Special Roles for Important People

StefA8 · April 2014

I'm running out of ideas of roles for the people that are important to us to play in our wedding day. We have a rather large ceremony/reception planned and I'm trying to figure out a role that's not so incredibly lame sounding for my fi's aunt/uncle. We initially asked if they would do 1 of the 2 scripture readings we have chosen, but the aunt isn't big on public speaking and politely declined. So we are asking another aunt/uncle of his to do 1 of the 2 scripture readings. (My aunt/uncle will be doing the other.) His aunt that declined to do the reading is putting together a slideshow presentation of us/for us to play before/ during the reception/meal, but I would still like to give them a role during the ceremony or before. We talked about having them be our guest book/gift/card table attendants - but the more I think about it, this role doesn't sound sound so special to me. We threw around the idea of having them light the candles at the alter - but our ushers are doing that. We talked about having his aunt be our flower pinner - but that doesn't sound all that special either. Please help, I think I am now officially over thinking this because we are 5 weeks out. Thanks in advance for your suggestions!

Maggie0829 · April 2014

I'm running out of ideas of roles for the people that are important to us to play in our wedding day. We have a rather large ceremony/reception planned and I'm trying to figure out a role that's not so incredibly lame sounding for my fi's aunt/uncle. We initially asked if they would do 1 of the 2 scripture readings we have chosen, but the aunt isn't big on public speaking and politely declined. So we are asking another aunt/uncle of his to do 1 of the 2 scripture readings. (My aunt/uncle will be doing the other.) His aunt that declined to do the reading is putting together a slideshow presentation of us/for us to play before/ during the reception/meal, but I would still like to give them a role during the ceremony or before. We talked about having them be our guest book/gift/card table attendants - but the more I think about it, this role doesn't sound sound so special to me. We threw around the idea of having them light the candles at the alter - but our ushers are doing that. We talked about having his aunt be our flower pinner - but that doesn't sound all that special either. Please help, I think I am now officially over thinking this because we are 5 weeks out. Thanks in advance for your suggestions!

The only roles that aren't shit jobs that people can be asked to do and feel honored doing them are...

1) Bridesmaid

2) Groomsman

3) Reader

4) Presenter of gifts if you are doing a full Catholic mass

5) Flower girl

6) Ring bearer

All the things that you listed as possible roles aren't good or an honor. Even you are realizing that. Just have them come as guests and leave it as that. Not everyone needs a role.

KatWAG · April 2014

Why cant people understand that being a guest is an honor.

Guest book attendant is not an honor. Havent you seen that Sex and the City episode?

manateehugger · April 2014

I promise - these important people would MUCH rather be relaxing, chatting, and enjoying your wedding than doing random tasks for it.

Just have some great photos with these people or acknowledge them in your program if you'd like.

StefA8 · April 2014

scribe95 said:

Why do they have to have a special role?

I really do not have a good answer. Everything I type out sounds like I didn't discuss this with my fiance at all, but I did. I guess the real reason I want to give them a special role, is because this particular aunt/uncle of all of his aunts/uncles (he has close to 20) along with the aunt/unlce we are going to ask to read the chosen scripture, have been very present in our lives over the past 2 years. We tried choosing the relatives that we have spent time with/ or that we are both familiar with. I don't know if that makes any sense at all. I just don't know what else to have them do since she wasn't comfortable reading, which is 100% ok, I don't want anyone to feel awkward or uncomfortable.

Jen4948 · April 2014

You can ask them to do readings, but honestly, they don't need to do anything else to be "honored" besides just showing up. "Guest" is an honored role in and of itself.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

scribe95 said:

Why do they have to have a special role?

I really do not have a good answer. Everything I type out sounds like I didn't discuss this with my fiance at all, but I did. I guess the real reason I want to give them a special role, is because this particular aunt/uncle of all of his aunts/uncles (he has close to 20) along with the aunt/unlce we are going to ask to read the chosen scripture, have been very present in our lives over the past 2 years. We tried choosing the relatives that we have spent time with/ or that we are both familiar with. I don't know if that makes any sense at all. I just don't know what else to have them do since she wasn't comfortable reading, which is 100% ok, I don't want anyone to feel awkward or uncomfortable.

