I don't mind having a gap, 90% of the weddings I've attended have had one. In fact I never knew they were considered rude until I came to TK. I like having a church outfit and a reception outfit, and having some down time to catch up with family and friends before the party gets started.
PPD's are case by case. A full blown wedding redo where the couple has hid their marriage, I will judge the heck out of; a party after the fact, when the couple has been honest, and the bride wears her dress again, I'm not that bothered. Basically don't lie and don't make me sit through a fake ceremony.
Pretty much any of the things most people on here get all upset about don't bother me at all.
cash bars
any of that ridiculous invitation stuff (wording, labels, etc)
registry information in the invite
gaps (most Catholic weddings around here have one and I'm perfectly fine with it)
dollar dances/dollar trees/honeymoon jars
honeyfunds
PPDs
any trivial things about tuxes/diamonds and time frames
voluntary potlucks (it's the norm in my FI's hometown that the church families "cater." No one asks them to do so; they just offer every time)
having kids do things like guestbook and programs if they want to (I LOVED doing this as a child and saw it as an honor. This is on a case-by-case basis)
So most things that get people on here all in a tizzy don't bother me one bit. Now, I won't be doing anything on that list because I understand that some people are a bit more uptight about these etiquette things and I don't want to offend them.
I have attended far more cash bars than open bars. As long as I don't have to pay for my soda I am fine.
I have attended 4 PPDs (all military, we all knew they were married just prior to deployment). You be honest with me and most likely I will come. You lie to me and tell me your PPD is really your one and only "wedding" and our friendship will suffer quite a bit of damage.
Vow renewals - rock your dress, rock your cake (as long as I get some too), have your first dance. WHY should I take offense at these things if you have been honest about what this shindig really is?
Dollar Dance - I am 54 and can only remember maybe 5 weddings in my life that didn't have one.
I don't care if the invitation says "adult reception only" because I know many in the world do not know that names on the invitation define who is really invited.
Have a chair and table for me, don't charge me for my soda (pop), tell me what I am really attending, and we are most likely golden. (That gap thing? Yeah, I am not bending on that one).
Printed labels or anything with invitation wording provided there isn't registry information or "no kids" type wording.
Anything related to what other people are wearing provided that the person wearing it chose to wear what they are wearing.
Gaps mostly because I personally would rather have an hour or two of down time and have the party go later than vice versa. Except for the wedding with the 7 hour gap. That was just insane.
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
Cash bars. My family is very against open bars, and cash bars are normal and expected in my area. Guests who DO drink would walk out of a dry wedding reception (when due to cost, obviously not if the b&g are recovering alcoholics or something) because they brought cash to buy their drinks and want booze. They'd have dinner and leave to go to a bar.
Cash bars. My family is very against open bars, and cash bars are normal and expected in my area. Guests who DO drink would walk out of a dry wedding reception (when due to cost, obviously not if the b&g are recovering alcoholics or something) because they brought cash to buy their drinks and want booze. They'd have dinner and leave to go to a bar.
What a strange think to be against?
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
Cash bars. My family is very against open bars, and cash bars are normal and expected in my area. Guests who DO drink would walk out of a dry wedding reception (when due to cost, obviously not if the b&g are recovering alcoholics or something) because they brought cash to buy their drinks and want booze. They'd have dinner and leave to go to a bar.
What a strange think to be against?
Eh, not really. Neither of our parents would hear of us having an open bar - too much added liability, money (drinks cost $6-$7 each around here, and the only place we found that would do completely open instead of consumption started at $200 pp), and open bars are about as common as flying pigs so they were afraid of people getting a little stupid.
Oh wow, I feel like I would spend all my time exhausted if I had to care about half the shit that The Knot finds terribly offensive. Things I don't care about:
Having a wedding after being legally married (I refuse to call these 'pretty princess days', I find that using that name incredibly rude. There are so many reasons why someone might want to a have a wedding on a different day than they sign legal paperwork, and I consider standing in front of friends and family vowing to be with someone forever to be more important than signing a paper promising the government you'll pay your taxes jointly.)
Cash Bars
Honeymoon registries
Registry Info on the Invite
Gaps. Some of my best wedding memories are hanging out and having a beer on a patio with family I haven't seen in a while.
