.......But you're already married......(?)

Marzipan13 · May 2014

I think you're confusing the definitions of "wedding", "marriage", and "reception", mrsRAJAB.

ETF: username, not OP. Sorry, OP. It's Friday morning and my brain just won't work.

shaylagirl · May 2014

mrsRAJAB said:

I married my SO of 5+ years in CH in March because of a medical condition I have and lack of medical coverage.
We both wore nice attire and took a couple pictures together and with our parents who came with us as witnesses. The documentation and ceremony were done within an hour!
With that said, I am planning a WEDDING next May.
A wedding is an EVENT and a MARRIAGE is a commitment and a legally binding agreement. What you do in CH is NOT what every girl dreams of.. I am sorry but this is IMO.
I think every woman deserves a DAY in her life where she is center of attention, where she feels like all eyes are on her and everyone is excited for her new life event. After all, lets be honest, the bride does a lot of work to plan a wedding and shells out a lot of money for GUESTS to celebrate with HER. Its only right she has her CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE moment. This has NOTHING to do with being entitled because EVERY woman planning a wedding, married already or not, wants to have that moment.

OMFG are you serious with this shit?!

First, congrats on your WEDDING that you had at the COURTHOUSE!!! You're married already. In your own words "The documentation and ceremony were done within an hour!" Uhm...so you're DONE. LEGALLY BINDING and all that shit.

To the first bolded; what a twunty thing to say. What an absolutely HORRIBLE and shitty thing to say. Do you realize that on this very board alone, there are people who would LOVE to be able to have the most basic HUMAN right to walk in to a courthouse and get MARRIED to the love of their life. You didn't even have to think TWICE about it, but for our gay friends, this isn't a RIGHT for them. They're FIGHTING for this right, and you just freaking PISSED on those people. Way to be a bitch. Seriously. I have friends who have been together for 20+ years who lack the right to get married. My friend's LIFE PARTNER was barred from her hospital room when she was potentially DYING because the hospital refused to recognize their relationship status, and would not allow her loving life partner to make medical choices for her. So seriously, you bitching, pissing and moaning that you had to do the JP thing for medical insurance? Fuck off. There's more important things in life, and if you're going to be a big girl, put on your big girl panties and accept that your actions have consequences. Those consequences being you don't get the big, fluffy white dress, or the cake or all the other frills that go along with a marriage.

Actually, you and women like you who think you're such special snowflakes are the very DEFINITION of entitlement whore. You're not ENTITLED to this big party. You're lucky that you're entitled to a basic right when others are not.

Also, your entire last paragraph makes me want to vomit. A wedding or the reception are NOT about the bride. They're about the bride and GROOM. You know, that fellow standing beside you at the alter (which, you already DID in front of a JP).

Seriously, it's this stuff that makes the women on TK so ragey. You're not special. You're not entitled. And, as CMGragain pointed out, grandma and great-grandma didn't have big parties. Or fancy white dresses. They wore what was nicest in their closets and got married. Are they less married than anyone else?

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

I'd like to add, @MrsRAJAB, that in addition to completing a WEDDING at the courthouse 5 years ago, you also committed fraud. That's what it's called when people get legally married for the sole purpose of obtaining spousal benefits. If you didn't, and you really got married because you love each other and wanted a legally-binding commitment, then congratulations! Should have had the celebration then, not 5 years later.

If you're planning anything now, it should be a vow renewal. NOT a wedding.

mrsRAJAB · May 2014

@CMGragain - I guess if I wanted to play the blame game for my "entitlement issues", I can blame the industry. None of my posts have negated anyone's form of marriage, over the top with all the frills- in a courthouse or in a potato sack in the backyard. I just don't understand why everyone else is being so judgmental for women who want a reception/wedding?

