates? And what if those kids put the venue over its fire-code capacity? Who gets kicked out of the venue because Cousin Susie was rude?
Also, @lyndausvi tells a story frequently about people who got turned away because the boat's capacity was 99 people, and that included infants, and people thought, 'Oh, my infant doesn't count.' Yes, to the US Coast Guard, your kid does, in fact, count as a body.
Yep, the count was 49. Regardless if you were an hour old or 200 years old. A person, is a person, is a person.
People who assume should be called out. If they don't what stops them the next time?
Oops, 49. Damn. Sorry, lynda!
Clearly you should know the capacity of the boat I stopped working on 3 years ago.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
Can we get real for a minute here? Are there really people here who will have their DOC ask a family member to leave their wedding reception because they have an uninvited child in tow?
I'm not defending the parents who do this here, but the only way I would feel comfortable asking someone to leave would be if they were being blatantly abusive somehow during the reception, and dragging around a 6 year old doesn't qualify imo.
The lasting damage of kicking a friend or family member out of one's wedding reception would definitely not be worth it to me, or (I assume) the vast majority of people.
I think this really depends. Let's say for example that I invite my cousin C. I don't much care for her but my mom asked me to invite her. Then cousin C shows up with a kid in tow. Heck yeah I'd kick her out, because I didn't want her there to begin with and now she's bringing extra people.
On the other hand, FI's cousin H has a 4-year-old daughter A. A is very well behaved, and I like H a lot. If H brings A, I will not throw them out, because H is a responsible adult and will watch A and make sure she's being good.
In the OP's situation, it sounds to me like the damage is already done. By phrasing the invites in that way, people were offended, and now they're ignoring the request because they're hurt by it and want to "get back" at the "crazy bride who made her FI ignore family rules"
I love how everyone here always assumes it's the 'crazy' bride who screwed up.
And by the way, it's rude to allow exceptions to the rule of no kids just because you like someone's kid better than the other. Ew.
You can invite some kids and not others, because you like them more, or are closer to them, or whatever reason you want. It's no different than inviting any other guest. You can absolutely make exceptions to some people and not others, and there is nothing "ew" about it.
We are not inviting children of our friends in general, but we are inviting some family children. We made an exception to allow the groomsman to bring his children if he wants. I also told my friend whose wife is battling cancer, that they are free to bring their 1 year old son, if they are able to attend. I don't feel either of these exceptions are rude, and it's not like we told anyone where our lines are drawn.
Can we get real for a minute here? Are there really people here who will have their DOC ask a family member to leave their wedding reception because they have an uninvited child in tow?
I'm not defending the parents who do this here, but the only way I would feel comfortable asking someone to leave would be if they were being blatantly abusive somehow during the reception, and dragging around a 6 year old doesn't qualify imo.
The lasting damage of kicking a friend or family member out of one's wedding reception would definitely not be worth it to me, or (I assume) the vast majority of people.
I think this really depends. Let's say for example that I invite my cousin C. I don't much care for her but my mom asked me to invite her. Then cousin C shows up with a kid in tow. Heck yeah I'd kick her out, because I didn't want her there to begin with and now she's bringing extra people.
On the other hand, FI's cousin H has a 4-year-old daughter A. A is very well behaved, and I like H a lot. If H brings A, I will not throw them out, because H is a responsible adult and will watch A and make sure she's being good.
In the OP's situation, it sounds to me like the damage is already done. By phrasing the invites in that way, people were offended, and now they're ignoring the request because they're hurt by it and want to "get back" at the "crazy bride who made her FI ignore family rules"
I love how everyone here always assumes it's the 'crazy' bride who screwed up.
And by the way, it's rude to allow exceptions to the rule of no kids just because you like someone's kid better than the other. Ew.
You can invite some kids and not others, because you like them more, or are closer to them, or whatever reason you want. It's no different than inviting any other guest. You can absolutely make exceptions to some people and not others, and there is nothing "ew" about it.
We are not inviting children of our friends in general, but we are inviting some family children. We made an exception to allow the groomsman to bring his children if he wants. I also told my friend whose wife is battling cancer, that they are free to bring their 1 year old son, if they are able to attend. I don't feel either of these exceptions are rude, and it's not like we told anyone where our lines are drawn.
