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Do you send a gift for every shower you're invited to?

Jessie42613Jessie42613 member
Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
edited May 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Lately I've been invited to a lot of showers, both bridal and baby. While I'm flattered, many of them are for girls I hardly know, either very distant family, or the fiancees of men my H is friendly/coworkers with, and whom I may have met only once or twice. It feels gift grabby to be invited to these things and frankly, I'm tired of feeling obligated to spend at least $50 each time (which is usually what it comes out to for a modest gift purchased online from a registry, + gift wrapping, + shipping). I want to just decline and wish them well, end of story. Is that acceptable?
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Re: Do you send a gift for every shower you're invited to?

  • Jessie42613Jessie42613 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    Poll isn't working.. the responses were supposed to be yes/no
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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Invitations are not subpoenas and they definitely start adding up. Declining is perfectly acceptable but I know what you mean by feeling obligated.

    I've noticed in my circle that baby showers are getting more and more gift grabby and randoms invited. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    No, I don't send a gift for every shower. I also tend to just decline if I feel that I've just been invited for a gift. 

    I once was invited to a pot luck shower. I was supposed to bring a gift, a dish and whatever i wanted to drink. Really - you can't even get me a bottle of water? I declined and didn't send a gift. 

    Last year I was invited to a "sprinkle". This was for her second boy. They were only born 18 months apart. Again, I declined and didn't send a gift. 

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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I only send a gift to showers I would have actually liked to attend or would have definitely attended if not for schedules/travels. 
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Nope. I only send gifts to showers I attend or POSSIBLY showers I'd like to attend but can't.

    With baby showers, I crochet baby blankets, so those get done based on how close I am to the mother, and have nothing to do with showers.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Nope. My policy is much the same as @pdkh's, though I'm so selective I end up sending practically no gifts. Right now I have to be really, really close to people.
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Nope. I buy a gift for the showers I attend. If it's someone I'm close to and I simply can't go, I send them a gift from their registry. If we aren't close, I don't send a gift.
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  • melbensomelbenso member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    Last year I was invited to a "sprinkle". This was for her second boy. They were only born 18 months apart. Again, I declined and didn't send a gift. 

    This just conjured up images of babies peeing.
    image
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    No.  Sometimes I will just get one "big" gift and would probably bring it to the wedding if I couldn't attend the shower.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Nope.   Close family or friend?  Yes.  On the edge of my social group or extended family?  No.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    So far, yes.

    What I mean is, if I'm not close to the person and I suspect the invitation was obligatory, I wouldn't send a gift. I won't reward gift grabby behavior.

    Of all the showers I've been invited to, I've been close to all the brides/Mothers to Be. Only one I couldn't attend and I still sent something. Not because I felt I had to, but because I wanted to. I don't look at invitations as subpoenas for gifts.
    image
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  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    doeydo said:
    No.  Sometimes I will just get one "big" gift and would probably bring it to the wedding if I couldn't attend the shower.
    This is what I do.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I will give a gift if:
    1) I am planning to attend the shower
    2) The shower is for someone I am close to.

    I may attend a shower for someone I am in a group with even if I'm not that close to them.

    But if at least one of those criteria aren't met, I won't give a gift.
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  • kitty8403kitty8403 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    For showers, I give a gift if I am attending the shower. I may send gifts for new babies if a close friend/family member is not having a baby shower. 
    For weddings, I don't do cash. If I'm declining, I usually shop on registry and have something shipped.

    (ETA because original phrasing was clear as mud)
    If a bride is having a shower, I have a list of go-to items. I pick one and bring that. I guess theoretically, if I were attending the wedding also, I would bring a larger gift then. In my circle, bridal showers are not overly common. I don't think I've ever been in a situation where I was free to attend both a shower and a wedding for the same person. If I've already given a gift at the shower, I don't worry about sending a gift when declining the actual wedding. If it is a local event, I just bring a boxed gift to the wedding; this is the norm in my area.
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