Should I take my kids to the wedding?

kitty8403 · May 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

good2Bqueen13 said:

good2Bqueen13 said:

lolo883 said:

Not to thread jack, but I hope FI's family doesn't have these feelings about our guest list. We invited my cousins with their children because they all live out of state - the cousins couldn't come if they didn't bring the munchkins, so we included them. His family is a) much larger (he has 31 first cousins; I have 10) and b) all local so we invited just the adults. Opposite of this situation though.
Etiquette states that you should invite all in a similar group, but that the group need not apply across the aisle. In other words, if you invite one cousin's children, you should invite all of your cousins' children, however, across the aisle, it is not necessary for the groom to invite his cousin's children. So, if that makes any sense, it appears your situation is well within the rules of proper etiquette. The situation with DH's family is where this rule of etiquette really applies. With my children, he would have a dozen guests while his bride has more than 100. If they had chosen to invite his cousin's children, she would not be obligated to invite hers. I don't know the dynamics of her family, but if it is anything like mine, that would be an extra 50 guests! I have a large family!

This cannot possibly be true that in order to invite one of my cousins I must invite them all. Just because we have a grandparent in common does not mean that they need to be invited to my wedding. Also, I adore my one cousin's children and could not imagine getting married without having them there, and I have another cousin's child I've never met. They're really in the same "circle"?

Yes, it is actual etiquette! I know, right?! I think it must have been created back when families were closer. These days brothers and sisters move away and you may have never even MET some cousins. It is, however, etiquette. Honestly, it just goes to show that etiquette is a rule of thumb, appropriate under ideal circumstances. I had a very private ceremony (more of an elopement, really) just to avoid the guest list nightmare! ;o) Just kidding, but it certainly did make it easier. We only invited people we spent time with socially at least once a week. Still a specific "group" I guess, but it wasn't based on blood relationship.

No it's not. Just because someone is a cousin doesn't mean they get invited just because other cousins are invited. You are not entitled to an invitation to someone's wedding just because you are related to them.

The question was about whether they were part of the same circle. I would say yes, a first cousin is a first cousin. The only exception I see would be in the case of stepfamilies, where relations may also be by marriage, not blood.

I have a couple dozen legal first cousins. Not all are blood, but we are inviting the entire circle, because I have cousins related by marriage who we are closer to than some of the blood ones--I still have two adult blood cousins I've never met.

NYCMercedes · May 2014

If you "... spent all of the extra money for a travel along sitter and showed up to find children running around, I would have been hurt." You shouldn't be hurt. You don't even know the bride and the crazy not involved groom and their relationship to the children. Most likely the MOG wouldn't know either. Sounds as if his family was not expected to travel. Perhaps that is why your children were not even considered to have been invited. Maybe the groom didn't want your children there. Your husband's aunt should never have taken it up with the bride. Additionally, your husband's aunt should not have been disparaging the bride to you or anyone else, as you mentioned in your post about their seeing a different side of her now. She sounds like a horrible FMIL. She should blame her son if there were any guest list oversights, and she should have gone to him about your children. Nevertheless, your children were not on the invitation and they should not go.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

Maybe because the groom didn't care, the bride didn't invite the children. I mean if her FI isn't even involved, he clearly didn't care who was invited. It's pretty rude to generalize that men don't care about their own wedding and only want to party.

I've definitely been the one in charge of the wedding planning, but FI had input in everything but my dress (and BM dresses) and the flowers. He has strong opinions about the food and the music, and we made our guest list together.

good2Bqueen13 · May 2014

Maybe because the groom didn't care, the bride didn't invite the children. I mean if her FI isn't even involved, he clearly didn't care who was invited. It's pretty rude to generalize that men don't care about their own wedding and only want to party.

I've definitely been the one in charge of the wedding planning, but FI had input in everything but my dress (and BM dresses) and the flowers. He has strong opinions about the food and the music, and we made our guest list together.