@ohannabelle - going by your sad feelings from my last SHALLOW paragraph, I think it would be safe to assume that your pre-wedding errands didn't involve you going dress shopping, getting a beautiful white dress, and getting all made up for your wedding day? And if you did, what was your reason for doing all of this if you didn't want a little bit of spotlight? Or feel a little more special than you should already feel any day? Keep in mind also, I never said the SOLE PURPOSE of a wedding was to get your moments of attention. All I was stating, in my opinion, was that most women want those moments that you don't get everyday and I feel that every woman should feel ESPECIALLY special on this day beginning a new life together with her SO. I've been focused on my SO since we started dating and I was thinking about our lifelong commitment since the moment he asked me to marry him.. I'm just saying..

@marzipan13 - no, actually I know the definition of all 3.

@shaylagirl - "First, congrats on your WEDDING that you had at the COURTHOUSE!!! You're married already. In your own words "The documentation and ceremony were done within an hour!" Uhm...so you're DONE. LEGALLY BINDING and all that shit." - I WAS married in a courthouse. I didn't plan my WEDDING in a courthouse. Let me ask you a question, maybe this might make better sense. Do you ever say, HEY, IM INVITING YOU TO MY MARRIAGE? no, you say IM INVITING YOU TO MY WEDDING. Therefore, I haven't had a WEDDING, I was simply married by a JP. So @ my wedding, I wont actually have a ceremony.

I don't want to get into the rest of your paragraph because in all honesty, it has nothing to do with what I said. You have no idea my view on everyone's HUMAN RIGHTS and you can assume about those views all you'd like.

"So seriously, you bitching, pissing and moaning that you had to do the JP thing for medical insurance?" - I wasn't complaining at all about having to get married at a CH. I'm happy with the decisions I made that was suitable for my situation in life.

And again, speaking about consequences.. I still don't understand how getting married in CH reaps consequences.

"Those consequences being you don't get the big, fluffy white dress, or the cake or all the other frills that go along with a marriage." - This blew my mind. Because I never knew a marriage involved big fluffy white dresses like yours! I thought that was what WEDDINGS were for..

I'll give you one thing though, I should've stated this a bit better, your absolutely correct, the WEDDING/RECEPTION IS about both BRIDE and GROOM. This is a life changing moment in BOTH of their lives.

The traditions of the past shouldn't even come up in this topic because to be frank, MANY THINGS besides wedding traditions have changed throughout CENTURIES. And to answer your question, it doesn't make them any less married. As it doesn't make a woman who wants to have a WEDDING after already being legally MARRIED any less DESERVING of one.

and lastly,

@lolo883 - If you would've read my initial post correctly, I stated I married my SO that I have been with for 5+ years, not that I have been married for 5+ years. We were and are in love and wanted to solidify our commitment. We have only been married for almost 2 months..

OH and THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENT ON MY OTHER TOPIC POST! very mature of you! >=)

grumbledore · May 2014

mrsRAJAB said:

This post hit home a little for me... and not in a good way.
I married my SO of 5+ years in CH in March because of a medical condition I have and lack of medical coverage. Keep in mind, I work full time (45 hours a week) and still couldn't afford to carry myself with the plans my job offered either. I also was unable to afford what the government had to offer.
I live in NY and our CH didn't ask us to walk down any aisle, didn't ask if we had any vows to share, my father didn't give me away and I definitely didn't have "wedding day jitters".
We both wore nice attire and took a couple pictures together and with our parents who came with us as witnesses. The documentation and ceremony were done within an hour!
With that said, I am planning a WEDDING next May.
A wedding is an EVENT and a MARRIAGE is a commitment and a legally binding agreement. What you do in CH is NOT what every girl dreams of.. I am sorry but this is IMO.
I think every woman deserves a DAY in her life where she is center of attention, where she feels like all eyes are on her and everyone is excited for her new life event. After all, lets be honest, the bride does a lot of work to plan a wedding and shells out a lot of money for GUESTS to celebrate with HER. Its only right she has her CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE moment. This has NOTHING to do with being entitled because EVERY woman planning a wedding, married already or not, wants to have that moment.
I think it was unfair of the poster to put what she put on her FB "friends" status because I don't feel she realized that her "friend" probably did the CH thing first because of benefits she would need or receive from her SO being in the service. And TBH that's the way ALOT of military girlfriends do it. It sometimes is the only way it will work for the couples.
After all, would any of you ladies appreciate someone trying to spoil a day (which you would hope only happens ONCE) you've been looking forward to for quite some time?
Just giving this thread an opinion from the other side of the coin....

