Special Roles for Important People

KatWAG · April 2014

StefA8 said:

I am not worried about people "not knowing how to sign the guest book." What I am worried about - unfortunately - is someone with sticky fingers deciding to "lift" cards/gifts or anything else that doesn't belong to them. Unfortunately - it does happen, and I would like to take preventative action now, and not have to worry about that the day of the wedding. This has happened at churches and at reception locations in the state that we are from - and quite honestly, I don't want this to happen to us and our guests. We have so many people that are going to be attending the wedding ceremony/reception, that I feel that we would be better off appointing someone to be in charge of these items prior to the ceremony (then tucking them away until after the fact) so that if someone comes in claiming they are responsible for getting any gifts/cards to the reception site, there is absolutely no question about that. I know it's not the most wonderful job in the world - but to me, it's still very important. Unfortunately my fi, myself, and our parents won't have the time/mindset to worry about that the day of.

Then hire a DOC if you are that concerned.

arrippa · April 2014

StefA8 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

StefA8 said:

I am not worried about people "not knowing how to sign the guest book." What I am worried about - unfortunately - is someone with sticky fingers deciding to "lift" cards/gifts or anything else that doesn't belong to them. Unfortunately - it does happen, and I would like to take preventative action now, and not have to worry about that the day of the wedding. This has happened at churches and at reception locations in the state that we are from - and quite honestly, I don't want this to happen to us and our guests. We have so many people that are going to be attending the wedding ceremony/reception, that I feel that we would be better off appointing someone to be in charge of these items prior to the ceremony (then tucking them away until after the fact) so that if someone comes in claiming they are responsible for getting any gifts/cards to the reception site, there is absolutely no question about that. I know it's not the most wonderful job in the world - but to me, it's still very important. Unfortunately my fi, myself, and our parents won't have the time/mindset to worry about that the day of.
Your venue staff should be responsible for security. If they can't keep things from getting stolen, hire security. Asking your friends and family to work at your wedding is not acceptable.

Most people use a card box/cage so that individual cards can't be stolen and locate the gift table away from the door to avoid the possibility. You can have the venue staff secure everything in a back room during/after dinner.

It would just be at the ceremony location - the reception site is covered. However, bird cage/box - people have walked off with the entire cage/box. Some people straight up suck. I have not/will not hire a wedding planner/coordinator - especially after the way I saw the coordinator act at my cousin's wedding. She was rude to family/friends - and put a horrible taste in my mouth for ever wanting a coordinator or planner for my own wedding. Trust me when I say, I would love to take care of this myself, but as the bride, it's not really possible.

I appreciate the suggestions/advice.

Are you going to frisk your guests on the way out?

Look, if you ware not willing to hire someone to watch over things at the wedding, you cannot ask any of your guests to do this.

Please don't give your guests a job.Take it from a two time guest book attendant, it's humiliating and all I wanted to do is drink wine and mingle.

aurianna · April 2014

I've never taken a gift into the ceremony and never seen someone do it. Don't have a gift table in the ceremony room? The guest can just hold their present in their lap during the ceremony or take it back out to the car when they realize there's no place to put it at the ceremony. (though 99% of your guests won't bring in the present to the ceremony).

Once a guest gifts you a gift, it is your gift, and therefore it is your responsibility to take care of it. Guests come to a wedding to see you get married; not to guard your stuff / do whatever odd job there may be. Asking guests to be your security because you don't want to hire one isn't cool.

PPs have given very good suggestions. Possibly hire a DOC and put your gift table far away from the door.

zitiqueen · April 2014

Let your FI worry about the 600 guests and the gift table and the card box and the guestbook. According to you, they're all his family anyway.

Honestly, who in their right mind would have a 600-guest wedding but not hire a DOC?

StefA8 · April 2014

zitiqueen said:

Let your FI worry about the 600 guests and the gift table and the card box and the guestbook. According to you, they're all his family anyway.

Honestly, who in their right mind would have a 600-guest wedding but not hire a DOC?

I never said they were all his family. I said he has a very large family. And it was my choice not to hire a DOC.

zitiqueen said:

Let your FI worry about the 600 guests and the gift table and the card box and the guestbook. According to you, they're all his family anyway.

Honestly, who in their right mind would have a 600-guest wedding but not hire a DOC?

KatWAG · April 2014

@stefAB what are your reasons behind not wanting a DOC? I know you said a family had a bad experience with one but there are literally hundreds to choose from. Why would you want all that responsiblity/ stress/ pressure on your wedding day?

If you can afford to properly host 600 people, I am confident you could fine a few extra dollars in your budget for a DOC.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2014

Debate over whether a guestbook/gift table attendant is a position of honor aside, this doesn't sound like your typical attendant's role. If they are going to need to be providing what sounds like pretty intense security, you really need to hire a professional to watch over things. Hell, I'd rather lock the cage to the table with a bike lock than have one of my family members miss the ceremony to guard it.

I would give the family members you want to honor bouts/corsages, cordon off reserved seating for them at the front (since I doubt with such large families there will be reserved seating for ALL family, and with 600 guests they could otherwise end up quite far away), and maybe thank them by name if you and DH say a few words at your reception to thank everyone for coming.

zitiqueen · April 2014

StefA8 said:

zitiqueen said:

Let your FI worry about the 600 guests and the gift table and the card box and the guestbook. According to you, they're all his family anyway.

Honestly, who in their right mind would have a 600-guest wedding but not hire a DOC?

I never said they were all his family. I said he has a very large family. And it was my choice not to hire a DOC.

Are you a control freak? Because if this is the case, you are going to be absolutely miserable at your own wedding. And it will be all because of the choices you willingly made.

lilaries · April 2014

I went to a wedding where the bride wanted everyone in the family to have some sort of role in the wedding (small or big) well my sister and I ended up with multiple roles (not wanting to say no) where we had to be at the ceremony location 2 hrs before the wedding to pin the boutiners on the groomsmen (where we had to look nice and not in pjs or anything because the photographer was capturing this) and then be back at the ceremony location again prior to the wedding to hand out the programs and take gifts to the tables and direct people on where to go... and then again later with getting everyone to the room where the reception was... and after getting all the gifts and cards into the safe, and then into someones car. We were glad to help our cousin be less stressed on her wedding day knowing that we would take care of it.... but it seemed like a lot of work. And I decided then that I would only have a few do simple tasks (like a reading or handing out things or ushering, but one thing thats it you are done go be our guest and enjoy yourselves)

If you want to bring special attention to how wonderful they are and how great they have been and supporting your relationship, say so (at your rehearsal dinner, in your program, in your thank you speech)

May14TXbride · April 2014

And you say you don't want a day of coordinator, but what about just hiring security for the period of time you will be at the church. Problem solved

kitty8403 · April 2014

My mom mentioned the gift table thing the other day. At their wedding, she said it was very typical for guests to simply come up in person and quietly hand them cards and say something like, "Just so you know, there is money in this." Since they knew which items needed to be watched, it was simple enough to keep them on their persons or find a secure spot.

I'm not quite sure you realize how off-putting it is to basically tell someone, "I'm worried that people here will steal from me, so I want you (an honored guest) to make sure I get everything that's coming to me at my wedding so I can go enjoy my party." It's not an honor.

What you might do, other than hire staff, is tip off 4 or 5 trusted individuals so that there is usually somebody passing by and taking note of what is happening in that area. You could even seat close family nearby during dinner.

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