S/O: Waiting to leave a wedding until after the cake cutting

CrazyCatLady3 · May 2014

This came up in my other thread, which doesn't need to be re-hashed, but there was disagreement as to whether it is proper etiquette or merely tradition to wait to leave a wedding until after the cake cutting. I think that, barring unforeseen circumstances such as a medical or childcare issue that arises at the wedding (or the wedding is going on much longer than normal and you need to leave to get to work early the next morning, etc.), it is impolite to leave a wedding until after the cake is cut. I see it similar to going to dinner at someone's house and leaving before the last course is served without telling the host in advance that you needed to leave early for [x] reason (or again, an unforeseen circumstance arises). Other posters said that is merely tradition and not an etiquette issue. Thoughts?

kmmssg · May 2014

I vote tradition. Sometimes the cake isn't cut for hours and I don't think guests need to be held hostage for cake. When the cake cutting is held til towards the end like that it isn't the same as waiting for the dessert course to be served because a host wouldn't hold dessert off too long. It would follow the meal.

AlexisA01 · May 2014

I've seen some posters on the other board mention how the bride and groom cut the cake during the earlier pats of the reception.

kmmssg · May 2014

AlexisA01 said:

I've seen some posters on the other board mention how the bride and groom cut the cake during the earlier pats of the reception.

This is what my girls have done at their receptions. They actually cut their cakes during the cocktail hour so it could be plated for dessert with dinner.

misshart00 · May 2014

I always viewed (as has my circle) the cake cutting as your cue that it's close to time to go home. That being said, tradition.

AddieCake · May 2014

Tradition. I'm sorry, but if I am not having a good time or am tired and am ready to go home, I am going home, and I don't think that's impolite to do.

phira · May 2014

I know that a lot of guests who don't want to wait till the very end of the night to go home will look for the cake cutting as a signal that it's okay to leave. So we're actually going to make it clear that we're NOT cutting the cake during the reception (it'll be entirely cut and plated and served; we're just skipping cutting it in front of people). So people know they can leave after dinner if they want.

misshart00 · May 2014

phira said:
I know that a lot of guests who don't want to wait till the very end of the night to go home will look for the cake cutting as a signal that it's okay to leave. So we're actually going to make it clear that we're NOT cutting the cake during the reception (it'll be entirely cut and plated and served; we're just skipping cutting it in front of people). So people know they can leave after dinner if they want.

This. You said it better than I did.

Viczaesar · May 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

This came up in my other thread, which doesn't need to be re-hashed, but there was disagreement as to whether it is proper etiquette or merely tradition to wait to leave a wedding until after the cake cutting. I think that, barring unforeseen circumstances such as a medical or childcare issue that arises at the wedding (or the wedding is going on much longer than normal and you need to leave to get to work early the next morning, etc.), it is impolite to leave a wedding until after the cake is cut. I see it similar to going to dinner at someone's house and leaving before the last course is served without telling the host in advance that you needed to leave early for [x] reason (or again, an unforeseen circumstance arises). Other posters said that is merely tradition and not an etiquette issue. Thoughts?

This is a tradition. There is no etiquette rule for how long someone has to stay at an event. It is traditional in some - not all - circles for the cutting of the cake to be seen as a signal that an event is winding down.

sarahonlife · May 2014

I would never leave before cake cutting (barring an emergency) because then I wouldn't get cake!

AlexisA01 · May 2014

kmmssg said:

AlexisA01 said:

I've seen some posters on the other board mention how the bride and groom cut the cake during the earlier parts of the reception.

This is what my girls have done at their receptions. They actually cut their cakes during the cocktail hour so it could be plated for dessert with dinner.

I remember you mentioning this. Many others have done so as well after they walk in and the first dance.

indianaalum · May 2014

As we ALL told you in the other thread, it is NOT rude to leave early. You just din't want to listen to any of us. Your guest has another WEDDDING to attend, they aren't merely choosing to leave early to sit and home and play video games

Simply Fated · May 2014

I had never heard of cutting the cake hours before it would be eaten until I came to TK. I don't get the point of that at all. There is no rational or logical reasons for that, unless it has to do with the pictures, maybe?

It's definitely a cue in my circle to start getting your things together to leave. However if an emergency arises and you gotta leave before the cake is cut... then you gotta leave. Life happens. There is no one holding anyone hostage until the cake is cut, it's just a cue that it's almost time to wrap things up.

indianaalum · May 2014

kmmssg said:

AlexisA01 said:

I've seen some posters on the other board mention how the bride and groom cut the cake during the earlier pats of the reception.