Well bully for you. Never heard any of that before.

ohannabelle · May 2014

ohannabelle - going by your sad feelings from my last SHALLOW paragraph, I think it would be safe to assume that your pre-wedding errands didn't involve you going dress shopping, getting a beautiful white dress, and getting all made up for your wedding day? And if you did, what was your reason for doing all of this if you didn't want a little bit of spotlight? Or feel a little more special than you should already feel any day? Keep in mind also, I never said the SOLE PURPOSE of a wedding was to get your moments of attention. All I was stating, in my opinion, was that most women want those moments that you don't get everyday and I feel that every woman should feel ESPECIALLY special on this day beginning a new life together with her SO."

No, I didn't. None of those things. I wore a pretty dress I already owned, and was not at all concerned with being in the spotlight. I wanted to look pretty for my husband, but beyond that, no. Didn't care. Spotlights are for Broadway shows. I felt special because I was in love, and loved. And yes, I can have that every day. Without a costume and audience.

And pardon, but really. This?

I think every woman deserves a DAY in her life where she is center of attention, where she feels like all eyes are on her and everyone is excited for her new life event. After all, lets be honest, the bride does a lot of work to plan a wedding and shells out a lot of money for GUESTS to celebrate with HER. Its only right she has her CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE moment. This has NOTHING to do with being entitled because EVERY woman planning a wedding, married already or not, wants to have that moment.

Yes, that sounds very shallow. And no, not every woman wants to feel like they're the center of the universe. Not every woman feels like her wedding is about being the center of attention. Not every woman wants that moment.

You. You want that. Don't project your own neediness for attention onto other women.

There's nothing wrong with wearing a traditional wedding dress, and having a large reception. I think traditional weddings are lovely.

Fake reenactments of traditional weddings so that a girl can be "in the spotlight," "center of the universe" with "all eyes on her," are not lovely. It is shallow, attention seeking behavior unbecoming to a grown woman.

If your motivation is simply to be the center of attention, in the spotlight, with all eyes on you, do something deserving of attention. Write a poem or a book, make a speech for a good cause, play an instrument, run a marathon, whatever. You can enjoy attention without a pretend wedding.

Or have a wonderful big celebratory anniversary party, where your friends and family can admire your skills as a hostess?

But you can't have a wedding. You already had one. Unless you get divorced and get married again, that ship has sailed.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

Oh FFS. You are not fucking special. You made decisions, great, now don't go lying to your friends and family.

MollyandD · May 2014

mrsRAJAB said:

@shaylagirl - "First, congrats on your WEDDING that you had at the COURTHOUSE!!! You're married already. In your own words "The documentation and ceremony were done within an hour!" Uhm...so you're DONE. LEGALLY BINDING and all that shit." - I WAS married in a courthouse. I didn't plan my WEDDING in a courthouse. Let me ask you a question, maybe this might make better sense. Do you ever say, HEY, IM INVITING YOU TO MY MARRIAGE? no, you say IM INVITING YOU TO MY WEDDING. Therefore, I haven't had a WEDDING, I was simply married by a JP. So @ my wedding, I wont actually have a ceremony.

I'm not trying to jump into an argument, and I truly do wish you all the best as you enjoy newly married life. But... No one says "I'm inviting you to my marriage," because the marriage is the state of being married. Inviting someone into that sounds like you want a threesome.

A wedding is the day you wed, or marry, the person you want to have a marriage with. It's not what you planned, and honestly I could not care less if you decide to have a celebration. I actually don't even care that you wear the white poofy dress. Just call it what it is. It's a very early vow renewal or it's a celebration of marriage. Both of those things are ok to have. It's not a wedding anymore, but you can still have just as much fun.

