My poor FI :(

ShallowSeas · May 2014

A couple weeks ago I posted that FI and I were going up North to see his grandfather who had suffered from a heart attack. His grandfather passed away last night

The heart attack was the "widow maker" heart attack and did a lot of damage to his heart and other organs, especially because of his age. He started to go into kidney failure last week (he only has one kidney). The doctor put him on dialysis but that was affecting his heart. His heart stopped once but they were able to revive him. This weekend he started complaining of chest pains, so the doctor decided to take him off dialysis and gave him 5 days to live. It was either do dialysis and hurt his heart to the point where it would eventually just stop beating, or stop dialysis and let his kidney fail. We got a phone call from FI's dad last around 10 p.m. letting us know that he had passed away.

FI is distraught. He and his grandparents are very close and he had a really hard night last night. He couldn't sleep. This morning when I told him bye as I left for work, the tone of his voice was so sad. I've never seen him this upset before. My heart is breaking for him.

Blue & White · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your and FI's loss. I'm sure his grandfather has affected your life too so feel free to be upset occasionally. You don't have to be super strong for your FI. Also lots of well wishes for a safe and easy drive up there once the time comes - I know you said it was a doozy of a drive.

CLoGreenEyes · May 2014

Oh my gosh, Sev, I'm so sorry.

How horrible for your FI, you, and the family. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers. It is so sad, and it's OK for both of you to act like it right now! Lean on each other and on your families, and of course on us.

Blackbird230 · May 2014

That's really tough.

My grandfather was a diabetic and on dialysis because of his kidneys. He ended up passing away because his colon got infected and they couldn't take any more part of it. It sucks getting older and realizing that our grandparents aren't young anymore.

KeptInStitches · May 2014

I'm so sorry, Sev. You, your FI, and your FI's family are in my thoughts. It's ok to not be strong for him all the time right now.

buddysmom80 · May 2014

@severmilli12 I'm so sorry to hear about FI's grandfather. Sending you a hug.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

I'm so sorry about your and your FI's loss. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Swazzle · May 2014

I'm so sorry for you guys. That's so sad

Sending hugs your way.

LizzyTish88 · May 2014

Oh Sev, I am so sorry to hear this. I was really close with my grandparents and that was one of the hardest things I ever went through, so I can understand that.

This past October BF's dad passed away. He was a complete mess and I had never seen him so upset. I felt the same way as you, that I didn't know what to do. I think the best thing is to just be there for him. Let him talk, let him cry, let him babble until he can find the words. BF still calls me just to talk about it. This past week was tough because of the house. BF wanted his dad to see it and that broke him down. I just comforted him and reminded him that his dad CAN see the house and that he is fully a part of it and that seems to help.

lmcooper86 · May 2014

I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending prayers and hugs to both of you and your families

ShallowSeas · May 2014

Thanks, ladies. I appreciate it. Up until now, I have been very fortunate with not having to deal with the death of any close family members. My parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, and uncles are all still alive so I haven't had to go through what FI is going through, and I've never had anyone I love lose someone they were so close to, so I'm just trying my best to be a calm and supportive person for FI.

I feel horrible sitting here at work while he is at home mourning

I told him to call me at work if he needed to talk or to let me know if he wanted me to come home early from work. Even though I can be supportive to FI and be there for him to just sit, or listen, or hug, it sucks that I can't make his heart stop aching.

Peaseblossom55 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your FI's loss. Sending thought and prayers your way.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

@Severmilli12 - I am so sorry for you and your FI's loss. H recently lost his dad, so I know first hand how difficult it is to support your loved one while they grieve. I'm still trying to figure out the right things to do and say...and it's been just over 3 months for us. Know that it will take time. There will be hard days and easier days. Be patient and trust that your FI will find a way to heal in time.

If you ever need to talk I'm here for you!

Dignity100 · May 2014

So sorry for your FI's grandfather's passing. It's never easy to lose somebody that you are close to. As you already know, give your FI time to grieve in his own special way.

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened - Dr. Seuss

blabla89 · May 2014

I'm so sorry Sev. That is such a hard thing to go through, and to watch someone you love go through. I know it hurts to feel like you can't do anything to make it better, but you are making it better just by being there for him, even if it doesn't seem like much. I'm sure he appreciates it more than you realize.

BreMR · May 2014

I'm so sorry

It is really hard feeling helpless when people are hurt. I hope your FI is doing okay, and that you're able to comfort him!

GoldenPenguin · May 2014

I'm so sorry, @severmilli12. Lots & lots of hugs to you & your FI.

Ollie08 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for his loss @severmilli12. I was like you up until 2 years ago. I'm still awkward when it comes to death. I would just be there for him. Don't try to "fix" anything. Honestly one of the things that made me feel better was being able to talk to other people and tell stories about my grandparents. I enjoyed hearing stories from friends and family, some of which I'd never even heard before! It definitely helped me to feel at peace with the fact that they were finally at rest. Especially for my grandfather who the very last time I saw him was laid up in a hospital bed, unable to speak or eat. The sadness in his eyes was just heartbreaking. But hearing those joyous stories made me feel better knowing that he was in a better place. Because the Grandpa that I knew would not have enjoyed being laid up in a bed deteriorating for the rest of his life.

phira · May 2014

I am so sorry

J's grandmother passed away a year and a half ago. I also had never experienced the death of a close family member (my grandfather died when I was 2, so I don't remember); neither had he. If you'd like any advice about how I coped or helped J cope, PM me. I'm really sorry

ShallowSeas · May 2014

Thanks everyone. Everything you all have said has made me feel better about handling this situation. FI called me a little bit ago and seemed alright. He said he was bummed but that he was handling it okay. He also said he was trying to keep busy today (since he called in to work) to keep his mind off of what has happened, so I offered to take him out to dinner or to go see a movie when I get home from work, so that cheered him up

AuroraRose41 · May 2014

@severmilli12 I am so sorry. You, your FI, and his family are in my thoughts and prayers.

It's never easy, but it does get better with time. I think what you offered to do for him is the best thing right now, and to let him know that you are there for him. Hugs!

IrishPirate60 · May 2014

Ask for Grandpa stories. Go out to eat where Grandpa liked to go and have a meal in his memory. Plant something in the yard as a reminder of him.

Mostly just listen.

carliealissa · May 2014

That is so sad. I keep having nightmares that my grandpa dies before the wedding. He's so excited about it. He's healthy, but 87. I really hate that I spend time worrying about/grieving his loss while we're fortunate enough to have him still here with us!! @Blackbird230, you're so right, it's just impossible to wrap your mind around the fact that people simply just can't live forever no matter how healthy they are. I don't know how I will bear losing him.

I'm so sorry and will keep you both in my thoughts.

JaimeLynn621 · May 2014

I am seriously so sorry that this has happened. I am keeping you and your FI and family in my prayers. I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. My FI father passed away about a month before we got engaged. In fact my FI had been planning to propose to me the week he actually died and didn't because of his fathers death. It was hard, it still is hard and it will continue to be hard. Time can heal wounds though. The best thing you can do is just be there for him and listen if he wants to talk. I would say the day of my FI fathers death was one of the worst days of my life because I witnessed the love of my life become so sad and upset and there was nothing I could really do. Just be there for him, he needs you and remind him that his grandfather is forever in your hearts and memories last a lifetime and there his to keep. Sending prayers your way. Again, so sorry:(

My poor FI :(

Re: My poor FI :(

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