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Snarky Brides

Honeymoon registries

I've seen a lot of people seriously ragging on honeymoon registries, and the common thinking seems to be that they are extremely tacky and rude. I can't understand why. What difference does it make if they register for a set of wine glasses or a bath mat or tickets to a play or scuba diving lessons? I get that some registries are just general cash registries, which I agree is going too far, but if you're asking for events or activities that the couple will enjoy together, what's wrong with that? In a lot of cases I'd rather buy people a life experience that I know they will remember and appreciate than flood them with more material possessions. 
bnwright0721PetKatSold2011MusicLady7

Re: Honeymoon registries

  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    A traditional registry gives your guests clues to what your home will look like, if they care to look up your registry in the first place, indicating they want to buy you something.  They want to give you towels, your house's color scheme means you would like red or black towels, thus do your guests now know which towels they can buy you to help you build your home. 

    Most honeymoon registries do not give the couple the experiences listed, but a check, minus the site's fees for "hosting" this registry.  Most people know cash/checks are good to give for wedding gifts.  It's one size fits all so there's no need to register for specific amounts of money.  If the registry does run through a travel agent or some such and actually will book the experience, a honeymoon is a vacation, usually booked in advance of the wedding by the wedding couple.  It is not necessary to make a marriage legal or help build the home of the couple. 

    If a wedding guest buys you towels off your traditional registry, you get towels in the color you would like to match your color scheme to use in your home for as long as they last.  A registry traditionally helps a couple build their new home, paying for a dolphin ride on your honeymoon doesn't really help you build a home together.

    chibiyui[Deleted User]
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm going to save my gifs when this inevitably gets hijacked by a crazy person a few pages in.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    Marzipan13emmaaaHisGirlFriday13chibiyui
  • Sometimes, I genuinely feel bad for old school TK regs. How many times does this question (or something extremely similar) get asked?

    I used to think honeymoon registries were an awesome idea, but TK ladies shut the shit down and now I see just how tacky they are. 


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    catlady14
  • I've seen a lot of people seriously ragging on honeymoon registries, and the common thinking seems to be that they are extremely tacky and rude. I can't understand why. What difference does it make if they register for a set of wine glasses or a bath mat or tickets to a play or scuba diving lessons? I get that some registries are just general cash registries, which I agree is going too far, but if you're asking for events or activities that the couple will enjoy together, what's wrong with that? In a lot of cases I'd rather buy people a life experience that I know they will remember and appreciate than flood them with more material possessions. 
    Because if you register for wine glasses and I buy you wine glasses, you get wine glasses.  No deception.  If you have a honeymoon registry and I buy you scuba lesson, you get a check for the amount of scuba lessons, minus the registry's fee, that you can then take and do whatever you want with.  So what's the point of the registry when I could have just given you a check in the first place?
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I wonder if this is another troll Jenna was talking about in her "SUCKAS" thread?

    sarawifenow
  • It's 10.30 am. Can I start drinking?
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    emmaaaVulgarGirlladybird29
  • Thanks for these responses, they have definitely made me think. I think the reason I like the idea is because I have a lot of anti-materialism people in my family who have expressed preference for the practice of spending money on experiences rather than stuff. But they also find the idea of just cutting a check impersonal. But it's true that the registry doesn't guarantee that the money will be used on that. If guests have actively expressed a preference for this type of registry, is it still rude to have one? I would never expect someone to get me a present at all, but people I know seemed enthusiastic about the idea.

    For those who pointed out that this is well-trodden territory, sorry! This is literally the first time I've used a forum for anything at all. I pretty much just use TK to look at pictures and for the checklists.

    PetKatSold2011
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    FWIW, my mother, who is really pretty lax about a lot of etiquette things and wedding trappings, was absolutely horrified at the idea of anyone having a honeymoon registry.

    @Inkdancer gave a great suggestion at how to get around creating a honeymoon registry. If someone really wants to give you an experience as a gift, by going through a travel agent it means you'll actually get the experience, not just a check to use on whatever you want, minus fees.

  • And for your friends who want to get you an excursion rather than an object or money, maybe they'd prefer to get you a local excursion; tickets to the local zoo, a broadway show in the nearest big city, pottery classes at the local community college.  Doesn't have to be "swimming with the dolphins on your honeymoon" to be an excursion.
  • delujm0delujm0 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    FI's family likes to buy us "experiences" when we go on vacation...they will do things like research local restaurants and buy us gift cards to use while we're there.  So, on my wedding website, i put our basic itinerary on the Honeymoon page, including the resorts.  That way, if someone came up with the idea of getting us a honeymoon experience all on their own, they would have the ability to do that for us, without us asking for it (or for the money to do it).  We planned a honeymoon that we could easily afford right now and do not need any assistance with.  But we wouldn't turn down a free meal if someone got that for us!