This is what my girls have done at their receptions. They actually cut their cakes during the cocktail hour so it could be plated for dessert with dinner.

My Venue MADE me cut it before dinner started for that very reason...I guess at MY wedding a guest who left before dinner wouldnt have been rude by those standards! LMAO

Viczaesar · May 2014

I want cake.

indianaalum · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

I had never heard of cutting the cake hours before it would be eaten until I came to TK. I don't get the point of that at all. There is no rational or logical reasons for that, unless it has to do with the pictures, maybe?

It's definitely a cue in my circle to start getting your things together to leave. However if an emergency arises and you gotta leave before the cake is cut... then you gotta leave. Life happens. There is no one holding anyone hostage until the cake is cut, it's just a cue that it's almost time to wrap things up.

At my wedding, the wedding venue required us to cut it right before dinner (or have first entree or something like that) because it was being served as the dessert immediately following dinner. They wanted to have time to cut it and prepare the servings. so it wasn't necessarily hours earlier. we had a dessert buffet so our cake was really eaten immediately after dinner, then the dessert buffet opened a little while after that.

LabLove86 · May 2014

Personally - when the time comes - if any of our invitees are able to make it to any part of our day we will both be happy to see them and excited that they wanted to share in our day with us. From ceremony until the end of the reception - or for the 30 minutes somewhere in between they are able to make it.

People are busy - and if they make any amount of time to come and celebrate with us - we'll appreciate it.

ETA - I want cake now too . . .

Simply Fated · May 2014

indianaalum said:

Simply Fated said:

I had never heard of cutting the cake hours before it would be eaten until I came to TK. I don't get the point of that at all. There is no rational or logical reasons for that, unless it has to do with the pictures, maybe?

It's definitely a cue in my circle to start getting your things together to leave. However if an emergency arises and you gotta leave before the cake is cut... then you gotta leave. Life happens. There is no one holding anyone hostage until the cake is cut, it's just a cue that it's almost time to wrap things up.

At my wedding, the wedding venue required us to cut it right before dinner (or have first entree or something like that) because it was being served as the dessert immediately following dinner. They wanted to have time to cut it and prepare the servings. so it wasn't necessarily hours earlier. we had a dessert buffet so our cake was really eaten immediately after dinner, then the dessert buffet opened a little while after that.

I've done and seen literally hundreds of event cakes, including wedding cakes, being cut, plated and served. It shouldn't take that much time. I honestly think your venue just has a time management problem lol.
It could also be a regional/area/circle thing, maybe? Dessert, including cake, is served towards the end of the evening and never immediately following dinner, when guests are too full to even look at cake.

indianaalum · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

indianaalum said:

Simply Fated said:

I had never heard of cutting the cake hours before it would be eaten until I came to TK. I don't get the point of that at all. There is no rational or logical reasons for that, unless it has to do with the pictures, maybe?

It's definitely a cue in my circle to start getting your things together to leave. However if an emergency arises and you gotta leave before the cake is cut... then you gotta leave. Life happens. There is no one holding anyone hostage until the cake is cut, it's just a cue that it's almost time to wrap things up.

At my wedding, the wedding venue required us to cut it right before dinner (or have first entree or something like that) because it was being served as the dessert immediately following dinner. They wanted to have time to cut it and prepare the servings. so it wasn't necessarily hours earlier. we had a dessert buffet so our cake was really eaten immediately after dinner, then the dessert buffet opened a little while after that.

I've done and seen literally hundreds of event cakes, including wedding cakes, being cut, plated and served. It shouldn't take that much time. I honestly think your venue just has a time management problem lol.
It could also be a regional/area/circle thing, maybe? Dessert, including cake, is served towards the end of the evening and never immediately following dinner, when guests are too full to even look at cake.

It doesn't seem uncommon around here, so not sure. I have certainly seen others do it the way we did, so I didn't think twice about it. It really didn't matter to me, so it certainly wasn't something I was going to argue about with my venue. I personally wanted dessert right after dinner due to pacing. We also did a huge dessert buffet a little while after dinner,...and then a late night snack after that, so we pretty much had to serve the cake (which was included in our package) immediately after dinner for pacing purposes.

I certainly didn't worry about whether that meant my guests felt the need to leave earlier. I am pretty people are going to leave whenever the heck they feel like leaving. I couldn't tell you when a single person left my wedding as I was busy socializing with my many guests. If people chose to seek me out and say goodbye, that would have been fine, but most just sneak out as they may which is fine by me, as there was no "etiquette" rules at my wedding requiring people to stay longer than they liked

wrigleyville · May 2014

In my family, and pretty much every other wedding I've attended, it's always been tradition for the couple to cut the cake at the end of dinner and before their first dance.

