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I want to unevenly split my estate

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence, 
I’m an 81-year-old widow with two daughters, Ann and Bea, who are both around 60. Neither had children and neither live nearby. I’m considering changing my will to leave a greater share to Bea, for two reasons. She’s helped me considerably more than Ann since I was widowed 30 years ago, coming here every year to help with the house and garden, and staying with me when I recovered from surgery. The second reason is because I dislike Ann’s husband, Alf. Ann pays for everything because he’s never held a job. Alf talks excessively about himself and his accomplishments, which are exaggerations and untruths. He was here recently and asked many questions about my things (furniture, paintings, silver, etc.) and took offense when I refused to give him any information. He wanted to know the provenance and value, and didn’t even pretend otherwise! He took photos of many items, even after I told him to stop. When I told Ann his behavior upset me, she wouldn’t acknowledge how rude it was to so obviously anticipate my death. I’m considering leaving her a cash sum that equals about 25 percent of my estate, with the house, its contents and remaining assets to Bea. What do you think?

—Where There’s a Will

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Re: I want to unevenly split my estate

  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    She'll be dead so does it really matter. Ann and  her husband will be mad, but she won't have to hear it. I say leave a hand written note explaining why she can to the decisions she did.
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    I'm thinking this is going to cause some hurt between Bea and Ann. 
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Yes, it will, but they can't control what they mom decides to do with her money. I think parents should split it down the middle, but what do you do with that one deadbeat child?

    I say split it down the middle with the same amount, but give Ann's kids a cut so it doesn't all go to the crazy husband. Maybe?

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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    There are no kids.  I get that it's mom's money, but is it worth causing the hurt?  She should talk to Bea, if Bea doesn't mine Ann grousing then have at it.  Bea may care more about the sister than the money. 

    I see this in our future.  DH would choose the brother relationship over the money, but it's not our place.  Ann could very well be a bitch though.

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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    6, I never read the whole thing. Man, I need to work on that.:)

    My sister and I have already said all proceeds with be split in half. Case closed.

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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    DH's family is a bit dysfunctional. FIL and sMIL have given large gifts and loans (like to buy houses and businesses) to their kids over the years.  They have kept track and adjusted the wills as needed. Problem is there are two kids in particular that won't be cool with this.  There is also a kid that has mental health issues that will probably have a conniption.

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  • GBCKGBCK member
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    I dislike Prudie's answer, because, IME, the sweet little old lady leaving the contents of the house is NOT a gift.
    People *think* it's a gift, after all, there's that antique china hutch that's worth something and X and Y and Z...
    But it's also all of the CRAP.  The crap that grandma *thinks* is worth something, the crap that should have been trhrown out, and the heartbreaking ever-looming task of getting rid of and or selling stuff.

    Prudie's advice sucks.
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
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    even if the mother makes the choice to give Bea 75%, Bea could always decide to gift a portion of her inheritance to her sister. 

    When DK's grandfather died, he left his entire estate to FIL. FIL was the most successful of his siblings - job, stable family, etc. FIL spent a good portion of time taking care of his FIL in the years leading up to his death. FIL's dad admired his work ethic, dedication to family, etc. FIL's one living sibling (sister) is basically a deadbeat, and the grandfather thought she would waste the money on something stupid, rather than trying to better her situation. FIL did not feel that this was right, and decided to split the money 50/50 with his sister.
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