Except she's talking about allowing one kid to stay over the other after the fact that neither was invited but showed up anyway
I'm definitely not suggesting that it's okay on any level to bring an uninvited guest of any age. However, for me personally, I would not be charged anything extra or be over capacity for my venue if people showed up with kids we did not invite, and if they hadn't previously asked and been told no (I wouldn't hesitate to have someone ask a guest to leave if they did this), I would just ignore it because of the 85-90 people we are inviting, there are very few who I would be okay with being angry at me over something so insignificant (again, in our circumstances, this would not ruin the day or cause any hazards).
I understand that the guest would be the one in the wrong, and have no right whatsoever to be angry with me, but I still wouldn't do it. And I am willing to bet we have a ton of lurkers on here who see the answer "have your DOC ask them to leave" and are thinking "wtf are these people smoking, my sister/cousin/friend/uncle/whatever would never speak to me again if I did that so that's not a good option for me."
Showing up with your uninvited kid isn't a friendship-dealbreaker for me, so there are very few circumstances in which I can see having someone kicked out of my wedding on these grounds.
Can we get real for a minute here? Are there really people here who will have their DOC ask a family member to leave their wedding reception because they have an uninvited child in tow?
I'm not defending the parents who do this here, but the only way I would feel comfortable asking someone to leave would be if they were being blatantly abusive somehow during the reception, and dragging around a 6 year old doesn't qualify imo.
The lasting damage of kicking a friend or family member out of one's wedding reception would definitely not be worth it to me, or (I assume) the vast majority of people.
I think this really depends. Let's say for example that I invite my cousin C. I don't much care for her but my mom asked me to invite her. Then cousin C shows up with a kid in tow. Heck yeah I'd kick her out, because I didn't want her there to begin with and now she's bringing extra people.
On the other hand, FI's cousin H has a 4-year-old daughter A. A is very well behaved, and I like H a lot. If H brings A, I will not throw them out, because H is a responsible adult and will watch A and make sure she's being good.
In the OP's situation, it sounds to me like the damage is already done. By phrasing the invites in that way, people were offended, and now they're ignoring the request because they're hurt by it and want to "get back" at the "crazy bride who made her FI ignore family rules"
I love how everyone here always assumes it's the 'crazy' bride who screwed up.
And by the way, it's rude to allow exceptions to the rule of no kids just because you like someone's kid better than the other. Ew.
You can invite some kids and not others, because you like them more, or are closer to them, or whatever reason you want. It's no different than inviting any other guest. You can absolutely make exceptions to some people and not others, and there is nothing "ew" about it.
We are not inviting children of our friends in general, but we are inviting some family children. We made an exception to allow the groomsman to bring his children if he wants. I also told my friend whose wife is battling cancer, that they are free to bring their 1 year old son, if they are able to attend. I don't feel either of these exceptions are rude, and it's not like we told anyone where our lines are drawn.
Except she's talking about allowing one kid to stay over the other after the fact that neither was invited but showed up anyway
It was hypothetical examples. Yes, I suppose if both of those sets of people brought uninvited children to the same event, it would probably be best to treat them equally. But she was saying what she would do depending on who it was that brought the uninvited child.
I'm actually very excited to have all of my little siblings and cousins at my wedding! I find children to be joyful, hilarious and full of life. However, I would find it so incredibly disrespectful if anyone I'm inviting showed up with extra people. children or otherwise.
I blame college, giving people the idea that showing up to whoever's party with whoever you want, then drinking their beer and eating their food, and skipping out whenever is acceptable behavior.
I'm actually very excited to have all of my little siblings and cousins at my wedding! I find children to be joyful, hilarious and full of life. However, I would find it so incredibly disrespectful if anyone I'm inviting showed up with extra people. children or otherwise.
I blame college, giving people the idea that showing up to whoever's party with whoever you want, then drinking their beer and eating their food, and skipping out whenever is acceptable behavior.
This is not to blame on college. This is to blame on entitled assholes who think that they are so important that everyone should bow down to them and allow them anywhere they want. This is a mindset that has been learned from childhood. I went to college and went to many a party, but I also know that my presence is not always welcomed at all events, especially if I was not invited.
