Sacrifices to host a wedding properly

melbenso · May 2014

In light of the fact that the "Etiquette Deal Breakers" got taken over and turned into "I can't give up my perfect day and that's just too bad for my guests. They should be happy I invited them," I thought it might be helpful for us to share - for the new people - the choices that we made to host our guests properly, as at least a few people did on the original thread. It seems some people don't realize that you can have a nice wedding and reception and still host guests properly.

So...

-FI and I had an original guest list of over 350 people we wanted to invite. We knew that would be way over our budget. We broke that down into 3 lists: MUST be there (family, close friends), really want there, and it would be nice if we could invite.... Our goal was an invite list of about 150. We started with our "must" list and added some, but not all of the "really want there list" and didn't even touch the "it would be nice list." At the end, we had a list of about 140 and we sent them Save the Dates. Since that time, we added a few people that we spend more time with as the wedding approached, but we still only invited 150. (All of whom we decided to invite before we sent out invitations.)

-We spent a lot of time looking for a venue that was in our budget that offered good food. We found one that was in our budget and that we loved. The trade off: we really wanted to get married downtown in the city that we live in. That just wasn't feasible for what we could afford. So we chose a lovely venue a little bit out of town.

-We decided on a plated meal (less expensive than buffet at our venue) and instead of offering three or four meal choices (extra fees per plate per extra meal choice), decided to offer a chicken and a vegetarian option, since every one of our guests can eat at least one of these options. We picked the option for each of these that everyone at our tasting liked the best, figuring that offering a limited number of excellent food choices was better than offering a larger number of mediocre ones.

-We were originally planning on hosting a beer and wine open bar only. Thanks to a monetary gift from my parents, we are now able to host some liquor as well. However, we will not have "premium" liquor served, just "call" (mid level) and "well" will be available. All non-alcoholic beverages will be hosted. We are skipping the champagne toast. No one will open their wallet for a drink.

-We are skipping favors, menus, programs, and chair covers, etc. These things are nice, but not the best use of our money. By cutting them all out, we had another $1000 or so to spend on food and drinks.

-We chose a venue that offers a basic centerpiece as a part of it's package. Rather than spend hundreds on floral centerpieces that could otherwise be used to host our guests, we are simply getting loose flower petals to be scattered around the already existing candle centerpieces. It will still be pretty, but will cost about $75.

-The venue we chose will also be for our ceremony, reception, and has rooms for guests to stay in if they choose. Parking is free. So no transportation costs for us.

-Found a local, recent culinary school grad to make our cake, rather than a fancy wedding bakery. (We actually liked her cake better too). We ordered a small, simple tiered cake to cut: butter cream icing, frosting flowers and will have a kitchen sheet cake for extra servings. Not only does her cake cost less, but since she is local there are no delivery fees. Our venue also offers a dessert as part of any meal package, so our guests will have two dessert options (and enough for each to have both) for significantly less than it would have cost to get one cake elsewhere.

-We are changing our reception start time slightly so that there will be no gap. This means our reception will end slightly earlier, but that is ok. All group photos will be done during a hosted cocktail hour or before the ceremony so guests will not have to wait around for us. We hope we can make the tail end of cocktail hour. But if we can't, no big deal. We will be doing a receiving line after the ceremony but before the photos, so that we have the opportunity to thank all of our guests personally for coming.

EDT: added paragraph breaks between items to make it more readable.

kmmssg · May 2014

I would HATE to attend a wedding like that....said NO ONE EVER.

You are an awesome, thoughtful bride.

Simply Fated · May 2014

I haven't thrown a wedding (yet?), but I did throw a bridal shower. Do you mind if I share that one?

I had to change the venue to accommodate the guest list. I just couldn't afford all those people at the restaurant we wanted. And I knew that having her loved ones there was more important than the location. So, instead of our dream location, we went with a perfectly nice alternative and the guests were still provided with good food and drinks.
It always bothers me when brides say, "We found the perfect venue, but it only fits X people. So we HAVE to have a B-list..." No, no you don't. A venue isn't "perfect" if it isn't perfect.

phira · May 2014

Exactly. So many times, threads devolve into new posters insisting that it's their special day and they're not wealthy enough to follow the etiquette guidelines we stress.

Here's what we're doing for our wedding:

- We actually started with a bare bones guest list. There are lots of people we're not inviting (coworkers, a lot of our college friends, friends' parents) who we'd like to invite.

