Cake Smash: Yes this needs a new thread

sofakingmad · April 2014

So people honestly are offended by the cake smash enough to consider it borderline abuse?

We need to talk about this.

flyingfoxes · April 2014

I find it to be vaguely hostile - you are wanting to smash food into your partner's face in front of people, to embarrass them. It's not cute, or funny to me.

manateehugger · April 2014

I think it's tacky, personally, but I'm not horrified or offended by it.

That said, I do think it's couple dependent. No one deserves to have cake smashed in their face if they don't want to. If someone smashes cake into their new spouse's face after that spouse has expressly said they don't want it to happen, I would consider that a huge show of disrespect and disregard.

jdluvr06 · April 2014

I don't see it as abusive. I think it is cute. I think it shows the couple's playfulness.

sarahufl · April 2014

I assume this came from another thread? I hate cake smashing but I don't find it rude or abusive.

But God help FI if he does that to me. I find it gross and immature. But not abusive.

sofakingmad · April 2014

Yes it came from the other thread because I have never ever heard of it compared to abuse.

Also, in my experience, the only smashes have come from b&gs who obviously thought it was funny. I have never seen anyone get angry about it. Normally it's SMASH and then a smashy cake face kiss with lots of laughing.

phira · April 2014

It would be abusive if the person smashing cake in their partner's face did so knowing that their partner did not want that. That's cruel.

Otherwise, it's irrelevant. Hell, we're not doing a cake cutting because my partner is grossed out by the idea of feeding each other cake, even with a fork.

sofakingmad · April 2014

shrekspeare said:

I feel like it's incredibly disrespectful. Also, with the money people spend on their dresses, I don't understand why people would want to take a risk in ruining it.

because it's a dress that you wear once.

manateehugger · April 2014

DragonBlood13 said: Yes it came from the other thread because I have never ever heard of it compared to abuse.
Also, in my experience, the only smashes have come from b&gs who obviously thought it was funny. I have never seen anyone get angry about it. Normally it's SMASH and then a smashy cake face kiss with lots of laughing.

I can remember two instances in which the bride clearly did not see it coming. It was not funny in those cases. One bride luckily just got smeared around, the other had a full blown smash. She looked close to tears.

Edited because TK formatting sucks.

sofakingmad · April 2014

So cake smashing is like pot? It's the gateway into abuse?

LOL.

manateehugger · April 2014

phira said:

It would be abusive if the person smashing cake in their partner's face did so knowing that their partner did not want that. That's cruel.

Otherwise, it's irrelevant. Hell, we're not doing a cake cutting because my partner is grossed out by the idea of feeding each other cake, even with a fork.

This ALWAYS lurks in the back of my mind at weddings haha. In no other circumstances would I find people feeding each other appropriate or not gross.

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

Tacky, rude, disrespectful, hostile, cruel, juvenile, appalling, poor manners, borderline abusive...yes, I do. Full on abuse? No, it's not. Lots of things are way worse. But it's too close to the line for my personal comfort. Not everyone feels this way.

I don't get why anyone would consider it even remotely cute or playful. It's MEAN. Sure, opinions on actually doing it are couple dependent. You can still do it if you want to. But if I'm watching, I'm going to be re-evaluating my feelings about you. If you can't tell a hostile act when it happens to you, then I'm going to be concerned for you on many levels. I'm not going to walk out of the event, but it would definitely change things for me.

I told my ex that I didn't want to do the cake feeding, but if he wanted to, if he even so much as PRETENDED he was going to smash it on me, divorce papers would be filed before the marriage license was. That's how big a deal it is to me.

lyndausvi · April 2014

As long as the couple is an agreement I don't care at all. We didn't, mostly because we are not ones to waste good cake.

At my sister's wedding the photographer had me (MOH) and the BM stand up with sister and BIL for a photo opt. Has he snapped the shot my sister turned to me and BIL to his BM and smashed the cake on our faces. Lucky for me I'm 8 inches taller than sis, so I didn't get it too bad. BIL got his BM good.

I was a good sport about it. 14 years later my sister stood, far, far away from the cake table at our wedding.

ETA - I'm in no paragraph mode.

MNVegas · April 2014

I don't like cake smashing. I don't consider it abusive, more just stupid and immature.

ei34 · April 2014

PDKH said:

I think it's tacky, personally, but I'm not horrified or offended by it.

That said, I do think it's couple dependent. No one deserves to have cake smashed in their face if they don't want to. If someone smashes cake into their new spouse's face after that spouse has expressly said they don't want it to happen, I would consider that a huge show of disrespect and disregard.

This 100%. Totally tacky and not my thing, but nothing at all to offend me. As long as both members in the couple are into it, I guess it's fine. I wouldn't describe it as much "cute" or "abusive" as "waste of cake".

delujm0 · April 2014

I don't think it's abuse...but i do hate it. FI has been warned to not even try it. I think i'm going to insist upon a "fork feeding" so that he doesn't even have the opportunity.

honestly i've never ever seen anyone do this in person. only on TV and in movies. i know it's just a silly tradition, so i wouldn't consider it any more abusive than if FI was good-naturedly teasing me and i gave him a playful shove. but i'm pretty sure my mother will send FI the bill if he destroys the makeup she is paying for me to have done with a cake smash. :-)

phira · April 2014

I mean, it's TOTALLY a waste of cake, which should be a crime.

ceruse · April 2014

It would have to be a pretty violent smash to even conjure the word abuse for me.