I'm actually very excited to have all of my little siblings and cousins at my wedding! I find children to be joyful, hilarious and full of life. However, I would find it so incredibly disrespectful if anyone I'm inviting showed up with extra people. children or otherwise.
I blame college, giving people the idea that showing up to whoever's party with whoever you want, then drinking their beer and eating their food, and skipping out whenever is acceptable behavior.
This is not to blame on college. This is to blame on entitled assholes who think that they are so important that everyone should bow down to them and allow them anywhere they want. This is a mindset that has been learned from childhood. I went to college and went to many a party, but I also know that my presence is not always welcomed at all events, especially if I was not invited.
This. People don't just go to college and suddenly believe, 'Oh, I can go to any party I hear about, just because I hear about it!' They have that mentality already because their parents have raised them to believe that they are speshul snowflakes to whom ordinary rules (such as not attending by-invitation-only events to which they are not invited) do not apply.
I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
Can we get real for a minute here? Are there really people here who will have their DOC ask a family member to leave their wedding reception because they have an uninvited child in tow?
I'm not defending the parents who do this here, but the only way I would feel comfortable asking someone to leave would be if they were being blatantly abusive somehow during the reception, and dragging around a 6 year old doesn't qualify imo.
The lasting damage of kicking a friend or family member out of one's wedding reception would definitely not be worth it to me, or (I assume) the vast majority of people.
I think this really depends. Let's say for example that I invite my cousin C. I don't much care for her but my mom asked me to invite her. Then cousin C shows up with a kid in tow. Heck yeah I'd kick her out, because I didn't want her there to begin with and now she's bringing extra people.
On the other hand, FI's cousin H has a 4-year-old daughter A. A is very well behaved, and I like H a lot. If H brings A, I will not throw them out, because H is a responsible adult and will watch A and make sure she's being good.
In the OP's situation, it sounds to me like the damage is already done. By phrasing the invites in that way, people were offended, and now they're ignoring the request because they're hurt by it and want to "get back" at the "crazy bride who made her FI ignore family rules"
I love how everyone here always assumes it's the 'crazy' bride who screwed up.
And by the way, it's rude to allow exceptions to the rule of no kids just because you like someone's kid better than the other. Ew.
I wasn't assuming it was a crazy bride--I was attempting to suggest how it might appear to her FI's family members who are pushing back against the "no kids" request. If it's common in her FI's family to invite children, they are more likely to blame it on the newcomer to the family.
And it isn't about whether I like them more, it's about their past actions in respecting me. The person who has been disrespectful of me and others I care about does not get a pass the next time she disrespects me. The person who has demonstrated that she does care, does get a pass since it's her first time doing something like that.
I would never risk a friendship/relationship with someone over them bringing a kid to a wedding. I would never bring an uninvited guest, but sometimes people just don't think of their kids as 'guests,' especially if they are babies/toddlers- they have their own food and can sit in the parent's lap.
I can't imagine a wedding being so 'adult oriented' that it's truly an inappropriate place for children to such an extent that they should be kicked out.
It is MUCH ruder to reject a friend/family member than for them to bring along their kid.
I think it is very offensive to make them feel unwelcome at your wedding. Bridezilla alert, on that one.
I would never risk a friendship/relationship with someone over them bringing a kid to a wedding. I would never bring an uninvited guest, but sometimes people just don't think of their kids as 'guests,' especially if they are babies/toddlers- they have their own food and can sit in the parent's lap.
I can't imagine a wedding being so 'adult oriented' that it's truly an inappropriate place for children to such an extent that they should be kicked out.
It is MUCH ruder to reject a friend/family member than for them to bring along their kid.
I think it is very offensive to make them feel unwelcome at your wedding. Bridezilla alert, on that one.
No. Not really. But allowing them to attend then you are just making it okay for that person to not respect your wishes (after you repeatedly told them that Little Johnny and Miss Susie aren't invited) and you are allowing their rude behavior to continue.
And sorry but at an invite only event where guests thought it was perfectly acceptable to bring whoever they wanted, they should be made to feel unwelcome. Actions have consequences.
