Sure, let's all buy guests "favors" bragging about donated $$$

singinchick13 · May 2014

If you can't do edible favors that's unfortunate. We're making cakepops, which is the first dessert we made together for a potluck christmas party when we started dating. I think most people here would prefer something edible or nothing at all. There is room to be creative, sure, but mentioning a donation instead of favors is kind of AWish.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

I always think about how you run the risk of donating to a charity that other people don't support at all.

For instance, FI and I don't support the Salvation Army. We don't shop at their trift stores, or give money to the bell ringers, we don't support them. So if we go to a wedding and are given a bookmark that says "In lieu of giving you a favor we donated to the Salvation Army" I'm gonna roll my eyes so freaking hard. Thanks for deciding I'd like that charity.

I had someone tell me they wanted to do this for Halloween. In stead of buying Halloween candy they would donate the money and then hand out bookmarks saying the money had been donated. I told them to call me the next morning if they wanted help cleaning off the egg on their house.

kitty8403 · May 2014

MagicInk said:
I always think about how you run the risk of donating to a charity that other people don't support at all.

For instance, FI and I don't support the Salvation Army. We don't shop at their trift stores, or give money to the bell ringers, we don't support them. So if we go to a wedding and are given a bookmark that says "In lieu of giving you a favor we donated to the Salvation Army" I'm gonna roll my eyes so freaking hard. Thanks for deciding I'd like that charity.

I had someone tell me they wanted to do this for Halloween. In stead of buying Halloween candy they would donate the money and then hand out bookmarks saying the money had been donated. I told them to call me the next morning if they wanted help cleaning off the egg on their house.

:-)
Why is it always the money for the guests/visitors that gets donated, anyway? Why do I never see a placard saying, "in lieu of a designer gown, the bride has chosen to donate her dress budget to charity and wear a nice pantsuit from her closet"?

AlexaF2014 · May 2014

I now feel the need to get my idea of favors Knottie approved:

FI and I are a bit geeky, so we wanted to give favors of gaming dice in our wedding colors along with a donation to Child's Play. I liked it because the guests would get something physical and we would support and raise awareness about a charity that is important to us. Now, I'm not sure... would tea be a better favor? Less "look at how charitable and awesome we are" -ish?

carliealissa · May 2014

Yeah, I definitely get that people would prefer something edible. It would have simplified things if we could just do that. We could have done no favor at all, but just decided it would be more fun to have a little something to open. I'm sure most people will just think they are stupid.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

I'm not doing favors. My mother has asked me about 10 times if I'm doing anything for favors, and each time I said no. We are having open bar all night, an abundance of food, and good music. If that's not good enough, I don't know what to tell you.

The reception is supposed to be the thank you, there is no reason to do favors like it's a children's birthday party.

ashleyep · May 2014

I now feel the need to get my idea of favors Knottie approved:

FI and I are a bit geeky, so we wanted to give favors of gaming dice in our wedding colors along with a donation to Child's Play. I liked it because the guests would get something physical and we would support and raise awareness about a charity that is important to us. Now, I'm not sure... would tea be a better favor? Less "look at how charitable and awesome we are" -ish?

Go for it, but don't mention the charity.

kitty8403 · May 2014

AlexaF2014 said:
I now feel the need to get my idea of favors Knottie approved:

FI and I are a bit geeky, so we wanted to give favors of gaming dice in our wedding colors along with a donation to Child's Play. I liked it because the guests would get something physical and we would support and raise awareness about a charity that is important to us. Now, I'm not sure... would tea be a better favor? Less "look at how charitable and awesome we are" -ish?

The dice sound cute, but honestly, I'm not interested in hearing about your great cause of the moment. My agenda for the day is seeing you get married and spending time with the people I know/have been wanting to meet there. A sales pitch in that setting is a turnoff and slightly offensive/manipulative.
Pretty much, unless you are, say, a recent survivor of some horrible disease with a direct connection to the cause you're mentioning, I'm going to think it's inappropriate. And even then, I think a quick mention during your thank you speech or in your program is more than enough.
It's one thing if you want to just hand out dice in cute bags and explain your logic one-on-one *if asked*. But I wouldn't want to see a placard.

ohannabelle · May 2014

This bothers me. Let's keep weddings and charity work separate things, please.

A relative asked my daughter if she was going to do something like this. I'm afraid I was a little sharp, and said something like "Oh, holy shit, no."

