"My Husband Never Filed Marriage License"

kitty8403 · May 2014

grumbledore said:
Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Took the words right out of my mouth. :-(

kitty8403 · May 2014

grumbledore said:
Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Took the words right out of my mouth. :-(

kitty8403 · May 2014

CMGragain said:
I know what I would do! I'd go straight to the nastiest SOB lawyer I could find! I would get a restraining court order, too.
The OP on that thread was so naive and stupid. Very sad for her and her child. I think that Daddy will be paying child support for a lot of years!
All the brides who think that a marriage license is "only a piece of paper" need to read that story!

Fuck with me - maybe. Fuck with my kids - NO WAY!!!!

Naive and stupid might be a tad harsh. I can't think of any reasonable person who would go to the trouble of getting a license, signing it in front of witnesses, paying for an entire wedding, and then simply not bothering to file because he is afraid to get married. It's not the sort of thing most women (I hope!) would anticipate the father of their child doing to them.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

Do we know that the WW OP's husband is the baby daddy? I didn't get that impression from the post, but maybe I'm wrong. I thought the son was from a prior marriage/relationship.

CMGragain · May 2014

No, it isn't reasonable, is it? (I just revised my post to include some better adjectives.)
Naive. She trusted this SOB.
Stupid. Didn't she want a copy of the marriage license? I know that I did.
The poor thing is still in shock. I hope when she comes out of shock she'll be pissed as hell, and take her story to the news media so this worm will never be able to do this to another woman.
I advised my daughter not to move in with her FI before the wedding. I KNOW, most of you all do, but I think it's bad legal advice. In daughter's case, her FI was as conservative as I am, and he was cautious, too.
I have been through some issues that most of you ladies cannot imagine. My ex-stepfather found out the hard way that I was not someone to mess with. I helped with Mom's last divorce, and I was the "responsible one" who took care of things.
Hurt feelings aside, this lady needs a damn good lawyer. She is too trusting to look out for herself. Too bad she has to learn the hard way. She cannot afford to be vulnerable and trusting now. Her son takes priority.

(PS. Mom died last fall leaving a surprisingly large estate. I am planning to put much of it in trust for my grandchildrens' education. Ex-stepfather lives in a run down trailer park. He has been widowed once, and divorced three times. Only one of his three living children will speak to him. He is 90 years old. Nobody is going to come to HIS funeral!

grumbledore · May 2014

BreMR said: I'm confused about this... I've never been married so bear with me. I have a friend who got married in Mexico and had the marriage certificate translated but he said that the courts won't file a foreign document so their certificate has never been filed. However, he says they're still legally married. Is that true? I also had a former coworker come back from her honeymoon and threaten her husband that she wasn't going to file the marriage certificate, that maybe it was a big mistake. They ended up getting divorced a few years later. I would say that these people are not legally married since the government has no record of them being married. They should probably do something about that.

selenathegreat · May 2014

CMGragain said:
I advised my daughter not to move in with her FI before the wedding. I KNOW, most of you all do, but I think it's bad legal advice.

I'm missing something. What does legality have do do with being anti-cohabitation? Unless you happen to live somewhere where "common-law" marriage is a thing. Not cohabitating wouldn't have saved this poor girl, who needs to burn all her "husband"'s stuff ASAP and get him the hell off her insurance plan and out of her house.

sarahufl · May 2014

thisismynickname said:

This is similar to the plot of a book I read. A pastor didn't file the marriage license, so three couples weren't even married, technically. The act of having to actually get married again made them all rethink their decisions.