We tend to serve dinner at 5:00, so the cake is usually cut around 6:00 or 6:30, depending on whether it's a plated dinner or a buffet with lines. The first dance is usually at 6:30 or 7:00, so some people stay to enjoy cake and watch the first dance. Then, from about 7:30 onward, it's party time.

wrigleyville · May 2014

indianaalum said:

As we ALL told you in the other thread, it is NOT rude to leave early. You just din't want to listen to any of us. Your guest has another WEDDING to attend, they aren't merely choosing to leave early to sit and home and play video games

Ha! I love when there's another side to the story and someone gets busted for it.

CrazyCatLady3 · May 2014

Please, there's no "busting." I was asking for opinions on the cake cutting issue because that's how I've always seen it and I was curious as to the prevailing view. This may not be universal as it sounds like a lot of people have cake cuttings at different points in their receptions. I'm not new here but I don't get why so many people feel the need to play "gotcha" and jump on people.

wrigleyville · May 2014

Fair enough. It just seemed odd to leave the back story out because, honestly, it depends on the circumstances.

Although, to be fair, it's not rude to leave right after dinner, so I guess that's pretty moot too. Nobody needs a reason.

blabla89 · May 2014

I think it's purely tradition. Whether it's rude to leave before depends on when the cake is cut. If the cake is cut right after dinner, toasts and spotlight dances are finished, I think it's polite to at least hang around for that. If there's going to be an hour of dancing between those other events and the cake cutting, I don't think it's rude for guests to leave if they aren't having a good time.

ei34 · May 2014

It's tradition, not etiquette. I've never attended a wedding where the cake wasn't cut towards the end, right before dessert/Viennese hour, but I've seen other guests leaving at various points during the reception. There's not a rule that says guests have to stay until the end. I've left crummy weddings right after dinner, as well as really fun weddings where I'm simply tired.

rajahmd · May 2014

This is why I really wanted to cut the cake first thing. DH didn't want to, as he's used to the tradition where cake cutting = you can leave now. So we did it as dinner was winding down, together with toasts. We had stations, so there wasn't a set time, more so when the DJ felt most people were finishing eating. We did the toasts, cut the cake, then they served while people mingled some more. Then we danced (though people had been dancing during dinner, which I thought was hysterical).

photokitty · May 2014

I think once the ceremony is complete it is tradition, not etiquette. If you leave in the middle of the ceremony, that a breach of etiquette. If you leave the reception, which is thank you for attending the ceremony, before the cake is cut then you are breaking tradition.

TheGrimReaper · May 2014

I've never been to a wedding where the cake was cut later in the night. So people eat, get up and run around, and then come back later to sit down for cake? That's odd to me. I want cake when I'm done eating my dinner! Once I'm up, I'm up.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Your guests can leave whenever the hell they want to leave. We had a few guests leave before we cut the cake because they had other obligations to attend to. It wasn't a big deal. If guests want to leave right after dinner or after cocktail hour or even after the ceremony that is their prerogative.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

I think you're looking at this backwards. People like to stay for the cake cutting because they either want to see the tradition part of it, or they want some damn cake. If the cake is cut late I may leave shortly after, just because I was ready to go home and the cake cutting was the last thing I was waiting for, not because that was my cue that the party was over or that I was being "released." IMO though, it's the super late cutters who are rude, NOT anyone who chooses to leave beforehand. For that reason, we're choosing to do the cutting right after our introduction so nobody misses it and then they can leave at any point without missing the dessert.

Fairyjen1 · May 2014

I usually leave after the cake cutting, because I want cake! I'm not a big party-er so I bail soon after.

I did leave once before the cake cutting. It was one of my many cousins weddings. Ceremony was at 4 with dinner in the same location. (a country club) However, the bride and groom took 2 hours for pictures. I have no idea why since they didn't go anywhere, you could see them taking pictures from the windows of the reception room. She does have a huge immediate family. During this time there was only a cash bar available and no food.

Then they had to announce families and bridal party. They did a first dance. By the time dinner was served it was 7. I waited around until 9 for the cake cutting, but left when it hadn't happened yet. There was cake there, maybe it was there for looks and they weren't actually cutting it? We didn't have desert yet either by this time.

S/O: Waiting to leave a wedding until after the cake cutting

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