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just heard the term PPD. ...

Help! My fiance and I have planned our dream wedding. Invitations sent. Less then 2 months to go! Everything was going smoothly and perfectly, until my future father in law got incredibly ill. We have been told he will not make,it to our June wedding. So we are having a very small ceremony with our pastor in his ICU room tomorrow. Just so we can have him with us . It was so important to him to see us get married.
Does that make our June plans just a PPD?!
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Re: just heard the term PPD. ...

  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm sorry to hear about this! Unfortunately, this is a PPD.
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  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    AddieCake said:
    While technically it's a vow renewal and will also be a PPD, I have to say that I wouldn't side eye it one bit if I were a guest. And if you waffles kick me out of the cool kids table for that, so be it! ;)
    ^agree with this
    mrsfrosticles
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    As long as you are honest with your guests, I would not side eye any kind of celebration/reception on your original date.  I also think there is nothing wrong with wearing the dress again, but would avoid a cake cutting, first dance, etc. I am sorry for your FFIL.
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  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
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    First post ever...I feel like it's a WW set up....lol

                                                                     

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    mbross3
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    AddieCake said:
    Cake should never be avoided! Hush your mouth!

    PDKH said:
    Yeah, I'll just add that in this circumstance, I would not side-eye the dress wearing. 

    And I still NEVER understand why people say to avoid cutting the cake. Ceremonial cake cutting is done at tons of celebrations, not just wedding receptions. 
    Oh, HAVE the cake. Just don't have the DJ annouce it as your first act of husband and wife, blah blah. 
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  • Is the ceremony for your FFIL a legal ceremony with a license, or is your pastor just going through the motions for your FFIL? 
    One of your ceremonies is your REAL WEDDING.  It is the one in which you become legally man and wife.  If your second, planned ceremony is the legal one, it is not a PPD.  However, your FFIL would not really be witnessing you getting married, just saying vows to each other.  Maybe that isn't important, and I wouldn't quibble about it under the circumstances.
    I am sorry you are dealing with this.
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    mrsfrosticles
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Cake cuttings get announced as first acts of husband and wife? I have never seen that and would eye roll big time if I did.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    AddieCake said:
    Cake cuttings get announced as first acts of husband and wife? I have never seen that and would eye roll big time if I did.
    Yup never heard that either.

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm sorry to hear about your FFIL. 








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    mrsfrosticles
  • I really appreciate all the advice. Thank you. It's a very conflicting situation. Have FFIL there for the official ceremony, Or have our pastor go through the motions of for him. Both ways have their special aspects. I know how much everyone was looking forward to our June celebration. As was I. Very much so. But, to have FFIL witness it as a reality......Very conflicting. I don't want either day to be seen as a farce in any way. And I am not the sort to plan a PPD, I was horrified upon seeing it and what it meant. I'm leaning towards a spiritual ceremony for FFIL, and the official in June. Thank you.
    SBminichibiyui
  • Would it be acceptable for your FFIL to witness you making commitments to each other and having a blessing, but not get legally married until June?

    Either way, if you recite vows twice, one time is fake. You should be honest with everyone which one they are attending.

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  • I'm so sorry that you and your FI are going through this! I have lost a family member through cancer and I know that watching a sick family member is the most devastating thing. 

    You and your FI need to carefully consider what you want to do and what your FFIL wants as well. 

    Why are you making the decision to be married in the ICU? Is it because the most important thing is having FFIL witness your marriage? If the most important thing to you and your FI at this time is that FFIL is there to witness your marriage, then you should get married in his ICU. But you then need to acknowledge that this is what you did and you need to inform your guests that they will not be witnessing your marriage. Given the circumstances, I'm sure everyone will understand. If you decide to get married in the ICU it is because you and your FI want your FFIL to witness your marriage. Re-enacting it later would undermine the purpose of getting married with him as a witness. If you decide that you want to get married in the ICU--that is your wedding date. 

    I recommend that, if all of you decide that getting married in the ICU is what you want (make sure this is what FFIL wants as well...), send out marriage announcements to all of your guests and then host a wonderful party! Don't re-enact the wedding since you already acknowledged that the most important thing was having FFIL witness, not your other guests, but host them properly and celebrate your marriage!

    Again, so sorry for what you are going through!
    chibiyui[Deleted User]
  • I'm so sorry to hear this :( What does your FI think?
    KeptInStitches
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I am sorry to hear about your FFIL.  However, that does not make it OK to have two "weddings", because you cannot get married to the same person twice (unless you divorce your FI or something) so one of those "weddings" will be a fake, PPD.  Does your FFIL have anything to say about this?  For example, is he saying "Don't change your plans for me" sort of thing?
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    mbross3chibiyuilc07
  • I'm very sorry to hear about your FFIL, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding! If I were a guest who understood the circumstances, I would not think twice about going to your celebration in June! Your circumstances are more than understandable and frankly- if anyone decides to snub you because you aren't actually getting married- then forget them. They aren't worthy or your time and energy. Your circumstance is unique and you are doing a very nice thing to allow your FFIL to be witness to your ceremony. 
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  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'm sorry about your FFIL.