I would never risk a friendship/relationship with someone over them bringing a kid to a wedding. I would never bring an uninvited guest, but sometimes people just don't think of their kids as 'guests,' especially if they are babies/toddlers- they have their own food and can sit in the parent's lap.
I can't imagine a wedding being so 'adult oriented' that it's truly an inappropriate place for children to such an extent that they should be kicked out.
It is MUCH ruder to reject a friend/family member than for them to bring along their kid.
I think it is very offensive to make them feel unwelcome at your wedding. Bridezilla alert, on that one.
Bullshit. Anyone has the right to not invite kids for any reason they feel like it, and anyone who insists on bringing their kids uninvited is the one being rude. No one is entitled to bring their kids where they were not invited, and what is offensive is getting pissed when you are asked to take them away because they cannot be accommodated. You already knew that when you got the invitation without their names on it.
I would never risk a friendship/relationship with someone over them bringing a kid to a wedding. I would never bring an uninvited guest, but sometimes people just don't think of their kids as 'guests,' especially if they are babies/toddlers- they have their own food and can sit in the parent's lap.
I can't imagine a wedding being so 'adult oriented' that it's truly an inappropriate place for children to such an extent that they should be kicked out.
It is MUCH ruder to reject a friend/family member than for them to bring along their kid.
I think it is very offensive to make them feel unwelcome at your wedding. Bridezilla alert, on that one.
No. It is not rude to deny admission to someone who has violated your direct, specific request. If people are told not to bring their kids but do it anyway, well, ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES.
If your actions are to bring your uninvited child to an event, the consequence is you will be asked to leave that event. It's really just that freaking simple.
It is in no way a bridezilla move to make people who weren't invited feel unwelcome -- they weren't invited.
Out of the context of a wedding, here's an example:
Part of my job is event planning. I plan large-scale events for Group X on a monthly basis. The people who are invited to those events are members of Group X. The events are free to members of Group X as part of their dues to our organisation.
Our rules are that Group X members may bring ONE guest to an event, free, for the whole year; after that, they have to pay for any guests they want to bring.
If a member shows up with TWO guests, guess what? That member gets charged a fee for bringing an uninvited/not allowed person. Because ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES.
I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
I would never risk a friendship/relationship with someone over them bringing a kid to a wedding. I would never bring an uninvited guest, but sometimes people just don't think of their kids as 'guests,' especially if they are babies/toddlers- they have their own food and can sit in the parent's lap.
I can't imagine a wedding being so 'adult oriented' that it's truly an inappropriate place for children to such an extent that they should be kicked out.
It is MUCH ruder to reject a friend/family member than for them to bring along their kid.
I think it is very offensive to make them feel unwelcome at your wedding. Bridezilla alert, on that one.
To the first bolded, a friend is having her wedding at a museum that doesn't allow kids - for any private event. So, there are absolutely wedding scenarios where bringing a child is inappropriate. (Even if the venue is child friendly, bringing an uninvited guest of ANY age is inappropriate, anyway.)
To the second bold - UMMMMM, WHAT?! How is ignoring the invite addressees, the call from the B&G, and the SUBSEQUENT follow ups from the B&G saying "we are sorry, but we just do not have the space to accommodate Little Johnny" and bringing Little Johnny anyway somehow LESS rude then being told, again, when you get there that there isn't a seat or food and he needs to be elsewhere?? No, ignoring the REPEATED requests of the B&G is MUCH more rude. And for arguments sake, let's say they didn't get a call from the B&G because they RSVPed 2, or checked YES for Mr & Mrs without adding in Little Johnny and Suzie - but then show up with them. It is still not rude for the B&G to say "there is no space for LJ&S because they were not invited and you didn't tell us you'd be bringing UNINVITED GUESTS" - the ONLY people being rude in this situation are the parents who are BLATANTLY ignoring the wishes of the B&G.