- We picked an off-season Sunday and selected a venue that would give us a discount for picking that date.

- We desperately wanted to get married within the city limits of Boston. Barring that, we wanted a venue that was easily accessible on public transit. No venue that fit those requirements was within our price range for our bare minimum guest list. So we are getting married outside of Boston.

- We can't afford a full open bar all night, so we're having a limited open bar. A selection of inexpensive beers and wines will be available, as well as a few signature cocktails (selected so that we'll only have to pay for two kinds of liquor) and soft drinks and water.

harper0813 · May 2014

We had our cake made by a pastry chef at a restaurant who was young and starting a wedding cake business. She gave us a great price and the cake was amazing - but we only had two tiers and the rest was in sheet cakes in the kitchen.

We did not offer a full or premium bar - just two signature drinks, a red wine, a white wine and a selection of beers. Nothing else was available for purchase and everyone was perfectly happy.

No garter, no toss bouquet.

We played music over speakers during the ceremony rather than paying for live music. It allowed us to play whatever we want and choose at the last minute. And what live musicians can play "Good Vibrations" just right?

I was geeky for Rifle Paper Company - instead I went to an Etsy shop with a very similar style who customized little drawings of us on our invitation. I skipped calligraphy and I bought my own envelopes.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

We chose a date that wasn't necessarily our favorite to avoid a Jewish holiday so my one and only Jewish friend/bridesmaid could enjoy herself.

I've spent the last 2 months huffing spray paint in my garage to make my centerpieces at a fraction of the cost of buying/renting what I liked.

I'll give up a vacation day to put those centerpieces together with wholesale flowers.

Downgraded a plated meal choice from prime rib (MY FAVORITE) to stuffed chicken to save money and afford the entertainment we wanted.

Depending on seating availability in the cocktail space (still TBD) we may give up a "grand reveal" of the dinner space to allow enough seating.

Gave up the church wedding FMIL preferred to have the ceremony at the reception space and avoid a gap.

This also negated the need for transportation, so we could reallocate that part of the budget to upgrade the bar.

I just ate carrots for breakfast and lunch so I could pinch pennies to afford this dang thing and treat MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY like royalty because I'm so goshdarn grateful they've supported FI and I through thick and thin our whole lives and helped us to find each other and get to this day. I want their day to be just as awesome as mine. This is a celebration for all of us.

afox007 · May 2014

You are all insane it's YOUR DAY your guests should be making sacrifices not you!

In all seriousness though, FI and I are not too far into planning so the only sacrifice we have made so far is I realized there was no way in hell we could afford the big fancy vineyard wedding at the winery I loved. So we found a beautiful park to do the ceremony and reception and will incorporate wine into our centerpieces.

Luckily that means I need to drink all the wine to save up corks and bottles!

melbenso · May 2014

Oh, I forgot... We are also making our own playlist rather than pay for a DJ. A friend of ours is in a band and offered to let us use their speaker equipment and to set it up for us, so we don't even have to rent speakers. (But we're going to get him a nice little thank you gift for doing so.)

jdluvr06 · May 2014

We've been lucky that we haven't really had to sacrifice too much for this wedding because what we want was way under the amount we had managed to save.

Our one big sacrifice has been with alcohol. We are going to have a red and white wine, beer, a cocktail, and some non alcoholic stuff. Since we're getting married on my uncle's farm (I'll have to post pics of the garden on this farm. It is beautiful) we have to bring everything in so it just isn't logistically realistic for us to offer all the stuff we want at a reasonable price.

Edited because: my phone hates TK.

cupcait927 · May 2014

Biggest sacrifice - giving up our dream venue. FI and I are big into going wine tasting (we live in the Finger Lakes, surrounded by gorgeous wineries) and really wanted to have our wedding at one of our favorites. After looking at the cost, their minimum and our guest list, we knew that we'd never be able to make it a reality without pushing our wedding out a few years. So I searched and searched and was able to find a smaller, less known winery that's still very pretty and much more within our budget. It will allow us to host our guests properly and let everyone enjoy themselves that evening. We got to keep our vision of having a winery wedding and still be gracious hosts.

I also gave up my dream dress. I absolutely fell in love with a Maggie Sottero dress but I knew that the cost would put a hardship on our wedding planning and budget. So I found a less expensive dress that still had a similar feel at DB. I feel pretty in it and I will still look beautiful that day.

