Should bridesmaids pay for pre-wedding party (in lieu of wedding shower)?

koffee4 · April 2014

Greetings,
Instead of a wedding shower, our destination bride-to-be is requesting a masquerade themed party that starts at 7pm. She wanted the bridal party to take care of the entire expense for this party of 75 or more people, including food, beverages, alcohol, centerpieces, candy bar, tableware, menu cards, photo backdrop, favors, etc. The budget for the event totaled more than $2K at the last estimate. Many bridesmaids feel this is too much especially since this is a destination wedding. After hearing complaints and questions from the wedding party, she has reluctantly agreed to pay for food and alcohol but wants bridesmaids to pay for everything else. She insists this is not a reception but a party. This was originally supposed to be a medium sized gathering of family and friends but has become a party for everyone who can't attend the wedding. Please advise as how to proceed and or address the bride. By the way, she has requested (through her maid-of-honor) that no one call and ask her any questions/ discuss details about the shower. This process seems a little unethical do you think? Please help with any advice or suggestions?

NYCMercedes · April 2014

KAustin4 said:

Greetings, Instead of a wedding shower, our destination bride-to-be is requesting a masquerade themed cocktail party that starts at 7pm. She wanted the bridal party to take care of the entire expense for this party of 75 or more people, including food, beverages, alcohol, centerpieces, candy bar, tableware, menu cards, photo backdrop, favors, etc. The budget for the event totaled more than $2K at the last estimate. Many bridesmaids feel this is too much to ask, especially since this is a destination wedding and she requested to go to Vegas for the bachelorette party. We have thankfully talked her out of that. After hearing complaints and questions from the wedding party, she has reluctantly agreed to pay for food and alcohol but expects bridesmaids to pay for decorations, centerpieces, tableware, DJ, non-alcoholic beverages, candy bar, photo backdrop and cake. She insists this is not a "reception" but a party, but requested us to save space for a grooms cake. This was originally supposed to be a medium sized gathering of family and friends but has become a party for everyone who can't attend the wedding. We also received a visual and PowerPoint presentation at our first bridesmaids meeting that outlined the details of what she wanted at her "wedding shower". She even wanted the party on the weekend of one bridesmaid's 35th birthday which she knew wasn't a good weekend in advance. Please advise as how to proceed and or address the bride. By the way, she has requested (through her maid-of-honor) that no one call and ask her any questions/ discuss details about the shower. Any questions are to be addressed to the maid-of-honor, who will ask the bride, and we will get answers in that manner. This process seems a little unethical for friends, do you think? Please help with any advice or suggestions? Sincerely, Future Maidzilla

You asked this before. All the answers were to excuse yourself from the wedding party.

singinchick13 · April 2014

NO. If someone in the wedding party OFFERS the bride the GIFT of a shower or party, the bride can accept but she cannot expect this or expect anyone to spend money they are not comfortable or have not OFFERED to spend.

kmmssg · April 2014

This is the FOURTH board you have posted this on. Same people read the same boards.

misshart00 · April 2014

Yeah, get out while you can.

JellyBean52513 · April 2014

The bride sounds like she wants to be Kim Kardashian. If I were you, I would decline participation and tell the bride directly that unfortunately I don't have the time/money/resources/desire to be a part of such an event.

sarahufl · April 2014

hahahahahahaha. No.

MobKaz · April 2014

kmmssg said:

This is the FOURTH board you have posted this on. Same people read the same boards.

@KAustin4, You have also posted on Pre-Wedding Parties, Moms and Maids, and Destination Weddings. It is NOT necessary to post the same question on multiple boards. IF you do post an identical question, please place "XP" at the start of your title.

It would be helpful if you could go back to your posts and edit them for clarification.

[Deleted User] · April 2014

mobkaz said:

kmmssg said:

This is the FOURTH board you have posted this on. Same people read the same boards.

@KAustin4, You have also posted on Pre-Wedding Parties, Moms and Maids, and Destination Weddings. It is NOT necessary to post the same question on multiple boards. IF you do post an identical question, please place "XP" at the start of your title.

It would be helpful if you could go back to your posts and edit them for clarification.

Besides, you've gotten your answer. Everyone has told you to run like the wind. Are you trying to start shit, or are you waiting for the "right" answer?

MGP · April 2014

You gave better details on this post compared to the other boards. You made it sound like Bridezilla wanted a pre ceremony "reception" at the destination site (like immediately before the ceremony), now it sounds more like this is a "reception" before the actual event for those not making the trip to the destination wedding (which is still very, very stupid). All of it is all sorts of wrong and my response still stays. This bride needs to be beaten seven shades of sh*t.

However - just for my own (and I am sure others) curiosity - do you mean that the entire event would be $2K or $2K each? Because $2K for 75 people seems really low for everything you listed.

Either way - run like the wind!!

SP29 · April 2014

Holy crap! This sounds like a wedding reception- it'll have more guests than my wedding did! $2K is a very low price, and I would question if there are numbers missing.

You need to tell the bride that you are not comfortable spending this amount of money.

You are not required to spend any money on any pre-wedding parties (or attend, so you can also tell her that you can't go), but if you are agreeable to contribute, you can tell her that you have a budget of $X for this event, or all events.

Showers and bacchelorette parties are supposed to be offered, not demanded. If they are offered, it is up to the person offering to decide on what they are comfortable hosting.

lyndausvi · April 2014

Run, run far, far away.

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

Get out. This bride is insanely rude. You don't get to ask demand that people throw parties for you. That's not what you signed up for. She also doesn't get to demand a certain shower, certain type of bachelorette party, or anything else. Nor does she get to plan them herself and then order you to follow through.

Seriously, this bride is no friend. She's using you for your money. Get out, walk away, and thank your lucky stars you saw the light in time.

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2014

Run far away.

Tell the bride to go fuck herself.

Stop posting the same damn question on multiple boards.

Should bridesmaids pay for pre-wedding party (in lieu of wedding shower)?

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