I'm sorry this is real and not a fiction novel though. Trust sure is gone. Horrifying.

lol, this was also a really bad Hallmark movie that my friend (me) watched. Don't judge, we had a long winter!

climbingsingle · May 2014

Holy shit! That poor woman. I hope she doesn't lose her job over this. What a fucking asshole. I would never even entertain the idea of staying with him after that.

chibiyui · May 2014

CMGragain said:

No, it isn't reasonable, is it? (I just revised my post to include some better adjectives.)
Naive. She trusted this SOB.
Stupid. Didn't she want a copy of the marriage license? I know that I did.
The poor thing is still in shock. I hope when she comes out of shock she'll be pissed as hell, and take her story to the news media so this worm will never be able to do this to another woman.
I advised my daughter not to move in with her FI before the wedding. I KNOW, most of you all do, but I think it's bad legal advice. In daughter's case, her FI was as conservative as I am, and he was cautious, too.
I have been through some issues that most of you ladies cannot imagine. My ex-stepfather found out the hard way that I was not someone to mess with. I helped with Mom's last divorce, and I was the "responsible one" who took care of things.
Hurt feelings aside, this lady needs a damn good lawyer. She is too trusting to look out for herself. Too bad she has to learn the hard way. She cannot afford to be vulnerable and trusting now. Her son takes priority.

(PS. Mom died last fall leaving a surprisingly large estate. I am planning to put much of it in trust for my grandchildrens' education. Ex-stepfather lives in a run down trailer park. He has been widowed once, and divorced three times. Only one of his three living children will speak to him. He is 90 years old. Nobody is going to come to HIS funeral!

I'd probably go to make sure he's dead.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

selenathegreat said:

I advised my daughter not to move in with her FI before the wedding. I KNOW, most of you all do, but I think it's bad legal advice.
I'm missing something. What does legality have do do with being anti-cohabitation? Unless you happen to live somewhere where "common-law" marriage is a thing. Not cohabitating wouldn't have saved this poor girl, who needs to burn all her "husband"'s stuff ASAP and get him the hell off her insurance plan and out of her house.

If you move in with someone and aren't smart about what is in whose name, you can end up in a shit ton of trouble.

FI and I have lived together for 9 years and have more paperwork then I ever want to covering our own asses and each other's asses. We've always both been on the lease, our current condo (which we own) is in both our names, we split up the utilities so everything wasn't in just one name, so on and so forth. So basically if for some reason one of us decided we were done and just moved out, the other one would have legal recourse and not be left holding the bag. When you're legally married, you're joined. Your partner just can't run out on you without you having legal recourse. If you aren't married, you need to get some paperwork together to protect yourself.

blabla89 · May 2014

MagicInk said:

selenathegreat said:

I advised my daughter not to move in with her FI before the wedding. I KNOW, most of you all do, but I think it's bad legal advice.
I'm missing something. What does legality have do do with being anti-cohabitation? Unless you happen to live somewhere where "common-law" marriage is a thing. Not cohabitating wouldn't have saved this poor girl, who needs to burn all her "husband"'s stuff ASAP and get him the hell off her insurance plan and out of her house.

If you move in with someone and aren't smart about what is in whose name, you can end up in a shit ton of trouble.

FI and I have lived together for 9 years and have more paperwork then I ever want to covering our own asses and each other's asses. We've always both been on the lease, our current condo (which we own) is in both our names, we split up the utilities so everything wasn't in just one name, so on and so forth. So basically if for some reason one of us decided we were done and just moved out, the other one would have legal recourse and not be left holding the bag. When you're legally married, you're joined. Your partner just can't run out on you without you having legal recourse. If you aren't married, you need to get some paperwork together to protect yourself.

That happened to a girl who subleased my room in college. I felt so bad for her.

kitty8403 · May 2014

CMGragain said:
No, it isn't reasonable, is it? (I just revised my post to include some better adjectives.)
Naive. She trusted this SOB.
Stupid. Didn't she want a copy of the marriage license? I know that I did.
The poor thing is still in shock. I hope when she comes out of shock she'll be pissed as hell, and take her story to the news media so this worm will never be able to do this to another woman.
I advised my daughter not to move in with her FI before the wedding. I KNOW, most of you all do, but I think it's bad legal advice. In daughter's case, her FI was as conservative as I am, and he was cautious, too.
I have been through some issues that most of you ladies cannot imagine. My ex-stepfather found out the hard way that I was not someone to mess with. I helped with Mom's last divorce, and I was the "responsible one" who took care of things.
Hurt feelings aside, this lady needs a damn good lawyer. She is too trusting to look out for herself. Too bad she has to learn the hard way. She cannot afford to be vulnerable and trusting now. Her son takes priority.