KGold80 · May 2014

mrsRAJAB said:

@CMGragain - I guess if I wanted to play the blame game for my "entitlement issues", I can blame the industry. None of my posts have negated anyone's form of marriage, over the top with all the frills- in a courthouse or in a potato sack in the backyard. I just don't understand why everyone else is being so judgmental for women who want a reception/wedding?
@ohannabelle - going by your sad feelings from my last SHALLOW paragraph, I think it would be safe to assume that your pre-wedding errands didn't involve you going dress shopping, getting a beautiful white dress, and getting all made up for your wedding day? And if you did, what was your reason for doing all of this if you didn't want a little bit of spotlight? Or feel a little more special than you should already feel any day? Keep in mind also, I never said the SOLE PURPOSE of a wedding was to get your moments of attention. All I was stating, in my opinion, was that most women want those moments that you don't get everyday and I feel that every woman should feel ESPECIALLY special on this day beginning a new life together with her SO. I've been focused on my SO since we started dating and I was thinking about our lifelong commitment since the moment he asked me to marry him.. I'm just saying..
@marzipan13 - no, actually I know the definition of all 3.
@shaylagirl - "First, congrats on your WEDDING that you had at the COURTHOUSE!!! You're married already. In your own words "The documentation and ceremony were done within an hour!" Uhm...so you're DONE. LEGALLY BINDING and all that shit." - I WAS married in a courthouse. I didn't plan my WEDDING in a courthouse. Let me ask you a question, maybe this might make better sense. Do you ever say, HEY, IM INVITING YOU TO MY MARRIAGE? no, you say IM INVITING YOU TO MY WEDDING. Therefore, I haven't had a WEDDING, I was simply married by a JP. So @ my wedding, I wont actually have a ceremony.
I don't want to get into the rest of your paragraph because in all honesty, it has nothing to do with what I said. You have no idea my view on everyone's HUMAN RIGHTS and you can assume about those views all you'd like.
"So seriously, you bitching, pissing and moaning that you had to do the JP thing for medical insurance?" - I wasn't complaining at all about having to get married at a CH. I'm happy with the decisions I made that was suitable for my situation in life.
And again, speaking about consequences.. I still don't understand how getting married in CH reaps consequences.
"Those consequences being you don't get the big, fluffy white dress, or the cake or all the other frills that go along with a marriage." - This blew my mind. Because I never knew a marriage involved big fluffy white dresses like yours! I thought that was what WEDDINGS were for..
I'll give you one thing though, I should've stated this a bit better, your absolutely correct, the WEDDING/RECEPTION IS about both BRIDE and GROOM. This is a life changing moment in BOTH of their lives.
The traditions of the past shouldn't even come up in this topic because to be frank, MANY THINGS besides wedding traditions have changed throughout CENTURIES. And to answer your question, it doesn't make them any less married. As it doesn't make a woman who wants to have a WEDDING after already being legally MARRIED any less DESERVING of one.
and lastly,
@lolo883 - If you would've read my initial post correctly, I stated I married my SO that I have been with for 5+ years, not that I have been married for 5+ years. We were and are in love and wanted to solidify our commitment. We have only been married for almost 2 months..
OH and THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENT ON MY OTHER TOPIC POST! very mature of you! >=)

#1 Don't type in little bitty font.

#2 that bolded red part really bugs me. Why? Because you say it's the wedding & reception that are life changing experiences for the bride and groom. How exactly is throwing a party a life changing experience? To me, it sounds like THAT is more important to you than the day you actually got married.

kkitkat79 · May 2014

ohannabelle said:

A wedding is the act of getting married. The dictionary defines wedding as "the act or ceremony of marrying." There it is. People keep trying to change the definition, but you can't rewrite the language to suit yourself.