I think it's awesome your husband is so involved in your wedding. I wish more men were like him, mine included, but I stand by my idea that more grooms than not care far less about the weddings or etiquette than the woman. Can we be honest here? How many men do you think peruse this or any other wedding sites? How many wedding sites are tailored to articles about being a groom and choosing groomsmen and what color suit goes with his skin tone without clashing with the chosen color scheme? Yeah, I'm pretty sure men, in general, don't care so much. And I wasn't insinuating men just want to party, just that this groom in particular does. My love didn't want anything to do with the wedding (aside from pretty much single handedly writing the entire ceremony because that was all that mattered to him) but he didn't party after it either. He hasn't had a drop of alcohol for more years than I've even known him. Desire to party and lack of wedding planning don't go hand in hand.

good2Bqueen13 · May 2014

NYCMercedes said:

Additionally, your husband's aunt should not have been disparaging the bride to you or anyone else, as you mentioned in your post about their seeing a different side of her now. She sounds like a horrible FMIL. She should blame her son if there were any guest list oversights, and she should have gone to him about your children. Nevertheless, your children were not on the invitation and they should not go.

Aunt is not this monster every one is assuming she is. She loves this girl very much. This thread was not meant to be about the bride's choices that have her future in-laws anxious for the wedding to be over. But here it goes. She chose a Dior gown, shoes, and jewelry aunt must wear and asked her to grow her hair out so she could style her hair to match her own mothers for the photos. She asked his sister to loose a little weight so she would look a bit better in her dress. She vetoed one of groomsmen because he refused to grow his hair out. Now Aunt has been very jovial about it all, teases her about being Bridezilla (NOT behind her back) and has never said anything negative about this behavior aside from being glad when the show is over so she can calm down let go of the stress of trying to find "perfection". And any one should give her a break about this because she is a young bride and all of these things are very important at this point in her life. Aunt can easily afford the Dior and longer hair doesn't bother her, groom's sister was wanting to loose weight anyway and vetoed groomsman has a Mohawk, btw, so you can see she is not REALLY a Bridezilla, she is just working too hard and not being her easy-going, fun-loving self. And also, you don't understand the family dynamics. Aunt has already accepted this girl as family and she is treating her like family, not some fragile princess that must be handled with kid gloves. Their families go on vacations together. They are way beyond formalities. I would even guess the bride might have been insulted if Aunt had gone to the groom about a problem with an invitation SHE sent out.

good2Bqueen13 · May 2014

Spoke to Aunt today. She said bride had to have final head count and they did include my boys. Not sure why the caterer needed final head count 60 days prior, but there we have it. I told Aunt that we would attend the wedding without the children and pick them up during the two hour window between ceremony and reception. We would bring the kids for an hour or so of the reception so not to waste the plates, and then we would have the sitter pick them up for the rest of the evening. And for the record, I asked her what the groom thought about the children being "self" invited and she said he didn't know they weren't invited and that of course they should have been so why didn't we just bring them anyway? So that's how concerned he is about the guest list, etiquette, and the non-existent budget.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

good2Bqueen13 said:

Spoke to Aunt today. She said bride had to have final head count and they did include my boys. Not sure why the caterer needed final head count 60 days prior, but there we have it. I told Aunt that we would attend the wedding without the children and pick them up during the two hour window between ceremony and reception. We would bring the kids for an hour or so of the reception so not to waste the plates, and then we would have the sitter pick them up for the rest of the evening. And for the record, I asked her what the groom thought about the children being "self" invited and she said he didn't know they weren't invited and that of course they should have been so why didn't we just bring them anyway? So that's how concerned he is about the guest list, etiquette, and the non-existent budget.

His choosing to be uninvolved is no excuse on his part. Lots of communication issues here- Groom with his Bride, MOG with Bride, etc.

Should I take my kids to the wedding?

Re: Should I take my kids to the wedding?

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