I'm Really Stupid

ShesSoCold · May 2014

I've left my car running before.

I was like 16 and a friend and I went to a concert. It was like midnight when we were coming home and we stopped at a Denny's. It was not in a good neighborhood and everyone in there stared at us the whole time we were there. So we're done and go out to my car. Except it's running. And the keys are locked in it. Denny's people were no help (wouldn't help us find the non-emergency number for the town were were in) so I called my then boyfriend because I was too embarrassed to call my mom. He had to break into my mom's garage to get my spare key and rescue us.

I still make fun of myself for that. 10 years later.

APDSS22 · May 2014

The worst injury I've ever had I gave myself. I managed to sprain my ankle getting into a fight with a punching bag. I like to think I got in a few good whacks first, but ultimately I had my ass handed to me by an inanimate object. Explaining that to the doctor and my gym teacher as well as all of my friends was mortifying. I went through half of my shift at work today without realizing I hadn't switched my radio on.

aspoonfulofsugar · May 2014

I do stupid things all the time! Today we had a faculty meeting and (I always take notes for my principal) she said, "We're in on Ascension Thursday, May 14th," to which I stupidly asked, "what day of the week is that on?"

Also, I was standing behind the counter/island in the office the other day and I guess I moved slightly because I then ripped over NOTHING. A mom was there, sitting facing me, and asked me if I was ok. I tried to play it off as if there were something on the floor that made me fall.....

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

I blew my knee out trying on clothes.

3 years later, I hurt it again attempting to mock how easy it was to slip in socks on our ceramic tile floor. Thought I'd only pretend to go into the splits, but I really did, until my foot hit the carpet and my leg bent sideways. My kneecap ended up on the wrong side of my knee.

I win.

manillabar · May 2014

SapphireCounselor said:

I didn't do too many stupid things this week...shocking to be honest since I do dumb things all the time. The one thing I did do was snap awake at 1 a.m. randomly on Monday. For some reason I thought it was 4 a.m. and time for me get up so I got my work out clothes on and started doing my normal morning thing before I came accross a clock. This was despite the fact that my phone had been on my bedside table next to me all along.

SITB

I've done that before! I just shoot out of bed, head to the shower, get dressed, and then check my clock/phone ...*sigh* i try to tell myself that means I can sleep a little bit later, but getting back to sleep is a whole other story haha

@lolo883, that sounds horrifyingly frightening!

Sugargirl1019 · May 2014

I got beautiful flowers today from my coworkers for my last day of work. Set them on top of my car to open the door. Got in, pulled away. As I stop at the stop sign, I hear a thud and rumble and then water pouring down my windshield.

Yep. I drove away with my flower arrangement on top of my car.

IrishPirate60 · May 2014

aspoonfulofsugar said:

I do stupid things all the time! Today we had a faculty meeting and (I always take notes for my principal) she said, "We're in on Ascension Thursday, May 14th," to which I stupidly asked, "what day of the week is that on?"

Your principal was having a bad day. Ascension Thursday isn't until May 29th!

lovemyrunner · May 2014

beethery said:

Oh! I have another good one!

The other night I was making a pizza for dinner, and I began to have difficulties opening the package of fresh mozzarella.

FI will, unfortunately, never forget what I said.

"Fucking... god dammit, why? Why is this so hard? 'EASY OPEN', MY ASS!"

At work we have a PYXIS machine that holds chargeable items for patients. You can either sign in using a username and password, or you put your finger on this little pad and it reads your fingerprint... sometimes. About half the time it will tell me it doesn't recognize me when I do this. Well the other day, I was in a hurry and the PYXIS was giving me attitude and kept tell me it didn't recognize me. So I'm standing in the tiny equipment room, yelling at a machine, "YOU KNOW MY FINGER! WE DO THIS EVERY DAMN DAY!!"

Gerbertmcway · May 2014

Today I got into the shower with my glasses on.

beethery · May 2014

lovemyrunner said:

beethery said:

Oh! I have another good one!
The other night I was making a pizza for dinner, and I began to have difficulties opening the package of fresh mozzarella.
FI will, unfortunately, never forget what I said.
"Fucking... god dammit, why? Why is this so hard? 'EASY OPEN', MY ASS!"
At work we have a PYXIS machine that holds chargeable items for patients. You can either sign in using a username and password, or you put your finger on this little pad and it reads your fingerprint... sometimes. About half the time it will tell me it doesn't recognize me when I do this. Well the other day, I was in a hurry and the PYXIS was giving me attitude and kept tell me it didn't recognize me. So I'm standing in the tiny equipment room, yelling at a machine, "YOU KNOW MY FINGER! WE DO THIS EVERY DAMN DAY!!"

HAHAHAHA that's amazing! *eta box I see you trying it motherfucker but I know HTML and I WILL win this battle!

aspoonfulofsugar · May 2014

IrishPirate60 said:

aspoonfulofsugar said:

I do stupid things all the time! Today we had a faculty meeting and (I always take notes for my principal) she said, "We're in on Ascension Thursday, May 14th," to which I stupidly asked, "what day of the week is that on?"