And this:
"I think every woman deserves a DAY in her life where she is center of attention, where she feels like all eyes are on her and everyone is excited for her new life event. After all, lets be honest, the bride does a lot of work to plan a wedding and shells out a lot of money for GUESTS to celebrate with HER. Its only right she has her CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE moment. This hasNOTHING to do with being entitled because EVERY woman planning a wedding, married already or not, wants to have that moment."

I find this shallow and sad. Marriage isn't about being the center of attention, or pretending that you're the center of the universe. This is what every two year old wants for their birthday party. And no, not every woman wants that center of attention moment. Some women are actually focused on their partner, and thinking about the lifelong commitment they're making. You know, that thing called marriage. It is adult behavior, and has nothing to do with being the center of the universe and basking in attention.

But I WAAAANNNNTTTT!!!

PrincessOfHavoc · May 2014

You were legally married at the court house. I have friends who died before they were granted that right, despite being in a 30+ year relationship.

To claim you get another full wedding is to trivialize legally protected discrimination and state forced religion.

rajahmd · May 2014

Ha! I was closer to being the center of attention today as I graduated from medical school than I was on our wedding day.

Thank goodness I didn't have to share the spotlight with that obnoxious husband of mine. Today was all about ME and my M.D. Take that all you special snowflake brides & grooms!

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

Molly&Domenic said: mrsRAJAB said: @shaylagirl - "First, congrats on your WEDDING that you had at the COURTHOUSE!!! You're married already. In your own words "The documentation and ceremony were done within an hour!" Uhm...so you're DONE. LEGALLY BINDING and all that shit." - I WAS married in a courthouse. I didn't plan my WEDDING in a courthouse. Let me ask you a question, maybe this might make better sense. Do you ever say, HEY, IM INVITING YOU TO MY MARRIAGE? no, you say IM INVITING YOU TO MY WEDDING. Therefore, I haven't had a WEDDING, I was simply married by a JP. So @ my wedding, I wont actually have a ceremony.

I'm not trying to jump into an argument, and I truly do wish you all the best as you enjoy newly married life. But... No one says "I'm inviting you to my marriage," because the marriage is the state of being married. Inviting someone into that sounds like you want a threesome.
A wedding is the day you wed, or marry, the person you want to have a marriage with. It's not what you planned, and honestly I could not care less if you decide to have a celebration. I actually don't even care that you wear the white poofy dress. Just call it what it is. It's a very early vow renewal or it's a celebration of marriage. Both of those things are ok to have. It's not a wedding anymore, but you can still have just as much fun.

_________________________________________________________________
I agree with Molly, but on our invitations and on our Save the Dates they say marriage not wedding "...request the pleasure of your company at the marriage....' and 'Save the date for the marriage of...'

But that's besides the point, because a wedding is the event where you get married. It also includes the reception, because you are supposed to thank those who attended your marriage ceremony. The reception is not all about you, it's for your guests as well.

Now, it's fine if you want to have a party next year to celebrate your marriage, no one has a problem with that, but it's not a wedding.

ETA: Where did the box go??

MollyandD · May 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

Molly&Domenic said:

mrsRAJAB said:

@shaylagirl - "First, congrats on your WEDDING that you had at the COURTHOUSE!!! You're married already. In your own words "The documentation and ceremony were done within an hour!" Uhm...so you're DONE. LEGALLY BINDING and all that shit." - I WAS married in a courthouse. I didn't plan my WEDDING in a courthouse. Let me ask you a question, maybe this might make better sense. Do you ever say, HEY, IM INVITING YOU TO MY MARRIAGE? no, you say IM INVITING YOU TO MY WEDDING. Therefore, I haven't had a WEDDING, I was simply married by a JP. So @ my wedding, I wont actually have a ceremony.

I'm not trying to jump into an argument, and I truly do wish you all the best as you enjoy newly married life. But... No one says "I'm inviting you to my marriage," because the marriage is the state of being married. Inviting someone into that sounds like you want a threesome.

