Just got an invite to an August wedding

LDay2014 · May 2014

adk19 said:

Schatzi13 said:

Oh. Duh. Super formal wedding theme:

Don't wear this, OP.

Nope. Totally doing this. Wearing a wonder woman tank top under my sundress.

I'd totally wear it on TOP of the sundress.

Or at least a cape...

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

No holes, check. Floor-length dress, check.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

adk19 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

I don't think the majority of ppl are B-listing. In my experience ppl send out invitations earlier than you all advise with the logic that they want to give ppl enough time to make arrangements to attend, if they wanted to.

But we all got Save The Dates. We all know when the wedding is. Our closer extended family has been talking about it for a year. We know how to use a telephone (and a computer) if we got confused as to which weekend is was in the process of losing the STDate. I just don't understand why they need my RSVP six weeks before the event. Who do they possibly need to get numbers to?

In my experience, that doesn't matter. People still think for some reason that they need to give ppl enough time to book flights and hotels.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

adk19 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

I don't think the majority of ppl are B-listing. In my experience ppl send out invitations earlier than you all advise with the logic that they want to give ppl enough time to make arrangements to attend, if they wanted to.

But we all got Save The Dates. We all know when the wedding is. Our closer extended family has been talking about it for a year. We know how to use a telephone (and a computer) if we got confused as to which weekend is was in the process of losing the STDate. I just don't understand why they need my RSVP six weeks before the event. Who do they possibly need to get numbers to?

In my experience, that doesn't matter. People still think for some reason that they need to give ppl enough time to book flights and hotels.

Probably because we've all been the victim of over-inviting and we've all gotten at least one STDate that wasn't followed by an actual invitation.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

adk19 said:

Couggal12 said:

I'm with @artbyallie, please post!!!!

Attire
Please wear semi-formal/dressy-casual attire. Our wedding is not themed to be super formal such as suits and ties for everyone, but it is not super casual either. So please wear something nice. No ball caps, ripped jeans, sweatpants, shorts, t-shirts, etc.

Just to give an idea:
Groomsmen will be wearing dress pants with matching vests, white button-up shirts with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, ties, and shiney black dress shoes. Bridesmaids will be wearing knee-length dresses. [Groom] will be wearing white dress pants with a matching white vest, white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, black tie, and shiney black dress shoes. My dress is floor-length.

Lawl at "semi-formal" and "dressy casual" two phrases that mean nothing because they are totally contradictory!

Although I guess the couple thinks dress- casual means not wearing an actual suit and rolling your sleeves up ><

CrazyCatLady3 · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

april182015bride said:

I dunno - I don't mind getting invites early - I'm a planner, so I like to have stuff on the calendar sometimes a year ahead of time (stuff like vacations, etc).

But that's the point of a STDate.

But not everyone does those. Especially those who don't want to be locked into their guest list at 9 months out.

ETA, in prior discussions, a lot of people have mentioned that even if they get a STD, they don't actually book their travel/hotel room until they receive the actual invite.

CrazyCatLady3 · May 2014

lyndausvi said:

april182015bride said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

april182015bride said:

I dunno - I don't mind getting invites early - I'm a planner, so I like to have stuff on the calendar sometimes a year ahead of time (stuff like vacations, etc).

But that's the point of a STDate.

True - but why is it a huge deal to get the invite early and mail it back? You know you're going, so why is it a problem to mail it back 6 weeks early as opposed to earlier? You're going either way, so I just don't get why it's an issue worth getting worked up over. I know there's a greater chance of something coming up where you wouldn't be able to go, but that's a risk that the bride/groom take by wanting answers earlier and it'll be on them.

Some of us have jobs where we we can't know for sure 6 weeks out if we can attend or not. If you happened to be one who can RSVP early, GREAT, go ahead. It's to help out those of us who can't.

I understand this situation. However I sent out my invites at 3 months out (I didn't do STDs) and had what TK would consider an early RSVP date. We got 3/4 of our RSVPs within the due date. Out of those who didn't RSVP on time, only 2 were because they don't know their work schedules yet. I have spoken to these people and said it was okay to let me know by [x] date. But in the meantime, I have firmer numbers to finalize my orders for centerpieces, favors, linens etc. instead of scrambling 2 weeks prior to the wedding.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

lyndausvi said:

april182015bride said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

april182015bride said:

I dunno - I don't mind getting invites early - I'm a planner, so I like to have stuff on the calendar sometimes a year ahead of time (stuff like vacations, etc).

But that's the point of a STDate.

True - but why is it a huge deal to get the invite early and mail it back? You know you're going, so why is it a problem to mail it back 6 weeks early as opposed to earlier? You're going either way, so I just don't get why it's an issue worth getting worked up over. I know there's a greater chance of something coming up where you wouldn't be able to go, but that's a risk that the bride/groom take by wanting answers earlier and it'll be on them.

Some of us have jobs where we we can't know for sure 6 weeks out if we can attend or not. If you happened to be one who can RSVP early, GREAT, go ahead. It's to help out those of us who can't.

I understand this situation. However I sent out my invites at 3 months out (I didn't do STDs) and had what TK would consider an early RSVP date. We got 3/4 of our RSVPs within the due date. Out of those who didn't RSVP on time, only 2 were because they don't know their work schedules yet. I have spoken to these people and said it was okay to let me know by [x] date. But in the meantime, I have firmer numbers to finalize my orders for centerpieces, favors, linens etc. instead of scrambling 2 weeks prior to the wedding.

I think as long as you don't mind calling those stragglers, and don't mind extending the deadline for those who do have extenuating circumstances, it's a victimless crime. I would never make travel arrangements based on a StD, and I don't expect my guests to,,, especially since it lists the city but not the actual location. Detroit is a BIG place.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

april182015bride said:

I dunno - I don't mind getting invites early - I'm a planner, so I like to have stuff on the calendar sometimes a year ahead of time (stuff like vacations, etc).

But that's the point of a STDate.

But not everyone does those. Especially those who don't want to be locked into their guest list at 9 months out.

ETA, in prior discussions, a lot of people have mentioned that even if they get a STD, they don't actually book their travel/hotel room until they receive the actual invite.

Then the people you're talking about aren't your VIPs anyway.

lyndausvi · May 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

lyndausvi said:

april182015bride said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

april182015bride said:

I dunno - I don't mind getting invites early - I'm a planner, so I like to have stuff on the calendar sometimes a year ahead of time (stuff like vacations, etc).

But that's the point of a STDate.

True - but why is it a huge deal to get the invite early and mail it back? You know you're going, so why is it a problem to mail it back 6 weeks early as opposed to earlier? You're going either way, so I just don't get why it's an issue worth getting worked up over. I know there's a greater chance of something coming up where you wouldn't be able to go, but that's a risk that the bride/groom take by wanting answers earlier and it'll be on them.

Some of us have jobs where we we can't know for sure 6 weeks out if we can attend or not. If you happened to be one who can RSVP early, GREAT, go ahead. It's to help out those of us who can't.

I understand this situation. However I sent out my invites at 3 months out (I didn't do STDs) and had what TK would consider an early RSVP date. We got 3/4 of our RSVPs within the due date. Out of those who didn't RSVP on time, only 2 were because they don't know their work schedules yet. I have spoken to these people and said it was okay to let me know by [x] date. But in the meantime, I have firmer numbers to finalize my orders for centerpieces, favors, linens etc. instead of scrambling 2 weeks prior to the wedding.

And I had a RSVP day 10 days out from the wedding. I also had the same 3/4 back weeks before to finalize my orders And BTW I had to rent EVERYTHING. And when I mean everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Forks, salt-n-pepper shakers, linens, tables, chairs, Shaffer dishes, generators, EVERYTHING had to be rented and delivered from an hour away. It takes a little more organizing, but it can be done.

I get the DIY Catch 22. I'm in the middle of making CP for my dad's party. I have a general idea of how many we need, but the RSVP date isn't until a week out. I'm doing a big push now (a month out) because at minimum I will need "x" amount. Then I will do them as more tables fill up.

ETA - we invited 120+ people to my dad's party. So about the same size as some weddings. Which is why I brought it up.

CrazyCatLady3 · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

april182015bride said:

I dunno - I don't mind getting invites early - I'm a planner, so I like to have stuff on the calendar sometimes a year ahead of time (stuff like vacations, etc).

But that's the point of a STDate.

But not everyone does those. Especially those who don't want to be locked into their guest list at 9 months out.

ETA, in prior discussions, a lot of people have mentioned that even if they get a STD, they don't actually book their travel/hotel room until they receive the actual invite.

Then the people you're talking about aren't your VIPs anyway.

Right, but you could have non-VIP guests to whom you still want to give extra time to make travel arrangements!

grumbledore · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said: april182015bride said: I dunno - I don't mind getting invites early - I'm a planner, so I like to have stuff on the calendar sometimes a year ahead of time (stuff like vacations, etc). But that's the point of a STDate. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brief devil's advocate moment - I had two people ask me for details about the time and address of our wedding after our Save the Dates went out because they had no idea what a Save the Date was and thought it was the invitation. Major head scratch.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

april182015bride said:

I dunno - I don't mind getting invites early - I'm a planner, so I like to have stuff on the calendar sometimes a year ahead of time (stuff like vacations, etc).

But that's the point of a STDate.

But not everyone does those. Especially those who don't want to be locked into their guest list at 9 months out.

ETA, in prior discussions, a lot of people have mentioned that even if they get a STD, they don't actually book their travel/hotel room until they receive the actual invite.

Then the people you're talking about aren't your VIPs anyway.

Right, but you could have non-VIP guests to whom you still want to give extra time to make travel arrangements!

Yes. But if you KNOW you're going to invite them and you want to give them extra time to make travel arrangements, NOTHING is stopping you from calling them up and saying, 'Hey friend, FI and I are getting married on Sept. 9 and we'd love for you to come! We'll be sending formal invitations, of course, but I wanted to give you a heads-up that it will be coming so you can make plans if you want to.'

It's not like STDates and invites are the only acceptable ways of giving people a head's up about your wedding.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

adk19 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

I don't think the majority of ppl are B-listing. In my experience ppl send out invitations earlier than you all advise with the logic that they want to give ppl enough time to make arrangements to attend, if they wanted to.

But we all got Save The Dates. We all know when the wedding is. Our closer extended family has been talking about it for a year. We know how to use a telephone (and a computer) if we got confused as to which weekend is was in the process of losing the STDate. I just don't understand why they need my RSVP six weeks before the event. Who do they possibly need to get numbers to?

In my experience, that doesn't matter. People still think for some reason that they need to give ppl enough time to book flights and hotels.

Probably because we've all been the victim of over-inviting and we've all gotten at least one STDate that wasn't followed by an actual invitation.

Nope, not me.

I honestly think many ppl don't know that 6-8 weeks is the "rule," especially since many of the sources people look to for info can advocate sending out invites earlier.

Fairyjen1 · May 2014

Our wedding isn't until October. I won't send invites out until 6-8 weeks before. Disney doesn't need a final head count until 3 days before. In my case it doesn't matter so much. It's an all inclusive package and up to 20 lunches are included in the prices whether I have 20 or 2.

At the moment it looks like we have 18, they are all VIPs so I sent an e-mail out with the website Disney set up for us with the link to our discounted hotel rooms at the resort. I'm not doing formal STD's. Disney's rooms can be all booked up 3 months ahead in October. There are lots of other hotels in the area, but I wanted to make sure that if anyone wanted to stay at a Disney one they had the opportunity for the discounted price. By the time my invites go out the resorts will probably be all booked up.

lyndausvi · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

april182015bride said:

I dunno - I don't mind getting invites early - I'm a planner, so I like to have stuff on the calendar sometimes a year ahead of time (stuff like vacations, etc).

But that's the point of a STDate.

But not everyone does those. Especially those who don't want to be locked into their guest list at 9 months out.

ETA, in prior discussions, a lot of people have mentioned that even if they get a STD, they don't actually book their travel/hotel room until they receive the actual invite.

Then the people you're talking about aren't your VIPs anyway.

Right, but you could have non-VIP guests to whom you still want to give extra time to make travel arrangements!

Yes. But if you KNOW you're going to invite them and you want to give them extra time to make travel arrangements, NOTHING is stopping you from calling them up and saying, 'Hey friend, FI and I are getting married on Sept. 9 and we'd love for you to come! We'll be sending formal invitations, of course, but I wanted to give you a heads-up that it will be coming so you can make plans if you want to.'

It's not like STDates and invites are the only acceptable ways of giving people a head's up about your wedding.

Exactly. My dad's birthday party is a destination for most of the 120 person guest list. Some are only a couple hours away, no big deal. The town my parents live in is a resort beach town. My mom contact most of the people back in January to say "hey we are having a surprise party of dad June 7. We just wanted to give you a heads up". Some were via phone, some via email. Some in person. It's not a new concept to let people know about an upcoming event they are invited to before the invites went out.

The invites went out yesterday. However, we already know about 1/2 the guest list has already booked rooms. Most of those are the ones 2 hours away and want to spend the entire weekend at the beach.

People are making things way more complicated than they need to be. Inviting people to a party and needed a RSVP are not new concepts.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

april182015bride said:

I dunno - I don't mind getting invites early - I'm a planner, so I like to have stuff on the calendar sometimes a year ahead of time (stuff like vacations, etc).

But that's the point of a STDate.

But not everyone does those. Especially those who don't want to be locked into their guest list at 9 months out.

ETA, in prior discussions, a lot of people have mentioned that even if they get a STD, they don't actually book their travel/hotel room until they receive the actual invite.

Typically the room block info is not including with STDs, and many ppl don't use wedding websites and don't put that info on their STDs either.

I was arranging room blocks with local hotels for my wedding this fall, and they all wanted the release date for unbooked rooms to be 1 month prior to my wedding date! When I tried to negotiate to push that date back, they would give me maybe a week's extension.

So I think many ppl are sending out invitations earlier than is advised on this forum because their room blocks expire so freaking early.

hyechica81 · May 2014

i have not sent out my invites yet but wedding is at the end of june they are getting mailed out on monday rsvp is due by the first of june.

got some declines already but those were from family who knew they could not make it

hyechica81 · May 2014

@hisgirl how rude to expect you and your dh to go to a wedding and the b/g want you to pay for your own meal so tacky and rude. they are hosting people so they should properly feed them,

if they cant afford a full meal go some place inexpensive that can sit all those people (separate room) do heavy apps cheeze crakers fruit and cake..

if i got an invite to a wedding and it was dutch i would decline and tell them i am sorry but i wont be attending a wedding i have to foot the bill for.

sophhabobopha · May 2014

adk19 said:

Couggal12 said:

I'm with @artbyallie, please post!!!!

Attire
Please wear semi-formal/dressy-casual attire. Our wedding is not themed to be super formal such as suits and ties for everyone, but it is not super casual either. So please wear something nice. No ball caps, ripped jeans, sweatpants, shorts, t-shirts, etc.

Just to give an idea:
Groomsmen will be wearing dress pants with matching vests, white button-up shirts with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, ties, and shiney black dress shoes. Bridesmaids will be wearing knee-length dresses. [Groom] will be wearing white dress pants with a matching white vest, white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, black tie, and shiney black dress shoes. My dress is floor-length.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

hyechica81 said:

@hisgirl how rude to expect you and your dh to go to a wedding and the b/g want you to pay for your own meal so tacky and rude. they are hosting people so they should properly feed them,

if they cant afford a full meal go some place inexpensive that can sit all those people (separate room) do heavy apps cheeze crakers fruit and cake..

if i got an invite to a wedding and it was dutch i would decline and tell them i am sorry but i wont be attending a wedding i have to foot the bill for.

Oh, we declined. We declined when we got the STDate that included 'beach casual' clothing required, and an accompanying colour palette suggestion. The Dutch treat was icing on the craptastic cake.

lyndausvi · May 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

april182015bride said:

I dunno - I don't mind getting invites early - I'm a planner, so I like to have stuff on the calendar sometimes a year ahead of time (stuff like vacations, etc).

But that's the point of a STDate.

But not everyone does those. Especially those who don't want to be locked into their guest list at 9 months out.

ETA, in prior discussions, a lot of people have mentioned that even if they get a STD, they don't actually book their travel/hotel room until they receive the actual invite.

Typically the room block info is not including with STDs, and many ppl don't use wedding websites and don't put that info on their STDs either.

I was arranging room blocks with local hotels for my wedding this fall, and they all wanted the release date for unbooked rooms to be 1 month prior to my wedding date! When I tried to negotiate to push that date back, they would give me maybe a week's extension.

So I think many ppl are sending out invitations earlier than is advised on this forum because their room blocks expire so freaking early.

Really? We included the room block. That was really the purpose of us even sending them out.

SammiNJonni · May 2014

Sending out invites a month early I can forgive the early RSVP date screams B-listing.

As for the dress code on the invite I can not stop laughing that the think they can dictate guests attire.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

lyndausvi said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

april182015bride said:

I dunno - I don't mind getting invites early - I'm a planner, so I like to have stuff on the calendar sometimes a year ahead of time (stuff like vacations, etc).

But that's the point of a STDate.

But not everyone does those. Especially those who don't want to be locked into their guest list at 9 months out.

ETA, in prior discussions, a lot of people have mentioned that even if they get a STD, they don't actually book their travel/hotel room until they receive the actual invite.

Typically the room block info is not including with STDs, and many ppl don't use wedding websites and don't put that info on their STDs either.

I was arranging room blocks with local hotels for my wedding this fall, and they all wanted the release date for unbooked rooms to be 1 month prior to my wedding date! When I tried to negotiate to push that date back, they would give me maybe a week's extension.

So I think many ppl are sending out invitations earlier than is advised on this forum because their room blocks expire so freaking early.

Really? We included the room block. That was really the purpose of us even sending them out.

So did we. For that exact reason. We were basically only inviting family and very close friends, so they all knew about the date, but the STDates served the purpose of telling people where we had blocked rooms for them.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

SammiNJonni said:

Sending out invites a month early I can forgive the early RSVP date screams B-listing.

As for the dress code on the invite I can not stop laughing that the think they can dictate guests attire.

What kills me about their attire paragraph is that what I really want to know is the shoe situation. While the wedding is in a park, is it in a paved pavillion, or on gravel, or on grass? I'm not wearing sandals if it's on gravel lest the rocks get in my shoes, and I'm not wearing heels if it's on grass. I know how to dress myself, but can't you at least help me make an educated decision about my shoes?

lyndausvi · May 2014

adk19 said:

SammiNJonni said:

Sending out invites a month early I can forgive the early RSVP date screams B-listing.

As for the dress code on the invite I can not stop laughing that the think they can dictate guests attire.

What kills me about their attire paragraph is that what I really want to know is the shoe situation. While the wedding is in a park, is it in a paved pavillion, or on gravel, or on grass? I'm not wearing sandals if it's on gravel lest the rocks get in my shoes, and I'm not wearing heels if it's on grass. I know how to dress myself, but can't you at least help me make an educated decision about my shoes?

We had attire info on our FAQ card. ::holds my head in shame::

Our guests had never been to a beach wedding before. They are Catholic Church wedding people,( i.e. they always were at minimum cocktail attire). DH wasn't wearing a suit. We said something simple like the wedding is on the actual beach. Coats and ties are not necessary. We figured that would set the tone without saying what you should or not be wearing.

We also put something on the card that there would be a shoe valet available. We were to have tables setup so people could leave their shoes. We were to have seats for when they returned they could put on their shoes easily. We also had brushes, baby powder and gloves to wipe of sand before you put your shoes on.

The storm changed those plans, but I've seen them in the islands often and it worked well.

Couggal12 · May 2014

adk19 said:

Couggal12 said:

I'm with @artbyallie, please post!!!!

Attire
Please wear semi-formal/dressy-casual attire. Our wedding is not themed to be super formal such as suits and ties for everyone, but it is not super casual either. So please wear something nice. No ball caps, ripped jeans, sweatpants, shorts, t-shirts, etc.

Just to give an idea:
Groomsmen will be wearing dress pants with matching vests, white button-up shirts with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, ties, and shiney black dress shoes. Bridesmaids will be wearing knee-length dresses. [Groom] will be wearing white dress pants with a matching white vest, white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, black tie, and shiney black dress shoes. My dress is floor-length.

I would walk in with the nicest pair of ripped jeans I own.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

Couggal12 said:

adk19 said:

Couggal12 said:

I'm with @artbyallie, please post!!!!

Attire
Please wear semi-formal/dressy-casual attire. Our wedding is not themed to be super formal such as suits and ties for everyone, but it is not super casual either. So please wear something nice. No ball caps, ripped jeans, sweatpants, shorts, t-shirts, etc.

Just to give an idea:
Groomsmen will be wearing dress pants with matching vests, white button-up shirts with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, ties, and shiney black dress shoes. Bridesmaids will be wearing knee-length dresses. [Groom] will be wearing white dress pants with a matching white vest, white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, black tie, and shiney black dress shoes. My dress is floor-length.

I would walk in with the nicest pair of ripped jeans I own.

I'm thinking ripped jean shorts, a wonder woman t-shirt, and a ball cap.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

I'd wear ripped jeans and if the bride said anything about it say, 'Oh, these are ripped. They're deshabille chic. It's a Thing now.'

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

SammiNJonni said:

Sending out invites a month early I can forgive the early RSVP date screams B-listing.

As for the dress code on the invite I can not stop laughing that the think they can dictate guests attire.

I really don't think it should though, and I wonder if people who don't spend all day preaching wedding etiquette would feel the same way, or if Knotties are hyper-sensitive to it.

If you're not the actual one being B-listed, and you have no proof that B-listing is actually going on or going to go on at some later date, what's rude? Anyone can wonder about it all they want but I wouldn't hold it against people unless I knew for sure they had ended up doing that. It definitely screams A-list, but you have no way of knowing if a B-list exists.

And if so many people send invites so early because of advice they're getting elsewhere (or whatever other reason), so that's the cadence lots of guests are used to, might it not scream B-list even more to get an invite only a month out, with 2-week RSVPs? My wedding isn't until September and I've already had about a half dozen people ask me when they're getting their invitations to make sure they didn't miss it/make sure they're invited (yeah, rude, but whatever).

Funny story... a friend of mine got pulled over for stopping at a stop sign. Yeah. The cop said "you only stopped at that because you saw me and didn't want to get pulled over." Huh? She said "you realize you can't give me a ticket over an assumption of something you thought I might have done but didn't." "Well... yeah. But be warned." Um ok.

Just got an invite to an August wedding

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