Wedding Woes

A mini-story about relatives like Mrs. Conn's cousin, mom, and sister

I have probably mentioned before that my mom's side of the family is not very close with us, and that the reason for this is that 50some years ago, when it became clear that my uncle had autism, that side started "cancelling" family occasions (regular get-togethers, holiday meals, etc.) and then replanning them without my mom, uncle, grandmother, and grandfather so they didn't have to be around a kid with autism.  And when mentioning that, I probably also mentioned that, bafflingly, I'm the only one who thinks they're huge assholes who are better off not in my life, and that my mom and grandmother always wring their hands about how I should be making an effort to connect with them and be close.  And I've probably also mentioned that though the generation who actually did this shunning are now dead, the progeny are jerks who squandered inherited millions and started sniffing around my family "wanting to reconnect" and asking for money.

Anyway, every time we see them (which means funerals, generally, though they also invite us to weddings and showers), they go on and on about how they really want to be closer, and how we should make an effort to keep in touch.  Then my mom and grandmother spend the next span of time until someone else dies giving me a hard time about how I don't try to keep in touch with them, despite no efforts on their part either.

So one time I caved and went to some sort of non-funeral gift-giving event, and just signed my name on the card for the money my mom was giving alongside hers.  Yeah, I'm an ass, whatever.  But this time I came prepared: any time any of the funeral relatives flapped their jaws about how they wish we were closer, and we should really keep in contact, I smiled brightly, said "I agree!" and handed them one of the little index cards I'd pre-made with my e-mail address, full name for Facebook, phone numbers (cell, home, and work), and home address, so that they could if they wished get in touch with me at any time, at the method of their preferences.  It was almost comical seeing their smiles wilt and watching them shift uneasily on their feet, and not know where to put their eyes.  Okay, it was ABSOLUTELY comical.  And even better was that I did every instance of this with my mom and grandmother standing right there, witnessing it with narrowed eyes cutting in my direction.

Now every time they start to give me grief about how I should make an effort, I remind them of this event and how these people don't really want to know me either, and they sigh, shake their heads, say the Slovak version of "how did we raise such a piece of work?" and then stop talking.


Re: A mini-story about relatives like Mrs. Conn's cousin, mom, and sister

  • That is epicly awesome, and I applaud you for doing that! I'm a big fan of people calling out other people on social lies that aren't social niceties. 

    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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