Daughter and I are both card carrying members of MADD, and have both volunteered at various times, for MADD. Once a year, we participate in the Walk like MADD fundraiser. It's a cause that is deeply, painfully important to both of us.

It doesn't belong at her wedding. The focus of her wedding is the beginning of a new family, and the happiness and good wishes for the future. It's not a time to show off one's good works, or remind guests of any past or present tragedy, or assume that guests are all on board with my own charities.

The guests get chocolates, not guilt trips or displays of our personal causes or grief. If there's a drunk guest, they get a safe ride home. That is enough.

AlexaF2014 · May 2014

kitty8403 said:

I now feel the need to get my idea of favors Knottie approved:

FI and I are a bit geeky, so we wanted to give favors of gaming dice in our wedding colors along with a donation to Child's Play. I liked it because the guests would get something physical and we would support and raise awareness about a charity that is important to us. Now, I'm not sure... would tea be a better favor? Less "look at how charitable and awesome we are" -ish?
The dice sound cute, but honestly, I'm not interested in hearing about your great cause of the moment. My agenda for the day is seeing you get married and spending time with the people I know/have been wanting to meet there. A sales pitch in that setting is a turnoff and slightly offensive/manipulative. Pretty much, unless you are, say, a recent survivor of some horrible disease with a direct connection to the cause you're mentioning, I'm going to think it's inappropriate. And even then, I think a quick mention during your thank you speech or in your program is more than enough. It's one thing if you want to just hand out dice in cute bags and explain your logic one-on-one *if asked*. But I wouldn't want to see a placard.

Thanks, I can handle keeping the Child's Play on the DL, i guess i was just paranoid that dice alone would get side-eyed from my older relatives for being 1) weird and 2) "cheap"

kitty8403 · May 2014

carliealissa said:
Yeah, I definitely get that people would prefer something edible. It would have simplified things if we could just do that. We could have done no favor at all, but just decided it would be more fun to have a little something to open. I'm sure most people will just think they are stupid.

Hey, now, don't feel bummed. I don't think you chose anything obnoxious or inappropriate. The cars sound like a fun touch.
If you want to spend your money on something like that, it is totally ok. We're just trying to let you know that if you don't have the funds or don't want to do favors, it's also totally ok not to. It's not worth a lot of stress.

kitty8403 · May 2014

AlexaF2014 said:

kitty8403 said:

AlexaF2014 said:
I now feel the need to get my idea of favors Knottie approved:

FI and I are a bit geeky, so we wanted to give favors of gaming dice in our wedding colors along with a donation to Child's Play. I liked it because the guests would get something physical and we would support and raise awareness about a charity that is important to us. Now, I'm not sure... would tea be a better favor? Less "look at how charitable and awesome we are" -ish?

The dice sound cute, but honestly, I'm not interested in hearing about your great cause of the moment. My agenda for the day is seeing you get married and spending time with the people I know/have been wanting to meet there. A sales pitch in that setting is a turnoff and slightly offensive/manipulative.
Pretty much, unless you are, say, a recent survivor of some horrible disease with a direct connection to the cause you're mentioning, I'm going to think it's inappropriate. And even then, I think a quick mention during your thank you speech or in your program is more than enough.
It's one thing if you want to just hand out dice in cute bags and explain your logic one-on-one *if asked*. But I wouldn't want to see a placard.

Thanks, I can handle keeping the Child's Play on the DL, i guess i was just paranoid that dice alone would get side-eyed from my older relatives for being 1) weird and 2) "cheap"

Well if they think it's weird enough, maybe they'll ask about it, and you'll have an opening to talk about what they represent to you.

princessleia22 · May 2014

MagicInk said:

I always think about how you run the risk of donating to a charity that other people don't support at all.

For instance, FI and I don't support the Salvation Army. We don't shop at their trift stores, or give money to the bell ringers, we don't support them. So if we go to a wedding and are given a bookmark that says "In lieu of giving you a favor we donated to the Salvation Army" I'm gonna roll my eyes so freaking hard. Thanks for deciding I'd like that charity.

I had someone tell me they wanted to do this for Halloween. In stead of buying Halloween candy they would donate the money and then hand out bookmarks saying the money had been donated. I told them to call me the next morning if they wanted help cleaning off the egg on their house.

I agree with this.