Saying 'adult only' on the invites
Dollar dances.
B-listing - you have limited room, and my choices are a) I have the couple tell me they thought about me and are glad they have the space to invite me after all, or b) I don't get invited at all and have the couple avoiding talk the wedding with me? Yeah, I'm grateful to be invited, thanks.
Any of the really ridiculous victimless crime ones like no tuxes before 6pm or printed labels on the invites. Seriously, who cares?
I'm sure I've missed some. I'm fortunate I have liked every single person who has invited me to their wedding, and I'm just happy celebrating such an important step in their lives with them. I don't really give a crap how that celebration happens.
I take PPD's on a case by case basis. I haven't really had to actually deal with on IRL.
Tip jars being set out don't bother me in that I won't judge the wedding couple for it. I will feel bad that I don't have cash to tip, but I usually give them the benefit of the doubt.
This is me too. Although I have deal with one in real life and it was known and we did attend.
We always tip bartenders regardless if there is a jar, but I still find them tacky.
Labels, tux before 6 even Adult only on invite I do not really care about. I don't care if female guests wear white or what any guest wears for that matter. I do not care if people choose to skip the ceremony and just attend the reception.
Things that affect the guests like cash only requests and/or registry inserts, cash bars, not enough chairs, not enough food for a meal during meal time and gaps are judge worthy and will be talked about for years to come, but they are not bad enough for me to not attend. Maybe leave early? Especially if it was a tri-fecta of a cash bar, lack of food and seats. Individually none would be worthy of leaving early.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
@AussieCat42 - this is exactly our line of thinking. It's too expensive per person to even make it worthwhile if it's a per person charge - most of my guests don't drink that much. Venues that are consumption-based are so expensive per drink (the places going by consumption add 20% to Northeast bar prices) and my family has literally told me "please don't do an open bar, we would rather have you and Mike put that money towards your own home" because open bar would literally almost double our wedding budget, or more.
You know the advice "know your guests?" Well, my guests have told me not to do an open bar. Future mother-in-law would be offended by one and she and my future father-in-law are contributing a significant amount to our wedding. They get a say in the planning.. So, I am respecting the wishes of my family and our parents by doing what all of our guests already expect and want.
Non-alcoholic drinks will be paid for. We're not monsters.
@AussieCat42 - this is exactly our line of thinking. It's too expensive per person to even make it worthwhile if it's a per person charge - most of my guests don't drink that much. Venues that are consumption-based are so expensive per drink (the places going by consumption add 20% to Northeast bar prices) and my family has literally told me "please don't do an open bar, we would rather have you and Mike put that money towards your own home" because open bar would literally almost double our wedding budget, or more.
You know the advice "know your guests?" Well, my guests have told me not to do an open bar. Future mother-in-law would be offended by one and she and my future father-in-law are contributing a significant amount to our wedding. They get a say in the planning.. So, I am respecting the wishes of my family and our parents by doing what all of our guests already expect and want.
Non-alcoholic drinks will be paid for. We're not monsters.
Interesting.
I come from a non-cash bar circle. They never happen, nor do I know a single person who would even consider them. Open bars date long before my own grandparent's wedding in 1930, so it's not something that is trendy. So it's a foreign concept to me for someone to be against a cash bar. Not that I don't get where they think it's not worth the costs. But against has a different tone to me.
My guests would never comment on how we choose to spend our money either. I would laugh in my parents or any guests for that matter faces if they asked me not to do something so I could spend money on something THEY think is more worthy. Our money, our choice.
Different strokes for different folks.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
@lyndausvi I can't quote (something wrong with a plugin on my browser) but "our money, our choice" goes both ways.
If my future in-laws want to help pay for 1/3 or more of our wedding, and their only request is to not do an open bar, I respect their wishes.
Our friends always bring cash for alcohol to weddings. It's what we do in our circle.
I fully understand having seats for all, food for all, but alcohol has never been "expected" in our circle. It's not hugely important to anyone as long as it's available somehow.
@lyndausvi they also commented because we were talking about weddings and changing etiquette expectations. It wasn't an out of the blue comment.