There have been other smaller decisions made along the way but the point is, we've tried to keep our reception and our guests in mind and to remember what's really important about the day - that we're celebrating because we're getting married and we'll still be just as married even if everything isn't perfect.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

Oh I need to add an important point - I don't feel like I've actually sacrificed anything. I've made choices. Some were not my first/ideal/dream choice, but they're responsible, adult choices and I stand by them and will not feel short-changed or deprived for a second over them.

We're putting off buying a house until next year to pay for the wedding first. This was my choice.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

We've waited 8 years to get married! Ok, that wasn't a planned part of making sacrifices but it did help.

8 years ago we had a guest list of over 300 people (I don't know how we knew that many), figured we'd have a cash bar, we hadn't heard of cocktail hour so there was going to be a gap, and lets not even talk about the insane ideas we had for food and venue.

In our defense, I was 20 FI was 21, we were very very stupid. Now we are older and a tiny bit wiser.

-Cut that guest list way, way, way down. This isn't a party for everyone we've ever talked to. It's for those closest to us. We've sent our save the dates to 120 guests and I'm saying the list is locked down. We still have wiggle room and are willing to add up to 30 more guests, but if we pretend it's locked down, we won't say yes to every single person.

-Food and drink are more important then an awesome venue. Our first three choices had to be cut. It was upsetting at first (one was my dream venue) until we found a great little local art gallery to use. It's freaking huge, there's a lot in the back to park at, we can bring in our own alcohol and actually, it is an awesome venue.

-I always wanted a band and a DJ. Until I saw the prices. We're having a DJ who is an acquaintance of ours and does great work. This is his first wedding, so we might have a few more club mixes then your average wedding, but it'll still be awesome. And he's excited to do it, so it's all good. And he is giving us a friends discount.

-As for today, neither of us are having bouquets. I'm walking with both my parents and so is she, so it'd be awkward for us to hold them and we don't really see the point.

-My dress came in way, way, way under budget. I still need alterations, but we'll still be under budget there. So we're using the money saved to make sure there is plenty of food and drink.

I think overall the biggest sacrifice was the venue. I really loved our top three, they were fantastic. But they were too expensive. It was either cut the venue or cut the guest list and really the place doesn't matter, the people do.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

Oh, Starbucks. I've sacrificed going to Starbucks for the next 6 months. Coffee from home or the free crap at work only. FI crunched the numbers. She's given up going out to eat for lunch.

blabla89 · May 2014

We splurged on a venue so that we could have our wedding on a Saturday, conveniently located in the city. All the more affordable options were well outside the city, or were in town but were only affordable on a Friday/Sunday, and based on feedback from the ladies on this board neither of those was a great option for guests. The venue itself wasn't important to me, but it was important to make it convenient for our guests. We also want to serve them a full meal which is costing a good chunk of our budget.

Here's what we sacrificed to make it work:

- Fancy wedding cake. I'm going to DIY a cake with help from my grandma. It won't be gorgeous but it will be delicious and inexpensive.

- Tall floral centerpieces and chiavari chairs. We'll use the venue's basic chairs and I'll make simple DIY centerpieces. It will be a much more casual vibe than I had envisioned, but there's no point in being fancy if guests aren't being properly hosted.

- Full bar. We'll have a limited bar with beer and wine only, but there will be plenty of it and it won't be a cash bar.

- Money for honeymoon. Hosting guests ended up costing more than we hoped, so we moved some money from the HM budget to the wedding budget. And you know what? That's okay. Know what else? We're not going to have a HM registry or a "HM fund" tip jar. Because that's rude.

- Time spent researching less expensive options for everything. Yes, there are cheaper options out there if you take the time to look.

- My favorite photographer. I love her work, but we couldn't afford her. It took a while, but I found another photographer I like just as much at a lower cost (see above).

- DOC - I will personally be at the venue at 8am setting up decor and directing the rental delivery.

a13049 · May 2014

I will definetly say I am so thankful my parents taught me the importance of savings. I started savings account as a child, I refereed little kids soccer games when I was 12. I had to out 1/2 my paycheck into my account until I turned 16. At 16 I put 20% of every paycheck into a savings account. Now we put 13% into retirement and still save over 10% of every paycheck. I jusst can't understand the logic of going into debt for a wedding. Even with all that savings, we still cut a lot of corners to save money. We are having a wedding for $5,000, 80 percent of our wedding is spent on guest food and drink.

