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Father of the Bride Drama

ranareeranaree member
in Wedding Woes
I am 9 days away from my wedding day. About 4 months ago, I informed my dad that I would be walking down the aisle solo because that is just how I envisioned my wedding. Me giving myself to my groom. I made a big to do about how the Daddy-Daughter dance would be very special, and when I neared the end of the aisle I would give a kiss of acknowledgement to both him and my mother. He seemed to accept this graciously and no other words were spoken on the subject.

Flash forward to today. My father called me and gave me a VICIOUS guilt trip, saying how absolutely "devastated" he feels that he will not be walking me down the aisle. He told me how it has been his dream to walk me down since the day I was born. He rambled on for a good ten minutes about how worthless he feels. My issue is this, it is very important to me that I walk alone. Of this, Dad is fully aware. My response was simply that I was sorry that he felt that way, but I am very positive that the wedding will continue on as planned and there will be no giving me away OR walking me down the aisle. 

Dad has a history of being a drama queen from time to time. However, from what my sister has told me, Dad is going to try to guilt me into changing my mind again. What, if anything, should I say to him if he persists? Do I just ignore the phone when he calls? I feel like he is causing unnecessary stress too close to the wedding and he needs to drop it. Am I out of line to tell him as much?

(For the record, Dad is not financially contributing to the wedding in any way.)
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Re: Father of the Bride Drama

  • Ven&RadioVen&Radio member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    It sounds like you handled it well. I'd say the same thing if he brings it up again.

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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think you handled it fine.  If he brings it up again just restate what you did.  This is one of those situations where I don't think he's wrong for being hurt, but you aren't wrong for wanting to walk alone.  Maybe recognize that this may not be what he wants, but this DAY is about you and your FI. How you walk in is no reflection of your love for him. 
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm not saying your dad guilt-tripping you is right, but I do see where he's coming from -- my father would have been heart-broken and devastated if I hadn't walked down the aisle with him.

    If your father calls again and guilt-trips you about this decision, you have a couple of options: You can calmly re-state what you've already said, which is, 'Dad, this is my decision, it's non-negotiable, and it's not up for discussion. Please let it drop.'

    Or (and this is a passive-aggressive and kind of nuclear option) you can say to him, 'Dad, I have told you what the plan is. If you don't like it, and you persist in pushing me on this, not only will you not walk me down the aisle, I'm going to cancel the father-daughter dance as well. Please don't make me do that.'

    FWIW, although my father walked me down the aisle, he didn't 'give me away.' There was no 'giving' me to DH -- the priest didn't ask 'who gives this woman?' because that's not part of the Catholic marriage ceremony, and, as a 30-something-year-old woman who lived with her then-FI, it would have been redundant. It was just a symbolic walk, with my Dad, down the aisle.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    I'm not saying your dad guilt-tripping you is right, but I do see where he's coming from -- my father would have been heart-broken and devastated if I hadn't walked down the aisle with him.

    If your father calls again and guilt-trips you about this decision, you have a couple of options: You can calmly re-state what you've already said, which is, 'Dad, this is my decision, it's non-negotiable, and it's not up for discussion. Please let it drop.'

    Or (and this is a passive-aggressive and kind of nuclear option) you can say to him, 'Dad, I have told you what the plan is. If you don't like it, and you persist in pushing me on this, not only will you not walk me down the aisle, I'm going to cancel the father-daughter dance as well. Please don't make me do that.'

    FWIW, although my father walked me down the aisle, he didn't 'give me away.' There was no 'giving' me to DH -- the priest didn't ask 'who gives this woman?' because that's not part of the Catholic marriage ceremony, and, as a 30-something-year-old woman who lived with her then-FI, it would have been redundant. It was just a symbolic walk, with my Dad, down the aisle.
    THIS!  It's completely your decision to decide how you walk down the aisle to your future husband, but he has a right to feel hurt for not being able to. 

    As to the 'giving you away' scenario, I have long thought that was an outdated scenario that wasn't much followed anymore, however, I think it's a sign of respect/tradition to walk down the aisle with your father.   I will be doing this with my dad, because well, I could never imagine not doing it.  But @HisGirlFriday13 stated, my father will not be 'giving me away,' he will be walking by my side as I walk to my FI and my future.

    Best of luck!
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    I'm giving the hard emu eye to "oh, it's not patriarchal and awful - it's TRADITION and RESPECT as long as you stop short of actually simulating property transfer."  Do what you want, but no, it's not, and it's assy as all hell that you're saying that here, to this woman.
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