I get that these people are special to you and I get that you want to give them a special role, but unless that role fits with what I listed in my PP then just write them a lovely note saying how much they mean to you and make sure to get a great picture together. You could even give them a corsage/bout if you really want to. Other then that just invite them as a guest and let them have fun at your wedding.

StefA8 · April 2014

Maggie0829 said:

I'm running out of ideas of roles for the people that are important to us to play in our wedding day. We have a rather large ceremony/reception planned and I'm trying to figure out a role that's not so incredibly lame sounding for my fi's aunt/uncle. We initially asked if they would do 1 of the 2 scripture readings we have chosen, but the aunt isn't big on public speaking and politely declined. So we are asking another aunt/uncle of his to do 1 of the 2 scripture readings. (My aunt/uncle will be doing the other.) His aunt that declined to do the reading is putting together a slideshow presentation of us/for us to play before/ during the reception/meal, but I would still like to give them a role during the ceremony or before. We talked about having them be our guest book/gift/card table attendants - but the more I think about it, this role doesn't sound sound so special to me. We threw around the idea of having them light the candles at the alter - but our ushers are doing that. We talked about having his aunt be our flower pinner - but that doesn't sound all that special either. Please help, I think I am now officially over thinking this because we are 5 weeks out. Thanks in advance for your suggestions!
The only roles that aren't shit jobs that people can be asked to do and feel honored doing them are...
1) Bridesmaid

2) Groomsman

3) Reader

4) Presenter of gifts if you are doing a full Catholic mass

5) Flower girl

6) Ring bearer

All the things that you listed as possible roles aren't good or an honor. Even you are realizing that. Just have them come as guests and leave it as that. Not everyone needs a role.

I realize that not everyone needs a role, but I would like to have two of his aunts/uncles to balance out my two aunts/uncles. I don't want it it to seem like only my family is involved. I don't consider all the roles I mentioned to be "not good" or "not honorable" I just don't necessarily feel that guest book/gifts/cards is a place for a special aunt/uncle.

StefA8 · April 2014

KatWAG said:

Why cant people understand that being a guest is an honor.

Guest book attendant is not an honor. Havent you seen that Sex and the City episode?

Being a guest is an honor - I get that, but when you are expecting close to or more than 600 guests, I would like for them [fi's aunt/uncle] to stand out - maybe that's the way I should word it instead.

Jen4948 · April 2014

StefA8 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I'm running out of ideas of roles for the people that are important to us to play in our wedding day. We have a rather large ceremony/reception planned and I'm trying to figure out a role that's not so incredibly lame sounding for my fi's aunt/uncle. We initially asked if they would do 1 of the 2 scripture readings we have chosen, but the aunt isn't big on public speaking and politely declined. So we are asking another aunt/uncle of his to do 1 of the 2 scripture readings. (My aunt/uncle will be doing the other.) His aunt that declined to do the reading is putting together a slideshow presentation of us/for us to play before/ during the reception/meal, but I would still like to give them a role during the ceremony or before. We talked about having them be our guest book/gift/card table attendants - but the more I think about it, this role doesn't sound sound so special to me. We threw around the idea of having them light the candles at the alter - but our ushers are doing that. We talked about having his aunt be our flower pinner - but that doesn't sound all that special either. Please help, I think I am now officially over thinking this because we are 5 weeks out. Thanks in advance for your suggestions!
The only roles that aren't shit jobs that people can be asked to do and feel honored doing them are...
1) Bridesmaid

2) Groomsman

3) Reader

4) Presenter of gifts if you are doing a full Catholic mass

5) Flower girl

6) Ring bearer

All the things that you listed as possible roles aren't good or an honor. Even you are realizing that. Just have them come as guests and leave it as that. Not everyone needs a role.
I realize that not everyone needs a role, but I would like to have two of his aunts/uncles to balance out my two aunts/uncles. I don't want it it to seem like only my family is involved. I don't consider all the roles I mentioned to be "not good" or "not honorable" I just don't necessarily feel that guest book/gifts/cards is a place for a special aunt/uncle.

Can they offer toasts?

To be honest, there are just not that many ways, other than being a guest, that people can be "involved" at all in a wedding. It's okay even for the people you are closest to not to have special roles. Their just being there is an "honor."