FI and I choose not to support Susan G. Komen charity. People tend to think we are monsters if we say that, but we aren't. Yes, it is one of the leading charities for cancer research, but I'm not a big fan of how they spend their money. They are so popular and do provide a lot of money toward the cause just because they bring in a lot of money. In 2012, they brought in $428 million. But, they spent only $69 million toward research projects, which I think is the most critical expenditure for a health charity because that's what gets us to a cure. About 1/2 of their money is spent on education, which is very important, but I think there could be a better balance. And only 84% of their total incoming money goes toward services and programs. I think that's pretty low and prefer to support charities that are closer to or over 90%. So, we just choose to not donate to SGK.

We certainly aren't again cancer research though, especially since FI is a cancer survivor and I've had several people close to me that had various types of cancer. We do donate to and support another cancer charity that has better financial efficiency (90% incoming goes to support the cause) and they put about 70% of that toward cancer research clinics.

On our wedding website, we actually have requested that people donate to charity in lieu of gifts to us, then listed 3 charities that mean something to us and that we personally support. We also have traditional registry for people that prefer that route. But, I agree that doing donations as favors is not a good idea. Even some great & popular charities aren't supported by everyone.

JellyBean52513 · May 2014

Weddings are not a place for grandstanding. That one particular day of your life should not involve roping your guests into involuntarily participating in a cause that may or may not mean a damn thing to them.

Also, keep in mind that just like you may have strong feelings about a charity or cause, other people do, too, and it could be against something you support. If I ever sat down at a wedding reception and saw a placard that said "In lieu of a favor, the bride and groom have made a donation in your honor to the American Family Association," I would get up, retrieve my gift if I've already put it down/put the card in a box, and leave immediately. I would also consider the bride and groom cut from my life.

I believe that people can have conflicting beliefs/ideologies (to a certain extent) and still be friends. If you choose to shove your ideas in my face and I *really* disagree with them, I'm going to make a decision about our friendship.

jdluvr06 · May 2014

I'd be happy if someone donated to charity instead of giving me a gift or a favor.

JennyColada · May 2014

AlexaF2014 said:
Thanks, I can handle keeping the Child's Play on the DL, i guess i was just paranoid that dice alone would get side-eyed from my older relatives for being 1) weird and 2) "cheap"

Personally, as a gamer myself, I think the dice idea is SUPER cute. And I don't think that it's "cheap". Is it inexpensive? Sure. But it's the thought that sounds. I don't care if the couple gives me a penny and a cute story to go along with it (or if the couple gives me nothing, since favors aren't required).

I'd rather get an item that I actually like, than $100s of junk that I'll never use.

Jen4948 · May 2014

jdluvr06 said:

I'd be happy if someone donated to charity instead of giving me a gift or a favor.

So would many others, but we'd prefer not to hear about what you plan to do with the money instead. It's very ungracious to say, "I could have given you something but I decided to do something else with it." That the something else is a charitable donation does not negate the ungraciousness of this message. If you want to give the money to charity, just give it without making an announcement of it. The announcement comes off as smug and self-congratulatory, not as generous and altruistic of the couple.

jerkyanne · May 2014

Though it could be a really entertaining conversation starter had the donations been to Planned Parenthood or the NRA....

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

Now I sort of want to put up a cutesy chalkboard sign at my wedding that says "In lieu of a donation to charity you likely don't care about, we've decided to give you all more tasty things to eat!"

JennyColada · May 2014

What if you just get a bunch of $1 scratch cards? That'd be fun!

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

JennyColada said:

What if you just get a bunch of $1 scratch cards? That'd be fun!

That idea had crossed my mind for our wedding but I knew I'd be pissed and jealous if someone hit it big lol. I can admit my selfishness.

Simply Fated · May 2014

crunchymamaof2 said:

JennyColada said:

What if you just get a bunch of $1 scratch cards? That'd be fun!

That idea had crossed my mind for our wedding but I knew I'd be pissed and jealous if someone hit it big lol. I can admit my selfishness.

I completely admit that I would feel jealous. I mean, technically, I had bought that card... so it would make me sad/jealous if someone hit the jackpot or what ever. Don't get me wrong, I'd be happy for that person... but sad for myself lol.

mcelie · May 2014

I'd be fine if someone donated to a charity instead of giving me a favor. I wouldn't even mind if they mentioned what charity. If it really means a lot to them, then why not. Maybe it's because I was recently at a charity event, but some of these charities or causes are amazing. If you could help spread the word about an organization that helps people, then that's awesome. Maybe a few guests become aware of a charity they didn't know about. Yes it's a wedding, but if you manage to touch one person in that event, and they end up helping that charity too, then that was well worth it.

