etiquette faux pas that don't bother you

a13049 · April 2014

So we recently had a thread that discussed what etiquette issues would be a deal breaker for you attending or staying at a wedding. So I was curious what etiquette faux pas don't really bother you? For me, clearly ppd. Also, I understand why they are considered poor etiquette, dollar dance, I just have never been to a wedding without one so I guess I have been desensitized.

KeptInStitches · April 2014

Printed labels on invitation envelopes.

chibiyui · April 2014

I take PPD's on a case by case basis. I haven't really had to actually deal with on IRL.

Tip jars being set out don't bother me in that I won't judge the wedding couple for it. I will feel bad that I don't have cash to tip, but I usually give them the benefit of the doubt.

MuppetOverlord · April 2014

Cash bars only offend me if I have to pay for soft drinks. I'm used to them. If you charge me for a diet coke, I will judge you for life.

This doesn't mean I think they aren't rude, they are, I wouldn't have one...but they don't bother me.

I don't care about printed envelopes or labels either.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2014

Honor of your presence vs pleasure of your company, or traditional vs nontraditional wording as long as the point gets across
Labels on envelopes
PPDs and cash bars case by case
Wearing a wedding dress again as long as no false pretenses. Zero fucks given.

larrygaga · April 2014

Cash bars don't bother me! I know they are evil, but they honestly don't annoy me that bad. Liquoraround here is EXPENSIVE. Everyone would have a dry wedding if cash bars weren't a thing.

JaxInBlue · April 2014

Ditto KeptIn - printed address labels.

To a point, I'll also overlook program people and guest book attendants- I grew up in an area where these are still seen as "honors," whether that's right or wrong. Some of our guests didn't understand why we didn't specifically assign people to these tasks.

Generally, if it doesn't cost me more money or interfere with my comfort, I'm okay (and only doing a little eye-rolling).

phira · April 2014

Victimless crimes: Printed labels, "incorrect" wording, etc.

Electronic invitations.

Cash bars as long as water/soft drinks are free (I don't drink much)

Guests wearing white.

Case-by-case basis:

- Depending on the circumstances, I wouldn't necessarily be bothered by a PPD. One of the things I tell people when I warn against it is: I'm likely not going to care if you're already married if you don't hide the fact that you're already married. I'm also much more understanding about it if the reason for doing it is like ... dire need for health insurance, versus, "We wanted [date] for our anniversary!"

- Again, depending on the circumstances, I'd happily attend a potluck reception. My take on potluck receptions (in terms of what I'd be fine attending) is that the couple has requested our collective assistance, and I can volunteer to bring something if I'd like. I'd also expect that the couple would provide most servingware so I wouldn't have to risk losing mine. I'd also expect that the wedding would be small, and that I wasn't going to have to stand behind the buffet table and serve people food.

cupcait927 · April 2014

Pretty much everything that's even mentioned already. I honestly don't care that much. Have a PPD if you want, just don't lie about it or have a shitty reason like @phira mentioned. Cash bars I can handle bc I like to drink, just give me a heads up. I'm strongly considering printing on my envelopes for invitations bc neither FI or has great handwriting. As long as you have enough food, enough chairs and good music, I'm cool. I love getting together with people and enjoying everyone's company. That being said, we're going to host everyone properly because it's important to me but I'll let a LOT slide for people I care about. I should mention though that I haven't been to very many weddings so my view may be skewed because of that fact.

sarahufl · April 2014

I grew up with dollar dances. They don't bug me. Not having one of my own because I don't want one and I find them on the tacky side, but I certainly wouldn't storm out if someone had one.

Printed labels on envelopes also don't bother me much.

Never gave much thought to PPDs until I joined TK. I was a BM in a PPD (military groom, everyone knew they were married but they had the whole big wedding thing) and I thought it was fun.

MuppetOverlord · April 2014

Yeah, I don't think weddings are rude when the families cater voluntarily, without request for food from the couple.

I think by now, most people remaining here have missed my epic tale of our best man's wedding, but... the bride asked one of her guests (wife of groom's friend) to bring a dish before she even knew her name. She had to ask what her name was so she could write it down beside her dish.

It was essentially our "admission" cost to the wedding (among other things). When they first told us they were going to do all their own food, my original thought was to spend what we would've given as a gift (around $200) on food. I was going to get some nice serving dishes that she could keep as part of the gift. When she asked my friend and I were bringing, that went out the window. I made one dish and that was my gift and I'm still upset about it. My friend won't even talk to her.

doeydo · April 2014

I can't think of anything...