We got the lowest package at the chapel we chose. Before we chose our chapel I created an excel doc and PowerPoint highlighting the costs and size and other pros and cons to each venue.

We cut out original 350 guest list to 60. We invited every SO and gave truly single guests a plus one and still at 60.

No bridal party for us, and no rehearsal dinner. This is probably not ideal for everyone but it works for us

We choose an off peak wedding date, saves us thousands!

I bought my dress from brides against breast cancer for $99. It's trails at 1,400 and is a designer label (Mori lee).

Fi is using a suit he already owns, it's so handsome on him and he has only worn it once. His sis bought it as a gift when he graduated for college. We bought shirt and tie and new cuff links to match our colors

I am doing my own hair and make up, skipping any floral decorations and using an ameture photographer. I don't give a shit about my "perfect pictures" I want to look back with my guests and say damn that was fun.

Desert bar is apart of our menu, we are not buying an overpriced cake.

We have been able to pay everything as we go, so we haven't even touched our savings. I will use my savings for my marriage, not my wedding.

countrygirl061513 · May 2014

We had our reception at a location that was not my first, second or third choices because it was the county's expo center but it only cost us $150 because hubby works for the county. It included access to a speaker system, so we used our IPod instead of a DJ or a band. We could have afforded to have the reception at a different location that would have been amazing, but hubby wanted to serve dinner. So we scheduled the wedding for later in the day so the reception would cover dinner time. Instead of serving BBQ (as we originally planned) we changed it to chicken and beef option for the buffet. Our caterer also included apps for the "social" hour. We did not serve any alcohol. I bought my daughter's BM dress second hand. I made our centerpieces from flowers and tree branches that we found on our property.

I don't think we made "sacrifices" but did make different choices so we would be able to host our guests the best we could. At the end of the day, our wedding was absolutely perfect. Was it actually perfect.....nope. Our pastor referred to my husband as my wife (which I teased him about for a few weeks...hubby not the pastor), my mom was escorted to her seat after the bridesmaids walked in, someone told me that one of the babies cried during the ceremony (I didn't hear it), and one of hubby's cousin wore a pair of jeans with a tear very close to exposing her privates.

But honestly when I think of my wedding day, I remember how pretty I felt, how loved I felt from my BMs and husband, I remember my dad and grandma walking me down the aisle to my amazing husband who had the biggest grin on his face, dancing with him at the reception and dancing with my dad for the first time ever, and watching my daughter dance with her bio dad with the biggest smile on her face I ever seen. Our wedding was absolutely perfect, and one of the happiest day of my life.

lyndausvi · May 2014

This post is making cry tears of joy.

antibride2013 · May 2014

While we didn't really "give up" things, my husband seriously almost had to give me a Xanex when we got the estimate for our wedding. Our wedding was focused around our guests and their comfort. We had the ceremony and reception at our home. Our house sits on 5 acres, so we had a big tent set up with air conditioning units, etc. Our cerempny was simple. No bridal party. My son's walked me down the isle. I wore a lovely cream summer dress that I had in my closet, my husband wore a suit he owned.

We brought in a Michelin Star Chef and staff to cater the event. That was the #1 priority and my husband and I agreed there would be no compromise on the food. Our guests would have a fabulous meal no matter what the cost. We had a premium open bar which we stocked ourselves becasue it was at our house. We had no gap, a 100% hosted event from the moment our guests stepped on our property to the second they left.

We had a very small guest list, only close friends and family. We had it spread word of mouth that we REALLY didn't want any gifts, and anything that was given would be donated to the Hope Lodge. Everyone respected our wishes.

We wanted our wedding to truely be for our guests, and I think we did a pretty good job. I really would have been content to go off somewhere and elope because I am very frugal and hate to spend money. My husband wanted to share the day with family and close friends, so we compromised.

sofakingmad · May 2014

I wanted to have a DW and really host our guests while they were down in the islands, so our guest list had to be cut tremendously. Immediate family and close friends only. Yes, it sure as hell pissed off our families, but we made a sacrifice to be able to hose properly.

