Opening gifts at the bridal shower

ashmay2015 · May 2014

I have only been to 2 showers before, so I am kind of new to this. At one shower gifts were opened and at the other gifts were not opened. I was wondering if I choose not to open gifts at my shower will that be a breach of etiquette??

ashleyep · May 2014

Yes, you should open gifts at your shower. Since the whole point of the shower is to shower the bride with gifts, you should open them and express your gratitude.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

I've never been to a shower where gifts weren't opened. That would strike me as incredibly rude.

Jen4948 · May 2014

The whole point of a shower is to give gifts to the bride, groom, or couple. Not to open them at the shower is not only rude but just doesn't make sense. If the bride/groom/couple doesn't want to open gifts, they should decline the shower.

Simply Fated · May 2014

On any other day when someone brings you a gift, don't you open it in front of them? Gifts should absolutely be opened at showers.

Jen4948 · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

On any other day when someone brings you a gift, don't you open it in front of them? Gifts should absolutely be opened at showers.

Actually, no to the bolded.

Gifts certainly need to be opened at showers, Christmas, and birthday parties. But when given a gift at a time that isn't a gift-giving occasion, you actually need to open it in private. Nobody who gives you a gift then is entitled to see the look on your face-only to receive a gracious note of thanks. And at weddings themselves, at least in the US, gifts are not opened at the wedding.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

Is there a reason why you wouldn't want to open the gifts at your shower?

As a guest I always found watching ppl open gifts to be boring, but after coming to these boards I realized that basically everyone else enjoys it!

And I agree that not opening them in front of everyone is rude- I enjoy seeing a person's reaction when they open a gift I picked out or made them, it's the best part of giving a gift.

ashmay2015 · May 2014

The reason I was asking is because as a guest I did find it very boring. The shower that I went to where the gifts were not opened was much more enjoyable to me. But I don't want to be rude so I guess I am opening them at my shower! Thanks ladies!!

manateehugger · May 2014

Nope, you open the gifts and you express your gratitude to each guest after opening her present. The whole point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts and watch her open them. I'd be irritated if I brought a gift to the shower and it was just cast aside for later.

Have a present opening assembly line to make it go faster if you need to and maybe have an easy non-stupid game going on in the background if it suits your crowd (my bridesmaids did trivia with champagne and wine as the prize).

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

ashmay2015 said:

The reason I was asking is because as a guest I did find it very boring. The shower that I went to where the gifts were not opened was much more enjoyable to me. But I don't want to be rude so I guess I am opening them at my shower! Thanks ladies!!

Have your guests play Bingo while you unwrap gifts. . . they fill out a blank bingo card with what gifts they think you are going to get, and the winner or winners can get a prize if you choose.

And having an assembly line helps, for example:
BM1 cuts off ribbons and hands package to BM2 and card to Bride.
BM 2 gets the package partially opened while Bride reads card.
Bride hands card off to BM3 who is writing down who gave what.
Bride opens gift and shows it off, says thanks, then hands gift over to BM4 who sets it aside, while BM5 disposes of wrapping paper.

sofakingmad · May 2014

ashmay2015 said:

The reason I was asking is because as a guest I did find it very boring. The shower that I went to where the gifts were not opened was much more enjoyable to me. But I don't want to be rude so I guess I am opening them at my shower! Thanks ladies!!

I agree that it is very boring to watch, but yeah, do the BINGO game or something to keep guests entertained and then they stay focused on what you are doing.

JellyBean52513 · May 2014

I had no idea that it was actually rude not to open gifts at a shower. My boss didn't open her gifts at her shower and I preferred that, because there was almost 80 people there and we would've been there all night. I also would never want to sit there and force everyone to watch me open presents... it seems like such a show-off thing to do. I really didn't realize that not to do so would be against etiquette

Couggal12 · May 2014

I really honestly never understood why you wouldn't open them. I get it's somewhat mundane for guests but, I personally like to see you open my gift. Especially since I like to put thought into what I buy people and enjoy seeing them open it.

AddieCake · May 2014

Ugh. This make me nostalgic for OwningAHome and beating this dead horse with her.

pinkshorts27 · May 2014

JellyBean52513 said:

I had no idea that it was actually rude not to open gifts at a shower. My boss didn't open her gifts at her shower and I preferred that, because there was almost 80 people there and we would've been there all night. I also would never want to sit there and force everyone to watch me open presents... it seems like such a show-off thing to do. I really didn't realize that not to do so would be against etiquette

80 people seems extreme for a shower. In my mind shower = 10-30 people (with 30 seeming high to me). Ideal shower = 10-15 people, but maybe I'm anti-social

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

I don't think I've been to a shower with less than 30 people, honestly. But most of my friends and I have big families. If I were to have a shower, just siblings/aunts/first cousins would be about 20!

