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Who to invite to showers?

jaime232jaime232 member
100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi there,
So there's the current situation.  I live in AZ and one of my bridesmaids is throwing me a shower in AZ.  We also have a lot of family and friends in CA, including my future in-laws, who want to throw us a really casual bbq-type shower thing so that the CA people have a chance to see us before the wedding.

My question is, we're also inviting people (family and friends) from Oregon, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Texas, Colorado, Virginia, etc etc.. do we invite these people to the shower even though we're about 95% sure they won't come?  I really don't know the etiquette for this.
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Re: Who to invite to showers?

  • AprilH81AprilH81 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    The only real rule is that EVERYONE invited to a shower MUST be invited to the wedding.

    That said, I would only invite those closest to you to the shower in AZ and with the exception of mothers and sisters you shouldn't invite people to more than one shower.

    An invitation isn't a summons, but since the shower would require travel for most guests I would choose carefully so you don't appear gift grabby.
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    You invite whomever you like to invite really. I do personally think showers are best kept to social circles because they tend to be more enjoyable that way. Going to a shower where you only know one or two other people is not that fun, you know? 

    Talk with your hosts and see what number they can afford to host. Keep in mind, not everyone has to be invited to a shower. I agree with April that I would be hesitant to invite tons of people you know probably wont travel for a shower. I have a lot of out-of-state friends that I didn't include on the guest list for the shower my bridesmaids hosted because I didn't want to appear gift-grabby. 
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The only out of towners my kid had on her list were her and the FI's first cousins, aunts, and grandmothers, and the bridesmaids. Anything more is gift grabby to me.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    My mother threw a shower for my SIL when she was pregnant, and she put a lot of out-of-town guests, including me, on the guest list.  It felt gift-grabby to me (and since she used an invite with a "cute poem" on it and a registry link, I think it was).  I did send a gift from the registry, but since the shower was 1600 miles away from me, there was no way I could go and I felt uncomfortable with the whole thing.
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  • jaime232jaime232 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Okay this helps, thanks!!
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