I also wanted to have a Welcome Dinner with open bar and I really had to work at finding a place that fit our budget. My friends love to drink and party and it was important to me that they enjoyed their time down there since they paid so much to travel for our wedding.

Like I said, proper hosting is just about setting a plan and a budget and you can do it. It's really not that hard.

kitty8403 · May 2014

I wanted black tie and a small list. FI wanted everybody we've ever met. For me, that meant adding a couple hundred people to the list and downgrading my expectations to something nice, but not as high-end, so we could afford to feed everyone. It also means a lot of line drawing and cuts.

We spent 3-4 months venue shopping over about a 100-mile radius. We found a place with no catering/alcohol restrictions and a large outdoor space. I'm sacrificing convenience and one-stop vendors (and perhaps "ideal location") to find something that will fit everyone and make FI happy.

My sibling is serving in the Navy and not expected to make it. I'm sacrificing getting to see close family on an important day in order to accommodate as many others as we can.

Summer is our busy season. FI is sacrificing time off work and we're postponing the honeymoon in order to be able to work around schedules and enjoy an outdoor ceremony.

Sides are uneven because all the other women I would ask live too far away. I'm sacrificing symmetrical photos because all the groomsmen choices are important to us.

There's a lot more, the more I think about this. :-)

JCbride2015 · May 2014

We had to make many sacrifices adult decisions. Here are a few:

– We have been together for 11 years, but are waiting until next year to have our wedding, because we knew we wanted a big party. We could not afford to host everyone properly if we had gotten married before, so we made the grown-up choice that if we wanted the big blowout wedding, we'd just have to wait.

– We also really wanted to get married in our new hometown of Jersey City. There are several beautiful wedding venues here right on the Hudson River looking at the New York skyline. It would have been very dramatic and beautiful. However, those venues are very expensive and we could not have afforded to invite everyone we wanted if we had gone with that "perfect" not-so-perfect venue. so we selected a cheaper venue about 40 minutes away. It is still beautiful, but we can also afford to host our guests properly there. And invite everyone we want within reason.

– we have also realized that we just cannot make all of the families happy. Fi's family is Catholic, and they really wanted us to have a Catholic wedding. However, we are not members of the Catholic Church, and we had to disappoint his family.

-- In the vein of family sacrifices: guest list. Fi's family is huge. His brother is getting married this summer and their guest list was pushed to 300 (in a venue that can fit 220) because they couldn't say no to the family "obligation" invites. No pay, no say. they will not be happy but we just can't afford all those people.

-- Our biggest sacrifice is probably yet to come. This fall I will start a lucrative career (currently a full-time student). While my peers are probably going to get great apartments and enjoy the six-figure lifestyle, we are committed to continuing our current student lifestyle so we can save for the wedding. We will be saving about half of my take-home pay for the wedding. We are privileged that we can save for almost our whole wedding in seven months, so I am grateful that we can even do that at all. I'm going to have to tell that to myself a lot as I sock away all that money.

Couggal12 · May 2014

We are only hosting beer, wine, juice, pop, and water. As much as I would love to have an open bar or at least offer some liquor it's just not in our budget.

We aren't having a DJ to save some money and also now I can hire a DOC to help me with things. Our venue has an awesome sound system so we'll make a play list and our DOC will make sure that runs smoothly.

Hmm, I can't really think of anything off the top of my head but, I know our guest will enjoy a full meal (buffet plus a cocktail hour before with appetizers), dessert, and not have to open their wallets for any reason. Oh and we will make sure there's enough seats and everyone's SO will be invited.

Inkdancer · May 2014

We made the decision to have a dry, lunch wedding in order to have a nicer venue and better food. We didn't want to make our guests travel in for a Sunday wedding, which was the other cost-saving option, because we have lots of OOT guests who will have to drive or fly a long way.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

We were not willing to sacrifice kick ass food and drinks, and really good music for dancing, so we knew going into our engagement that it was going to be at least 2 years long so that we could properly save for the wedding we really wanted. . . and the wedding reception we really wanted our guests to enjoy.

sofakingmad · May 2014

And also, I purposefully chose a venue that was beautiful on it's own so that I didn't have to put much money into decorating.

Most of the details were not that important to me. I put all of my effort into the food and drinks and making sure it was a kick ass party.

blabla89 · May 2014

JCBride2014 said:

We had to make many sacrifices adult decisions. Here are a few:

Yep, that's basically what it comes down to. Yes, there were things that I wanted (listed above), but I'm grown up enough to realize that it isn't all about what I want.