JellyBean52513 · May 2014

pinkshorts27 said:

JellyBean52513 said:

I had no idea that it was actually rude not to open gifts at a shower. My boss didn't open her gifts at her shower and I preferred that, because there was almost 80 people there and we would've been there all night. I also would never want to sit there and force everyone to watch me open presents... it seems like such a show-off thing to do. I really didn't realize that not to do so would be against etiquette

80 people seems extreme for a shower. In my mind shower = 10-30 people (with 30 seeming high to me). Ideal shower = 10-15 people, but maybe I'm anti-social

It was basically a mini, all-female reception except for her dad, brother, man-of-honor, and the groom.

RebeccaB88 · May 2014

I don't go to showers where the gifts aren't opened. If I go to the trouble to get you a gift, you're for damn sure going to go to the trouble to open it and thank me for it. And if it's not obvious from the invitation whether gifts will be opened (the ridiculously silly 'display shower' or 'clear wrapping'), I will call and ask.

CMGragain · May 2014

In the western culture, gifts are opened at the bridal shower. This is the highlight of the party.
There are some cultures, Chinese and Indian, for example, in which one does not open a gift in front of the giver. I think that if you are going to follow a western tradition of bridal showers, then yoiu should follow western etiquette and open the gifts in front of the guests.

jdluvr06 · May 2014

Gifts are supposed to be opened at showers. I personally find it dull to watch but I know some people enjoy it. I would have probably had more fun at the shower where the gifts weren't opened too.

Simply Fated · May 2014

pinkshorts27 said:

JellyBean52513 said:

I had no idea that it was actually rude not to open gifts at a shower. My boss didn't open her gifts at her shower and I preferred that, because there was almost 80 people there and we would've been there all night. I also would never want to sit there and force everyone to watch me open presents... it seems like such a show-off thing to do. I really didn't realize that not to do so would be against etiquette

80 people seems extreme for a shower. In my mind shower = 10-30 people (with 30 seeming high to me). Ideal shower = 10-15 people, but maybe I'm anti-social

My friend's shower was about 80 people. It took hours to get through all those gifts. It was boring, mundane, and people startes excusing themselves to go home (It was seriously getting late)
This had nothing to do with the fact that we were opening gifts, and everything to do with the fact that there were a shitton of gifts, we started opening them late and there was no system.
Blah, it's late and this turned into a minirant. My point is, opening gifts doesn't have to suck. It's all about the larger details.

MandyMost · May 2014

If you don't want to open gifts in front of people, don't have a shower. Have some type of luncheon with no gifts, and socialize with the women instead. The PURPOSE of a shower is the gifts.

Yes, it sucks to be the person opening them. Yes, it sucks to sit there and watch them be opened. Yes, shower games all suck. Yes, shower food typically sucks. Yes, sitting politely in a room full of women typically sucks. Everything about a shower sucks. But if you want the extra presents, you have to do it.

kaos16 · May 2014

I just attended a shower where the invitation actually said "be a dear and wrap in clear." People wandered up and looked at the gifts on the table, that was it. It was soooooo odd.

The entire purpose is to sit and eat while someone opens a ton of gifts that you aren't interested in. Hopefully they provide booze and bingo for the duration!

beethery · May 2014

I really don't want anyone to throw a shower for me PURELY because I don't want to open gifts in front of anybody. I don't even think we're going to have a registry so that the topic is less likely to come up

That's the only solution I can think of where I can be as least rude as possible without having people come by, I open their present after I say hi and offer them a drink and some bbq, and then they leave at their own leisure instead of having everyone sit down and watch me open stuff for however long. The very idea of a traditional shower gives me so much anxiety. I would much rather not have a shower at all than be that kind of rudey-toot.

manateehugger · May 2014

CMGragain said:

In the western culture, gifts are opened at the bridal shower. This is the highlight of the party.
There are some cultures, Chinese and Indian, for example, in which one does not open a gift in front of the giver. I think that if you are going to follow a western tradition of bridal showers, then yoiu should follow western etiquette and open the gifts in front of the guests.

Ummm, all the bridal showers I've been to in the US hosted in honor of an Indian bride, the presents have been opened.