I get your parents are helping they do get a say. I forgot to mention that part above. I just find the emotion of 'offensive" when it comes to a open bar to be a little over the top. There is a lot of offensive behavior out there and providing for your guests is not one of them.
The thing with changing expectations is where will it end? Once you start charging guests for one thing someone will take it to the next level. Someone had to have had the first cash bar right? We have already seen it happen here with people suggesting guests paying for water, sodas and food.
It might be years away, but I feel that with cash bars becoming acceptable we are going to see guests paying for other things to be acceptable also.
That makes me really sad.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
@lyndausvi they also commented because we were talking about weddings and changing etiquette expectations. It wasn't an out of the blue comment.
I get your parents are helping they do get a say. I forgot to mention that part above. I just find the emotion of 'offensive" when it comes to a open bar to be a little over the top. There is a lot of offensive behavior out there and providing for your guests is not one of them.
The thing with changing expectations is where will it end? Once you start charging guests for one thing someone will take it to the next level. Someone had to have the first cash bar right? We have already seen it happen here with people suggesting guests paying for water, sodas and food.
It might be years away, but I feel that with cash bars becoming acceptable we are going to see guests paying for other things to be acceptable also.
That makes me really sad.
If you come from a family where open bars are common historically, I can see where you might get that idea. But that isn't true everywhere - in the 1910s to 1930s, your family might have been hosting full weddings with open bars, but mine was busy making the change from being dirt-poor Eastern European farmers to being dirt-poor Canadian farmers. Weddings were cake, and people brought their own beer to celebrate with if they wanted it. Providing guests with alcohol has never been an expectation in my family, which is why I find it really hard to relate to where you're coming from.
I also disagree that this means suddenly people will start charging for food, as well. Liquor is and always has been a luxury, not a necessity. People still feel it's important to provide necessities for their guests - but they don't feel its necessary to provide a luxury. Cash bars just allow them to keep the option open for guests to choose.
@lyndausvi I wholeheartedly disagree with you. Cash bars aren't new for us - our families have never been particularly wealthy and we pay for our own booze. If anything, we've upped our wedding spending by going to a fancy venue with onsite catering rather than going to a VFW and bringing in our own. For the record, some of the best events I've been to have been hosted this way - and they were amazing! Always with a cash bar, too, for what it's worth. This wasn't meant as an insult to VFW halls, they're just cheaper than your average wedding venue.
Some people's social circles prioritize booze. Ours have it available for those who partake but would rather have a delicious meal served to all (and guests would never be expected to pay for food, ever. That's not a wedding, that's a dinner out with friends)
Oh wow, I feel like I would spend all my time exhausted if I had to care about half the shit that The Knot finds terribly offensive. Things I don't care about:
Having a wedding after being legally married (I refuse to call these 'pretty princess days', I find that using that name incredibly rude. There are so many reasons why someone might want to a have a wedding on a different day than they sign legal paperwork, and I consider standing in front of friends and family vowing to be with someone forever to be more important than signing a paper promising the government you'll pay your taxes jointly.)
Cash Bars
Honeymoon registries
Registry Info on the Invite
Gaps. Some of my best wedding memories are hanging out and having a beer on a patio with family I haven't seen in a while.
Saying 'adult only' on the invites
Dollar dances.
B-listing - you have limited room, and my choices are a) I have the couple tell me they thought about me and are glad they have the space to invite me after all, or b) I don't get invited at all and have the couple avoiding talk the wedding with me? Yeah, I'm grateful to be invited, thanks.
Any of the really ridiculous victimless crime ones like no tuxes before 6pm or printed labels on the invites. Seriously, who cares?
I'm sure I've missed some. I'm fortunate I have liked every single person who has invited me to their wedding, and I'm just happy celebrating such an important step in their lives with them. I don't really give a crap how that celebration happens.
I don't really want to do this song and dance all over again, but if that goddamn legal status isn't important, then don't sign the fucking paperwork. If saying your vows for religious reasons or in front of your parents is more important to you as an individual, fine. But don't act like the paperwork isn't important. It is. There are millions of spouses out there who have said their vows in front of their family but don't get the benefits of that legal status like health care, visitation rights, and the occasional tax break for being legally married.
