Rolling thank-you cards or all at once after an event?

mollykmac · May 2014

So, like many people, I have a registry and honeymoon fund on my wedding website, which people have been visiting since my STDs went out. I have gotten three gifts so far, three months out from the wedding, prior to any showers... should I be writing thank you notes immediately? I haven't written any yet, I guess because I planned on getting thank-you notes with wedding pictures on them. But maybe it makes sense to just get these done as they come in, so that I am not slow about it and risk being rude. What have you all done?

Thanks!!

misshart00 · May 2014

Write a thank you note as soon as you get the gift.

Edit: also, if it will take longer than 2 weeks to get your photo thank you cards after your wedding, grab some regular ones at target and get out the notes for the gifts received at your wedding and don't bother with the photo thank yous.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Getting thank you's out ASAP is much more important then getting thank you cards months later with wedding pictures on them.

mollykmac · May 2014

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I was starting to think maybe I SHOULD just get them all out now... I also hadn't thought about how long it might take to get photo cards made; excellent point. Sounds like a visit to Crane's is in my future.

By the way, isn't there some old Miss Manners rule that you have a year to write the thank you,... or is that just for giving the gift? I always thought that was insanely too long, but I was just curious.

LDay2014 · May 2014

mollykmac said:

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I was starting to think maybe I SHOULD just get them all out now... I also hadn't thought about how long it might take to get photo cards made; excellent point. Sounds like a visit to Crane's is in my future.

By the way, isn't there some old Miss Manners rule that you have a year to write the thank you,... or is that just for giving the gift? I always thought that was insanely too long, but I was just curious.

*SIB*
Technically you have a year, but honestly...do them faster. A year is a long time...

LDay2014 · May 2014

mollykmac said:

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I was starting to think maybe I SHOULD just get them all out now... I also hadn't thought about how long it might take to get photo cards made; excellent point. Sounds like a visit to Crane's is in my future.

By the way, isn't there some old Miss Manners rule that you have a year to write the thank you,... or is that just for giving the gift? I always thought that was insanely too long, but I was just curious.

*SIB*
Technically you have a year, but honestly...do them faster. A year is a long time...

LDay2014 · May 2014

mollykmac said:

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I was starting to think maybe I SHOULD just get them all out now... I also hadn't thought about how long it might take to get photo cards made; excellent point. Sounds like a visit to Crane's is in my future.

By the way, isn't there some old Miss Manners rule that you have a year to write the thank you,... or is that just for giving the gift? I always thought that was insanely too long, but I was just curious.

*SIB*
Technically you have a year, but honestly...do them faster. A year is a long time...

kitty8403 · May 2014

I've heard the "up to a year" thing, too, but I'm doing rolling notes. Mostly because it's way less overwhelming to do them as things come in and while details are fresh in your mind.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

mollykmac said:

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I was starting to think maybe I SHOULD just get them all out now... I also hadn't thought about how long it might take to get photo cards made; excellent point. Sounds like a visit to Crane's is in my future.

By the way, isn't there some old Miss Manners rule that you have a year to write the thank you,... or is that just for giving the gift? I always thought that was insanely too long, but I was just curious.

I just made a post about the whole "waiting a year" thing. I'd never heard it before, but was discussing thank you notes with a friend (who took forever to do her fucking notes) and she told me the one year rule. I was like...WTF, no, just no.

mollykmac · May 2014

Can you imagine a year later? You'd have to get half the guests' new addresses, much less hoping you put enough details about the gifts somewhere :-P

misshart00 · May 2014

No, you don't have a year. Guest supposedly have a year to send gifts. But send out thank you notes promptly.

APDSS22 · May 2014

The longer you leave it, the less likely they are to get done because you build it all up in your mind and you're looking at a huge stack, rather than 3 or so at a time. Happy thank you note writing.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

mollykmac said:

Can you imagine a year later? You'd have to get half the guests' new addresses, much less hoping you put enough details about the gifts somewhere :-P

Dear, uh...someone. Thanks for that um...thing you got for us. It's great. Really great. We're pretty sure at least.

misshart00 · May 2014

Also, OP, I would suggest taking the honeymoon fund/registry off your website. They're considered rude because they're deceptive and it's asking for cash.

mollykmac · May 2014

misshart00 said:

Also, OP, I would suggest taking the honeymoon fund/registry off your website. They're considered rude because they're deceptive and it's asking for cash.

I think they're considered as pretty standard... thanks for the opinion though!

APDSS22 · May 2014

mollykmac said:

misshart00 said:

Also, OP, I would suggest taking the honeymoon fund/registry off your website. They're considered rude because they're deceptive and it's asking for cash.

I think they're considered as pretty standard... thanks for the opinion though!

I agree with misshart00 btw, I was just ignoring it because you seem to actually care a little bit about etiquette since you asked about thank you notes. Honeymoon funds really are like sitting on the corner with a cardboard sign asking for cash. Which is also becoming more standard since there were two bums fighting over a sharpie next to a dumpster today.