It's my opinion that it's only disrespectful if the smashing isn't mutual. If both parties want to do it, no problems there. I have told my FI specifically not to do it, so if he does we are going to have a big problem!

cupcait927 · April 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

Yes it came from the other thread because I have never ever heard of it compared to abuse.

Also, in my experience, the only smashes have come from b&gs who obviously thought it was funny. I have never seen anyone get angry about it. Normally it's SMASH and then a smashy cake face kiss with lots of laughing.

^This. I have only ever seen it done in playfulness. Both parties were good sports about it, it wasn't anything more than a little icing on the face and that's it. I honestly cannot see in what universe it would be abuse, even when, say, the bride doesn't want the groom to do it and he does anyway. I think it's mean and maybe a little disrespectful but I cannot stretch that far enough to call it abuse or think differently of the couple. I'd think the dude was a jackass for two seconds and then forget about it.

kitty8403 · April 2014

PDKH said:

phira said:

It would be abusive if the person smashing cake in their partner's face did so knowing that their partner did not want that. That's cruel.

Otherwise, it's irrelevant. Hell, we're not doing a cake cutting because my partner is grossed out by the idea of feeding each other cake, even with a fork.

This ALWAYS lurks in the back of my mind at weddings haha. In no other circumstances would I find people feeding each other appropriate or not gross.

Exactly. I am not a freaking baby bird.

flyingfoxes · April 2014

My BFF did it at her wedding - but that's the kind of stuff they do - I told her no way in hell would we be doing it at my wedding, and she said something like, "I didn't expect for you to be the type that would". LOL - yay!

Maggie0829 · April 2014

I hate when the couple smashes cake in each others face, but that is my personal opinion. I do not think it is abuse. I do think it is disrespectful if one person in the couple told the other that they do not want cake smashed in their face but the other person does not listen and does it anyways. It shows that that person does not respect the wishes of the other and finds hilarity in that persons discomfort. But abuse? No.

Now if the couple agrees to smash the ever loving crap out of a piece of cake on each other then I see no problem with it. I still don't like it because I just don't think adults in formal attire (or any attire for that matter) should be doing such a thing, but if they are in agreement, I guess smash away.

sofakingmad · April 2014

shrekspeare said:

DragonBlood13 said:

shrekspeare said:

I feel like it's incredibly disrespectful. Also, with the money people spend on their dresses, I don't understand why people would want to take a risk in ruining it.

because it's a dress that you wear once.

Yes, but a lot of people like to keep them. I'm obviously no expert in fabrics and what will stain, but I can't imagine frosting and cake is super easy to pull out of delicate fabrics.

I would also be mortified if any of our family saw me with food on my face.

I did a TTD, so I didn't think of it as a keepsake. So maybe that's why I can't relate.

jdluvr06 · April 2014

I do think it is couple dependent. Some people wouldn't find it playful and that is fine. Like I said I think it is cute, of course I'm saying this after spending the morning with FI flinging paint at each other instead of painting the room we were working on. Was that immature of us? Yes. Was it a lot of fun? Definitely. That being said we aren't feeding the wedding cake to each other because we are feeding each other honey cakes during the ceremony (it is a Pagan thing) and we figure having people watch us feed each other twice in one day is a little much.

CrazyCatLady3 · April 2014

phira said:

It would be abusive if the person smashing cake in their partner's face did so knowing that their partner did not want that. That's cruel.

Otherwise, it's irrelevant. Hell, we're not doing a cake cutting because my partner is grossed out by the idea of feeding each other cake, even with a fork.

Lol. It never occurred to me that FI and I would have to feed each other cake. I have usually seen it done where the B&G just slice the cake together, pose for a pretty picture, and then the caterer wheels it away to be served.

NYCBruin · April 2014

lyndausvi said:

As long as the couple is an agreement I don't care at all. We didn't, mostly because we are not ones to waste good cake.

At my sister's wedding the photographer had me (MOH) and the BM stand up with sister and BIL for a photo opt. Has he snapped the shot my sister turned to me and BIL to his BM and smashed the cake on our faces. Lucky for me I'm 8 inches taller than sis, so I didn't get it too bad. BIL got his BM good.

I was a good sport about it. 14 years later my sister stood, far, far away from the cake table at our wedding.

ETA - I'm in no paragraph mode.

Ummm....what?!?!

As to the original question: I hate cake smashing and think it's stupid, immature and worst of all a waste of perfectly good cake. FI agrees and we won't be doing it. That said, so long as the couple's cool with it, whatever. Who am I to judge?

sofakingmad · April 2014

Also, I didn't even do a cake cutting or feeding or smashing, but for some reason this is just all very crazy to me.

sofakingmad · April 2014

lyndausvi said:

As long as the couple is an agreement I don't care at all. We didn't, mostly because we are not ones to waste good cake.

At my sister's wedding the photographer had me (MOH) and the BM stand up with sister and BIL for a photo opt. Has he snapped the shot my sister turned to me and BIL to his BM and smashed the cake on our faces. Lucky for me I'm 8 inches taller than sis, so I didn't get it too bad. BIL got his BM good.

I was a good sport about it. 14 years later my sister stood, far, far away from the cake table at our wedding.

ETA - I'm in no paragraph mode.

Ok, that's ridiculous though.

Jen4948 · April 2014

I hate cake smashing. It seems like a waste of good cake, not to mention hair and makeup jobs, and it just doesn't come across as "playful," "fun," or "cute" to me. It comes off as really immature.

And if the person who gets cake smashed in their face didn't want it, then it's very disrespectful and even hostile.