Oh wow, I feel like I would spend all my time exhausted if I had to care about half the shit that The Knot finds terribly offensive. Things I don't care about:
Having a wedding after being legally married (I refuse to call these 'pretty princess days', I find that using that name incredibly rude. There are so many reasons why someone might want to a have a wedding on a different day than they sign legal paperwork, and I consider standing in front of friends and family vowing to be with someone forever to be more important than signing a paper promising the government you'll pay your taxes jointly.)
Cash Bars
Honeymoon registries
Registry Info on the Invite
Gaps. Some of my best wedding memories are hanging out and having a beer on a patio with family I haven't seen in a while.
Saying 'adult only' on the invites
Dollar dances.
B-listing - you have limited room, and my choices are a) I have the couple tell me they thought about me and are glad they have the space to invite me after all, or b) I don't get invited at all and have the couple avoiding talk the wedding with me? Yeah, I'm grateful to be invited, thanks.
Any of the really ridiculous victimless crime ones like no tuxes before 6pm or printed labels on the invites. Seriously, who cares?
I'm sure I've missed some. I'm fortunate I have liked every single person who has invited me to their wedding, and I'm just happy celebrating such an important step in their lives with them. I don't really give a crap how that celebration happens.
I don't really want to do this song and dance all over again, but if that goddamn legal status isn't important, then don't sign the fucking paperwork. If saying your vows for religious reasons or in front of your parents is more important to you as an individual, fine. But don't act like the paperwork isn't important. It is. There are millions of spouses out there who have said their vows in front of their family but don't get the benefits of that legal status like health care, visitation rights, and the occasional tax break for being legally married.
Nobody is saying it's not important, but it's not the only part. If it was, the. Everyone would have tiny court house weddings and save a lot of god damn money. To some people they enjoy the full wedding, whether they are completing the legal part at the same time or at a different part. It doesn't belittle their wedding experience, and it in now way affect the sanctity of someone else's marriage. People choosing to do things differently than you, doesn't make it wrong.
chibiyui said:
AussieCat42 said:
Oh wow, I feel like I would spend all my time exhausted if I had to care about half the shit that The Knot finds terribly offensive. Things I don't care about:Having a wedding after being legally married (I refuse to call these 'pretty princess days', I find that using that name incredibly rude. There are so many reasons why someone might want to a have a wedding on a different day than they sign legal paperwork, and I consider standing in front of friends and family vowing to be with someone forever to be more important than signing a paper promising the government you'll pay your taxes jointly.) Cash BarsHoneymoon registriesRegistry Info on the InviteGaps. Some of my best wedding memories are hanging out and having a beer on a patio with family I haven't seen in a while.Saying 'adult only' on the invitesDollar dances. B-listing - you have limited room, and my choices are a) I have the couple tell me they thought about me and are glad they have the space to invite me after all, or b) I don't get invited at all and have the couple avoiding talk the wedding with me? Yeah, I'm grateful to be invited, thanks.Any of the really ridiculous victimless crime ones like no tuxes before 6pm or printed labels on the invites. Seriously, who cares? I'm sure I've missed some. I'm fortunate I have liked every single person who has invited me to their wedding, and I'm just happy celebrating such an important step in their lives with them. I don't really give a crap how that celebration happens.
I don't really want to do this song and dance all over again, but if that goddamn legal status isn't important, then don't sign the fucking paperwork. If saying your vows for religious reasons or in front of your parents is more important to you as an individual, fine. But don't act like the paperwork isn't important. It is. There are millions of spouses out there who have said their vows in front of their family but don't get the benefits of that legal status like health care, visitation rights, and the occasional tax break for being legally married. _________________Box isn't working__________________________
I'm not saying that legal status isn't important; you're right in that I shouldn't have dismissed it like that. I celebrated hard with my aunt when she got the right to marry her wife 12 years ago now. But the thing is, the personal and spiritual ceremony is also important. It's a huge right of passage, it's a ritual, and a lot of people find it vital to connect to their community and their families with that tradition - if it wasn't, everyone would just get married at the courthouse. And if they need the rights of being a spouse before that ceremony can take place? I find it very cruel to tell someone they can't participate in that right of passage because it happens to occur on a different day than they sign the legal papers.
