Thinking of doing a thing.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

Tell me if it's a good idea or a bad idea. So a lot of our friends are not so great at checking their mail. Because well we mostly just get junk mail. So we was thinking of, when we send out our wedding invitations saying something on Facebook (where the majority of the none mail checking people are friends with us) along the lines of "Invites finally went out today, so excited!", as a cloaked way of saying "so check your fucking mail!"

Now, wait one second, we'll utilize the list feature on Facebook to make sure only our wedding guests can see the status update. Of course they won't know they're the only ones to see the status update. But I'm thinking they won't side-eye it. Other then maybe our parents who are friends with us on Facebook and we might get a lecture from them about talking about parties in front of people not invited. But as our parents we could give them a heads up that "there's this list feature, we're using that".

So, buneo idea? No bueno? Tequila? Whadda think? (edited to fix fucking paragraphs)

wandajune6 · May 2014

FI's friends would start posting to the public and make a mess of it. My parents' friends would do the same. My friends would either do the same or would start fussing over who isn't invited.

I'd skip it, just to play it safe.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

Can you text or privately message them instead? I agree with wanda that it's rife with opportunities for people to start making it public.

manateehugger · May 2014

I generally think FB + wedding invites = potential disaster/awkwardness. I've used the list feature before, but it's a lot of work, and you can't always control what someone else does with it. I'd be way too nervous to do it. I'd enlist wedding party friends to do word of mouth instead. What are the odds someone goes a whole month without checking their mail you know? If nothing else, you'll call up mail-fetching failures after the RSVP date and get to make fun of them for not checking their mail in the past 6ish weeks. Edited - TK doesn't want me to use paragraphs

Aray82 · May 2014

wandajune6 said:
FI's friends would start posting to the public and make a mess of it. My parents' friends would do the same. My friends would either do the same or would start fussing over who isn't invited.

I'd skip it, just to play it safe.

This. Part of what makes Facebook a hotbed of awkwardness is that you not only have to be responsible for how and what you're posting, but you have to have complete confidence that everyone else can be trusted to do the same. In my family, as in Wanda's, I could not be that confident it wouldn't inadvertently go public.

melbenso · May 2014

Could you just email them or message them privately on FB instead? Aside from all the etiquette issues PP have mentioned, you can't be sure that all these people would have your status show up in their newsfeed.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

Oh good points. I hadn't thought about them sharing because...I mean it's rather dull information. Basically it's "I went to the post office!" which I mean...dull information overall. It's kind like being excited you paid the light bill. Which I have totally been there before of being excited I got the payment in on time and would have electricity for the month.

But then I can see other people going "OMG! Fi mailed her wedding invites! Squee!!!!" and other people "Where the fuck is mine Fi" and it spiraling from there.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

I've been pondering the same thing. FB lists are my friend and I use them all the time. I kind of feel like some of my guests will over share wedding stuff regardless of what I do and don't post (some already did). My wedding isn't a secret though...if somebody sees mention of it and gets butthurt they weren't invited, well tough noogies. Life's not fair sometimes, princess.

syoun1nj · May 2014

People can tell if they're on a special list (if they bother to look). But people not on the list cannot tell they're NOT on a list. Just to clarify!

I had a "Wedding" list for posts about things like hotel deadlines but that was it which, who was gonna share that?

The only person who creeped on me for an invite was my weirdo cousin. But I'd post something like "Ugh, DC is so gross." and she'd comment "I was supposed to travel to DC a week before your wedding and thought I could totally make it! But my trip was cancelled! So sad!!"

Jen4948 · May 2014

I think you need to tell these people by word of mouth and not Facebook that you mailed invitations to them.

mysticl · May 2014

We are guilty of not being great at checking our mail. But we've never gone so long that we would miss an rsvp deadline.

ShadeofGreen816 · May 2014

Unless there's a LOT of these people, I might recommend that a couple days/a week before the RSVP deadline, just give them a heads up "hey wanted to make sure you got my invite" text/email/call and let them know it's around if you haven't heard from them. Very frequently, I tend to text people or tell them when I get their invites - mostly because I'm a dork and I LOVE to look at peoples invites and they make me excited.