    I'm with Addie in that the thing is, you aren't doing this for selfish reasons. You aren't doing it because you're impatient, or for extra gifts or attention, or for benefits, or to keep family happy, or because you don't feel like figuring out how to do it when doing it in another country for a DW, or what have you. 

    It's true you can't get married twice for real, and you'll have to decide for yourself what the best thing is to do in your situation. Some PPs gave some good suggestions. As long as you're honest with people, I wouldn't side-eye it. 
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    mrsfrosticles
  • Help! My fiance and I have planned our dream wedding. Invitations sent. Less then 2 months to go! Everything was going smoothly and perfectly, until my future father in law got incredibly ill. We have been told he will not make,it to our June wedding. So we are having a very small ceremony with our pastor in his ICU room tomorrow. Just so we can have him with us . It was so important to him to see us get married. Does that make our June plans just a PPD?!
    Yes. I'm so sorry to hear about your FFIL. If it vital to him/you/your FI that he be at your wedding, then go ahead and do that, then either cancel what you previously planned, or if you want to not eat the deposits, just have a big celebration of your marriage - although under the current circumstances, maybe the family wouldn't be up for it so soon?

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  • MagicInk said:
    I'm with @addiecake, in this circumstance yeah it's a PPD, but I'm not even gonna think twice about it. And also cake is a go and someone should cut it.

    Can your offiecent in June say something along the lines of "Mrs. Frosticles and Mr. Frosticles were married on XX date in the presence of Mr. Frosticles father. As you all know he is no longer with us. The Frosticles are going to reaffirm the vows they took in front of him with all of you today", that way everyone knows what's going on and why.
    This. I would not side-eye this AT ALL. 
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I feel like if I were to do this, I'd look back on my wedding and just think about my fil dying.

    I would want to separate those events, not intertwine them more.
    Maggie0829
  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    MagicInk said:
    I'm with @addiecake, in this circumstance yeah it's a PPD, but I'm not even gonna think twice about it. And also cake is a go and someone should cut it.

    Can your offiecent in June say something along the lines of "Mrs. Frosticles and Mr. Frosticles were married on XX date in the presence of Mr. Frosticles father. As you all know he is no longer with us. The Frosticles are going to reaffirm the vows they took in front of him with all of you today", that way everyone knows what's going on and why.
    This. I would not side-eye this AT ALL. 
    The drawback to that would be that it would draw attention to the fact that he isn't there, which would be a sad thought at what should be a happy occassion.
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  • I feel like if I were to do this, I'd look back on my wedding and just think about my fil dying. I would want to separate those events, not intertwine them more.
    If this is how you feel--then you should wait to be married as originally planned in June. 

    If you get married in front of you FFIL, that will be your wedding date--no matter what you go through with in June, whether it's a party or a re-enactment of your wedding, you will already be married. 

    If you want to separate the two events, talk with your FI and FFIL. Maybe FFIL will spend some time with both of you, give you his blessing, best wishes, etc. That can take many different forms--it doesn't have to be in the form of a wedding. 

    Either way you decide to go, I think you will be able to look back on a happy wedding day- as you will be marrying your FI! If you get married in front of your FFIL, then you can look back on a wonderful June celebration of your earlier wedding. If you get married in June you can look back to the time you had with FFIL and knowing that he supported you and gave you his best wishes. 
  • SteffJaySteffJay member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    edited May 2014
    i seriously don't get why having a party later means that you can't have a white dress or cut a cake. it's still a party, so eat some damn cake. and cut it too, if you want, since your the host and the party is still celebrating your marriage, even if it's not a wedding reception. wear whatever dress you want, just don't have a fake wedding ceremony in it.

    i don't see whats so bad about these small reception elements. as long as your being truthful, who cares?

    EDIT: this isn't about comments on THIS post, necessarily, it's more based on ones i've seen on all posts on this forum.
  • Hi everyone!
    Thank you all for your thoughts and advice.
    Here's what happened and will happen. We did in fact say " I do" on April 30th in the hospital chapel in a beautiful private ceremony. It was the last time,my father in law was coherent. And we are beyond happy with our choice. He was thrilled to be a part of our day.
    In June, because there are children,from a previous marriage, we will have a sand ceremony symbolizing our families becoming one inseparable family. And we will have a dinner and there will be dancing . And that first dance between my new husband and I will in fact be our first dance as husband and wife.
    We are happy we were able to be able to share th I day with both of our fathers. And all of our friends and family are still very excited about our upcoming June celebration and also support our decision. Thank you again!
    ~Mrs.frosticles
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