Kudos to the couples who do these types of things in their weddings.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

mcelie said:

I'd be fine if someone donated to a charity instead of giving me a favor. I wouldn't even mind if they mentioned what charity. If it really means a lot to them, then why not. Maybe it's because I was recently at a charity event, but some of these charities or causes are amazing. If you could help spread the word about an organization that helps people, then that's awesome. Maybe a few guests become aware of a charity they didn't know about. Yes it's a wedding, but if you manage to touch one person in that event, and they end up helping that charity too, then that was well worth it.

Kudos to the couples who do these types of things in their weddings.

But your wedding is not the place to proselytize for whatever your cause du jour is. And grandstanding about your charity work is AWish and selfish. Just donate the money, you don't need to make a big deal about it.

You know where I donate my money? Planned Parenthood, PIRG, and Teach for America. I think any money given to those organizations is money damn well spent. But if you aren't an equality-loving bloody liberal like I am, you might not want me donating "your" favor money (especially not in your name as some couples do). And you may not want to hear me talking about how great I am for donating your favor to an organization you may or may not agree with.

And if I go to a wedding and they have donated in my name, or in lieu of a favor, to the Salvation Army or any right-wing group like those "marriage" groups, I will be pissed.

Why does everything have to be about getting attention? Can't you just donate the money without giving yourself a public pat on the back?

Jen4948 · May 2014

JCbride2015 said:

mcelie said:

I'd be fine if someone donated to a charity instead of giving me a favor. I wouldn't even mind if they mentioned what charity. If it really means a lot to them, then why not. Maybe it's because I was recently at a charity event, but some of these charities or causes are amazing. If you could help spread the word about an organization that helps people, then that's awesome. Maybe a few guests become aware of a charity they didn't know about. Yes it's a wedding, but if you manage to touch one person in that event, and they end up helping that charity too, then that was well worth it.

Kudos to the couples who do these types of things in their weddings.

But your wedding is not the place to proselytize for whatever your cause du jour is. And grandstanding about your charity work is AWish and selfish. Just donate the money, you don't need to make a big deal about it.

You know where I donate my money? Planned Parenthood, PIRG, and Teach for America. I think any money given to those organizations is money damn well spent. But if you aren't an equality-loving bloody liberal like I am, you might not want me donating "your" favor money (especially not in your name as some couples do). And you may not want to hear me talking about how great I am for donating your favor to an organization you may or may not agree with.

And if I go to a wedding and they have donated in my name, or in lieu of a favor, to the Salvation Army or any right-wing group like those "marriage" groups, I will be pissed.

Why does everything have to be about getting attention? Can't you just donate the money without giving yourself a public pat on the back?

We must be thinking with the same brain!

Simply Fated · May 2014

JCbride2015 said:

mcelie said:

I'd be fine if someone donated to a charity instead of giving me a favor. I wouldn't even mind if they mentioned what charity. If it really means a lot to them, then why not. Maybe it's because I was recently at a charity event, but some of these charities or causes are amazing. If you could help spread the word about an organization that helps people, then that's awesome. Maybe a few guests become aware of a charity they didn't know about. Yes it's a wedding, but if you manage to touch one person in that event, and they end up helping that charity too, then that was well worth it.

Kudos to the couples who do these types of things in their weddings.

But your wedding is not the place to proselytize for whatever your cause du jour is. And grandstanding about your charity work is AWish and selfish. Just donate the money, you don't need to make a big deal about it.

You know where I donate my money? Planned Parenthood, PIRG, and Teach for America. I think any money given to those organizations is money damn well spent. But if you aren't an equality-loving bloody liberal like I am, you might not want me donating "your" favor money (especially not in your name as some couples do). And you may not want to hear me talking about how great I am for donating your favor to an organization you may or may not agree with.

And if I go to a wedding and they have donated in my name, or in lieu of a favor, to the Salvation Army or any right-wing group like those "marriage" groups, I will be pissed.

Why does everything have to be about getting attention? Can't you just donate the money without giving yourself a public pat on the back?

Yup.

Think of all the organizations out there that are so controversial, but people do support them (Planned parenthood, WBC, AFA, etc). Then there are those charities that don't seem controversial because of the purpose. I mean, who doesn't want to give money to cute puppies and boobies and babies (ASPCA, Susan G Komen, etc)! But some people would rather give to humans and some people don't like the way some charities are run or what the money actually goes for. It ceases being a favor to them. It's truly just a favor to you and your charity. So it's not a favor for the guests and it should never be "in lieu of."

Sure, let's all buy guests "favors" bragging about donated $$$

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