Oh wow, I feel like I would spend all my time exhausted if I had to care about half the shit that The Knot finds terribly offensive. Things I don't care about:
Having a wedding after being legally married (I refuse to call these 'pretty princess days', I find that using that name incredibly rude. There are so many reasons why someone might want to a have a wedding on a different day than they sign legal paperwork, and I consider standing in front of friends and family vowing to be with someone forever to be more important than signing a paper promising the government you'll pay your taxes jointly.)
Cash Bars
Honeymoon registries
Registry Info on the Invite
Gaps. Some of my best wedding memories are hanging out and having a beer on a patio with family I haven't seen in a while.
Saying 'adult only' on the invites
Dollar dances.
B-listing - you have limited room, and my choices are a) I have the couple tell me they thought about me and are glad they have the space to invite me after all, or b) I don't get invited at all and have the couple avoiding talk the wedding with me? Yeah, I'm grateful to be invited, thanks.
Any of the really ridiculous victimless crime ones like no tuxes before 6pm or printed labels on the invites. Seriously, who cares?
I'm sure I've missed some. I'm fortunate I have liked every single person who has invited me to their wedding, and I'm just happy celebrating such an important step in their lives with them. I don't really give a crap how that celebration happens.
I don't really want to do this song and dance all over again, but if that goddamn legal status isn't important, then don't sign the fucking paperwork. If saying your vows for religious reasons or in front of your parents is more important to you as an individual, fine. But don't act like the paperwork isn't important. It is. There are millions of spouses out there who have said their vows in front of their family but don't get the benefits of that legal status like health care, visitation rights, and the occasional tax break for being legally married.
Nobody is saying it's not important, but it's not the only part. If it was, the. Everyone would have tiny court house weddings and save a lot of god damn money. To some people they enjoy the full wedding, whether they are completing the legal part at the same time or at a different part. It doesn't belittle their wedding experience, and it in now way affect the sanctity of someone else's marriage. People choosing to do things differently than you, doesn't make it wrong.
I never said doing things differently was wrong. I really don't care if you're married before your wedding ceremony as long as you tell me/own up to it. But don't get all "Oh it's rude to assume about other people" and then diminish the importance of legal status in a country that still discriminates against same sex couples. Fuck that noise. If you don't think the legal status is important, then don't sign the paperwork. Don't be all "Oh we NEEDED the health insurance, but the paperwork isn't important." Bitch, that paperwork gave you the insurance, IT IS IMPORTANT.
Oh wow, I feel like I would spend all my time exhausted if I had to care about half the shit that The Knot finds terribly offensive. Things I don't care about:
Having a wedding after being legally married (I refuse to call these 'pretty princess days', I find that using that name incredibly rude. There are so many reasons why someone might want to a have a wedding on a different day than they sign legal paperwork, and I consider standing in front of friends and family vowing to be with someone forever to be more important than signing a paper promising the government you'll pay your taxes jointly.)
Cash Bars
Honeymoon registries
Registry Info on the Invite
Gaps. Some of my best wedding memories are hanging out and having a beer on a patio with family I haven't seen in a while.
Saying 'adult only' on the invites
Dollar dances.
B-listing - you have limited room, and my choices are a) I have the couple tell me they thought about me and are glad they have the space to invite me after all, or b) I don't get invited at all and have the couple avoiding talk the wedding with me? Yeah, I'm grateful to be invited, thanks.
Any of the really ridiculous victimless crime ones like no tuxes before 6pm or printed labels on the invites. Seriously, who cares?
I'm sure I've missed some. I'm fortunate I have liked every single person who has invited me to their wedding, and I'm just happy celebrating such an important step in their lives with them. I don't really give a crap how that celebration happens.
I don't really want to do this song and dance all over again, but if that goddamn legal status isn't important, then don't sign the fucking paperwork. If saying your vows for religious reasons or in front of your parents is more important to you as an individual, fine. But don't act like the paperwork isn't important. It is. There are millions of spouses out there who have said their vows in front of their family but don't get the benefits of that legal status like health care, visitation rights, and the occasional tax break for being legally married.