StephJean83 · May 2014

One of FH's GM asked me to text or FB message him when we mail out invites. Reason being is he checks his mail like 4 times a year. He "got" our Christmas card in February (mailed them in mid December). I would just private message or text the ones who you would question whether or not they check their mail regularly.

Is it a thing to not check mail regularly? Even with my roommate paying bills online, we still get our monthly bills mailed to us, not to mention roommate's Playboy. I check our mail daily and actually was letting our neighbor know if we got any because he was hoping weeks without getting any.

cmclaire · May 2014

I'd call/text/email/PM - the sharing problem mentioned above sounds like it could cause headaches!

kmmssg · May 2014

Ok I am the 54 yo here who gets her bills electronically and banks electronically and I am sitting here thinking WHO THE HELL SERIOUSLY DOES NOT CHECK THEIR MAIL ON A REGULAR BASIS? Other grown up things still.come out of the mailbox. I can't even fathom that!

tortoisebride · May 2014

kmmssg said:

Ok I am the 54 yo here who gets her bills electronically and banks electronically and I am sitting here thinking WHO THE HELL SERIOUSLY DOES NOT CHECK THEIR MAIL ON A REGULAR BASIS? Other grown up things still.come out of the mailbox. I can't even fathom that!

If you've always paid your bills online, and you don't have any paper correspondents, the mailbox can seem like a direct-to-recycling bucket. I like getting mail so I check mine but I can see how people wouldn't. I'm not saying it's a good idea, though.

Facebook sharing issues aside, I'd think that if they don't check their mail regularly, they're probably not going to pick up on a subtle hint like you suggest. Just email them and say "we sent out our invites please keep an eye out for them."

ei34 · May 2014

Maybe it's the apartment-dwelling, city girl in me, but whose mailbox is big enough that it can go that long without being checked?!
I'm on the fence about mixing FB and invitations...maybe send a private message to those you're worried about? I'm not familiar with lists but I know the message feature shows you who has actually read your message. Though the best way to ensure that people are checking their mail/received the invitation is to call them or speak to them in person. Even that seems a touch pushy though..unless these are must-attend-VIP's, I'd just call them after the RSVP deadline to ask if they're attending.

buddysmom80 · May 2014

I wouldn't post anything on FB, but I would e-mail or FB message people to give them the heads up. Even then, if you don't hear from guests by your RSVP deadline you have to call them anyway.

I also vote for tequila too, but it's only because I've been at work for 15 minutes and need a drink already.

rajahmd · May 2014

Fun story: our RSVP deadline came and went with no response from DH'S cousin in GA. They had recently planned a wedding themselves, so I was surprised. I sent a FB message to the cousin's wife to get their response. Turns out they hadn't checked their mail in probably TWO MONTHS. They had never picked up the invite from their mailbox. A few days later we finally got their RSVP.

I still wonder to this day if they ever got the STD we sent them.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

kmmssg said:

Ok I am the 54 yo here who gets her bills electronically and banks electronically and I am sitting here thinking WHO THE HELL SERIOUSLY DOES NOT CHECK THEIR MAIL ON A REGULAR BASIS? Other grown up things still.come out of the mailbox. I can't even fathom that!

THIS!! DH and I do all our banking and bill-paying and whatever online, and we STILL check the mail daily.

Maybe it's because I'm an anachronistic weirdo, and I have friends I actually write real letters to every week, but I couldn't imagine NOT checking my mail.

Lots of grown-up things still come in mailboxes -- Christmas cards, letters, invitations, etc.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

kmmssg said:

Ok I am the 54 yo here who gets her bills electronically and banks electronically and I am sitting here thinking WHO THE HELL SERIOUSLY DOES NOT CHECK THEIR MAIL ON A REGULAR BASIS? Other grown up things still.come out of the mailbox. I can't even fathom that!

THIS!! DH and I do all our banking and bill-paying and whatever online, and we STILL check the mail daily.

Maybe it's because I'm an anachronistic weirdo, and I have friends I actually write real letters to every week, but I couldn't imagine NOT checking my mail.

Lots of grown-up things still come in mailboxes -- Christmas cards, letters, invitations, etc.

Jury summonses... don't wanna ignore those!

climbingsingle · May 2014

We pay just about everything online and do paperless billing. We still check the mail every day. Hello - Bed Bath & Beyond 20% off coupons!