Unfortunately, it seems like not many parents are teaching their kids to think that way. But fear not, speshul snowflakes, we're here to educate you.

MuppetOverlord · May 2014

Once upon a time, I wrote out a post about negotiation tactics and budget saving thoughts and it apparently was deleted when they merged boards cause it's gone. But overall, the major sacrifice we made was to cut our guest list down. We had a beautiful Sunday Brunch wedding at a Country Club with music, alcohol, dancing, a caricaturist and Muppets.

We could've waited a year and had more, but we didn't.

Here's what we did:

Research. I did a lot of it to see what our options were, which, after wed evaluated them, would determine when our wedding was because of what we needed to save for it.
Negotiation. I did a lot of this to see if I could better options. I got fees waived or reduced for things such as site fee or setup charges. I also asked if we could work on a custom package to meet our budget.
Dates. A Sunday wedding date gave me better negotiating power.
Time. We chose to do a brunch wedding because it's our favorite meal, but it all gave our venue lower priced food options to work with for our budget. We had chicken, scrambled eggs, bacon, green beans, french toast and a potato.
Attendees. We wanted to invite 100 people. Our budget afforded 75 with the things we wanted to do. We invited 75.
Alcohol. We skipped the champagne toast and did an orange juice toast (compliments of the venue). We limited the bar to mimosas, bloody mary's, domestic beers and white wine (and soft drinks). Limiting the bar allowed the venue to give us a discounted rate on the mixed drinks. Having a Sunday brunch also decreased the amount of alcohol. Under $800 for around 65 people.
Flowers. I brought my photos and color swatches to my florist and gave her an idea of what I liked. She suggested flowers that were the same colors and would give a similar feel, but for less money. I did baby's breath for aisle decorations and it was really pretty and incredibly cheap.
Invitations: Michaels with a 50% off coupon.
Centerpieces. I made my own. Came out to $4 each and they were elegant. Just start thinking a year in advance and catch stuff on sale and buy slowly with coupons.
Networking. I used individuals we had existing relationships or referrals to for all of my non-venue vendors and were able to work out the best rates. I saved around $500 on flowers, $500 on the cake, $800 on photography and $400 on the DJ.
Skipped the limo.

ETA: All guests had their SO invited or a plus one. No tip Jar. No Cash Bar.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

I agree with PPs. I don't feel like DH and I sacrificed anything in planning our wedding. We made choices that allowed us to either invite more people or host them with better options, and to me, that's a win, not a sacrifice.

What we did to get there, though:

-- We had our wedding on a Sunday, during the off-season, because everything was MUCH less expensive

-- We chose a venue that had no rental fee; it charged us only for food, alcohol, and $4pp 'gratuity' which covered the valet parking and coat check.

-- We chose a venue that provided everything we wanted (food, alcohol, plates, linens, etc.) and went with what they had. They offered charger plates as part of what was included, and I took them up on it (why not?). We initially chose white table linens (their options were white or black), and then found out about a month before the wedding that they had goldenrod-coloured napkins and did we want those for our fall wedding and oh yes we did please! (Still included in the cost).

-- We chose a venue that would work with our dietary restrictions (lactose-free being a big one) and not charge us an arm and a leg for it.

-- We chose to go with a buffet ($33 pp) rather than a plated meal ($69 pp for only one course) because it allowed us to invite more people.

-- Rather than having an open bar, which we in no way could have afforded, we hosted three kinds of wine and two kinds of beer. We also had a champagne toast, but that was a gift from my parents, who really, really, really wanted to gift us that, and I didn't fight them on it.

-- We took a good, long, HARD look at the appetizer and entree options at our venue. Would I have liked to offer the bacon-wrapped scallops? Sure. But those were $69 per 25 pieces, whereas chicken satay was $20 per $25 pieces. Guess which one we picked? It was MUCH more important to me to have enough food than to offer super-fancy food and risk running out.

-- My mom and I made our centrepieces ourselves. I bought glass vases at Christmas Tree Shoppes, she cut hydrangeas off her bushes (and the neighbours', all of whom offered their flowers as soon as they found out what she needed them for) and dried them, we bought fake berries, tissue paper, and ribbon at Michael's, and we assembled them in an afternoon. Total cost, in money, was <$50, and it only took a few hours to assemble. I made the table letters myself using scrapbooking paper, fancy scissors, and paint. We also had votive candles, but I found six dozen holders and candles for $42, free shipping, online.