CamiSelene · April 2014

Cash bars: I think I even said it in another post. They don't bother be for the same reason as @larrygaga - I know they are evil, but liquor here is so insanely expensive that I have never seen an open bar done. EVER. I believe in the previous post I said that seeing one here would be like seeing a unicorn leaping over a rainbow with a leprechaun on it's back and high-fiving a sasquatch. lol, I would, however, have issues if they charged for non-alcoholic drinks.

Gaps: I like them. I take naps. Well, most of the time.... sometimes I shop/sight-see. I was at one wedding with a 6 hour gap once though. That's waaaay too long.

SP29 · April 2014

Stag and Doe/ Jack and Jill. I grew up with them all around me, so I guess I'm desensitized. Though I would never recommend someone else to have one as a "great idea".

I don't hate partial cash bars. As an example, at a friends wedding, a glass of champagne was offered upon entry to cocktail hour, unlimited wine on the tables at dinner, and each guest was given 3 drink tickets, beyond that you paid. I was OK with this, because the champagne, 2 glasses of wine at dinner and two drinks later was very much enough (I gave my extra drink ticket to a friend). I do dislike full cash bars, because I don't bring cash with me to a wedding.

Labels or printing on invitations. I didn't even realize they were a problem until I came here. I honestly don't care how something is decorated, just that it is tidy and done with care.

Dollar dances if they are a cultural tradition (vs. I want to make money!). Our friends from the Philippines had one. In the Philippines the dance is a wish for good luck and prosperity in the marriage.

jdluvr06 · April 2014

Cash bars, printed address labels, dollar dances, honey funds (I don't give anything to it but it doesn't bother me)... I think the list of ones that do bother me would be shorter.

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2014

Address labels don't bother me. People handing out programmes or being the guest book attendant don't really bother me; in my area, those are still seen a as honours.

I don't mind invitations with the couple's photo on it, for that matter.

Cash bars bother me more if I'm not aware of it before hand because I rarely carry cash, but they're common enough in my area that I'm used to them and typically just won't drink. I wouldn't not go to a wedding or leave one early if there were a cash bar, though.

However, like Muppet, I expect the rest of the beverages to be free -- if you charge me for coffee, I'll judge you for life.

Things that are victimless and don't interfere with my comfort or being hosted properly don't fuss me.

kkleigh10 · April 2014

CamiSelene said:

Cash bars: I think I even said it in another post. They don't bother be for the same reason as @larrygaga - I know they are evil, but liquor here is so insanely expensive that I have never seen an open bar done. EVER. I believe in the previous post I said that seeing one here would be like seeing a unicorn leaping over a rainbow with a leprechaun on it's back and high-fiving a sasquatch. lol, I would, however, have issues if they charged for non-alcoholic drinks.

Gaps: I like them. I take naps. Well, most of the time.... sometimes I shop/sight-see. I was at one wedding with a 6 hour gap once though. That's waaaay too long.

I do understand budgeting issues, but I don't really understand justifying a cash bar because "liquor is expensive." I live in a city in the northeast where EVERYTHING is expensive, including liquor. I think its a matter of deciding what's important to you: for us, we chose a venue that was not at the tippity top of our budget so we'd able to host an open bar for the duration of the reception and also for the rehearsal dinner the night before. I don't know...wedding gowns are expensive, too, but that's not a reason for a lot of people not to have one.

That being said, I would never decline an invite to a wedding solely because of a cash bar. I sincerely consider it an honor to be invited (to be fair, I've only been invited to the weddings of family members and close friends) and far be it from me to judge what the couple chooses to spend their money on.

...although if it were the wedding of someone I could barely tolerate, fuck yes I'd be pissed it was a cash bar...

Edited for clarity: I've had a shit-ton of wine tonight...

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

doeydo said:

I can't think of anything...

Me neither. They all bug me to one extent or another.

JellyBean52513 · April 2014

Partially-hosted bar. At my boss's shower, champagne, red (a cabernet) and white (a pinot grigio) wine were hosted. This was perfectly fine for me, as I love wine and would've only wanted to drink that anyway. Do I love beer and a nice Hennessey on the rocks, too? Yup, but at least something was hosted that I enjoy. A similar selection would get me through an entire wedding without complaint.