SapphireCounselor · May 2014

mollykmac said:

misshart00 said:

Also, OP, I would suggest taking the honeymoon fund/registry off your website. They're considered rude because they're deceptive and it's asking for cash.

I think they're considered as pretty standard... thanks for the opinion though!

Am the only one who is surprised that this is the first comment on this thread specifically about the honey fund?

SapphireCounselor · May 2014

APDSS22 said:
The longer you leave it, the less likely they are to get done because you build it all up in your mind and you're looking at a huge stack, rather than 3 or so at a time. Happy thank you note writing.

I agree with this. Writing thank you cards really isn't that hard once you start.

syoun1nj · May 2014

And actually doing them as gifts come in make them so much easier to handle! Also, then your guests KNOW you received their gift and aren't worried.

I got all my thank yous out like 3 days after the wedding - we delayed our honeymoon and the govt (my employer) was shut down. But I got a late gift a few weeks later and it took me a few weeks after that to get the thank you out (and cash the check). Long enough that she wrote me to ask if I received it! I felt really bad and then sent it immediately!

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

We received a gift back in October (right after the STD) for our wedding that is in June. It would have been horribly rude if we waited to write a note until after our wedding. Also, showers and wedding gifts should have separate thank you notes.

jneen101 · May 2014

mollykmac said:

misshart00 said:

Also, OP, I would suggest taking the honeymoon fund/registry off your website. They're considered rude because they're deceptive and it's asking for cash.

I think they're considered as pretty standard... thanks for the opinion though!

Yikes. They are definitely not standard.

chibiyui · May 2014

Do thank you's as soon as you receive gifts. I'm not the greatest at being crazy prompt with them, but I had thank you notes done and mailed within two weeks of my shower, and within 2 weeks of any present sent to use before the wedding. And, sorry, but honeymoon funds are tacky and kinda dumb. They charge fee's, so instead of getting 100 bucks from Aunt Sally for dolphin rides, you get a check for 93 bucks, and have to dodge or lie when Aunt Sally asks how the dolphin rides were. Don't lie to Aunt Sally.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

1. The fact that honeymoon funds are standard doesn't make them not tacky and rude. Etiquette =/= normative standards of behaviour, cf, anything the Khartrashain AWs do. 2. In no universe whatsoever do you have a year to write a thank-you note. You have, at the very outside, one month from the date you received the gift.

LoveLee2014 · May 2014

Wait....I'm asking because I have been told for years you do NOT put your wedding registry in the wedding invite...yet everyone does?!?! I was NOT going to put it in the wedding invite because you are not suppose to, BUT I was told the whole point of a wedding website it to inform guest of directions, hotels, and a classy way to show them the registry. Is this not correct?? I was also told to make a link to the online store and hotels because you want to make things 'all in one locations' for your guest.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

LoveLee2014 said:

Wait....I'm asking because I have been told for years you do NOT put your wedding registry in the wedding invite...yet everyone does?!?! I was NOT going to put it in the wedding invite because you are not suppose to, BUT I was told the whole point of a wedding website it to inform guest of directions, hotels, and a classy way to show them the registry. Is this not correct?? I was also told to make a link to the online store and hotels because you want to make things 'all in one locations' for your guest.

You are correct. You do not put your wedding registry info in the wedding invite. Whether tacky people do it is immaterial; it's still tacky.

You may certainly put it on the wedding website, as that is the point of the website (along with other travel information and accommodations and whatever else is relevant to your wedding.)

Jen4948 · May 2014

Write thank you notes ASAP, but don't use the gifts until after the wedding.

LoveLee2014 · May 2014

@HisGirlFriday13, Thank you. I was getting confused for a moment.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

LoveLee2014 said:
@HisGirlFriday13, Thank you. I was getting confused for a moment.

You're welcome!!

lovesclimbing · May 2014

I did them all at once after the wedding. I know now that you're supposed to do them as you get gifts, but honestly, my showers were so close to the wedding that I think it worked out ok. (One was three two weeks before the wedding and one was two days before.)

ETA: Realized my shower was closer to my wedding than I had thought.

scrunchythief · May 2014

I have a related question, if you don't mind. We weren't planning on using any gifts before the wedding. I don't know if that's an etiquette thing or not, but I would feel weird about it. So, if we're writing thank you notes for any gifts that arrive before the wedding, should we write something about how we plan to use it?

Inkdancer · May 2014

scrunchythief said:

I have a related question, if you don't mind. We weren't planning on using any gifts before the wedding. I don't know if that's an etiquette thing or not, but I would feel weird about it. So, if we're writing thank you notes for any gifts that arrive before the wedding, should we write something about how we plan to use it?

Waiting to use gifts until after the wedding is indeed an etiquette thing. But in the thank you note, it is perfectly appropriate to say "Thank you for the blender, we'll think of you every time we have smoothies this summer!"

Rolling thank-you cards or all at once after an event?

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