Your principal was having a bad day. Ascension Thursday isn't until May 29th!

Should have prefaced that we were planning next school year's calendar.

buttercup1958 · May 2014

I have a couple too! When I was 17 I locked myself out of my car with it running, and with the lights on. In my defense it was at 4 am and I was going on a school field trip! So he had to come to rescue my car.

Another one was when I fell into a log and scrap my big toe skin off. I had to go to the ER for that one. Oh and I accidentally hit myself in the face. My glasses got stuck on part of my jacket and I tried to get it off. The string snapped back and hit me in the eye.

And I almost ran over the stray neighborhood cat when I was going to work yesterday I parked my car and try to give it a hug. I then realize this cat doesn't like hugs and I had to run away from it.

I have one work related one too, I thought my shift started at 10 so I got up at 7 and drove my hour commute to work. When I get there I realized my shift doesn't start till 1 pm. So you are not alone.

RebeccaB88 · May 2014

At work we have a PYXIS machine that holds chargeable items for patients. You can either sign in using a username and password, or you put your finger on this little pad and it reads your fingerprint... sometimes. About half the time it will tell me it doesn't recognize me when I do this. Well the other day, I was in a hurry and the PYXIS was giving me attitude and kept tell me it didn't recognize me. So I'm standing in the tiny equipment room, yelling at a machine, "YOU KNOW MY FINGER! WE DO THIS EVERY DAMN DAY!!"

I yell, cuss, sweet talk, and have entire conversations with our Yuyama at work. I hear stories like this about Pyxis machines all the time. I'm notorious for running loads of laundry and the dishwasher with no detergent in it. Also for putting stuff in and not turning it on, but thinking I did.

NavyBlue143 · May 2014

An hour ago I was making grilled cheese on the stove. Turns out it stays room temperature cheese if you don't turn the burner on. I do this All. The. Time.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

How many times will a neighbor knock on my door with my car keys in their hand saying that I left them in the door of my car before someone just steals it? Its been a different person each of the 5 times in the last year, I'm a dumbass. With nice neighbors.

tigersgirlgv · May 2014

SapphireCounselor said:

I didn't do too many stupid things this week...shocking to be honest since I do dumb things all the time. The one thing I did do was snap awake at 1 a.m. randomly on Monday. For some reason I thought it was 4 a.m. and time for me get up so I got my work out clothes on and started doing my normal morning thing before I came accross a clock. This was despite the fact that my phone had been on my bedside table next to me all along.

I have totally done this before. Pop out of bed, start getting dressed, realize I'm unusually tired. I look at the clock and it's like 2:00am...

beharrington · May 2014

tigersgirlgv said:

SapphireCounselor said:

I didn't do too many stupid things this week...shocking to be honest since I do dumb things all the time. The one thing I did do was snap awake at 1 a.m. randomly on Monday. For some reason I thought it was 4 a.m. and time for me get up so I got my work out clothes on and started doing my normal morning thing before I came accross a clock. This was despite the fact that my phone had been on my bedside table next to me all along.

I have totally done this before. Pop out of bed, start getting dressed, realize I'm unusually tired. I look at the clock and it's like 2:00am...

In high school, my mom found me eating breakfast in the kitchen one morning. I was dressed with my hair still up in a towel. She asked what I was doing dressed at 2am. I thought it was 6 and I was running late.

beharrington · May 2014

I turn the burner on when cooking and wonder why stuff isn't heating up until I smell metal burning and realize I turned on the wrong burner. This is a frequent occurrence in my kitchen.

Chipmunk415 · May 2014

First off, Im BAAACK! For some reason work computer no longer recognizes the knot as a functional website and I forget to log in at home. I apologize if this comes out in a big block of text from my phone.

Now for dumb moments....

1. I regularly forget all my passwords. Just had to reset my pword here on the knot.

2. DH recently had to come by my office with the spare key to my car. Checked the car, no keys. Turned out they were in fact in my office where I'd searched top to bottom. I blame office gremlins.

3. Roomate in college once couldn't decide between two types of Kellogg cereal. That were both buy one get one free and publix being publix, allowed the mix n match. I told her to get both- she responded that she didnt want to pay for one if she didn't like it.

4. Same roommate did not know until I explained it to her that there's two SECs one for football and one for wall street.

5. Before going to the grocery store, I regularly ask DH if there's something he wants me to get for him. Inevitably this rnds up being the one thing that I forget.

BlackLace2015 · May 2014

I could write one of these every day. Yesterday I was searching my entire apartment for my "missing" laundry detergant, climbed pon top of the washer to look behind, checked every cabinet in the house... finally I reached into my (almost full) washer and sure enough it had fallen in, and was under all the clothes, swimming around!

JCbride2015 · May 2014

@Chipmunk415 Glad to see you back! I've been thinking of your family.

And I do #5 all.the.time. Poor Fi.

jenna8984 · May 2014

I was on vacation so I'm 2 days late on this thread but my story is too good not to share.