A wedding is the day you wed, or marry, the person you want to have a marriage with. It's not what you planned, and honestly I could not care less if you decide to have a celebration. I actually don't even care that you wear the white poofy dress. Just call it what it is. It's a very early vow renewal or it's a celebration of marriage. Both of those things are ok to have. It's not a wedding anymore, but you can still have just as much fun.

_________________________________________________________________

I agree with Molly, but on our invitations and on our Save the Dates they say marriage not wedding "...request the pleasure of your company at the marriage....' and 'Save the date for the marriage of...'

But that's besides the point, because a wedding is the event where you get married. It also includes the reception, because you are supposed to thank those who attended your marriage ceremony. The reception is not all about you, it's for your guests as well.

Now, it's fine if you want to have a party next year to celebrate your marriage, no one has a problem with that, but it's not a wedding.

ETA: Where did the box go??

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The wording you are using sounds fine to me. Something about "invite you to my marriage" sounds creepy.

misshart00 · May 2014

RajahBMFD said:
Ha! I was closer to being the center of attention today as I graduated from medical school than I was on our wedding day.

Thank goodness I didn't have to share the spotlight with that obnoxious husband of mine. Today was all about ME and my M.D. Take that all you special snowflake brides & grooms!

But you didn't wear a big white poofy dress to your graduation ceremony today so it doesn't count.

CMGragain · May 2014

The wedding reception is not about the bride and groom. You are mistaken. It is for the GUESTS who came to witness the ceremony where the bride and groom became a married couple. You have already had your wedding, so there cannot be a wedding reception for your guests, since you had none.
Go play wedding with your Barbie dolls.

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

mrsRAJAB said:
I think every woman deserves a DAY in her life where she is center of attention, where she feels like all eyes are on her and everyone is excited for her new life event. After all, lets be honest, the bride does a lot of work to plan a wedding and shells out a lot of money for GUESTS to celebrate with HER. Its only right she has her CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE moment. This has NOTHING to do with being entitled because EVERY woman planning a wedding, married already or not, wants to have that moment.

Nope, I don't want any kind of "moment". I would, however, love to have a new car. Or more wine. Can I get that instead?

CC0805 · May 2014

I'm sorry, but I disagree. Very good friends of our who have been together for ever, have a child together, and have been trying to save up for a wedding have just decided they don't want to wait anymore. They love each other, and they want to acknowledge that. Tomorrow they are going to the CH to get married. They invited all their close friends and family to watch, but understand that not everyone can make it. They still want a chance to celebrate their marriage with their friends and families, so they will be having a 2nd wedding in the summer. They will be having a 2nd ceremony as well so those of us that couldn't be there for the CH can still watch them say their vows and commit to each other. As a close friend I'm glad their having the 2nd wedding! I want to be able to celebrate her marriage with them, I want to watch her walk down the aisle, I want to watch them say their vows, I want to party with them all night, and I know the rest of our group feels the same. all have every intention of of attending, and giving them a gift to thank them for the reception and congratulate them on their wedding. And I'm sure that if anyone actually has a problem with it, they simply won't come. Them being married already isn't some big secret, they aren't lying yo us about the summer wedding, instead they are giving us the chance to celebrate with them. And really, if you already know the couple is married in advance, the PPD isn't really a lie. The same holds true for @mrsrajab in no way is she lying to her guests if she has been open about her marriage, she just seems to want the chance to celebrate that marriage with her friends and family. And furthermore, it isn't fair to personsally attack someone for the choices they make just because they differ from yours. It also isn't fair to lump everyone who chooses to have a 2nd wedding with friends/family together. Everyone is different and you can't assume to know everyone's situations. You can disagree, respectfully, and leave it at that, as I am sure many will disagree with what I am saying. You are entitled to your opinion, as I am entitled to mine, and as mrsrajab is entitled to hers.

wrigleyville · May 2014

Yeah, that's called a vow renewal, not a wedding, which is why it's stupid to pretend it's a wedding.

CC0805 · May 2014

Not a vow renewal since they won't be saying vows at the CH.