Nobody is saying it's not important, but it's not the only part. If it was, the. Everyone would have tiny court house weddings and save a lot of god damn money. To some people they enjoy the full wedding, whether they are completing the legal part at the same time or at a different part. It doesn't belittle their wedding experience, and it in now way affect the sanctity of someone else's marriage. People choosing to do things differently than you, doesn't make it wrong.
I never said doing things differently was wrong. I really don't care if you're married before your wedding ceremony as long as you tell me/own up to it. But don't get all "Oh it's rude to assume about other people" and then diminish the importance of legal status in a country that still discriminates against same sex couples. Fuck that noise. If you don't think the legal status is important, then don't sign the paperwork. Don't be all "Oh we NEEDED the health insurance, but the paperwork isn't important." Bitch, that paperwork gave you the insurance, IT IS IMPORTANT.
-------------------------------------------damn boxes not working
I never said anything about it being rude to assume about other people. I DID say that the legal part is important, and agree their are people who are denied these right. I said and I will say it again, it's not the only part! People feel very strongly about the ceremony and the vows, people feel very strongly about the religious aspect, people feel strongly about sharing that moment with people they love. That's why those group that are discriminated against on the legal side still choose to have the ceremony. Because there is still meaning to the ceremony and vows without the legal side. They deserve the legal piece and I hope to hell they get all the rights soon, it affects many people I consider dear to my heart. None of them would call someone's wedding or celebration or ceremony a PPD because they understand how important all the pieces of a wedding are and how there are many many important pieces to the marriage.
Oh wow, I feel like I would spend all my time exhausted if I had to care about half the shit that The Knot finds terribly offensive. Things I don't care about:
Having a wedding after being legally married (I refuse to call these 'pretty princess days', I find that using that name incredibly rude. There are so many reasons why someone might want to a have a wedding on a different day than they sign legal paperwork, and I consider standing in front of friends and family vowing to be with someone forever to be more important than signing a paper promising the government you'll pay your taxes jointly.)
Cash Bars
Honeymoon registries
Registry Info on the Invite
Gaps. Some of my best wedding memories are hanging out and having a beer on a patio with family I haven't seen in a while.
Saying 'adult only' on the invites
Dollar dances.
B-listing - you have limited room, and my choices are a) I have the couple tell me they thought about me and are glad they have the space to invite me after all, or b) I don't get invited at all and have the couple avoiding talk the wedding with me? Yeah, I'm grateful to be invited, thanks.
Any of the really ridiculous victimless crime ones like no tuxes before 6pm or printed labels on the invites. Seriously, who cares?
I'm sure I've missed some. I'm fortunate I have liked every single person who has invited me to their wedding, and I'm just happy celebrating such an important step in their lives with them. I don't really give a crap how that celebration happens.
I don't really want to do this song and dance all over again, but if that goddamn legal status isn't important, then don't sign the fucking paperwork. If saying your vows for religious reasons or in front of your parents is more important to you as an individual, fine. But don't act like the paperwork isn't important. It is. There are millions of spouses out there who have said their vows in front of their family but don't get the benefits of that legal status like health care, visitation rights, and the occasional tax break for being legally married.
I'm not saying that legal status isn't important; you're right in that I shouldn't have dismissed it like that. I celebrated hard with my aunt when she got the right to marry her wife 12 years ago now. But the thing is, the personal and spiritual ceremony is also important. It's a huge right of passage, it's a ritual, and a lot of people find it vital to connect to their community and their families with that tradition - if it wasn't, everyone would just get married at the courthouse. And if they need the rights of being a spouse before that ceremony can take place? I find it very cruel to tell someone they can't participate in that right of passage because it happens to occur on a different day than they sign the legal papers.
EDIT: Boxes are dumb tonight.
And few people care as long as you're honest about it. I might judge you if you're reasoning is because it was more convenient for a destination wedding as opposed to say, insurance for an unplanned pregnancy, but if you're honest about it I will celebrate joyously with you.
If you're going to lie about being legally married though, then I think being labeled a "princess" is the kindest term for you.
Re: etiquette faux pas that don't bother you
I find dollar dances tacky, but they don't bother me too much since I can opt out.
Nicely asking guests help out, as long as it's not something too laborious, and looked down upon if one declines.
Using "half-past" instead of "half-after" in invitation wording.
Printed labels on envelopes.