Also, there is no requirement that sides be "even." Some people have bigger families or more friends than others; that doesn't mean that the smaller side is in any way less important or being "honored" less.

StefA8 · April 2014

I have been the Guest Book attendant at a few different weddings, and quite honestly, I was honored to be asked to do just that. It may seem unimportant and not so honorable to everyone else on here, but I was honored to be asked to help out even in what may be a very small/simplistic role. Guess that makes me weird.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

But there is nothing else for them to do. I really have no other advice because there just aren't any other roles. They will feel special if you acknowledge them by letting them know that day how much you love them and appreciate them. People generally do not need a role to feel special. They feel special because you let them know that they are special.

KeptInStitches · April 2014

I'd suggest bouts/corsages to make them "stand out."

Jen4948 · April 2014

StefA8 said:

I have been the Guest Book attendant at a few different weddings, and quite honestly, I was honored to be asked to do just that. It may seem unimportant and not so honorable to everyone else on here, but I was honored to be asked to help out even in what may be a very small/simplistic role. Guess that makes me weird.

No, it doesn't make you weird. But you do need to accept that many people don't feel "honored" being asked to attend the guest book or hand things out. If you have to stand by the guest book or have to stay in one place and hand things out, you can't circulate and mingle with the other guests. Being rooted in place and/or not being paid for actual work at a wedding leaves people feeling resentful, especially if they are supposed to be guests.

Believe me, it's okay not to give everyone "special roles."

StefA8 · April 2014

I guess since the aunt is putting together the slide show, we could probably acknowledge her that way and not ask her to do anything else. I know the slide show has been pretty intense to put together.

So, since guests would rather circulate and mingle, who is it 'appropriate' to ask to be the guestbook/gift table/card attendant(s)?

Maggie0829 · April 2014

StefA8 said:

I guess since the aunt is putting together the slide show, we could probably acknowledge her that way and not ask her to do anything else. I know the slide show has been pretty intense to put together.

So, since guests would rather circulate and mingle, who is it 'appropriate' to ask to be the guestbook/gift table/card attendant(s)?

No one. The guestbook/gift table/card table does not need an attendant. Adults are smart and can figure out how to sign a guest book and drop their gift off without someone telling them how to do it.

KatWAG · April 2014

StefA8 said:

I guess since the aunt is putting together the slide show, we could probably acknowledge her that way and not ask her to do anything else. I know the slide show has been pretty intense to put together.

So, since guests would rather circulate and mingle, who is it 'appropriate' to ask to be the guestbook/gift table/card attendant(s)?

Do you really think people need to be told what to do with a guest book?

manateehugger · April 2014

Yep, people will know how to sign the book and drop of their gifts. Make/order cute signs for those tables if you'd like.

The corsages/bouts is another great idea.

StefA8 · April 2014

I am not worried about people "not knowing how to sign the guest book." What I am worried about - unfortunately - is someone with sticky fingers deciding to "lift" cards/gifts or anything else that doesn't belong to them. Unfortunately - it does happen, and I would like to take preventative action now, and not have to worry about that the day of the wedding. This has happened at churches and at reception locations in the state that we are from - and quite honestly, I don't want this to happen to us and our guests. We have so many people that are going to be attending the wedding ceremony/reception, that I feel that we would be better off appointing someone to be in charge of these items prior to the ceremony (then tucking them away until after the fact) so that if someone comes in claiming they are responsible for getting any gifts/cards to the reception site, there is absolutely no question about that. I know it's not the most wonderful job in the world - but to me, it's still very important. Unfortunately my fi, myself, and our parents won't have the time/mindset to worry about that the day of.

