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don't know where to start!!

JaxBeeJaxBee member
in Catholic Weddings
hi everyone!

I'm newly engaged and slightly overwhelmed with the planning, but was SO happy to find this board! We haven't picked a date or venue yet because it's important to me to have a Catholic ceremony. I grew up as a practicing Catholic (though I've been slacking over the past few months unfortunately) and my fiancee was baptized Episcopalian but was not really raised in the faith. My faith is very important to me and he's very supportive and open to everything, including raising children in the Catholic faith. His family is also wonderful and supportive of whatever ceremony we decide.

My concern is that we don't currently belong to a church because we still live ~1 hour apart. Planning to live together in September - will this be an issue to get married in the church? I know the best advice is to become a member and get married where you plan to raise a family but we just have no idea where we'll be right now! 

I also have several uncles that are deacons - is it possible to have a true Catholic ceremony with a deacon? It's amazing how completely clueless I feel, so any input would be incredibly helpful   :)
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Re: don't know where to start!!

  • professorscienceprofessorscience member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Welcome and congrats!

    First of all, definitely use www.catholicweddinghelp.com to answer some of your questions.

    Second, are your parents members of a church?  That might be a good place to start since you don't have a "home" parish of your own and don't know where you'll settle down.  DH and I didn't live in the area of the parish where we were married, but chose it because it's where BIL and his family went and where we planned to attend.

    About living together, some priests can and will refuse to marry you if you live together, so make sure you really, really consider that.  If living together can't be avoided (and I totally get it), the priest might ask you to live "as brother and sister," which means separate bedrooms.  

    You can definitely have a ceremony officiated by just a deacon, just without mass.  To have mass you'd have to include a priest, but your uncle(s) could still participate!  Could you be married in a church where one of your uncles is a deacon?
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  • itslizzyCitslizzyC member
    Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its
    Hey there!

    I think it's awesome that you want to get married in the church! I agree with what everyone else has said. Pick a church you could see yourself attending, not just one you want to get married at.  

    My FI & I are not using the parish priest.  We will have two visiting priests from our campus ministry who we both worked for and were our spiritual directors.  There is some extra paperwork though since they are from different dioceses, but nothing you can't handle.  Most parishes are open to family members celebrating the Sacrament, but each church is a little different.

    As far as living together it is highly discouraged.  I know it's not easy (my FI & I did long distance for years) but it is worth it. When we got engaged my FI was living outside Knoxville and I was in Charlotte and the priest doing our pre-cana was in Raleigh, but it's made our communication skills and patience grow exponentially!  The sacrifice of living apart is a blessing, but I know sometimes it can be too much for some people.  

    The website @professorscience mentioned is awesome! Also when you do your classes the priest or deacon or whoever usually gives you a planning book.  Our's was called "Together for Life"  It's great and has all the choices for the ceremony and reflections on all the choices.
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