APDSS22 · May 2014

CC0805 said:

Not a vow renewal since they won't be saying vows at the CH.

But they will already be married, so they cannot be wed again until divorce or death end their marriage. Classy people would just throw a party to celebrate their marriage, but since they're going to say vows to each other, it becomes a much-too-early vow renewal. They do have to certify that they are legally free to wed, that's the part with the "vows" when going to the courthouse to get married. If a couple want to say vows to each other, they can promise whatever they would like in the privacy of their car on the way there, while waiting in line or afterward as they like.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

CC0805 said:

I'm sorry, but I disagree. Very good friends of our who have been together for ever, have a child together, and have been trying to save up for a wedding have just decided they don't want to wait anymore. They love each other, and they want to acknowledge that. Tomorrow they are going to the CH to get married. They invited all their close friends and family to watch, but understand that not everyone can make it. They still want a chance to celebrate their marriage with their friends and families, so they will be having a 2nd wedding in the summer. They will be having a 2nd ceremony as well so those of us that couldn't be there for the CH can still watch them say their vows and commit to each other. As a close friend I'm glad their having the 2nd wedding! I want to be able to celebrate her marriage with them, I want to watch her walk down the aisle, I want to watch them say their vows, I want to party with them all night, and I know the rest of our group feels the same. all have every intention of of attending, and giving them a gift to thank them for the reception and congratulate them on their wedding. And I'm sure that if anyone actually has a problem with it, they simply won't come. Them being married already isn't some big secret, they aren't lying yo us about the summer wedding, instead they are giving us the chance to celebrate with them. And really, if you already know the couple is married in advance, the PPD isn't really a lie. The same holds true for @mrsrajab in no way is she lying to her guests if she has been open about her marriage, she just seems to want the chance to celebrate that marriage with her friends and family. And furthermore, it isn't fair to personsally attack someone for the choices they make just because they differ from yours. It also isn't fair to lump everyone who chooses to have a 2nd wedding with friends/family together. Everyone is different and you can't assume to know everyone's situations. You can disagree, respectfully, and leave it at that, as I am sure many will disagree with what I am saying. You are entitled to your opinion, as I am entitled to mine, and as mrsrajab is entitled to hers.

Look, I'm glad they aren't lying to you. But they'll be married at the CH. What you are attending isn't a wedding.

It's not as rude without the lying. But I would still massively side-eye this.

Lizzieyounce · May 2014

CC0805 said:

I'm sorry, but I disagree. Very good friends of our who have been together for ever, have a child together, and have been trying to save up for a wedding have just decided they don't want to wait anymore. They love each other, and they want to acknowledge that. Tomorrow they are going to the CH to get married. They invited all their close friends and family to watch, but understand that not everyone can make it. They still want a chance to celebrate their marriage with their friends and families, so they will be having a 2nd wedding in the summer. They will be having a 2nd ceremony as well so those of us that couldn't be there for the CH can still watch them say their vows and commit to each other. As a close friend I'm glad their having the 2nd wedding! I want to be able to celebrate her marriage with them, I want to watch her walk down the aisle, I want to watch them say their vows, I want to party with them all night, and I know the rest of our group feels the same. all have every intention of of attending, and giving them a gift to thank them for the reception and congratulate them on their wedding. And I'm sure that if anyone actually has a problem with it, they simply won't come. Them being married already isn't some big secret, they aren't lying yo us about the summer wedding, instead they are giving us the chance to celebrate with them. And really, if you already know the couple is married in advance, the PPD isn't really a lie. The same holds true for @mrsrajab in no way is she lying to her guests if she has been open about her marriage, she just seems to want the chance to celebrate that marriage with her friends and family. And furthermore, it isn't fair to personsally attack someone for the choices they make just because they differ from yours. It also isn't fair to lump everyone who chooses to have a 2nd wedding with friends/family together. Everyone is different and you can't assume to know everyone's situations. You can disagree, respectfully, and leave it at that, as I am sure many will disagree with what I am saying. You are entitled to your opinion, as I am entitled to mine, and as mrsrajab is entitled to hers.

