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who pays for catering gets to decide???

daddysfavebratdaddysfavebrat member
First Comment
edited May 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hey guys! I am like totally stressing out here like because my Father wants to give us the wedding gift of paying for the catering...but we rather do it all ourselves... I told him I will just decline his offer unless he wants to just give me the money so we can make our own decisions...am I rude?? I really don't think I am but like all these like women keep telling me I'm so bratty! I just don't get why! :( Like he is a man who does very well for himself and can easily write us a check. I want his money but not his input...I don't really want him at my wedding at all actually...like he's so uncoooool, ya feel me? HELP- advice like please- what do you do when you are stuck in this sticky situation! How can I just get him to fork over the cold hard cash?? Or should I just use my own...I do have a pretty decent trust fund... I LIVE for your advice!! ;)
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Re: who pays for catering gets to decide???

  • getaclue44getaclue44 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    Ditto.  You want control pay for it yourself.  My parents paid for our reception and went to the tasting.  They requested some tweaks, got to pick on entree and we picked the other.  I couldn't imagine saying no to what they wanted since they paid.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    If you want control, you will clearly have to pay for it yourself. Sometimes money comes with strings. 

    ETA: You sound like an entitled brat commenting that he has lots of toys and could just easily write you a check. You aren't owed this. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • CC0805CC0805 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    You're very fortunate that your father is willing and able to pay for as much as he is.  Above everything else, you should be grateful.  I know it's frustrating because you want to have the say as it's your wedding, but he's footing the biggest part of the bill.  The only way around this I can see is if you pay for the food and have him pay misc other costs, but honestly... @doeydo is right. Whatever he pays for, he gets a say in.  It's his call as long as you are accepting his money.
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  • NorthrendNorthrend member
    Knottie Warrior 250 Love Its 10 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited May 2014
    Everyone else is right, he does get say.  However, I think you could suggest trying a couple more caterers to make sure he picks the one HE thinks is best.  Maybe you could find one that offers a dish you know he is particularly fond of?  Then hopefully you will try some food you both really like and agree on.
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    ONLY contribution is food and alcohol..that was 75% of my over all budget. Personally I wouldn't fork over thousands of dollars for the food and drinks at an event if I didn't feel included and appreciated - both of which you aren't giving him in return for his gracious offer.

    Your dad isn't Burger King, you don't get his money your way. He's the boss and gets to call the shots if you want him to pay :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • daddysfavebratdaddysfavebrat member
    First Comment
    Wow...I politely disagree with you ladies but am glad I am getting to see other opinions. I think a "gift" should not have stipulations otherwise it's not a gift! This paying for the catering thing was supposed to be our gift! He paid for my sisters entire wedding and the only thing I asked for him was to buy my dress which he declined because he knew he wouldn't get to pick that out! I only wanted $1000 towards it too! I was very hesitant about accepting his offer to help with catering because of this.. it's all about control, which is not cool to do a bride- it's her day. I guess you'd have to know my family and more of the story to really understand. But thanks anyway! 
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  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    Sorry but you are the one being rude in this situation not your father. You are very lucky you have people to help pay for your wedding. Maybe you should act a little more grateful. So your father wants to be included in your tastings, so. You don't seem to have a problem with taking other peoples' money to pay for your wedding. The least you can do is be grateful, polite and include them.

    If you want to control your day, then I suggest you use your own money to pay for your entire wedding. Stop acting like a spoiled child! How would you like it if your kids acted that way. Start setting a good example.
    Mary Click here for my bio! image
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  • kitty8403kitty8403 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Ditto @Northrend. And I agree with PPs. Your attitude comes across as very entitled and childish. You're a grown woman. He doesn't have to pay for anything if he doesn't want to. It is perfectly reasonable for him to want input into how his money is being spent. You are out of line in demanding he give you carte blanche, but you could, as suggested, tell him you want to visit several places and discuss them before making a final decision.
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  • daddysfavebratdaddysfavebrat member
    First Comment
    Way to be friendly and supportive to other brides AddieCake! Nothing wrong with a woman who wants control of her own big day- but thanks for calling me an entitled brat! I'd love to see you in person say that, how rude would that be! It's hilarious how people think they are so "tough" on things like this with name calling. Don't know why I bothered! If you can't be nice than don't comment. 
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    It's not "your day" once you start inviting, including or accept funding from other people. If you don't want his opinions and stipulations, don't accept his money. It isn't a "gift," it is a purchase. Just because he is paying for part of your wedding reception (I mean most of) does not mean it is a no-strings-attached-gift.

