A warning for all those compiling guests lists

Angusaur · April 2014

That's why she should have invited the first 150, and then the other 17 as she got declines. Then she should have sent a "You're not invited because..." note to the other 48, and included registry info.

MuppetOverlord · April 2014

YEP! I've seen a situation where the VENUE made an inappropriate assumption and tried to get the couple to uninvite some people when they got the final head count (eye roll).

I have a colleague of mine doing something similar right now for her PPD. She's invited twice what she can afford (against my advice). I asked what she's going to do if they all say yes and she said she'll get a lot of frequent flyer miles.

At least she has a backup plan I guess.

sofakingmad · April 2014

a13049 said:

This is a reason, that SOMETIMES people invite people they don't really care/want at their wedding. This wasn't directed at anyone specific.

I just really hate that the default to everything people do is because they want gifts.

It's just like always looking at the glass half empty. It's very negative.

Angusaur · April 2014

I'm inviting people I know will say no, out of "obligation". I have no extra invites or b-list to fill their shoes. And I don't want these people to send gifts.

MuppetOverlord · April 2014

I invited some people I knew would say "No" for a number of reasons (primarily proximity) because I love them and I wanted them to know they were invited, regardless.

Some others were invited out of obligation/avoidance of catastrophic temper tantrum from MIL. I had hoped they would decline because they don't care about us any more than we care about them. Unfortunately, they all came... after the ceremony and left immediately after the meal....so they essentially came to eat and leave.

aurianna · April 2014

Angusaur said:

That's why she should have invited the first 150, and then the other 17 as she got declines. Then she should have sent a "You're not invited because..." note to the other 48, and included registry info.

ack! no!

Uninviting people is worse, but this isn't much better. Lurkers... no... just decide on a guest list to begin with, that you can fit and afford, and go with it.

wrigleyville · April 2014

Angusaur said:

That's why she should have invited the first 150, and then the other 17 as she got declines. Then she should have sent a "You're not invited because..." note to the other 48, and included registry info.

PLEASE tell me this is sarcasm. Please.

Otherwise, this is rude as hell.

perdonami · April 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

I realize that you weren't talking to me specifically, but I think the guest list can be the hardest part of planning a wedding and it's not about gifts.

Word.

perdonami · April 2014

MuppetOverlord said:
Some others were invited out of obligation/avoidance of catastrophic temper tantrum from MIL. I had hoped they would decline because they don't care about us any more than we care about them. Unfortunately, they all came... after the ceremony and left immediately after the meal....so they essentially came to eat and leave.

I am so grateful that my FMIL is a gem and would never throw any temper tantrums over our guest list. She's paying for our reception and asked me if it would be okay if I could invite her best friend who is also my fiance's godmother. I was thinking, "you had to ask??" Of course she can come.

perdonami · April 2014

wrigleyville said:

Angusaur said:

That's why she should have invited the first 150, and then the other 17 as she got declines. Then she should have sent a "You're not invited because..." note to the other 48, and included registry info.

PLEASE tell me this is sarcasm. Please.

Otherwise, this is rude as hell.

I am pretty sure it was sarcasm.

countrygirl061513 · April 2014

We invited 100 people and our venue would have held 2 or 3 times that, but we only had 55ish people show including ourselves. We got happy with every decline because it saved us money.lol

hikebikebemerry · April 2014

Planning a wedding is stressful enough... why would anyone want to have to worry about venue capacity on top of that? I just don't get it!

We had originally started with a guest list of 82, but it has slowly grown to 134. (Our venue's max is 400, so we're fine.)

iloveotters2014 · April 2014

I think it all depends on your personal situation. There was never any way I was going to have 100% attendance with my location. We didn't invite even close to capacity but invited more than what I had planned for (150). FMIL insisted on having us invite about 30 of FFIL's coworkers and company share holders. None of which would have made the 8 hour drive. Now that we have the final numbers we are at 115, well under what I budgeted for

yay!

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

shrekspeare said:

Angusaur said:

That's why she should have invited the first 150, and then the other 17 as she got declines. Then she should have sent a "You're not invited because..." note to the other 48, and included registry info.

wwhhhaaattttt

Shrekspear, I think this is a sarcastic reference to a previous thread.

fionahalliwell · April 2014

Guest lists are hard. My uncle said that he probably didn't need to invite as many as he did to my cousin's wedding. He just assumed he'd throw everyone in. That venue is pretty big, so he was never in danger of hitting capacity, but from the video footage, it just looks like SO MANY PEOPLE. I don't really think he understood how to invite people. He didn't think of it in terms of "must have," "would like if possible," etc. He just figured he'd never hit capacity and that he'd truly want to be surrounded by basically everyone he knew.

My mom's first wedding was in the same room, but she had the opposite problem: the minimum was 200, and she couldn't come up with 200 people to invite, so she literally started throwing in all kinds of random people (not B-listing. All got invites at the same time, but some were...more about filling a seat than actually wanting them there). She would have taken some of your spillover guests!

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2014

aurianna said:

Angusaur said:

That's why she should have invited the first 150, and then the other 17 as she got declines. Then she should have sent a "You're not invited because..." note to the other 48, and included registry info.

ack! no!

Uninviting people is worse, but this isn't much better. Lurkers... no... just decide on a guest list to begin with, that you can fit and afford, and go with it.

This was sarcastic, I'm pretty sure. It was a tongue-in-cheek comment about another thread recently.

KeepMovingOn · April 2014

Some of you apparently have no ability to detect sarcasm.

Angusaur · April 2014

No, I'm not joking. It's MY day and I'll do what I want!!!

(*hopes it was obvious enough this time *)

sofakingmad · April 2014

hikebikebemerry said:

Planning a wedding is stressful enough... why would anyone want to have to worry about venue capacity on top of that? I just don't get it!

We had originally started with a guest list of 82, but it has slowly grown to 134. (Our venue's max is 400, so we're fine.)

This. I would never ever ever ever invite more people than my venue can hold.

Like i said, I only wanted 50, but my venue could hold around 200. Why would anyone think it's a good idea to over invite when your venue can't accomodate. That is a recipe for disaster.

thesummersky · April 2014

Thinking about how many people FMIL wants to invite, combined with reading all of these posts really makes me want to hug my mom. I'm sorry that you're stressed, ladies!

Edit: I can't type.

wrigleyville · April 2014

Angusaur said:

No, I'm not joking. It's MY day and I'll do what I want!!! (*hopes it was obvious enough this time *)

Sorrrry.

Long day at work = failure at detecting sarcasm.

A warning for all those compiling guests lists

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