ETA: a cash bar was available for beer, mixed drinks, and whatever else you wanted...that's how I figured out only the pinot grigio was hosted, and the Chardonnay was not lol

jdluvr06 · April 2014

JellyBean52513 said:

Partially-hosted bar. At my boss's shower, champagne, red (a cabernet) and white (a pinot grigio) wine were hosted. This was perfectly fine for me, as I love wine and would've only wanted to drink that anyway. Do I love beer and a nice Hennessey on the rocks, too? Yup, but at least something was hosted that I enjoy. A similar selection would get me through an entire wedding without complaint. ETA: a cash bar was available for beer, mixed drinks, and whatever else you wanted...that's how I figured out only the pinot grigio was hosted, and the Chardonnay was not lol

In my area that is what most people do. They have partially hosted bars. They will host a red and white wine and a beer, and have a cash bar for hard liquor.

Simply Fated · April 2014

Things that the couple might not even be aware of, like tip jars on the bar. Although I think that's more of a breach of tackiness, rather than etiquette lol.

Alcohol being expensive is a ridiculous excuse to have a cash bar. Everything is expensive. If you can't afford it, don't have it. That goes for the hosts, too. So simple.

banana468 · April 2014

I don't care about tuxes before 6, watches on or off or diamonds before evening.

Tip jars I don't love but they don't bother me nearly as much as cash bars or dollar dances.

zitiqueen · April 2014

Printed labels on invitations and dollar dances (I'm one of the few on the board who doesn't get all pearl-clutchy and panty-wadded over them). Nobody is forced against their will to participate, unlike a cash bar where if you want to drink, you have no choice but to pay. My issue with dollar dances is they bring everything to a grinding halt.

Mandafly84 · April 2014

Gaps (I like downtime), tip jars (don't affect my comfort), bridal party attire (wear whatever makes your heart happy), partially hosted bars or drink tickets (I'm happy just to receive something), standing for 15 minute ceremonies (meh)

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2014

banana468 said:
I don't care about tuxes before 6, watches on or off or diamonds before evening.

Tip jars I don't love but they don't bother me nearly as much as cash bars or dollar dances.

This too (aside from cash bars sometimes).

crunchymamaof2 · April 2014

Labels on invites, registry info on invites, tuxes before 6, I'd roll my eyes at the registry one but none of those would truly bother me. As for other faux pas it would depend in the intentions. .if a couple knew cash bars were rude, for example, and chose that even though a dry wedding or limited bar was an option I'd be irritated. Or a cash bar yet she was wearing. $10000 dress and the wedding was at some swanky hotel. I'm fine with most PPDs if there is no lying involved. But honestly, with the exception of labels and tuxes I'd roll my eyes at most everything else.

mrscaty · April 2014

I will probably be the only one to say this but I don't mind being B-listed (for an acquaintance). If someone wants to pay for me to come to kick ass party because a lot of people declined, I'm gonna go. Shit happens, I'm still happy to celebrate with you.

Full Disclosure: we are NOT having a B list.

ohmrs2014 · April 2014

Printed labels on envelopes don't bother me. I didn't do them, but I have received invites where they were printed on labels. Not a big deal, just something I wouldn't do.

I agree with the statements about the cash bar. I don't mind paying for the liquor, just let me know in advance somehow so I can have enough cash on me, but if I have to pay for a soda, then yes, the judginess in me will come out.

emmyg65 · April 2014

Labels on invites

PPDs on a case-by-case basis (please don't lie to me!). Though I just don't get wanting the headache of planning a "wedding" when you're already married.

Registering with a charity

Politely asking people to help set stuff up (just don't treat it like an honor)

I think the biggest difference between me and The Knot Party Line is that I don't mind potlucks, especially if the bride and groom make it optional (which obvs they should). In fact, I kind of love them. But the whole wedding should be a budget affair. I'd be kind of pissed to bring a dish only to find that the bride and groom managed to pay for a full, top-shelf bar, or a shit ton of flowers.

SammiNJonni · April 2014

Labels or printing directly on envelopes.

Wearing a tux before 6

Dollar dance not having one but everyone in my family does and I don't clutch my pearls.

larrygaga · April 2014

I'm totally having FI wear a tux before 6 and nobody can stop me.(except FI) Honestly, I feel like I'm the only one in my entire freakin' state that knows about fashion. Nobody on my guest list will even know that's not okay.

Michigan does not give a crap about clothes.

etiquette faux pas that don't bother you

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