StefA8 · April 2014

shrekspeare said:

StefA8 said:

I am not worried about people "not knowing how to sign the guest book." What I am worried about - unfortunately - is someone with sticky fingers deciding to "lift" cards/gifts or anything else that doesn't belong to them. Unfortunately - it does happen, and I would like to take preventative action now, and not have to worry about that the day of the wedding. This has happened at churches and at reception locations in the state that we are from - and quite honestly, I don't want this to happen to us and our guests. We have so many people that are going to be attending the wedding ceremony/reception, that I feel that we would be better off appointing someone to be in charge of these items prior to the ceremony (then tucking them away until after the fact) so that if someone comes in claiming they are responsible for getting any gifts/cards to the reception site, there is absolutely no question about that. I know it's not the most wonderful job in the world - but to me, it's still very important. Unfortunately my fi, myself, and our parents won't have the time/mindset to worry about that the day of.
I wrote a haiku for you:

no no no no no

no no no no no no no

no no no no no

Am I not supposed to think/plan ahead, knowing this happens? I'm not saying my guests would possibly take things - I'm saying outsiders/wedding crashers.

MyNameIsNot · April 2014

StefA8 said:

I am not worried about people "not knowing how to sign the guest book." What I am worried about - unfortunately - is someone with sticky fingers deciding to "lift" cards/gifts or anything else that doesn't belong to them. Unfortunately - it does happen, and I would like to take preventative action now, and not have to worry about that the day of the wedding. This has happened at churches and at reception locations in the state that we are from - and quite honestly, I don't want this to happen to us and our guests. We have so many people that are going to be attending the wedding ceremony/reception, that I feel that we would be better off appointing someone to be in charge of these items prior to the ceremony (then tucking them away until after the fact) so that if someone comes in claiming they are responsible for getting any gifts/cards to the reception site, there is absolutely no question about that. I know it's not the most wonderful job in the world - but to me, it's still very important. Unfortunately my fi, myself, and our parents won't have the time/mindset to worry about that the day of.

Your venue staff should be responsible for security. If they can't keep things from getting stolen, hire security. Asking your friends and family to work at your wedding is not acceptable.

Most people use a card box/cage so that individual cards can't be stolen and locate the gift table away from the door to avoid the possibility. You can have the venue staff secure everything in a back room during/after dinner.

StefA8 · April 2014

MyNameIsNot said:

StefA8 said:

I am not worried about people "not knowing how to sign the guest book." What I am worried about - unfortunately - is someone with sticky fingers deciding to "lift" cards/gifts or anything else that doesn't belong to them. Unfortunately - it does happen, and I would like to take preventative action now, and not have to worry about that the day of the wedding. This has happened at churches and at reception locations in the state that we are from - and quite honestly, I don't want this to happen to us and our guests. We have so many people that are going to be attending the wedding ceremony/reception, that I feel that we would be better off appointing someone to be in charge of these items prior to the ceremony (then tucking them away until after the fact) so that if someone comes in claiming they are responsible for getting any gifts/cards to the reception site, there is absolutely no question about that. I know it's not the most wonderful job in the world - but to me, it's still very important. Unfortunately my fi, myself, and our parents won't have the time/mindset to worry about that the day of.
Your venue staff should be responsible for security. If they can't keep things from getting stolen, hire security. Asking your friends and family to work at your wedding is not acceptable.

Most people use a card box/cage so that individual cards can't be stolen and locate the gift table away from the door to avoid the possibility. You can have the venue staff secure everything in a back room during/after dinner.

It would just be at the ceremony location - the reception site is covered. However, bird cage/box - people have walked off with the entire cage/box. Some people straight up suck. I have not/will not hire a wedding planner/coordinator - especially after the way I saw the coordinator act at my cousin's wedding. She was rude to family/friends - and put a horrible taste in my mouth for ever wanting a coordinator or planner for my own wedding. Trust me when I say, I would love to take care of this myself, but as the bride, it's not really possible.

I appreciate the suggestions/advice.

MyNameIsNot · April 2014

StefA8 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

StefA8 said:

I am not worried about people "not knowing how to sign the guest book." What I am worried about - unfortunately - is someone with sticky fingers deciding to "lift" cards/gifts or anything else that doesn't belong to them. Unfortunately - it does happen, and I would like to take preventative action now, and not have to worry about that the day of the wedding. This has happened at churches and at reception locations in the state that we are from - and quite honestly, I don't want this to happen to us and our guests. We have so many people that are going to be attending the wedding ceremony/reception, that I feel that we would be better off appointing someone to be in charge of these items prior to the ceremony (then tucking them away until after the fact) so that if someone comes in claiming they are responsible for getting any gifts/cards to the reception site, there is absolutely no question about that. I know it's not the most wonderful job in the world - but to me, it's still very important. Unfortunately my fi, myself, and our parents won't have the time/mindset to worry about that the day of.
Your venue staff should be responsible for security. If they can't keep things from getting stolen, hire security. Asking your friends and family to work at your wedding is not acceptable.

