Problems w/ MOH...

cbooker8912 · April 2014

Ok, so my MOH has decided to plan her wedding for the week after mine, after accepting the position of MOH. Personally, I feel like she is going to be too busy planning her own wedding to participate in mine. Am I being too mean when i think about replacing her? Or should I wait for her to realize she can't do both? I say can't because she is bi polar and doesn't handle stress very well. Maybe she should be a BM instead?

On another note, the same girl wants me in her wedding. Which is country themed, cowboy boots and lacey frilly dresses and hats and all. I have never owned or worn a pair of cowboy boots (cowgirl?), and definitely don't think it is fair to have to pay for the $200 pair she wants us to wear. I love her, but I feel like she's doing too much. In my wedding, the dress is required, and the shoes optional. If you don't like the shoes I chose, feel free to get/wear a black pump that you already have. Hair and nails up to them, but I'd prefer nails the same color. So if I need to go buy a bottle of nail polish and we all share it, fine

.

Any ideas on what I should do in these situations??

Any help is appreciated!

~Aries

KeptInStitches · April 2014

You each get one day. It would be unreasonable to replace her, and that is a friendship-ending move.

I think she is asking too much to require you to pay for $200 cowboy boots. Special footwear like that, she should be paying for it. Is there any way you can wear a knockoff boot, something that perhaps "looks" like a cowboy boot but isn't one?

hlvonb · April 2014

cbooker8912 said:

Ok, so my MOH has decided to plan her wedding for the week after mine, after accepting the position of MOH. Personally, I feel like she is going to be too busy planning her own wedding to participate in mine. Am I being too mean when i think about replacing her? Or should I wait for her to realize she can't do both? I say can't because she is bi polar and doesn't handle stress very well. Maybe she should be a BM instead?

On another note, the same girl wants me in her wedding. Which is country themed, cowboy boots and lacey frilly dresses and hats and all. I have never owned or worn a pair of cowboy boots (cowgirl?), and definitely don't think it is fair to have to pay for the $200 pair she wants us to wear. I love her, but I feel like she's doing too much. In my wedding, the dress is required, and the shoes optional. If you don't like the shoes I chose, feel free to get/wear a black pump that you already have. Hair and nails up to them, but I'd prefer nails the same color. So if I need to go buy a bottle of nail polish and we all share it, fine .

Any ideas on what I should do in these situations??
Any help is appreciated!

~Aries

@cbooker8912

I agree with everything @KeptInStitches said

Viczaesar · April 2014

cbooker8912 said:

Ok, so my MOH has decided to plan her wedding for the week after mine, after accepting the position of MOH. Personally, I feel like she is going to be too busy planning her own wedding to participate in mine. Am I being too mean when i think about replacing her? Or should I wait for her to realize she can't do both? I say can't because she is bi polar and doesn't handle stress very well. Maybe she should be a BM instead?
It is not her job to participate in your wedding aside from actually showing up to it. You're not being mean when you think about replacing her, you're being self-absorbed and unspeakably rude. She absolutely can do both. Being a MOH is in no way more stressful than being a BM. The requirements for the both are exactly the same - show up to the wedding on time and in the required attire, which should be picked out with their budget and comfort in mind.

On another note, the same girl wants me in her wedding. Which is country themed, cowboy boots and lacey frilly dresses and hats and all. I have never owned or worn a pair of cowboy boots (cowgirl?), and definitely don't think it is fair to have to pay for the $200 pair she wants us to wear.
You're in the right here; the bride can only dictate the dress, not require you to buy certain shoes. Just say no.
I love her, but I feel like she's doing too much. In my wedding, the dress is required, and the shoes optional. If you don't like the shoes I chose, feel free to get/wear a black pump that you already have. Hair and nails up to them, but I'd prefer nails the same color. So if I need to go buy a bottle of nail polish and we all share it, fine .
Dictating nail color is going too far. You get to pick the dress and a neutral shoe color, that's it.
Any ideas on what I should do in these situations??
Any help is appreciated!

~Aries

delujm0 · April 2014

As PP said, you get one day, she ges one day. Replacing her would be a friendship ending move. i am in a wedding two weks before my own wedding, and that bride is in my wedding two weeks after her own (and the day after she gets back from her HM). Neither of us is concerned about this in the least.

She shouldn't require you to buy a $200 pair of shoes that you'll never wear again. If she wants you in boots, she shold either be buying them for you or at a MINIMUM considering the cost of the boots in with the dress in the budget that you gave her (so if you said "i can spend $200" that would have to include dress and shoes and she can pick each accordingly. Though from the sound of it i'm guessing she hasn't asked for anyone's budget at this point).