     

    Whenever i see a honeymoon registry, i just assume that the couple can't pay for the vacation on their own and is asking their guests to fund it because they think they're entitled to it.  I know that's not always the case...but if it looks like a cash grab and it sounds like a cash grab.........

  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    delujm0 said:

    FI's family likes to buy us "experiences" when we go on vacation...they will do things like research local restaurants and buy us gift cards to use while we're there.  So, on my wedding website, i put our basic itinerary on the Honeymoon page, including the resorts.  That way, if someone came up with the idea of getting us a honeymoon experience all on their own, they would have the ability to do that for us, without us asking for it (or for the money to do it).  We planned a honeymoon that we could easily afford right now and do not need any assistance with.  But we wouldn't turn down a free meal if someone got that for us!

     

    Whenever i see a honeymoon registry, i just assume that the couple can't pay for the vacation on their own and is asking their guests to fund it because they think they're entitled to it.  I know that's not always the case...but if it looks like a cash grab and it sounds like a cash grab.........

    What kills me too is that it's always a far more exorbitant vacation than most people take. Nobody ever does a honeyfund for a week in Myrtle Beach. Traditional registries are typically super practical, then honeyfund mooches for horseback riding in the surf at the base of a volcano. What? No. Here's a gift card to Applebee's; have a candlelit dinner there. I'll even throw in a bottle of Maalox.

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    beetheryFiancB[Deleted User]Rebl90
  • I was absolutely against honeymoon registries. I thought they we're super weird and I felt horrible asking someone to pay for my honeymoon. We were sitting around talking to my parents about registering, because we already live together and pretty much just buy whatever we need. I don't wanna go register for stuff for the sake of registering, I feel like thats rude. There is a few things that we would like that we don't have but thats literally 4 things! So the discussion of us registering for Disney gift cards came up that we could put towards our honeymoon. Is that still rude? Clearly that money would directly go to Disney since it's in the form of a gift card. It's not like someone is paying for something and i'm getting the cash from it. Now i'm nervous about registering for the giftcards although it be a HUGE help.
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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I was absolutely against honeymoon registries. I thought they we're super weird and I felt horrible asking someone to pay for my honeymoon. We were sitting around talking to my parents about registering, because we already live together and pretty much just buy whatever we need. I don't wanna go register for stuff for the sake of registering, I feel like thats rude. There is a few things that we would like that we don't have but thats literally 4 things! So the discussion of us registering for Disney gift cards came up that we could put towards our honeymoon. Is that still rude? Clearly that money would directly go to Disney since it's in the form of a gift card. It's not like someone is paying for something and i'm getting the cash from it. Now i'm nervous about registering for the giftcards although it be a HUGE help.
    I wouldn't register for giftcards. Just don't register for anything and when people ask say you're saving for your Disney honeymoon. H and I love Disney, and would totally give money/gift cards towards it, but seriously, if I hear through the grapevine or from you directly after asking you what you'd like, we're more likely to be extra generous then if you register for gift cards.
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  • chibiyui said:
    I was absolutely against honeymoon registries. I thought they we're super weird and I felt horrible asking someone to pay for my honeymoon. We were sitting around talking to my parents about registering, because we already live together and pretty much just buy whatever we need. I don't wanna go register for stuff for the sake of registering, I feel like thats rude. There is a few things that we would like that we don't have but thats literally 4 things! So the discussion of us registering for Disney gift cards came up that we could put towards our honeymoon. Is that still rude? Clearly that money would directly go to Disney since it's in the form of a gift card. It's not like someone is paying for something and i'm getting the cash from it. Now i'm nervous about registering for the giftcards although it be a HUGE help.
    I wouldn't register for giftcards. Just don't register for anything and when people ask say you're saving for your Disney honeymoon. H and I love Disney, and would totally give money/gift cards towards it, but seriously, if I hear through the grapevine or from you directly after asking you what you'd like, we're more likely to be extra generous then if you register for gift cards.
    Yeah I probably shouldn't of used "registering" I apologize. I didn't even think you could register for giftcards. It was gonna be more of a word of mouth thing and if people asked.
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