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ciferri053015 · May 2014

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emmyg65 · May 2014

No, but you need to talk to her. She's your friend, right? Just explain that you can't afford to meet her requests. You can host X guests for a shower at Y location, and you can handle Z for a bachelorette party. Or bail on one. Or both! There's no law that says the MOH has to plan a shower or bachelorette. Those are gifts to the bride that are at your discretion.

hyechica81 · May 2014

no you are not in the wrong

did she dictated a specific shoe style and color for all maids? if then she needs to pay for that and the jewelry.

if she said to you any style shoe in silver and any style of jewelery in silver or crystal like then you have to pay .

and hair style if she says everyone in a updo just like this photo then she has to pay and not expect you to foot the whole bill

as for the hotel be up front with her and say i am sorry but this is all i can afford to host for your bach party. unless the rest of the bridal party wants to chip in for the party.

you can ask the bmaids to chip in for the cost of brides dinner and everyone goes dutch. you can ask the bm to maybe cover a drink for the bride but that's about it

if you cant afford the luxury hotel get one that you can afford

do your hair how you want it get the shoes you want dont let her dictate to you tell her i already have some shoes that will work with the dress

shes becoming a bridezilla and you dont have to cave into her demands, talk to her and tell her how you feel tell her hey i dont have $$$$ for the party but this is what i can host for you

ciferri053015 · May 2014

I've already hosted her shower and bought the shoes. I thought it was customary for the bride to pick out the shoes so I did what she asked. But the specific hairstyle? The extravagant bachelorette party? Seems a bit much. Especially when she is already living with and has a child with the guy she is marrying. (Not saying there's anything wrong with that but technically in my opinion she's not a "bachelorette") I would have no problem throwing her a more traditional bachelorette party but it seems a bit much to be doing all this. It's stressing me out big time! I love her but she keeps saying "I'm allowed to be a little bit selfish. It's my wedding." So I don't know what to say without her getting mad. You only get one bachelorette party and wedding so I want it to be what she wants but I wish she was a little more relaxed about it.

AddieCake · May 2014

ciferri053015 said:

Especially when she is already living with and has a child with the guy she is marrying. (Not saying there's anything wrong with that but technically she's not a "bachelorette")

bach·e·lor·ette

ˌbaCH(ə)ləˈret/

noun

NORTH AMERICAN

1.
a young unmarried woman.

She's being ridiculous, but you are being judgmental saying she isn't a bachelorette.

MollyandD · May 2014

She can be a little bit selfish. Like, she can spend some extra time in the bath instead of cleaning her house or something. She can turn down a babysitting request on a Saturday night. Some selfishness is ok. But this is more than a "a little bit selfish."

You can be a little selfish too, and think of yourself and your finances and stress levels.

Sars06 · May 2014

No, she does not get to dictate the terms of a party thrown in her honor. You figure out what you are comfortable hosting. If that's a pizza and movie night in your living room, that's fine! Then you say, "Bride, I'd like to throw you a bachelorette party and this is what I can offer." If it's not extravagant enough for her, she can decline your offer. But she does not get to demand you spend more money than you are comfortable spending.

The shower and bach party are your gifts to her.

ciferri053015 · May 2014

My bad. I failed to consult the Merriam-Webster dictionary before I spoke my opinion. And that's exactly what it is. Just my opinion. The fact that you disagree doesn't offend or bother me because that is your opinion.

ciferri053015 · May 2014

Anyways, with my personal opinions aside I like the advice I've gotten on here

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

A bridesmaid is allowed to say no to the bride. She isn't queen of the universe because she's getting married.

And she is a bachelorette until she is married. It makes no difference if she has a child or is living with her FI.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

Tell her no. She's being demanding, but until you say no, she's going to keep being demanding. So just say, 'I'm sorry, that's not in my budget for your wedding.'

ciferri053015 · May 2014

In my opinion no one is going to care if our hair and nails are all exactly the same

RebeccaB88 · May 2014

Bride is being totally unrealistic and unreasonable. You are totally within your rights to shut this down anything other than the dress she should pay for if she is going to dictate it. Tell her what you can afford to do for her, or that you can't afford anything. Don't bankrupt yourself for her party. If she doesn't like what you can do, she can make do without.

Jen4948 · May 2014

It's totally okay to set boundaries with the bride as to what you are and aren't willing to do for her, and if she wants you to do things that cross those boundaries and won't take no for an answer, then feel free to step down.

phira · May 2014

ciferri053015 said:

In my opinion no one is going to care if our hair and nails are all exactly the same

You're not wrong. I honestly don't even remember most details from weddings I've been to (including what the bride's dress or hairstyle looked like). Anyone staring at the bridesmaids nails is ... well, weird.

SammiNJonni · May 2014

Tell her you are unable to meet her demands if you still want to throw her the bachelorette party tell her what you can afford to do. If she doesn't accept it too bad no one is entitled to a party. Also put your foot down on the matchy matchy hair, makeup, nails, and shoes.