(PS. Mom died last fall leaving a surprisingly large estate. I am planning to put much of it in trust for my grandchildrens' education. Ex-stepfather lives in a run down trailer park. He has been widowed once, and divorced three times. Only one of his three living children will speak to
him. He is 90 years old. Nobody is going to come to HIS funeral!

I admire your strength!
I'm not a trusting person, either. But I also would never, ever attempt to marry a man I didn't trust. I'd rather stay single. I can't fault her for trying. It's too bad her trust was so badly misplaced. :-/

kitty8403 · May 2014

MagicInk said:

selenathegreat said:

CMGragain said:
I advised my daughter not to move in with her FI before the wedding. I KNOW, most of you all do, but I think it's bad legal advice.
I'm missing something. What does legality have do do with being anti-cohabitation? Unless you happen to live somewhere where "common-law" marriage is a thing. Not cohabitating wouldn't have saved this poor girl, who needs to burn all her "husband"'s stuff ASAP and get him the hell off her insurance plan and out of her house.

If you move in with someone and aren't smart about what is in whose name, you can end up in a shit ton of trouble.

FI and I have lived together for 9 years and have more paperwork then I ever want to covering our own asses and each other's asses. We've always both been on the lease, our current condo (which we own) is in both our names, we split up the utilities so everything wasn't in just one name, so on and so forth. So basically if for some reason one of us decided we were done and just moved out, the other one would have legal recourse and not be left holding the bag. When you're legally married, you're joined. Your partner just can't run out on you without you having legal recourse. If you aren't married, you need to get some paperwork together to protect yourself.

---
Exactly. Common-law marriage *is* a thing in my state. And if the couple in this post lived in a common-law state, they might actually be married, lying idiot "husband" or not. (They had a public wedding, refer to each other publicly as husband/wife, presumably wear wedding rings, may have combined accounts or filed taxes together . . . !) While you do have to pay a certain amount of attention to how you do things, common-law marriage is in no way equivalent to cohabitation. It would require a divorce if you went your separate ways.

It really isn't smart to move in with anybody, regardless of relationship status, without some kind of paperwork/agreement covering your butt.

misshart00 · May 2014

While the officiant usually files the license, he/she doesn't always have to. We filed our own so we didn't have to wait.

gmcr78 · May 2014

That poor girl.
We had a situation with our marriage license, too. We got married in a Catholic church and had all the proper paperwork, which everyone signed, etc. It was up to the priest to mail the official copy in to the Clerk of the Peace.
We got home from our honeymoon to a message and mail from the COP-the priest had sent in the license, but he had forgotten to fill out his entire section. He left it blank and unsigned.
So we called the church right away and they took care of it. I have since called the COP to make sure we're filed properly, and we are.
So I guess technically we weren't legally married while on our honeymoon.

MinnieLovesMiki · May 2014

I want to know if he acted so volatile and had a problem-avoidance issue before they got married...He sounds like an absolute loose cannon

ShesSoCold · May 2014

Aside from this trainwreck...

To bounce off what @MinnieLovesMiki said,I don't understand people marrying people they can't communicate with. We've seen several times here "whenever I ask FI about X, he gets mad and refuses to talk about it. What do I do?!" Um. Get rid of this person and find someone who respects you enough to talk to you. Totally blows my mind.

selenathegreat · May 2014

kitty8403 said:

MagicInk said:

selenathegreat said:

CMGragain said:
I advised my daughter not to move in with her FI before the wedding. I KNOW, most of you all do, but I think it's bad legal advice.
I'm missing something. What does legality have do do with being anti-cohabitation? Unless you happen to live somewhere where "common-law" marriage is a thing. Not cohabitating wouldn't have saved this poor girl, who needs to burn all her "husband"'s stuff ASAP and get him the hell off her insurance plan and out of her house.