Requesting unplugged weddings.
Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.
Anything related to what other people are wearing provided that the person wearing it chose to wear what they are wearing.
Gaps mostly because I personally would rather have an hour or two of down time and have the party go later than vice versa. Except for the wedding with the 7 hour gap. That was just insane.
You know the advice "know your guests?" Well, my guests have told me not to do an open bar. Future mother-in-law would be offended by one and she and my future father-in-law are contributing a significant amount to our wedding. They get a say in the planning.. So, I am respecting the wishes of my family and our parents by doing what all of our guests already expect and want.
Non-alcoholic drinks will be paid for. We're not monsters.
Interesting.
If my future in-laws want to help pay for 1/3 or more of our wedding, and their only request is to not do an open bar, I respect their wishes.
Our friends always bring cash for alcohol to weddings. It's what we do in our circle.
I fully understand having seats for all, food for all, but alcohol has never been "expected" in our circle. It's not hugely important to anyone as long as it's available somehow.
We did a hosted bar of two kinds of beer, three kinds of wine, and champagne. (All other drinks (tea, coffee, soda) were also hosted, obvs.)
We couldn't have afforded a full open bar but would never have considered a cash bar.
Some people's social circles prioritize booze. Ours have it available for those who partake but would rather have a delicious meal served to all (and guests would never be expected to pay for food, ever. That's not a wedding, that's a dinner out with friends)
Nobody is saying it's not important, but it's not the only part. If it was, the. Everyone would have tiny court house weddings and save a lot of god damn money. To some people they enjoy the full wedding, whether they are completing the legal part at the same time or at a different part. It doesn't belittle their wedding experience, and it in now way affect the sanctity of someone else's marriage. People choosing to do things differently than you, doesn't make it wrong.
Cash BarsHoneymoon registriesRegistry Info on the InviteGaps. Some of my best wedding memories are hanging out and having a beer on a patio with family I haven't seen in a while.Saying 'adult only' on the invitesDollar dances. B-listing - you have limited room, and my choices are a) I have the couple tell me they thought about me and are glad they have the space to invite me after all, or b) I don't get invited at all and have the couple avoiding talk the wedding with me? Yeah, I'm grateful to be invited, thanks.Any of the really ridiculous victimless crime ones like no tuxes before 6pm or printed labels on the invites. Seriously, who cares?
I'm sure I've missed some. I'm fortunate I have liked every single person who has invited me to their wedding, and I'm just happy celebrating such an important step in their lives with them. I don't really give a crap how that celebration happens.
I don't really want to do this song and dance all over again, but if that goddamn legal status isn't important, then don't sign the fucking paperwork. If saying your vows for religious reasons or in front of your parents is more important to you as an individual, fine. But don't act like the paperwork isn't important. It is. There are millions of spouses out there who have said their vows in front of their family but don't get the benefits of that legal status like health care, visitation rights, and the occasional tax break for being legally married.
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I'm not saying that legal status isn't important; you're right in that I shouldn't have dismissed it like that. I celebrated hard with my aunt when she got the right to marry her wife 12 years ago now. But the thing is, the personal and spiritual ceremony is also important. It's a huge right of passage, it's a ritual, and a lot of people find it vital to connect to their community and their families with that tradition - if it wasn't, everyone would just get married at the courthouse. And if they need the rights of being a spouse before that ceremony can take place? I find it very cruel to tell someone they can't participate in that right of passage because it happens to occur on a different day than they sign the legal papers.
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I never said anything about it being rude to assume about other people. I DID say that the legal part is important, and agree their are people who are denied these right. I said and I will say it again, it's not the only part! People feel very strongly about the ceremony and the vows, people feel very strongly about the religious aspect, people feel strongly about sharing that moment with people they love. That's why those group that are discriminated against on the legal side still choose to have the ceremony. Because there is still meaning to the ceremony and vows without the legal side. They deserve the legal piece and I hope to hell they get all the rights soon, it affects many people I consider dear to my heart. None of them would call someone's wedding or celebration or ceremony a PPD because they understand how important all the pieces of a wedding are and how there are many many important pieces to the marriage.
If you're going to lie about being legally married though, then I think being labeled a "princess" is the kindest term for you.