Letting the Details Go

ndpotter · May 2014

Is it just me or as you go along in the wedding planning process do certain things you thought would matter no longer bother you? I got engaged at the end of June last year and I am getting married September 6th of this year. At the beginning I was so obsessed over making sure every little thing was going to be perfect. For example I spent a good chunk of time figuring out just how we should have family portraits done, seeing as both my fiance and I come from split families, and today I was looking through my different lists and contacts and I found that list and thought to myself wow that's a huge time suck . . . I don't even really want formal photos with half those people. I waist time doing formal family photos with family you barely see? It's not their day it's ours and I'd rather be spending our wedding day together and socializing with people than standing for an hour for stupid photos no one ever really uses.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

It's not just you. When I first got engaged I was so sure that I was going to make every little detail perfect and have the 'right' chairs and the 'right' linens and the 'right' amount of flowers, etc, etc. But then as the planning went on I just stopped caring about all the little details. I figured as long as I had chairs for everyone then they really didn't need to be the expensive $8/chair chivari ones. And I realized that having flowers in every nook and cranny wasn't really all that important either. It really is amazing what you stop caring about when you get closer because you realize that those things just aren't as important as you once thought.

sarawifenow · May 2014

I hate the little details of planning. I am way more of a "big picture" sort of person, so focusing so much on the little things has been something I really have had to work on throughout the planning process. As far as the pictures go...you don't have to do any pictures at all, but maybe your families would want to have some pictures with you and your new husband? Also, technically, the day stops being all about you when you invite guests.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

I once saw a wedding planning list that had as one of the items, "cross three items off your list and stop thinking about them." It was kinda awesome. Like, screw it, those origami cranes are never going to get made, so I'll just cross it off my list and let it go.

annathy03 · May 2014

Nope, not just you. When I started making my centerpieces I was super picky about my work and them being perfect. By halfway through it was more like "Well it'll be getting dark when the reception starts, would I notice this isn't quite perfect if I was a guest at this wedding? Then GOOD ENOUGH!" Same with escort cards, programs, all that fun stuff. Photo wise I think it's good to get some with VIPs, but we just instructed our venue to feed our photographers with us (so first) so they'd be done with their meal about when we were and able to document most of our table visits so we'll have photos with most everyone that way.

grumbledore · May 2014

Yeah I gave up caring about all that stuff like two weeks into planning. I was going to do all this ridiculous DIY, make some of the apps, etc etc. Now I'm not doing shit. Because it's one day and like hell am I going to waste weeks of effort for one day. I am making our centerpieces, so that will take a day (already made a mockup and timed it). Everything else is being rented, hired, done by someone else. I'm done with it. I want to get pretty, get married, and then get a little drunk.

phira · May 2014

I actually think that one of the most important reasons to avoid wedding daydreaming/pre-planning is that so much about planning the wedding has been different than I imagined. Wedding planning hasn't been hard for me, but I didn't anticipate how much the Wedding Industrial Complex had really convinced me that there was One Perfect Centerpiece that represented my partner and me (spoiler alert: we don't care), or that there was One Perfect Dress and I'd be in tears when I found it after endless searching (except I didn't cry and it took all of like ... a night of Google searching). Even stationery has just been, "Let's find a design on Minted than neither of us hates. YAY WE'RE DONE."

So many Pinterest ideas have been deleted for being endlessly irrelevant.

RebeccaFlower · May 2014

I was that way before I started planning (long engagement), then when I realized how fucking expensive everything is and how I could still have a kickass e-approved wedding without draining us dry, I let it go... we did manage to hang on to the open bar

Inkdancer · May 2014

I was going to DIY a bunch of stuff because I love crafting. I was going to design and print our invitations, make aisle decor, etc etc etc. Then I thought about how long that would take, and promptly said LOLNOPE to myself.

Also scrapped a lot of ideas because I remembered we are having a daytime wedding. Candles and fairy lights look pretty stupid in noontime sunshine.

SammiNJonni · May 2014

There is so much I thought I had to do that I scrapped but there are still a lot of details I will not let go.

ashleyep · May 2014

I'm the same way. I wanted fancy napkins, and a calligrapher for invitations, and I cared about all of these tiny details. I've been engaged for a year now and I'm under 3 months out and I just don't care anymore.

My bridesmaids keep asking how I want them to do their hair - one of those things I thought I would care about (along with their shoes!). Nope don't care, do whatever. One of my bridesmaids offered to make table numbers. I have no idea what they look like, but at this point I don't care, it's one less thing I have to do.

wrigleyville · May 2014

Within a few months, I gave absolutely nonefucks about the flowers in the chapel or reception venue. I gave my florist some ideas from Pinterest and told her to make X centerpieces that would cost under X amount of money. I was tired of stressing about it.

I didn't give a rip about my shoes. My gown was floor length, and since H is only a couple inches taller than me, I wore flats. My only rule was that they be comfy, since we took pictures all over the Vegas strip.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

I cared deeply about the Mass and the ceremony elements.