If you move in with someone and aren't smart about what is in whose name, you can end up in a shit ton of trouble.

FI and I have lived together for 9 years and have more paperwork then I ever want to covering our own asses and each other's asses. We've always both been on the lease, our current condo (which we own) is in both our names, we split up the utilities so everything wasn't in just one name, so on and so forth. So basically if for some reason one of us decided we were done and just moved out, the other one would have legal recourse and not be left holding the bag. When you're legally married, you're joined. Your partner just can't run out on you without you having legal recourse. If you aren't married, you need to get some paperwork together to protect yourself.

---
Exactly. Common-law marriage *is* a thing in my state. And if the couple in this post lived in a common-law state, they might actually be married, lying idiot "husband" or not. (They had a public wedding, refer to each other publicly as husband/wife, presumably wear wedding rings, may have combined accounts or filed taxes together . . . !) While you do have to pay a certain amount of attention to how you do things, common-law marriage is in no way equivalent to cohabitation. It would require a divorce if you went your separate ways.

It really isn't smart to move in with anybody, regardless of relationship status, without some kind of paperwork/agreement covering your butt.

Hm, I see y'all's point. Guess I've been playing with fire the last ten years living with roommates, oh well.

OnceUponAVine · May 2014

The insurance "fraud" is the least of her worries. That can be worked out with HR & the insurance company. But her relationship- that seems pretty well fucked...

CMGragain · May 2014

People marry the wrong people because they are in LUUUVVV!!!! It is so easy to be in love with a man who is wrong for you. Been there, done that.
I showed the post to DH last night. His response was, "If somebody did that to our daughter, I'D hire the M-F,S.O.B. lawyer!!!

blabla89 · May 2014

selenathegreat said:

selenathegreat said:

I advised my daughter not to move in with her FI before the wedding. I KNOW, most of you all do, but I think it's bad legal advice.
I'm missing something. What does legality have do do with being anti-cohabitation? Unless you happen to live somewhere where "common-law" marriage is a thing. Not cohabitating wouldn't have saved this poor girl, who needs to burn all her "husband"'s stuff ASAP and get him the hell off her insurance plan and out of her house.

If you move in with someone and aren't smart about what is in whose name, you can end up in a shit ton of trouble.

FI and I have lived together for 9 years and have more paperwork then I ever want to covering our own asses and each other's asses. We've always both been on the lease, our current condo (which we own) is in both our names, we split up the utilities so everything wasn't in just one name, so on and so forth. So basically if for some reason one of us decided we were done and just moved out, the other one would have legal recourse and not be left holding the bag. When you're legally married, you're joined. Your partner just can't run out on you without you having legal recourse. If you aren't married, you need to get some paperwork together to protect yourself.
--- Exactly. Common-law marriage *is* a thing in my state. And if the couple in this post lived in a common-law state, they might actually be married, lying idiot "husband" or not. (They had a public wedding, refer to each other publicly as husband/wife, presumably wear wedding rings, may have combined accounts or filed taxes together . . . !) While you do have to pay a certain amount of attention to how you do things, common-law marriage is in no way equivalent to cohabitation. It would require a divorce if you went your separate ways. It really isn't smart to move in with anybody, regardless of relationship status, without some kind of paperwork/agreement covering your butt.
Hm, I see y'all's point. Guess I've been playing with fire the last ten years living with roommates, oh well.

Yep. I've gotten burned in a roommate situation, by someone I considered to be a good friend. That's part of the reason I've never lived with a SO.

SapphireCounselor · May 2014

misshart00 said:

While the officiant usually files the license, he/she doesn't always have to. We filed our own so we didn't have to wait.