Blue_Bird · May 2014

Put your lips together, and say, "No".

blabla89 · May 2014

SammiNJonni said:

Tell her you are unable to meet her demands if you still want to throw her the bachelorette party tell her what you can afford to do. If she doesn't accept it too bad no one is entitled to a party. Also put your foot down on the matchy matchy hair, makeup, nails, and shoes.

Pretty much this. Price out a couple of options (this place, with this kind of refreshments, for up to this many people) and tell her that is what you can afford to host. If she continues to demand something that will cost more than you're comfortable with, tell her you're very sorry, but in that case you just won't be able to host it. Just be prepared for the temper tantrum that might follow...

As for the hair and stuff, next time it comes up, say "Yeah, I'm just going to do my own hair, and I already have some shoes that would look great with the BM dress, but thanks though" and then change the subject.

KatieinBkln · May 2014

ciferri053015 said: I've already hosted her shower and bought the shoes. I thought it was customary for the bride to pick out the shoes so I did what she asked. But the specific hairstyle? The extravagant bachelorette party? Seems a bit much. Especially when she is already living with and has a child with the guy she is marrying. (Not saying there's anything wrong with that but technically in my opinion she's not a "bachelorette") I would have no problem throwing her a more traditional bachelorette party but it seems a bit much to be doing all this. It's stressing me out big time! I love her but she keeps saying "I'm allowed to be a little bit selfish. It's my wedding." So I don't know what to say without her getting mad. You only get one bachelorette party and wedding so I want it to be what she wants but I wish she was a little more relaxed about it.

You know, she probably will get mad. That sucks, since she's your friend and I'm sure you don't want to upset her...but she's already upsetting YOU. The upset has already happened. So please don't let that stop you from calmly saying what you need to say (I like HisGirl's script for this--you can repeat that like a broken record if you need to). Good luck. This stuff isn't easy but it's worth it, both for your pocketbook and your friendship.

Sugargirl1019 · May 2014

Holiday Inn Express has a hot tub. Hope she loves it!

But really, if you ARE going to follow through with the hotel, hopefully these chain hotels (which I think are lovely) will have a price that's low. I know it depends on your area though.

DaisyMaeMommy · May 2014

ciferri053015 said:

I've already hosted her shower and bought the shoes. I thought it was customary for the bride to pick out the shoes so I did what she asked. But the specific hairstyle? The extravagant bachelorette party? Seems a bit much. Especially when she is already living with and has a child with the guy she is marrying. (Not saying there's anything wrong with that but technically in my opinion she's not a "bachelorette") I would have no problem throwing her a more traditional bachelorette party but it seems a bit much to be doing all this. It's stressing me out big time! I love her but she keeps saying "I'm allowed to be a little bit selfish. It's my wedding." So I don't know what to say without her getting mad. You only get one bachelorette party and wedding so I want it to be what she wants but I wish she was a little more relaxed about it.

I guess I can't have a bachelorette party ladies, because FH and I own a house together and we have two kids.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

DaisyMaeMommy said:

ciferri053015 said:

I've already hosted her shower and bought the shoes. I thought it was customary for the bride to pick out the shoes so I did what she asked. But the specific hairstyle? The extravagant bachelorette party? Seems a bit much. Especially when she is already living with and has a child with the guy she is marrying. (Not saying there's anything wrong with that but technically in my opinion she's not a "bachelorette") I would have no problem throwing her a more traditional bachelorette party but it seems a bit much to be doing all this. It's stressing me out big time! I love her but she keeps saying "I'm allowed to be a little bit selfish. It's my wedding." So I don't know what to say without her getting mad. You only get one bachelorette party and wedding so I want it to be what she wants but I wish she was a little more relaxed about it.

I guess I can't have a bachelorette party ladies, because FH and I own a house together and we have two kids.

Love, love, LOVE the House GIF!

bouncertony · May 2014

Remember what Nancy Regan taught us. Just say no.

abbyj700 · May 2014

TALK TO HER.

This girl is your friend right? Tell her "hey, this is the shower I can afford to throw" and say you'd be happy to go to the bachelorette but you can't host the whole thing, or won't be able to provide the hotel/dinner whatever. She's asking a little much - but she's YOUR FRIEND - so be straight with her without being mean.

And definitely don't tell her she doesn't deserve a bachelorette because you've chosen to make up a meaning. She's not married, she's getting married. You are being terrible saying she doesn't deserve something all because she lives with someone who she has a baby with. What a terrible thing to say about a friend.

bmydesigner · May 2014

Ugh she's definitely being ridiculous here. Agree with other PP's that you need to talk to her and tell her what you can afford and go from there.

Also, regarding the whole bachelorette party thing - I really don't think her opinion on it is a big deal. We all stress on here that everyone is entitled to their opinion, so I think calling her terrible for it is a little uncalled for. It's not like she's protesting to throw her a b party because she thinks she doesn't deserve one. That would be crossing the line.