Most people use a card box/cage so that individual cards can't be stolen and locate the gift table away from the door to avoid the possibility. You can have the venue staff secure everything in a back room during/after dinner.

It would just be at the ceremony location - the reception site is covered. However, bird cage/box - people have walked off with the entire cage/box. Some people straight up suck. I have not/will not hire a wedding planner/coordinator - especially after the way I saw the coordinator act at my cousin's wedding. She was rude to family/friends - and put a horrible taste in my mouth for ever wanting a coordinator or planner for my own wedding. Trust me when I say, I would love to take care of this myself, but as the bride, it's not really possible.

I appreciate the suggestions/advice.

Have the bird cage placed away from the door and ask the ceremony staff to keep an eye on it.

Are you seriously suggesting that asking a friend to babysit the gift table during your ceremony could possibly be ok?

StefA8 · April 2014

StefA8 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

StefA8 said:

I am not worried about people "not knowing how to sign the guest book." What I am worried about - unfortunately - is someone with sticky fingers deciding to "lift" cards/gifts or anything else that doesn't belong to them. Unfortunately - it does happen, and I would like to take preventative action now, and not have to worry about that the day of the wedding. This has happened at churches and at reception locations in the state that we are from - and quite honestly, I don't want this to happen to us and our guests. We have so many people that are going to be attending the wedding ceremony/reception, that I feel that we would be better off appointing someone to be in charge of these items prior to the ceremony (then tucking them away until after the fact) so that if someone comes in claiming they are responsible for getting any gifts/cards to the reception site, there is absolutely no question about that. I know it's not the most wonderful job in the world - but to me, it's still very important. Unfortunately my fi, myself, and our parents won't have the time/mindset to worry about that the day of.
Your venue staff should be responsible for security. If they can't keep things from getting stolen, hire security. Asking your friends and family to work at your wedding is not acceptable.

Most people use a card box/cage so that individual cards can't be stolen and locate the gift table away from the door to avoid the possibility. You can have the venue staff secure everything in a back room during/after dinner.

It would just be at the ceremony location - the reception site is covered. However, bird cage/box - people have walked off with the entire cage/box. Some people straight up suck. I have not/will not hire a wedding planner/coordinator - especially after the way I saw the coordinator act at my cousin's wedding. She was rude to family/friends - and put a horrible taste in my mouth for ever wanting a coordinator or planner for my own wedding. Trust me when I say, I would love to take care of this myself, but as the bride, it's not really possible.

I appreciate the suggestions/advice.
Have the bird cage placed away from the door and ask the ceremony staff to keep an eye on it.

Are you seriously suggesting that asking a friend to babysit the gift table during your ceremony could possibly be ok?

I don't have ceremony staff - who are you suggesting? The only ceremony staff I have will be our officiant. And I'm not saying to babysit it through the ceremony. Have it put in a lockable room or inside the sanctuary away from doorways right before the ceremony starts (before the parents are to be seated).

manateehugger · April 2014

StefA8 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

StefA8 said:

I am not worried about people "not knowing how to sign the guest book." What I am worried about - unfortunately - is someone with sticky fingers deciding to "lift" cards/gifts or anything else that doesn't belong to them. Unfortunately - it does happen, and I would like to take preventative action now, and not have to worry about that the day of the wedding. This has happened at churches and at reception locations in the state that we are from - and quite honestly, I don't want this to happen to us and our guests. We have so many people that are going to be attending the wedding ceremony/reception, that I feel that we would be better off appointing someone to be in charge of these items prior to the ceremony (then tucking them away until after the fact) so that if someone comes in claiming they are responsible for getting any gifts/cards to the reception site, there is absolutely no question about that. I know it's not the most wonderful job in the world - but to me, it's still very important. Unfortunately my fi, myself, and our parents won't have the time/mindset to worry about that the day of.
Your venue staff should be responsible for security. If they can't keep things from getting stolen, hire security. Asking your friends and family to work at your wedding is not acceptable.