    If your friend offers to treat you to Applebees for your birthday dinner, it would be rude to say I want to go to a fancy steakhouse instead...yes it's a gift, but she still gets to make the decision on where she takes you. All you can do is accept or decline the offer.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • daddysfavebratdaddysfavebrat member
    First Comment
    Wow- is this really what women do? Hang out on here and name call? I am the one who sounds bratty? 
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You are being bratty.  Just listen to yourself.  You sound like a spoiled teenager.
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  • daddysfavebratdaddysfavebrat member
    First Comment
    I disagree. :)
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  • daria24daria24 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    This may be the fastest bingo ever.

    OP, I understand that it can be frustrating when the person paying's opinions conflict with your own. BUT this money is not, exactly, a "gift." Your father is paying for a service. It is understandable that he wants a say in how that money is spent. He did not hand you a check for $5k and say "do what you will." He is providing a specific item. 

    If you want total control over your wedding, pay for it yourself. Then the only person's opinion you have to listen to is your FI. 
    image
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    daria24 said:
    This may be the fastest bingo ever.

    OP, I understand that it can be frustrating when the person paying's opinions conflict with your own. BUT this money is not, exactly, a "gift." Your father is paying for a service. It is understandable that he wants a say in how that money is spent. He did not hand you a check for $5k and say "do what you will." He is providing a specific item. 

    If you want total control over your wedding, pay for it yourself. Then the only person's opinion you have to listen to is your FI. 
    When she wants his opinion she tells him what it is so he can validate hers...

    image
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • SoontobeMrsNytesSoontobeMrsNytes member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    OP, your father's financial responsibility to you ended on your 18th birthday. Anything he gives you beyond that date is generous. Yes, he who pays gets a say. Which is precisely why my FI and I refused offers from our parents. If you want to control your speshul day, than YOU pay. Period.
    Your father clearly does not want to just hand you a blank check to do with as you please. It's his money. It's his right to do so. It's your right to say No, thank you. But, you want his money. Therefore, you must play by his rules, not your own.
    I am also a single mom and full time student and am still paying for my wedding myself. But, I'm also in my 30's and completely self sufficient. I don't need to rely on my Daddy.
    And, by the way, you only  wanted him to give you $1000 toward your dress?! There are women on here who didn't pay that much for their dress total. And guess what? The dress I fell in love with was $1500, and I paid for it all by myself.
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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My advice would be to decline your father's offer.  This way you have full control, which seems important to you.  My personal belief is that a couple mature and adult enough to get married is also mature and adult enough to pay for their own wedding.  I can't imagine getting married while still in college or grad school, hubby and I were both working full-time for years before being financially steady enough to host our wedding, so I can imagine your financial constraints.  But if calling shots without considering other opinions is important to you, than just decline your father's offer, and throw the wedding you can afford (and want).
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  • daddysfavebratdaddysfavebrat member
    First Comment
    I know- this is all just SO amazing! Really we're just bored in the airport and wanted to see what you thought of my "situation"! My bestie and I are heading to MX to check out a honeymoon site and dying at these comments! Daddy better pay for my honeymoon though, don't you think? He owes me BIG time....if only you knew why! ;) YES! Veruca Salt- love her, so awesome thanks for posting!!! xo  
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Have you considered that he's gifting you catering, not money? There's a huge difference.
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  • NorthrendNorthrend member
    Knottie Warrior 250 Love Its 10 Comments Combo Breaker
    LisaNicolePark said:
    I know- this is all just SO amazing! Really we're just bored in the airport and wanted to see what you thought of my "situation"! My bestie and I are heading to MX to check out a honeymoon site and dying at these comments! Daddy better pay for my honeymoon though, don't you think? He owes me BIG time....if only you knew why! ;) YES! Veruca Salt- love her, so awesome thanks for posting!!! xo  
    2/10
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  • daddysfavebratdaddysfavebrat member
    First Comment
    Ughh your mom sounds awful, I'm sorry honey!
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