My fiance and I are both from very religious families. We still count ourselves as Christian, but have veered away from a lot of the more conservative aspects of our parents' practicing faith. My fiance has two uncles on his side who are both ministers, and I feel that we are probably supposed to ask one of them to officiate - pretty sure his family is expecting that. However, I'm worried that if we let someone much more conservative than ourselves do the ceremony, things will be handled in a way we don't agree with (most importantly, that our vows or readings will include passages about the wife submitting to the husband in all things).
I would feel more comfortable with someone who I could give specific directions to about what I do and don't want said. If I do let one of the uncles officiate, would it be rude for me to tell him exactly what he's allowed to say? Or should I just try to be diplomatic about finding someone who is less set in their own beliefs, which differ from mine?