Most people use a card box/cage so that individual cards can't be stolen and locate the gift table away from the door to avoid the possibility. You can have the venue staff secure everything in a back room during/after dinner.

It would just be at the ceremony location - the reception site is covered. However, bird cage/box - people have walked off with the entire cage/box. Some people straight up suck. I have not/will not hire a wedding planner/coordinator - especially after the way I saw the coordinator act at my cousin's wedding. She was rude to family/friends - and put a horrible taste in my mouth for ever wanting a coordinator or planner for my own wedding. Trust me when I say, I would love to take care of this myself, but as the bride, it's not really possible.

I appreciate the suggestions/advice.

Look, if you wont hire a coordinator/security, then you'll need to accept the risk that something MAY get stolen. Otherwise, you cannot ask a GUEST to guard your gifts during the ceremony.

Not to mention, in my experience, most people bring gifts to the reception, not the ceremony, if they are not in the same location.

StefA8 · April 2014

Nevermind. Thank you everyone for your suggestions/advice.

chibiyui · April 2014

I have never brought cards/gifts to the ceremony. I leave them in the car and get them before the reception. Or if I do have it with me, I keep it with me till the reception. Do not have a gift/card table at the ceremony. That will alleviate most of your risk.

Do you have a family member thats known to do this? Or is your ceremony/reception in a public space? Certainly theft at weddings happens, but its not that terribly common of a thing either.

StefA8 · April 2014

chibiyui said:

I have never brought cards/gifts to the ceremony. I leave them in the car and get them before the reception. Or if I do have it with me, I keep it with me till the reception. Do not have a gift/card table at the ceremony. That will alleviate most of your risk. Do you have a family member thats known to do this? Or is your ceremony/reception in a public space? Certainly theft at weddings happens, but its not that terribly common of a thing either.

Most people do leave things in the car, but I've been to several weddings where people don't want to tote the gift/card themselves after they arrive to the ceremony so they leave them there. Which is fine, I just don't want an outsider (non-guest) to slip in and out of the entrance during the ceremony. Unfortunately in the town we're getting married in (my fi's hometown) they've had several break-in's lately, and they have had issues with people swiping gifts/cards. It's definitely not family/friends that I'm worried about. The church's main entrance is easily accessible (as it should be, it's a church).

StefA8 · April 2014

scribe95 said:

600 guests? Are you serious?

Very serious. My fi has a very large family.

chibiyui · April 2014

StefA8 said:

chibiyui said:

I have never brought cards/gifts to the ceremony. I leave them in the car and get them before the reception. Or if I do have it with me, I keep it with me till the reception. Do not have a gift/card table at the ceremony. That will alleviate most of your risk. Do you have a family member thats known to do this? Or is your ceremony/reception in a public space? Certainly theft at weddings happens, but its not that terribly common of a thing either.

Most people do leave things in the car, but I've been to several weddings where people don't want to tote the gift/card themselves after they arrive to the ceremony so they leave them there. Which is fine, I just don't want an outsider (non-guest) to slip in and out of the entrance during the ceremony. Unfortunately in the town we're getting married in (my fi's hometown) they've had several break-in's lately, and they have had issues with people swiping gifts/cards. It's definitely not family/friends that I'm worried about. The church's main entrance is easily accessible (as it should be, it's a church).

In that case, I think your best bet would be to ask a bridesmaid or one of your parents to gather any gifts and place them in a locked room before the ceremony begins.

Though, if I had a 600 guest wedding, I'd hire a day of cooridinater. I mean, thry aren't all rude bitches, and if I had to deal with coordinatong a 600 person event , I would be the bitchest, nastiest, cuntiest Bridezilla ever. EVER.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

Hire a DOC for your wedding. Put that person in charge of all gifts/cards and to make sure that they are safely tucked away during both the ceremony and the reception.

Asking a guest to do this job is rude. Especially if that means they may have to miss the ceremony because they need to tend to the gifts.

Look, I get your concern, but if you are that worried then you need to HIRE someone or someones to watch your gifts/cards. Guests should be allowed to enjoy the evening that you are hosting, not have to work it.

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