Same nail color? seriously? There is almost NO chance of anyone noticing the BMs manicures at your wedding. let them do whatever they want to.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

cbooker8912 said:

Ok, so my MOH has decided to plan her wedding for the week after mine, after accepting the position of MOH. Personally, I feel like she is going to be too busy planning her own wedding to participate in mine. There shouldn't be anything she needs to plan or do the week before her own wedding. . . which would be the week of your wedding. It should be fine. Conversely, there shouldn't be anything she needs to plan or do for YOUR wedding either, other than show up for your ceremony. I don't think rehearsals are even a big deal, because let's face it- adults can figure out how to walk down an aisle and where to stand. Am I being too mean when i think about replacing her? Yes, do not do this! That is a friendship ending move! Or should I wait for her to realize she can't do both? There 's no reason she can't do both. I say can't because she is bi polar and doesn't handle stress very well. Maybe she should be a BM instead? Those are not your decisions to make for her.

On another note, the same girl wants me in her wedding. Which is country themed, cowboy boots and lacey frilly dresses and hats and all. I have never owned or worn a pair of cowboy boots (cowgirl?), and definitely don't think it is fair to have to pay for the $200 pair she wants us to wear. I agree. I don't wear or own western boots and would never buy a pair just for a wedding. Send your friend over here, and we will let her know that if she is requiring you gals to wear western boots and hats, then she needs to buy them for you all. If she refuses and insists you wear them, I'd personally decline to be in that wedding. I love her, but I feel like she's doing too much. In my wedding, the dress is required, and the shoes optional. If you don't like the shoes I chose, feel free to get/wear a black pump that you already have. Hair and nails up to them, but I'd prefer nails the same color. So if I need to go buy a bottle of nail polish and we all share it, fine .

Any ideas on what I should do in these situations??
Any help is appreciated!

~Aries

singinchick13 · April 2014

I am bi-polar as well and am an extremely organized person. I personally would not choose a wedding date the week after my friend's but she has and you should respect her wishes. There is nothing so daunting about being a MOH so your question makes no sense. All that is required of her is the same thing required of all bridesmaids, to show up on time in the dress sober and smile for pictures. If one day of doing this detracts from her wedding planning there is a serious problem, especially since she has already committed to it. If it is too much then it is her job to let you know if she is feeling overwhelmed.

msdidonato · April 2014

I was asked to be in a wedding, ,then I ended up planning mine for several weeks prior to hers. She was not going to be in my wedding.

I told my MOH that all my friends events came before mine since hers was scheduled prior to mine.

Sadly, my friend thought I was " Stealing her thunder" and ended our 5 year friendship. She actually told me that I don't care about her or her wedding.

Like pp mentioned, you get one day. Either way, it is only several hours and the wedding is really about the marriage. Don't end a friendship over a wedding ceremony.

AddieCake · April 2014

I can't get over you wanting your bridesmaids in the same nail color.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

AddieCake said:

I can't get over you wanting your bridesmaids in the same nail color.

Really? I must have missed this. That is cray-cray.

ei34 · April 2014

Don't stress about your friend being unable to plan her own wedding around yours- all she has to do for yours is show up on time in the right dress and smile for the pictures.
You're in the wrong expecting your BMs to have match nail polish (I've never once noticed a bride or BM's manicure) and your friend is wrong to require $200 boots.

afox007 · April 2014

cbooker8912 said:

Ok, so my MOH has decided to plan her wedding for the week after mine, after accepting the position of MOH. Personally, I feel like she is going to be too busy planning her own wedding to participate in mine. Am I being too mean when i think about replacing her? Or should I wait for her to realize she can't do both? I say can't because she is bi polar and doesn't handle stress very well. Maybe she should be a BM instead?

So what your saying is that if it were any of your other friends who weren't bipolar this wouldn't be an issue? There really isn't that much stress involved in being a MOH and it is not your place to determine that she can't handle it because of a MANAGEABLE mental disorder.

doeydo · April 2014

I blame Pinterest for the whole nail colour thing...

tammym1001 · April 2014

@doeydo - I'm not going to lie, I think that picture is adorable! I booked mani's for my girls the morning of the wedding so they would have something to do at the salon while I'm getting my makeup done (I'm paying for them) and my sister told her daughters they all had to get the same color polish. I'm like NO!!!! you guys can do whatever you want. I didn't book it so you could all match. LOL

[Deleted User] · April 2014

If anyone ever dictated how my nail colour had to be, I would laugh in their face - I have gel nails and I'll never paint over them!

Blue_Bird · April 2014

Do not kick her out or demote her. That's incredibly wrong. She can manage her own schedule. It's none of your concern.

As for the cowboy boots, tell her you simply can't afford them and won't purchase them.

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