Also, I have 3 weddings coming up. When it gets closer to the dates, I will be checking the mail (excitedly) every day for those invites. Yes, I love weddings and I'm a dork.

SmileDamnit · May 2014

I checked the mail daily when I had my own mailbox, but our house now is in a community with group mailboxes (suburbia at it's finest) so maybe check it 3 or 4 times a week...unless FI is on an LP buying kick, then he checks it all the damn time.

That said, while I'm a big fan of the FB list, I can see how it can backfire so I vote just emailing or private messaging or something the slackers.

misshart00 · May 2014

Also, maybe it's a "my state" thing, but if you don't check your mail for like 2 weeks, you start getting notices that your house may be vacant and questioning if they should continue to send mail to you.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

kmmssg said:

Ok I am the 54 yo here who gets her bills electronically and banks electronically and I am sitting here thinking WHO THE HELL SERIOUSLY DOES NOT CHECK THEIR MAIL ON A REGULAR BASIS? Other grown up things still.come out of the mailbox. I can't even fathom that!

We check our mail regularly. Well ok, sometimes we miss a few days because we pretty much just get junk mail. But at least once a week. We live in a condo complex so our mailboxes are up front and you use a key to get into them. If it were like a regular in front of the house mailbox we'd probably check it daily.

But I have very dear friends who are not great at being grown ups.

sofakingmad · May 2014

I don't mean this in a snarky way, but just have some faith in your friends and family. They have survived this long in the world.

wrigleyville · May 2014

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Our mail is often catalogs, ads, and such, but the longest we go without grabbing it is about three days. It comes through a mail slot in a door we don't use, so that's why it's easy to ignore it.

If someone has a mailbox, the longest they could go is about a week, and that's not going to affect your RSVP deadline too much. If you don't hear from people by the deadline, just add them to your "call to check up" list.

wrigleyville · May 2014

SarahRN87 said:

Unless there's a LOT of these people, I might recommend that a couple days/a week before the RSVP deadline, just give them a heads up "hey wanted to make sure you got my invite" text/email/call and let them know it's around if you haven't heard from them. Very frequently, I tend to text people or tell them when I get their invites - mostly because I'm a dork and I LOVE to look at peoples invites and they make me excited.

I wouldn't do that until the deadline. If they have a week or a couple days left to respond, it can feel like babysitting. I've sent my RSVP at the last minute before, mostly because I had to make sure I wasn't on-call that weekend.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

wrigleyville said:

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Our mail is often catalogs, ads, and such, but the longest we go without grabbing it is about three days. It comes through a mail slot in a door we don't use, so that's why it's easy to ignore it.

If someone has a mailbox, the longest they could go is about a week, and that's not going to affect your RSVP deadline too much. If you don't hear from people by the deadline, just add them to your "call to check up" list.

One friend bragged about going 6 weeks without checking his mail. Though he's in the wedding, so I don't worry about him. He doesn't (and a lot of our friend don't) have a traditional mail box outside but rather the big block of locked mailboxes. Either at the front of their apartment complex or at the end of the street or something.

Simply Fated · May 2014

I once went a month without checking my PO Box. When I opened it up, there was a just note telling me to talk to a clerk. I waited on line and when it was my turn, I showed the clerk my note and gave my name. He excused himself and returned with a large cardboard box filled with stuff! For me it was like all 8 days of Chanukah at once! But he looked pissed. Apparently my box was taking up a decent chunk of their small space. Whoopsies.

Anyway, I would keep it off FB. Not everyone might equate "went to the post office" with "sent my invitations." And there i always the chance the post could go public. Not to mention the ONE friend who would inevitably comment "To send your wedding invitations, right!!!"

Also, in my circle/area FB is falling out of popularity. It's all about Instagram and Snapchat now. Hardly anyone even posts on FB anymore. People might check it as frequently as they check their snail mail lol.

MandyMost · May 2014

When I lived in an apartment I'd get the mail about once a week, but would often just leave it in a pile--sometimes for a couple months. Usually until something happened where I realized I didn't receive something, and then I'd sort through the pile.

Now, the mailbox is right at our door (a townhouse), so we bring the mail in every day. I usually sort out the trash immediately, open anything that looks personal (like an invitation) immediately, and put the rest in a pile to deal with later. I probably only get to it about once a month.

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