So 5 years ago I decided I was going to make my own fried shrimp. I got shrimp, breading, oil. Googled a few recipes and not one said anything about oil becoming too hot or flamable, or dangerous being exposed to air. I should have known better but I had absolutely no clue.......so I put a lid on the pot of oil and put it on high for about 10 minutes thinking that it needs to boil. Holy shit. When I took that lid off a huge fire erupted from the pot and I about had a heart attack. Fire is my #1 fear in life and so it took away all my rational thought and replaced it with fear. So a normal person would just put the lid back on the pot to stifle it. Yea, no. My first (irrational) thought was just get this out of my kitchen so it doesn't jump and catch cabinets on fire. So I grab the pot, sprint across my dining room, out the balcony door, and whip the entire thing off the blacony of the 2nd floor apartment!!!!! I hear the man below me scream "WTF was that?!" We had a laugh about it later but I'm seriously the luckiest person alive that it didn't hit someone walking by because I would have burned them to death.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

jenna8984 said:

I was on vacation so I'm 2 days late on this thread but my story is too good not to share.
So 5 years ago I decided I was going to make my own fried shrimp. I got shrimp, breading, oil. Googled a few recipes and not one said anything about oil becoming too hot or flamable, or dangerous being exposed to air. I should have known better but I had absolutely no clue.......so I put a lid on the pot of oil and put it on high for about 10 minutes thinking that it needs to boil. Holy shit. When I took that lid off a huge fire erupted from the pot and I about had a heart attack. Fire is my #1 fear in life and so it took away all my rational thought and replaced it with fear. So a normal person would just put the lid back on the pot to stifle it. Yea, no. My first (irrational) thought was just get this out of my kitchen so it doesn't jump and catch cabinets on fire. So I grab the pot, sprint across my dining room, out the balcony door, and whip the entire thing off the blacony of the 2nd floor apartment!!!!! I hear the man below me scream "WTF was that?!" We had a laugh about it later but I'm seriously the luckiest person alive that it didn't hit someone walking by because I would have burned them to death.

LMAO! Oh thank God nobody was walking by but that would be hilarious to see!

And you're far smarter than my brother's idiot now-wife... when they were dating, and living in my grandmother's condo, she set pancakes on fire. Rather than do any rational thing like put the lid on, throw them in the sink, or even out the front door, she threw them down the (carpeted) basement steps. What the hell? Ruined the walls and the carpet, lucky she didn't burn the whole place down.

gladyscf · May 2014

Yesterday I put water on to boil to make Hummingbird food. Then I went out to plant 4 hanging baskets. My FI came out and asked if I was just boiling the water out of the pan for the fun of it.

I apparently am easily distracted when doing tasks.

CLoGreenEyes · May 2014

I tried to open my mailbox using my car remote last week.

Today I pulled up to the gas pump with the wrong side of my car. This happens to me a lot. You'd think I'd learn.

Inkdancer · May 2014

CLoGreenEyes said:

I tried to open my mailbox using my car remote last week. Today I pulled up to the gas pump with the wrong side of my car. This happens to me a lot. You'd think I'd learn.

Next to the fuel meter on your dashboard, there should be an arrow telling you what side the gas tank is on.

cupcait927 · May 2014

Inkdancer said:

CLoGreenEyes said:

I tried to open my mailbox using my car remote last week. Today I pulled up to the gas pump with the wrong side of my car. This happens to me a lot. You'd think I'd learn.

Next to the fuel meter on your dashboard, there should be an arrow telling you what side the gas tank is on.

FI went almost 28 years of his life not knowing about that arrow. I pointed it out to him a few months ago. Still doesn't remember to check it every time he drives my car. Drives me nuts.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

Inkdancer said:

CLoGreenEyes said:

I tried to open my mailbox using my car remote last week. Today I pulled up to the gas pump with the wrong side of my car. This happens to me a lot. You'd think I'd learn.

Next to the fuel meter on your dashboard, there should be an arrow telling you what side the gas tank is on.

There is, and yet...I still (not infrequently) look at it and completely don't absorb the information.

amakayeb · May 2014

I locked myself out of my running car in the drive through book return lane at the library. About a year after I had moved here. On a Friday evening. With my purse (and therefore cell phone) in the car. Yeah, that was fun...

LadyMillil · May 2014

ckel24 said:

Inkdancer said:

CLoGreenEyes said:

I tried to open my mailbox using my car remote last week. Today I pulled up to the gas pump with the wrong side of my car. This happens to me a lot. You'd think I'd learn.

Next to the fuel meter on your dashboard, there should be an arrow telling you what side the gas tank is on.

FI went almost 28 years of his life not knowing about that arrow. I pointed it out to him a few months ago. Still doesn't remember to check it every time he drives my car. Drives me nuts.

When I got my car I had to bring DH with me the first time I needed gas because I had never pumped gas before - I always went to Full Service gas stations - and they don't have any here. He was like "you'll need to pull in to a parking spot to check where the gas tank is" and he was SHOCKED when I told him about the little arrow.

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