In lieu of the Father-Daughter Dance..

ksherr · April 2014

My dad passed away in November, and had been helping my fiancee and I plan our wedding for this September. I know the general recommendation is to keep any form of remembrance private, but I want to do something for the father-daughter dance. The mother-son dance will be important to my FI and his mother. Yet, having one without the other seems like it will create more of an elephant in the room, and I feel it will be a nice way to honor his memory.

I love this song by Nancy Sinatra:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmYJhRDBLvs  and am planning on asking my brothers and uncles to dance during the song.

Would this be too much to put my guests through? To me, it would be really special, but I keep going back and forth on it. Thoughts?

CrazyCatLady3 · April 2014

I think it's fine. Many brides who have lost their father will do the spotlight dance with another relative, and the song is a nice tribute. It may be sad, but it will be sad not to do a dance too.

bmydesigner · April 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my dad in June this year so I'm trying to figure out what to do in this situation as well.

I think what you're planning is fine, but just make sure it is what you really want to do. Like if there's even an ounce of doubt, or you think this may be too emotional for you - don't do it. You don't want to cry sad tears on your wedding day, and I'm sure your dad wouldn't want that either! Also other close family members may find this difficult too, so I would speak with them.

What I'm thinking about doing, is having the mother / son dance first (because this is very important to my FI as well!) and then have our DJ announce that this next song is in honor of bmydesigner's dad - and play some type of really awesome party song that I know he loved and it will then open the floor for dancing.

Whatever you decide though, good luck and happy planning!

willowbay14 · April 2014

I am in the same boat. My father passed away 11 years ago and I'm getting married in June. My FI will be doing the son/mother dance for sure but I don't know what to do. My younger brother is flying into town to give me away, which will be really sweet but he doesn't want to do a dance with me so I don't want to make him if he feels weird about it.

Also, my FI and I have a 2 year old little boy and I was thinking about dancing with him but I can't count on him not flipping out haha. There are no other men in my family to dance with me so I'm kinda stuck on what to do. I don't want to do nothing either cuz of the "elephant in the room" like you mentioned. Maybe dance with my Mom? I don't know what to do.

CrazyCatLady3 · April 2014

willowbay14 said:

I am in the same boat. My father passed away 11 years ago and I'm getting married in June. My FI will be doing the son/mother dance for sure but I don't know what to do. My younger brother is flying into town to give me away, which will be really sweet but he doesn't want to do a dance with me so I don't want to make him if he feels weird about it.
Also, my FI and I have a 2 year old little boy and I was thinking about dancing with him but I can't count on him not flipping out haha. There are no other men in my family to dance with me so I'm kinda stuck on what to do. I don't want to do nothing either cuz of the "elephant in the room" like you mentioned. Maybe dance with my Mom? I don't know what to do.

You don't have to dance with a male. It would be fine to dance with your mom.

ksherr · April 2014

I feel for you ladies in the same situation. It's so hard to decide what to do, because nothing could ever replace the real thing. I'm having the same problem with deciding who to walk me down the aisle. Thank you for the input. I like the idea of dedicating a more updeat song too.

CMGragain · April 2014

We skipped the mother-son dance at my daughter's wedding because his mother felt unable to do it. It was not a big deal.
I didn't have a father to dance with, either. We just skipped the dancing.
I asked my Dad's younger brother to walk me down the aisle. My sister just walked with her groom.
It really isn't "the elephant in the room". People wait patiently through the special dances, and the photographer is the only one who is excited. I wouldn't do the song dedication. I have relatives, including my uncle, who would have been overcome with emotion. It is your day to be happy, and people want to share your joy. Don't turn your wedding into a memorial service.

MyNameIsNot · April 2014

OMG, this would make me cry, even if I didn't know your father.

I think it's really sweet and touching, but I would be really afraid that it would change the tone and make everyone really sad. How is your family doing with the loss thus far? It's still pretty fresh.

Do you think you could dance through the song without breaking down? I know I couldn't. It's an emotional day anyway, and missing dad at a moment where you always assumed he would be can strike you with some of the feelings you don't want to be thinking about that day.

LarraO2530 · April 2014

willowbay14 said:

Maybe dance with my Mom? I don't know what to do.

My FI's cousin had her mom give her away as well as dance with her in lieu of the father/daughter dance. It was really sweet and everyone loved it.

tabathafaye · April 2014

My father passed away in 2006. I could not do anything public at our wedding. I would break down and it would probably ruin my day.

However, I do love this song. I was planning on having a few minutes put aside in the morning to spend with my mom and brother to remember Dad.

My brother got married a few weeks ago and they put a picture of my dad on the alter. When my brother saw it, he cried.

Istoleahalo · May 2014

Unfortunately it looks like there are a lot of us in the same situation. My dad passed away 2 years ago and we are trying to figure out what to do as well. I'm still very emotional about it (the definition of a daddy's girl, right here!) so I'm afraid that anything I do will make me break down...but I don't want to leave him out either. I bawled through that song! I will have his picture with me on my bouquet. I think I will also have a place set up for "Special guests who are celebrating with us in Heaven" and have pictures of my dad, my grandma, my aunt who just passed away a month ago, and my fiance's grandfather (crossing our fingers that a miracle will happen and he will still be with us, but he's not doing good and our wedding isn't until November). My Fiance and his mom will probably have a dance together but not make it a spotlight (his idea).

In lieu of the Father-Daughter Dance..

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