I gave nonefucks about many other things and just kept saying, 'WHICH.OPTION.IS.CHEAPEST?!?' And then we did that option.

l9i · May 2014

I feel some vendors actually got somewhat annoyed with me when they asked for specifics and I didn't have any. My colors are black and white so as long as it fits in with that I don't care so much. I know especially for the florist (I'm not a flower person) I had to find someone that wanted to be creative because others wanted me to list off exactly what I wanted and which flowers to use, etc and they got fussy I didn't care - so bye bye! So much better that way because the stress just isn't there.

Fran1985 · May 2014

I've felt that way from the beginning. I spent two weeks picking vendors, and then I figured well these guys all seem good and have good reviews, so I'm just gonna let them handle it. I don't think I am even seeing a mock up of my centerpiece. I sent over some inspiration pictures, and we'll see what happens! I've spent very little time wedding planning. But we will have booze food and music, so I feel like thats good.

SmileDamnit · May 2014

lilybet13 said:

When we were planning, we asked three questions about each thing we were thinking about for the wedding:
1) Is this required to get married?
2) Is this for the comfort of our guests?
3) Does one of us want this at/for our wedding?

This is exactly how we are approaching it. I've had a few people get frustrated when they ask about some random detail and get the response of "I don't know" or "I don't care". But I don't...and I won't...and it will still be a perfectly enjoyable day when it's all said and done.

gladyscf · May 2014

I've been married before and planned all the wedding details.

This time around we're going to Vegas and chose a venue that will hold the ceremony and the reception. They sent me a package of what all I need to chose from and just like magic...most everything is done. I'll let them worry about getting everything together. I could have upgraded the flowers on the tables but I really don't see the point. It will still look lovely and I don't have to be cranky about it.

At the end of the day we'll be married and hopefully will have saved some money towards the car and house we hope to buy.

Alikat9614 · May 2014

Yes!!! At less than 4 months out, there are so many things that just don't matter anymore. For instance, I told my BMs short, chiffon, horizon blue dresses from DB with silver shoes. At this point, I couldn't care less that their color blue matches or they have silver shoes. I could have told them find a blue dress that you love and been done with it. Shoe color? Who cares?!?! Centerpieces? I'd been scouring pictures to find 'just what I wanted' and now don't have a clue what to do, and I don't really care. Flowers? Candles? Whatever. I look forward to our food tasting soon to finalize the menu and the exact catering total. I look forward to getting the details of the ceremony hammered out with our officiant. I look forward to just being married already!

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

Yeah I've been gradually letting things go. Don't need the super duper cute "please don't take my drink, I'm dancing!" coasters I thought I needed to have, or the adorable mini potted succulent escort card holders/favors, and it really doesn't matter which of these two ivory garden roses I pick. No coasters, plain paper for cards and jelly beans for favors, the rose that's cheaper. Done. Move on. (But damn those coasters were cute.)

karimichele · May 2014

My brother's fiance is a wedding coordinator and spent years thinking about her dream wedding and has the prettiest wedding pinterest page I've ever seen. She basically spends her life worrying about the details of everyone else's wedding. When it came down actually planning they realized that wanting to just be married already totally trumped spending the time and money on a dream wedding. In the end they're having a small ceremony and dinner with 25 of us and a picnic at a nearby state park the next day.

I'm sure it will still be most beautiful and most fun wedding I've ever attended.

KatieinBkln · May 2014

lolo883 said:

Yeah I've been gradually letting things go. Don't need the super duper cute "please don't take my drink, I'm dancing!" coasters I thought I needed to have, or the adorable mini potted succulent escort card holders/favors, and it really doesn't matter which of these two ivory garden roses I pick. No coasters, plain paper for cards and jelly beans for favors, the rose that's cheaper. Done. Move on. (But damn those coasters were cute.)

I think all waitstaff should be instructed not to take any drink away that is not good and truly EMPTY. It drives me nuts when half of my perfectly good drink disappears in the name of "service." (Not just at weddings. Like, every time I get up to pee at a nice restaurant).

CrazyCatLady3 · May 2014

Maggie0829 said:

It's not just you. When I first got engaged I was so sure that I was going to make every little detail perfect and have the 'right' chairs and the 'right' linens and the 'right' amount of flowers, etc, etc. But then as the planning went on I just stopped caring about all the little details. I figured as long as I had chairs for everyone then they really didn't need to be the expensive $8/chair chivari ones. And I realized that having flowers in every nook and cranny wasn't really all that important either. It really is amazing what you stop caring about when you get closer because you realize that those things just aren't as important as you once thought.

Yup. I am going through this exact sentiment right now. My florist mentioned me coming back to see a mock up of the arrangements, and my response is basically, I trust you at this point and I'm sure they'll be great. Meanwhile over the winter I was pouring over the internet to find pics of how the floral arrangements needed to look.

l9i · May 2014

I remember when my mother called me to tell me that when she called to check on our ceremony site we infact didn't have it booked and needed to find somewhere else. She was so surprised I didn't freak out and said "oh well, what about location x, y, or z? I doesn't matter what aisle as long as he is at the end waiting"

kitty8403 · May 2014

Oh man. I honestly just feel lazy, like I've crossed so far to the other side, I'm going to forget something huge. Like maybe the license or ordering a headpiece.