My reaction to most everything on the internet today:
Thank you for all of the great advice! I phoned my event planner and he said that he will handle the situation if anyone does show up with a guest under 18. Aside from our personal reasons why we decided there will be no children there, the amount of children would put us over capacity and also the venue because of the alcohol that will be there will not allow anyone under 18 past 9pm. As far as the comment where I should basically let it slide if it is common in his family to invite children, I have been with my fiance for 4 years and have attended almost all of the family events, there have never been any children at any of the weddings or graduation parties that we have been to for his family. Also I would feel very disrespected if they do show up with guests under 18 because MY OWN children will only be there for a couple of hours and that is only because they are part of the wedding (special part of the ceremony specifically for them) and then we have a babysitter that will be picking them up (we live an hour away from where we are getting married and found someone for the night before the wedding and the night of the wedding so I don't feel that I am expecting too much from the people that live in that town and constantly have sitters to have a sitter for that one night.
I would never risk a friendship/relationship with someone over them bringing a kid to a wedding. I would never bring an uninvited guest, but sometimes people just don't think of their kids as 'guests,' especially if they are babies/toddlers- they have their own food and can sit in the parent's lap.
I can't imagine a wedding being so 'adult oriented' that it's truly an inappropriate place for children to such an extent that they should be kicked out.
It is MUCH ruder to reject a friend/family member than for them to bring along their kid.
I think it is very offensive to make them feel unwelcome at your wedding. Bridezilla alert, on that one.
I'm legitimately confused by this statement. What is wrong with making someone who wasn't invited to your wedding feel unwelcome at your wedding? They AREN'T welcome...that's why they weren't invited.
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
I wonder if people would be so open and accommodating when these uninvited guests are adults not children?
I wonder this, too.
Hypothetical question: a guest sent back an RSVP for her and her partner and their three roommates. I called her and apologized for the confusion, but she's insisting on bringing them. Would it be rude for me to turn the roommates away if they show up?
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
I don't feel it would be rude to turn her roommates away. If they weren't invited they shouldn't have been included on the RSVP that was sent back and she should understand that. Especially if you aren't close or don't know the roommates.
I wonder if people would be so open and accommodating when these uninvited guests are adults not children?
I wonder this, too.
Hypothetical question: a guest sent back an RSVP for her and her partner and their three roommates. I called her and apologized for the confusion, but she's insisting on bringing them. Would it be rude for me to turn the roommates away if they show up?
I don't think so-you didn't invite them and can't accommodate them. I would give your guest a heads-up that they will be turned away if she does bring them.
Hypothetical question: a guest sent back an RSVP for her and her partner and their three roommates. I called her and apologized for the confusion, but she's insisting on bringing them. Would it be rude for me to turn the roommates away if they show up?
I think her point is, why does everyone agree it is not rude to turn the roommates away but are saying it is rude to turn kids away. Neither the kids nor the roommates were invited. So why is it ok to turn one set of uninvited guests away, but not the others? Because they are under 18? Well, sorry your parents are assholes kids, but that isn't the B&G's problem. Don't want to be embarrassed in front of your family, friends, and your own children? Then don't bring uninvited guests of any age to a wedding.
My reaction to most everything on the internet today:
Can we get real for a minute here? Are there really people here who will have their DOC ask a family member to leave their wedding reception because they have an uninvited child in tow?
I'm not defending the parents who do this here, but the only way I would feel comfortable asking someone to leave would be if they were being blatantly abusive somehow during the reception, and dragging around a 6 year old doesn't qualify imo.
The lasting damage of kicking a friend or family member out of one's wedding reception would definitely not be worth it to me, or (I assume) the vast majority of people.
THISSS
I always think this. The only family I would even be comfortable doing that to are weird 2nd cousins I've never met. And if they are invited, then you better believe kids are invited.
I am so, so glad we are having a kid friendly wedding. In my family we are totally fine with drinking in front of kids, and I love seeing kids out on the dance floor dancing. I might end up having a little play room with some babysitters, though. We have a lot of kids in our families.
But like I said in the cultural topic, in our families it's not considered rude to bring uninvited kids. Kids are always just assumed invited and welcome, and never are on the invite list. You address the invites to the parents and make room for their kids. In fact, if I had not come on this website, and I had kids that weren't invited to a wedding, I would probably have brought them not even knowing that's a rule.
