My BFF abandoned me when I was sick and now I'm holding a healthy grudge
Dear Prudence,
My cousin and I had been best friends since we were little girls. As we grew our bond became closer. She was my college roommate, and later my maid of honor. We lived close to each other and hung out constantly. Five years ago, when I was 28, I was diagnosed with cancer. I had Hodgkin’s lymphoma and spent two years undergoing chemo, radiation, and a stem cell transplant that put me in the hospital for months. During this low point in my life, she disappeared. No calls. No emails. No texts. No visits. No flowers. Nothing. I know her so well that I understood she just didn’t know how to deal with this, but her absence was the hardest part of my cancer experience. I am now cancer-free, and she has had a child and gotten married. My mother pressured me to attend my cousin’s baby shower, but I gave an impersonal gift card and left as soon as I could. I was invited to the wedding, but didn’t attend. I just can’t pretend nothing happened. As the years pass, however, my family sees me as the one causing the rift because of my refusal to make nice with her. I have to endure long updates from my mother about her life, I listen as my sister tells me that my cousin really wants to know how I am. I don’t want to hear anything about her life unless it is from her. I miss her terribly, but unless I hear a heartfelt apology from her, I don’t see how a relationship can be possible. Am I right or wrong?
—Cured but Hurting
Re: My BFF abandoned me when I was sick and now I'm holding a healthy grudge
For the patient, and their loves ones
IDK, this is certainly not be the BFF's finest hour by any stretch...but she's flawed like everyone else. I'd hate to waste so much energy grinding this axe
Maybe being a little more welcoming than the business end of a meat processing plant would get the writer the apology and atonement she really wants.
It's the coward way of testing the waters, but she's seeking reconnection.
Of course, if her mom is anything like mine, she will never get it, and every single get-together and conversation will end with the OP saying 'HOW many TIMES do I have to tell you that this is none of your business and not up for discussion?!"