I thought I needed favors and individual menus and chargers at every place setting and chair covers and a roomful of unique centerpieces and signature drinks and lavishly decorated aisles. I'm not sure we'll get ANY of that. I'm not even having children in the wedding party.
Somehow, there will be linens and food and decorative crap on the tables, but mostly I just want to be sure we have, like, tables. And chairs. And someplace for people to pee after having some local beer.

ScoutF · May 2014

I didn't give a rats ass about little details (BM dresses, centerpieces, etc.) until we were trying to set up. We weren't able to get into our parish hall until 3:00 on Monday (wedding was on a Tuesday) when were supposed to have it Sunday morning. I understood the circumstances, but I was majorly freaking out. H reminded me that no one cared about what it looks like- we had food, booze, tables, chairs, and music. That's all we needed...you know, besides being married. It all worked out in the end.

jdluvr06 · May 2014

This is the third time we've planned our wedding and every time there are more and more little details we just simply don't care about.

blabla89 · May 2014

Before I came to TK I was on the way to becoming one of those pinterest brides who want everything to fit in with their "vision" or whatev.

What I've learned from the ladies here is that the only things that really matter that much are that my guests are comfortable and well-hosted, and that my FI and I are getting married. So of course I want the right linens and the right amount of flowers and whatnot, but I'm not stressing out about it.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

KatieinBkln said:

lolo883 said:

Yeah I've been gradually letting things go. Don't need the super duper cute "please don't take my drink, I'm dancing!" coasters I thought I needed to have, or the adorable mini potted succulent escort card holders/favors, and it really doesn't matter which of these two ivory garden roses I pick. No coasters, plain paper for cards and jelly beans for favors, the rose that's cheaper. Done. Move on. (But damn those coasters were cute.)

I think all waitstaff should be instructed not to take any drink away that is not good and truly EMPTY. It drives me nuts when half of my perfectly good drink disappears in the name of "service." (Not just at weddings. Like, every time I get up to pee at a nice restaurant).

Totally. I'm planning on asking them to do just that, especially since it's a consumption bar and we're charged by the CAN of pop. With the way FI's little brother takes a sip and forgets about it, we could easily spend more on soft drinks than booze if they bus them all. I'm actually thinking about giving him a cool cup with his name on it as his thank you gift for ushering and having him use that at the reception so that doesn't happen. You drink what's in your cup til it's gone, you don't just order a new one. Yes I KNOW that generally "your cup for the night' things are totally rude, but it would only be for him because he's 9 and a known offender when it comes to wasting things. (And being a general terror when he's over caffeinated, which is an altogether different problem. Other people worry about adults getting drunk at their weddings; I worry about this one kid getting too much Diet Coke.)

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

I'm very much a fan of "what's the cheapest option? That's the one I want." I've been like that from the beginning, though. The only part I really stressed about at all was writing the ceremony, and that was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be (and turned out pretty well according to people who read it). Everything else, I gave myself 30 seconds of "WTFAMIGOINGTODO?!" then moved on because there was always an easy solution. I'm 51 days out and I haven't even figured out my shoes yet! lol

wandajune6 · May 2014

My family and friends of my parents have a tendency towards hugely expensive weddings. I think my parents are a bit concerned that we're going too cheap and will embarrass ourselves in comparison. We made the decision not to go into debt or deplete our savings for a wedding, though we are getting some help from our families. We both have huge families and social circles and we decided to go for something less opulent in order to invite the people we wanted with us. Our budget is going almost completely (70%) to food and booze and we've budgeted to allow for many upgrades. We'll be great hosts and it will be a wonderful night.

I spent months obsessing about centerpieces and random decorations. The food will be great but I've been fixated on making the venue look gorgeous. It's a pretty space but I thought I needed to make it more impressive.

I got over it. My current approach is "what's the minimum I can do while still being a great host and not embarrassing my parents?"

scrunchythief · May 2014

wandajune6 said:

My family and friends of my parents have a tendency towards hugely expensive weddings. I think my parents are a bit concerned that we're going too cheap and will embarrass ourselves in comparison. We made the decision not to go into debt or deplete our savings for a wedding, though we are getting some help from our families. We both have huge families and social circles and we decided to go for something less opulent in order to invite the people we wanted with us. Our budget is going almost completely (70%) to food and booze and we've budgeted to allow for many upgrades. We'll be great hosts and it will be a wonderful night.

I spent months obsessing about centerpieces and random decorations. The food will be great but I've been fixated on making the venue look gorgeous. It's a pretty space but I thought I needed to make it more impressive.

I got over it. My current approach is "what's the minimum I can do while still being a great host and not embarrassing my parents?"

Glad I'm not the only one with concerned family members about the wedding being too informal. Thankfully, it hasn't caused problems and most of it was more out of concern of whether or not we're doing too much ourselves. We've planned things better than they're aware of, but I still had a few moments of "Why are they so concerned about this? Should I be concerned about this?"

Letting the Details Go

Re: Letting the Details Go

Choose Another Board

Search Boards