So why not just wait till this summer to have the wedding instead of doing the JOP and then a PPD? I mean it's not that long of a gap between then and now.

wrigleyville · May 2014

CC0805 said:

Not a vow renewal since they won't be saying vows at the CH.

Oh, for fuck's sake. You're arguing semantics at this point. They'll be MARRIED at the CH, which means they can't have a wedding later. If they weren't actually MARRIED after leaving the CH, then there would be no point in going to the CH.

That's what pisses me off the most about this nonsense. You don't want to be considered "married" because then that means you can't have a huge poofy dress and be an attention whore later, but when it comes to health insurance and financial benefits, hell yes you'll produce that marriage license.

It wouldn't be called a MARRIAGE license if you weren't MARRIED. What is so hard to understand about that?!?

CMGragain · May 2014

Most of the world's population does not say vows at their wedding. It is only in western Europe and North and South America where the bride and groom actually say anything at their wedding.
Are you saying that only Christian modeled marriages are valid?
At the courthouse, the bride and groom sign the legal documents that make them married. This can also be done at a church or other venue. It is what marries or weds two people. Without a license and the signing of the marriage certificate, there is no wedding.

shaylagirl · May 2014

CC0805 said:

Not a vow renewal since they won't be saying vows at the CH.

Then what is it that they'll be DOING at the courthouse if they're not saying vows and committing to one another?

Kauris · May 2014

I do not want a CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE MOMENT... I want to marry my FI with our friends and family in attendance. Am I having fun planning? A little.

Is it sweet that my friends are planning a lovely shower for me? Absolutely. Aren't I lucky that I get to have a beautiful wedding day with a beautiful dress and great food and my FI, family and friends? I sure am! But at the end of the day, I don't want to be the center of the universe. I want to be a wife. Which is what you already are. Isn't that enough?

Don't you get that some people aren't legally allowed to have that yet? Doesn't that seem a bit unfair to you? Doesn't it seem a bit skewed that your priority is the party and the only thing that should be important has already happened and you clearly don't treasure it? It makes me sad that you can't see that.

Marzipan13 · May 2014

I think it's hilarious that she took her speshul self over to "Getting In Shape" - check out the thread "Where do I start on this GETTING FIT FOR THIS DRESS journey..?"

Snark is truth. Snark is life. Amen.

mrs4everhart · May 2014

shaylagirl said:

CC0805 said:

Not a vow renewal since they won't be saying vows at the CH.

Then what is it that they'll be DOING at the courthouse if they're not saying vows and committing to one another?

UGH. STUCK IN THE BOX - We didn't say anything to each other at the CH. We affirmed the info we wrote down was true, signed, paid and left. CO is self solemnizing though, so technically no witnesses were needed nor any officiant or hoopla. Technically we could have taken the paperwork wherever we felt like it, still said nothing, signed then returned it. But don't assume because someone signs a legal document any vows are being said. Or anything at all for that matter.

CMGragain · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

shaylagirl said:

CC0805 said:

Not a vow renewal since they won't be saying vows at the CH.

Then what is it that they'll be DOING at the courthouse if they're not saying vows and committing to one another?

UGH. STUCK IN THE BOX - We didn't say anything to each other at the CH. We affirmed the info we wrote down was true, signed, paid and left. CO is self solemnizing though, so technically no witnesses were needed nor any officiant or hoopla. Technically we could have taken the paperwork wherever we felt like it, still said nothing, signed then returned it. But don't assume because someone signs a legal document any vows are being said. Or anything at all for that matter.

Most of the world does not say vows at a wedding. Asian couples are married silently. Orthodox couples have a silent ceremony. Saying vows does not make you legally married. Signing the paperwork does. This is why you get only ONE wedding. You can say vows to each other every day for the rest of your life, but you are only married to each other ONCE.

.......But you're already married......(?)

Re: .......But you're already married......(?)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards