I originally deleted this because I got tired of the snark, but apparently that makes things more interesting to look at. My future mother-in-law still makes it pretty obvious that she doesn't like many of the things my fiancé and I want to do, but we are on the same page. Its our wedding and we are doing things our way. She is doing the rehearsal dinner. My bridesmaids are handling my wedding shower. All is as well as it is going to get.
My future mother-in-law and I have always gotten along really well. My fiance is an only child and his mom has always been a very hands-on kind of parent. I understood this going in. I knew that she would want help me with the planning. The day that we got engaged, she told me that she already almost had the rehearsal dinner planned. I told her that my fiance and I had planned on paying for the whole wedding ourselves - including the rehearsal dinner. I also reminded her that I really do tend to micromanage things. Fast forward a week and she informs me that she has purchased a lot of things for the rehearsal dinner and my shower. I asked if I could see them and she informed me that she wanted to "surprise me." My fiance and I have not found a venue yet, and have not picked wedding colors yet. I told her that I felt that it was too early to be purchasing things because of that fact. I also told her that I hated surprises and that the unknown really stresses me out - I do have a touch of OCD and am on medication for an anxiety disorder. She informed me that she was just buying stuff for "her part" and that I still had my party - the reception. She completely belittled my feelings and ignored what I said. My fiance talked to her about it, but just made things worse. I tried telling her that I really want and need her help with this, but that I just want to be informed of what is going on. She is not speaking to me. My fiance says that I should just apologize to his mom and let her do what she wants to. While I hate that she's not talking to me and this animosity really hurts me and stresses me out, I feel that if I back down now that I will be backing down for the rest of my life. Any advice?