Bridal showers in India are kind of a newer idea; most people just borrow European tradition for them.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

scribe95 said:

I have never been to a shower without opening gifts. It is to me the whole purpose of the shower. From reading this board the idea of not doing it appears to crop up only at these big mega showers with a large amount of people.

What do you consider a mega shower though? Every bridal shower I have been to- like 15 or 20- have been 30+ guests, and that's standard for ppl in my social circle (friends, family, neighbors). They are usually closer to 50 guests.

ETA: The gift opening usually goes really quickly, even if there are a shit ton of gifts because ppl usually have an assembly line like I described above.

And I guess as long as everyone has plenty to eat and drink, and ppl to chat with at their tables, they should be fine?

I just think it's funny how many ppl here say "You have to open gifts at showers or it's rude" and then in the same breath say "showers are boring" lol.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

MandyMost said:

If you don't want to open gifts in front of people, don't have a shower. Have some type of luncheon with no gifts, and socialize with the women instead. The PURPOSE of a shower is the gifts.

Yes, it sucks to be the person opening them. Yes, it sucks to sit there and watch them be opened. Yes, shower games all suck. Yes, shower food typically sucks. Yes, sitting politely in a room full of women typically sucks. Everything about a shower sucks. But if you want the extra presents, you have to do it.

I think the bride is the only one who has fun at showers and that is the only position that doesn't suck as per your description, lol!

misshart00 · May 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:

If you don't want to open gifts in front of people, don't have a shower. Have some type of luncheon with no gifts, and socialize with the women instead. The PURPOSE of a shower is the gifts.

Yes, it sucks to be the person opening them. Yes, it sucks to sit there and watch them be opened. Yes, shower games all suck. Yes, shower food typically sucks. Yes, sitting politely in a room full of women typically sucks. Everything about a shower sucks. But if you want the extra presents, you have to do it.

I think the bride is the only one who has fun at showers and that is the only position that doesn't suck as per your description, lol!

I actually enjoy all the things you say suck at a shower. If it's that awful, don't go.

manateehugger · May 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:

If you don't want to open gifts in front of people, don't have a shower. Have some type of luncheon with no gifts, and socialize with the women instead. The PURPOSE of a shower is the gifts.

Yes, it sucks to be the person opening them. Yes, it sucks to sit there and watch them be opened. Yes, shower games all suck. Yes, shower food typically sucks. Yes, sitting politely in a room full of women typically sucks. Everything about a shower sucks. But if you want the extra presents, you have to do it.

I think the bride is the only one who has fun at showers and that is the only position that doesn't suck as per your description, lol!

Nope. If there's good food, mimosas, and good company, I pretty much always enjoy showers. Granted, the present-opening portion at the showers I go to rarely goes over an hour, and everyone chats during that time.

Jen4948 · May 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:

If you don't want to open gifts in front of people, don't have a shower. Have some type of luncheon with no gifts, and socialize with the women instead. The PURPOSE of a shower is the gifts.

Yes, it sucks to be the person opening them. Yes, it sucks to sit there and watch them be opened. Yes, shower games all suck. Yes, shower food typically sucks. Yes, sitting politely in a room full of women typically sucks. Everything about a shower sucks. But if you want the extra presents, you have to do it.

I think the bride is the only one who has fun at showers and that is the only position that doesn't suck as per your description, lol!

I think it depends from shower to shower. I have been to showers I enjoyed very much and to showers I didn't enjoy but attended because the bride was someone I was close to. The right combination of people, food, drinks, and any other activities can make all the difference.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

PDKH said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:

If you don't want to open gifts in front of people, don't have a shower. Have some type of luncheon with no gifts, and socialize with the women instead. The PURPOSE of a shower is the gifts.

Yes, it sucks to be the person opening them. Yes, it sucks to sit there and watch them be opened. Yes, shower games all suck. Yes, shower food typically sucks. Yes, sitting politely in a room full of women typically sucks. Everything about a shower sucks. But if you want the extra presents, you have to do it.

I think the bride is the only one who has fun at showers and that is the only position that doesn't suck as per your description, lol!

Nope. If there's good food, mimosas, and good company, I pretty much always enjoy showers. Granted, the present-opening portion at the showers I go to rarely goes over an hour, and everyone chats during that time.

Yeah this has been my experience as well, which I think is good.

Most of the showers I have been to had really good food and I liked the company. Games I have found can be hit or miss. . . I love Bingo and The Purse Game though!

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