Shower Rant

Re: Shower Rant

• JCbride2015 member

  

  May 2014

  itslizzyC said:

  So the regulars heard me ask about what to do about a FFIL who wants to throw a shower since all of his sisters and family friends missed out on the shower hosted by my MOH. They were all invited, forgot to RSVP/about the shower or didn't want to drive 30 minutes. I understood and didn't expect any gifts or explanations but after realizing the AWESOME shower my MOH threw (another awesome perk of her being a wedding planner haha) they wanted one too. I explained that there was no free time and I didn't want another shower however today it was mentioned or hinted that I may be having a "surprise" fourth shower!! (yes I know 3 is a lot but they're hosted by different friends & family and have no overlap and are in different parts of the country. And a 300+ guest list) I mean seriously what the hell?! They think they're being sweet but no-just no. You can't have a surprise shower? Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks this is insane?

  Yep it's insane.  Wayyy too much.

  
  

  Previously I think some people gave you the advice to just decline and don't show up if they try.  Well, if it's a surprise they are taking that control away from you.  Although if anything looks suspicious, like they are way too concerned about getting you someplace at a specific time, you should be "busy."

  
  

  I would just tell them you really don't want the shower.  But if they spring it on you, it would be super rude to just walk away.  I guess at that point you put a smile on your face and act gracious and thankful.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  May 2014

  I agree with just being 'busy' between now and then at any time they ask you to do something.
  
  Also, surprise showers are a terrible idea.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• yogablossom member

  

  May 2014

  Surprise showers were the norm when my mom got married back in the 70s. I think the idea can be nice...that's probably if it's your only shower. I think it's nice they want to throw you one, but I guess you can just try and let them firmly know it is appreciated, but really isn't necessary.
  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  May 2014

  We usually do surprise showers in my circle.  But it's usually the ONLY one, not the FOURTH one!  Get your FI involved.  Have him tell them no.  And I would seriously consider walking out of the shower if they still throw it.  Have your FI tell his parents that you both will straight up leave if they don't honor your wishes.

  
  

  So even if the event gets past your FI and you two walk in together to the surprise, he should speak up and say "Thank you all for coming, but we have already said we did not want another pre-wedding event.  Because my parents cannot respect our wishes, we need to be going.  I'm sorry that my parents have wasted your time."  Put the blame back on them.  FILs will only keep railroading you on future events because you let them.

  

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• itslizzyC member

  

  May 2014

  Yes I will to be "busy" if things get fishy. I will be out of town most weekend between now and July 19fh thankfully (that's what happens when have 7 weddings to attend and your own all in one year). It'll just be hard because any free time I do have, like a Sunday evening or Friday night, I'm usually there since my FI lives with his parents.
  
  My FI doesn't want another shower but he isn't as opposed as I am. Should I stop stressing and let them have this? (I'll admit I'm a huge people pleaser)

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  May 2014

  itslizzyC said:

  Yes I will to be "busy" if things get fishy. I will be out of town most weekend between now and July 19fh thankfully (that's what happens when have 7 weddings to attend and your own all in one year). It'll just be hard because any free time I do have, like a Sunday evening or Friday night, I'm usually there since my FI lives with his parents.
  
  My FI doesn't want another shower but he isn't as opposed as I am. Should I stop stressing and let them have this? (I'll admit I'm a huge people pleaser)

  No. Because if you let them have this, you are laying the groundwork and setting the precedent for them to do this again in the future -- with baby showers or children's birthday parties and whatever else.
  
  I am a big believer in actions have consequences. Their action was to skip your shower. The consequence is that they missed a fun event. They don't get a re-do because they were 'too busy' the first go-round.
  
  Also, if this matters to you, it needs to matter to your FI. He needs to have your back.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• APDSS22 member

  

  May 2014

  itslizzyC said:

  Yes I will to be "busy" if things get fishy. I will be out of town most weekend between now and July 19fh thankfully (that's what happens when have 7 weddings to attend and your own all in one year). It'll just be hard because any free time I do have, like a Sunday evening or Friday night, I'm usually there since my FI lives with his parents. My FI doesn't want another shower but he isn't as opposed as I am. Should I stop stressing and let them have this? (I'll admit I'm a huge people pleaser)

  If your FI is wavering on it, maybe suggest they throw him a shower?  It is his family and I'm assuming for the previous showers, even if you got things for both of you to use in the new household you two are creating you did the present opening and had all the attention focused on you.  At least that way you don't necessarily have to be involved.  Because even if you told them you don't want one, if they are going to force it on you and he's not backing your play then they will probably go through with it thinking you're saying no, but you mean yes.  Four showers does seem excessive but if they're going to do it either way...maybe let him take this one.
  

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