Can we get real for a minute here? Are there really people here who will have their DOC ask a family member to leave their wedding reception because they have an uninvited child in tow?
I'm not defending the parents who do this here, but the only way I would feel comfortable asking someone to leave would be if they were being blatantly abusive somehow during the reception, and dragging around a 6 year old doesn't qualify imo.
The lasting damage of kicking a friend or family member out of one's wedding reception would definitely not be worth it to me, or (I assume) the vast majority of people.
THISSS
I always think this. The only family I would even be comfortable doing that to are weird 2nd cousins I've never met. And if they are invited, then you better believe kids are invited.
I am so, so glad we are having a kid friendly wedding. In my family we are totally fine with drinking in front of kids, and I love seeing kids out on the dance floor dancing. I might end up having a little play room with some babysitters, though. We have a lot of kids in our families.
Take the kids part out of the equation. Like Maggie said, would you be OK with people showing up with uninvited adults? I.e., you invited your aunt and uncle, but not their three grown-up-and-married-with-their-own-families kids, and yet Auntie and Uncle decided, 'Oh, hey, I want to bring this six other adults with me, and that's cool!'
Or if you invited one of your cousins but not the others because you're closer to that one than to the others but the one you did invite thought, 'Oh, hey, I'm going to bring my brothers and sisters and their spouses, because that's OK!'
Seriously, I'm asking -- what would you do and how would you feel?
The AGE of the uninvited guest is irrelevant. If people aren't invited BY NAME to an event, their sorry selves don't belong there, period, full-stop.
I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
Hypothetical question: a guest sent back an RSVP for her and her partner and their three roommates. I called her and apologized for the confusion, but she's insisting on bringing them. Would it be rude for me to turn the roommates away if they show up?
I think her point is, why does everyone agree it is not rude to turn the roommates away but are saying it is rude to turn kids away. Neither the kids nor the roommates were invited. So why is it ok to turn one set of uninvited guests away, but not the others? Because they are under 18? Well, sorry your parents are assholes kids, but that isn't the B&G's problem. Don't want to be embarrassed in front of your family, friends, and your own children? Then don't bring uninvited guests of any age to a wedding.
Exactly! The fact that you gave birth to the uninvited guest you're bringing doesn't make it any less rude or make the host/ess any less entitled to turn the extra person away.
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
Re: What do I do if guests bring kids to a kid-free wedding?
And by the way, it's rude to allow exceptions to the rule of no kids just because you like someone's kid better than the other. Ew.
Oops, 49. Damn. Sorry, lynda!
I blame college, giving people the idea that showing up to whoever's party with whoever you want, then drinking their beer and eating their food, and skipping out whenever is acceptable behavior.
And it isn't about whether I like them more, it's about their past actions in respecting me. The person who has been disrespectful of me and others I care about does not get a pass the next time she disrespects me. The person who has demonstrated that she does care, does get a pass since it's her first time doing something like that.
I can't imagine a wedding being so 'adult oriented' that it's truly an inappropriate place for children to such an extent that they should be kicked out.
It is MUCH ruder to reject a friend/family member than for them to bring along their kid.
I think it is very offensive to make them feel unwelcome at your wedding. Bridezilla alert, on that one.
To the second bold - UMMMMM, WHAT?! How is ignoring the invite addressees, the call from the B&G, and the SUBSEQUENT follow ups from the B&G saying "we are sorry, but we just do not have the space to accommodate Little Johnny" and bringing Little Johnny anyway somehow LESS rude then being told, again, when you get there that there isn't a seat or food and he needs to be elsewhere?? No, ignoring the REPEATED requests of the B&G is MUCH more rude. And for arguments sake, let's say they didn't get a call from the B&G because they RSVPed 2, or checked YES for Mr & Mrs without adding in Little Johnny and Suzie - but then show up with them. It is still not rude for the B&G to say "there is no space for LJ&S because they were not invited and you didn't tell us you'd be bringing UNINVITED GUESTS" - the ONLY people being rude in this situation are the parents who are BLATANTLY ignoring the wishes of the B&G.
Exactly! The fact that you gave birth to the uninvited guest you're bringing doesn't make it any less rude or make the host/ess any less entitled to turn the extra person away.