Wedding Etiquette Forum

Uncle wants to bring new girlfriend to wedding

Hi everyone,

I am mostly a lurker on here, occasional poster, and I was hoping for some opinions on a situation that has arisen with my sister's upcoming wedding this July. Here is the backstory:

My uncle and aunt (she was my mom's oldest sister) were married for over 30 years when my aunt passed away 3 years ago. She had been diagnosed with a rare neurological condition but was on medication and seemed to be doing okay even if she was not her "usual" self anymore. Both my aunt and uncle attended my wedding and seemed to have a good time, then a few days later my uncle came home and found her dead on the floor. It was a huge shock to my whole family, especially my grandmother, who is still very sad about losing her daughter so unexpectedly. My uncle was devastated of course and refused to date for some time, but about a year ago (two years after her death) he did start dating again after being encouraged by my mom. She told him he would always be a part of our family no matter what and she did not want him to have to be alone for the rest of his life. While my mom has been supportive of my uncle dating again, many of my relatives are still too upset about my aunt's death to feel the same. They have told my uncle that they are not going to stop him from seeing other women but they do not want to meet anyone he dates, and it is clear they are really not comfortable with him having girlfriends.

So then we come to my sister's wedding. I have read enough posts on TK to know that SO's are always supposed to be invited to weddings except in rare situations such as people who may be violent or hurt other guests, so to me it seems that uncle's girlfriend should be invited. However, my mom has said that because so many relatives are upset about his dating again my uncle is being invited by himself, not with his girlfriend. I was wondering if I could get some opinions from the folks on here: am I right that his girlfriend should be invited no matter what, or should she not be invited to respect the family's wishes?
Anniversary

Re: Uncle wants to bring new girlfriend to wedding

  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2014
    Yes his GF should be invited. I'm sorry about your aunt but your uncle is allowed to have a GF after all these years and your family needs to get over it. They are being preposterous , don't they want him to be happy?

    eta: auto correct is funny.
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    OliveOilsMompinkshorts27KeptInStitchesPrettyGirlLost
  • Yes she should absolutely be invited! Not to be insensitive, but the family needs to get over it. It sounds like he is a great person who you all love who was lucky enough to fall in love a second time. The fact that he found happiness after such a horrific tragedy is beautiful in my opinion. I understand why it might be hard for the family, but dp they really want him to be alone forever?
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    pinkshorts27PrettyGirlLost
  • Yes she should absolutely be invited! Not to be insensitive, but the family needs to get over it. It sounds like he is a great person who you all love who was lucky enough to fall in love a second time. The fact that he found happiness after such a horrific tragedy is beautiful in my opinion. I understand why it might be hard for the family, but do they really want him to be alone forever?
    image
  • Yes she should absolutely be invited! Not to be insensitive, but the family needs to get over it. It sounds like he is a great person who you all love who was lucky enough to fall in love a second time. The fact that he found happiness after such a horrific tragedy is beautiful in my opinion. I understand why it might be hard for the family, but do they really want him to be alone forever?
    image
  • Yes she should absolutely be invited! Not to be insensitive, but the family needs to get over it. It sounds like he is a great person who you all love who was lucky enough to fall in love a second time. The fact that he found happiness after such a horrific tragedy is beautiful in my opinion. I understand why it might be hard for the family, but do they really want him to be alone forever?
    image
  • Yes she should absolutely be invited! Not to be insensitive, but the family needs to get over it. It sounds like he is a great person who you all love who was lucky enough to fall in love a second time. The fact that he found happiness after such a horrific tragedy is beautiful in my opinion. I understand why it might be hard for the family, but do they really want him to be alone forever?
    image
  • Yes she should absolutely be invited! Not to be insensitive, but the family needs to get over it. It sounds like he is a great person who you all love who was lucky enough to fall in love a second time. The fact that he found happiness after such a horrific tragedy is beautiful in my opinion. I understand why it might be hard for the family, but do they really want him to be alone forever?
    image
  • Yes she should absolutely be invited! Not to be insensitive, but the family needs to get over it. It sounds like he is a great person who you all love who was lucky enough to fall in love a second time. The fact that he found happiness after such a horrific tragedy is beautiful in my opinion. I understand why it might be hard for the family, but do they really want him to be alone forever?
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  • Gah why did it post so many times!? Sorry!
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  • Gah why did it post so many times!? Sorry!
    Dude the forum is messed up or something today. I made a new post and it triple posted itself. Don't worry.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
  • I can't even figure out how to delete them!
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  • I can't even figure out how to delete them!
    You can't! LOL
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif


  • I can't even figure out how to delete them!

    Oh lord...I am done with posting today. This website is jacked up right now.

    You can't! LOL


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    kitsunegari89
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's been 3 years, not 3 months.  Your uncle's GF needs to be invited.  Since your mom had been the one to spearhead him getting back out to date, I don't know why she wouldn't be spearheading with the rest of the family to accept Uncle's new GF.

    FIL had been deceased almost 8 years by the time MIL finally found someone she enjoyed spending her time with.  Her other son flipped his lid about the new BF.  H and I had to take the lead with BIL to help him come to terms with the new BF.  Since we were so accepting of him, BIL came around as well.  
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I think he should be invited with his girlfriend and he can decide whether he wants to upset the rest of the family by bringing her.
  • Your mom is wrong. It's not OK to disrespect your uncle because other family members can't handle him moving on with his life. A surefire way to begin the process of removing this man from your lives is to invite him solo.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Your mom is very wrong. He needs to be allowed to move on with his life and if he is invited to the wedding, his girlfriend should be too.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


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    PrettyGirlLost
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    On the SO side. It seems as those who loved him and wanted him to be happy would be thrilled for him and want to meet her
  • 312Emily312Emily member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    My aunt died when I was ten.  About a year and a half later, he started dating a really sweet woman. A short time after, he was married to her.  My uncle has been with his second wife for 12 14 years. I love my aunt very much and am so happy she is part of our lives today.  I like to think that we made her feel welcome and that's part of why she was so happy to join our family. Imagine if the family had shut her out... the ending might not have been so happy, and my uncle could have gone through a lot on his own. How sad that would have been. Invite this woman, and let your uncle know you are truly happy for him.  And as the host, perhaps do some work before the wedding to shut up all the nay-sayers. Your uncle deserves to be happy, publicly.

    ETA: it's been 14 years, not 12... how time has flown
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    OpenHeart0117
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    Yes, your uncle should be invited to bring his girlfriend.  He has ewvery right to go on with his life.
    You family needs to deal with it!
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Wow, does your family want him to be alone and sad for the rest of his life?  It's not like he went to his wife's funeral to pick up chicks.  He obviously mourned and has moved on with his life, as is his right.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • Wow I always find it so shocking when family members become upset YEARS later! Your sister's wedding is not about your guests feelings about the new GF, it is about your sister getting married. Your Uncles's date should not be an issue at all. This really disgusts me that these family members feel they have a right to exclude this new women...
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    Anniversary
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