I actually got really mad at our officiant because he was lagging about filing our license after the wedding. We were gone for two weeks for our honeymoon and when I got back I went down to the county to get a copy of our license for insurance. It hadn't been filed. I called the church to figure out why the hell it wasn't there. They sent it off that day. I was probably more, ahem, "assertive," then I really needed to be but the license is important!

beethery · May 2014

If this kind of shit happened to me (it wouldn't, because I would make sure the shit got done. I don't fuck around with paperwork), I'm pretty sure I'd end up on the news for either savagely attacking or killing my husband.

You know there has been tons of shit that she's let slide before they got married, too.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

kitty8403 said:

selenathegreat said:

I advised my daughter not to move in with her FI before the wedding. I KNOW, most of you all do, but I think it's bad legal advice.
I'm missing something. What does legality have do do with being anti-cohabitation? Unless you happen to live somewhere where "common-law" marriage is a thing. Not cohabitating wouldn't have saved this poor girl, who needs to burn all her "husband"'s stuff ASAP and get him the hell off her insurance plan and out of her house.

If you move in with someone and aren't smart about what is in whose name, you can end up in a shit ton of trouble.

FI and I have lived together for 9 years and have more paperwork then I ever want to covering our own asses and each other's asses. We've always both been on the lease, our current condo (which we own) is in both our names, we split up the utilities so everything wasn't in just one name, so on and so forth. So basically if for some reason one of us decided we were done and just moved out, the other one would have legal recourse and not be left holding the bag. When you're legally married, you're joined. Your partner just can't run out on you without you having legal recourse. If you aren't married, you need to get some paperwork together to protect yourself.
--- Exactly. Common-law marriage *is* a thing in my state. And if the couple in this post lived in a common-law state, they might actually be married, lying idiot "husband" or not. (They had a public wedding, refer to each other publicly as husband/wife, presumably wear wedding rings, may have combined accounts or filed taxes together . . . !) While you do have to pay a certain amount of attention to how you do things, common-law marriage is in no way equivalent to cohabitation. It would require a divorce if you went your separate ways. It really isn't smart to move in with anybody, regardless of relationship status, without some kind of paperwork/agreement covering your butt.

Eh, just living with someone isn't going to make you in a common law marriage. I'm also in a state that doesn't have them, and hasn't had them since the 17th century.

I also lived in my apartment before FI moved in. I could afford the rent and the utilities if something happened to our relationship. We agreed if we broke up, that he would leave and we would keep the stuff we came with.

Now we are buying a house 2 weeks before our wedding. It's kind of annoying because technically we won't be married at the time of the closing, so a lot of our documents are separate.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

beethery said:
If this kind of shit happened to me (it wouldn't, because I would make sure the shit got done. I don't fuck around with paperwork), I'm pretty sure I'd end up on the news for either savagely attacking or killing my husband.

You know there has been tons of shit that she's let slide before they got married, too.

SO.MUCH.THIS.

Angeles61 · May 2014

thisismynickname said:
This is similar to the plot of a book I read. A pastor didn't file the marriage license, so three couples weren't even married, technically. The act of having to actually get married again made them all rethink their decisions.

I'm sorry this is real and not a fiction novel though. Trust sure is gone. Horrifying.

What's the name of this book?!

phira · May 2014

I don't think this has anything to do with cohabitation before marriage. Sounds like this was just a shitty relationship anyway. I can't imagine my partner doing this to me, but you can bet your ass I'd be on the phone with a lawyer after tossing my "husband" out on his ass.

beethery · May 2014

phira said:
I don't think this has anything to do with cohabitation before marriage. Sounds like this was just a shitty relationship anyway. I can't imagine my partner doing this to me, but you can bet your ass I'd be on the phone with a lawyer after tossing my "husband" out on his ass.

Fucking emphasis on the quotes around "husband"! First words out of my mouth to that parasite would be, "Oh wait, you're not my HUSBAND, which means you don't fucking live here! OUT!"

mrsmorales2be · May 2014

What? Just.........what?!? No, schmuckhole does NOT get to get pissy about her calling him on this.

What on earth was he thinking?

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