-- We had friends who were kind enough to give us INCREDIBLE discounts on the DJ ($500 total) and the photography ($500 + a hotel room) packages.

-- We did have programmes (full Catholic Mass with ~90% non-Catholic attendees), but I made them myself using MS Publisher and we printed them at my parents' office on cardstock we bought on clearance at Office Depot.

-- Our favours were bookmarks that we bought in bulk. Had we been tight on money, we would have skipped them, but as it was, they cost us $100, free shipping.

-- When we initially thought about our wedding, we wanted a small wedding -- between 60 and 80 people. When we sat down and began drafting our guest list, my 'half' (either 30 or 40) didn't even cover my family (I should have counted better), so we then made three lists: MUST invite (VIPs), would REALLY LIKE to invite (close friends), would be NICE to invite (less-close friends). I filled up my side of the list (92 people out of 152 invited) with largely my family and my parents' friends (the latter group of which have all been in my life for my whole life, so I would have invited them regardless).

DH, who has less family and isn't close to anyone outside of his own generation, filled his (60) with mostly friends. We looked at the 152-person guest list, which was composed only of my VIPs and SUPER close friends and DH's VIPs, close friends, and some less-close friends, and thought, 'You know, that's enough. There are people we'd like to invite, but not at the expense of hosting people properly.'

I can honestly say I have absolutely no regrets or concerns or 'I-wish-I-had' or 'If I could do it over' or other second thoughts about our wedding. None, whatsoever.

We made adult decisions about how to host people properly at our wedding and those decisions sometimes came at the expense of what we'd really like to do -- the venue we LOVED (a library) could only hold 100 people, and that meant no dancing area and the food would be in a separate room. That was too inconvenient for our guests, so we gave it up.

But it was worth it for every person who told us how lovely our wedding was or how much fun they had or how wonderful it had been.

blabla89 · May 2014

@MuppetOverlord if you feel like posting on negotiation tactics again...I'd love to read your suggestions

We cut the guest list a lot, so now I'm looking for ways to trim costs so that we can add a few more people back in (no b-listing...we're a year out and haven't booked anything yet)

lc07 · May 2014

We, like most couples, had to cut our guest list down.

Awesome Venue, Food, Beverages, and paying for parking were super important to us so guests did not have to pay for anything at our wedding. So to do all of that:

-my H wore a suit he already owned

-I bought an inexpensive evening gown

-we skipped a honeymoon

-we nixed videography

-we chose a venue that allowed us to bring in our own alcohol since full high-end open bar was important to us. We saved thousands buying the alcohol ourselves.

-we skipped favors and programs

-didn't buy fancy champagne flutes or cake cutting sets - just used regular stuff

-we hosted the welcome party but made all of the food ourselves and brought in our own alcohol

pinkcow13 · May 2014

FI and I chose to have a nearly 2 year engagement so that we would have the time to properly research, plan, and fund the wedding.

- We have a lot of time before we send out the invitations, but the first thing we did was create our list. We have it in excel, it is color coded, and we made sure to account for plus one's. Once we had an idea of how our list would look, we went venue shopping.

- We knew we wanted to get married in NYC. We looked at tons of venues. The venue that we chose, we felt was not only the best one, but would treat our guests the best. (The runner up was a fabulous venue, in Astoria Queens with views of the city. It was in a huge loft space, and they had this really cool HUGE loft elevator to bring the guests up. We loved it. When comparing our venue to the loft one, we thought of that elevator and thought maybe it would not be so great. The coordinator there assured us guests would not be waiting around as the elevator fit many people. But it took a while for it to take us to the top. Well, I spoke with a DJ recently and he told me he dj'd ath the loft before and we made a great choice in our venue. Apparently at the wedding he went to guests had to wait for HOURS to leave, because there were other parties going on, and the only way to leave was that one elevator)

- We will be doing a first look so that our bridal party (as well as ourselves!) don't have to miss cocktail hour.

I think the most important thing we did was set a budget that worked with us. From there we were able to determine the type of wedding that we could afford to host properly. Not the other way around.

Sacrifices to host a wedding properly

Re: Sacrifices to host a wedding properly

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