Technically, I don't think any of us really "deserve" a bachelorette party. Because isn't the technical meaning, "last single night out?" I don't know about you guys, but my last single night was the day before I started dating FI. Sorry, just my opinion. Feel free to debate or argue.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

bmydesigner said:

Ugh she's definitely being ridiculous here. Agree with other PP's that you need to talk to her and tell her what you can afford and go from there.

Also, regarding the whole bachelorette party thing - I really don't think her opinion on it is a big deal. We all stress on here that everyone is entitled to their opinion, so I think calling her terrible for it is a little uncalled for. It's not like she's protesting to throw her a b party because she thinks she doesn't deserve one. That would be crossing the line.

Technically, I don't think any of us really "deserve" a bachelorette party. Because isn't the technical meaning, "last single night out?" I don't know about you guys, but my last single night was the day before I started dating FI. Sorry, just my opinion. Feel free to debate or argue.

Actually she doesn't want to throw the bride a big blowout bach party because of her opinion of her living situation and the fact that they have kids together. The money portion is only part of it, but the bigger part is that she doesn't think that her friend should have the big blowout because she doesn't see her friend as her definition of a bachelorette. And that is incredibly judgey.

lilacck28 · May 2014

bmydesigner said:

Ugh she's definitely being ridiculous here. Agree with other PP's that you need to talk to her and tell her what you can afford and go from there.

Also, regarding the whole bachelorette party thing - I really don't think her opinion on it is a big deal. We all stress on here that everyone is entitled to their opinion, so I think calling her terrible for it is a little uncalled for. It's not like she's protesting to throw her a b party because she thinks she doesn't deserve one. That would be crossing the line.

Technically, I don't think any of us really "deserve" a bachelorette party. Because isn't the technical meaning, "last single night out?" I don't know about you guys, but my last single night was the day before I started dating FI. Sorry, just my opinion. Feel free to debate or argue.

There's no need to argue. From an emotional perspective, you are entitled to feel "not single." I don't feel single either. But from a legal perspective, and the dictionary definition, a man/woman is considered a bachelor/ bachelorette/ single until s/he gets married. That's simply the definition. Arguing that definition is not defending a difference in opinion, it is showcasing a lack of understanding of the meaning of the word.

(though I do love "spirit of the law" debates, that was not what was initially stated)

bmydesigner · May 2014

Maggie0829 said:

bmydesigner said:

Ugh she's definitely being ridiculous here. Agree with other PP's that you need to talk to her and tell her what you can afford and go from there.

Also, regarding the whole bachelorette party thing - I really don't think her opinion on it is a big deal. We all stress on here that everyone is entitled to their opinion, so I think calling her terrible for it is a little uncalled for. It's not like she's protesting to throw her a b party because she thinks she doesn't deserve one. That would be crossing the line.

Technically, I don't think any of us really "deserve" a bachelorette party. Because isn't the technical meaning, "last single night out?" I don't know about you guys, but my last single night was the day before I started dating FI. Sorry, just my opinion. Feel free to debate or argue.

Actually she doesn't want to throw the bride a big blowout bach party because of her opinion of her living situation and the fact that they have kids together. The money portion is only part of it, but the bigger part is that she doesn't think that her friend should have the big blowout because she doesn't see her friend as her definition of a bachelorette. And that is incredibly judgey.

I guess it came off to me as money was the main issue. But, I will agree if the living with kid situation is a factor, then yes that is extremely judgey.

bmydesigner · May 2014

lilacck28 said:

bmydesigner said:

Ugh she's definitely being ridiculous here. Agree with other PP's that you need to talk to her and tell her what you can afford and go from there.

Also, regarding the whole bachelorette party thing - I really don't think her opinion on it is a big deal. We all stress on here that everyone is entitled to their opinion, so I think calling her terrible for it is a little uncalled for. It's not like she's protesting to throw her a b party because she thinks she doesn't deserve one. That would be crossing the line.

Technically, I don't think any of us really "deserve" a bachelorette party. Because isn't the technical meaning, "last single night out?" I don't know about you guys, but my last single night was the day before I started dating FI. Sorry, just my opinion. Feel free to debate or argue.

There's no need to argue. From an emotional perspective, you are entitled to feel "not single." I don't feel single either. But from a legal perspective, and the dictionary definition, a man/woman is considered a bachelor/ bachelorette/ single until s/he gets married. That's simply the definition. Arguing that definition is not defending a difference in opinion, it is showcasing a lack of understanding of the meaning of the word.

(though I do love "spirit of the law" debates, that was not what was being stated)

Yeah, you're right those are the technical definitions. I'm not really trying to change that. I guess I just get annoyed when all these speshul snowflakes think they are entitled to a b party when it's really not all that necessary.

lilacck28 · May 2014

Yeah, you're right those are the technical definitions. I'm not really trying to change that. I guess I just get annoyed when all these speshul snowflakes think they are entitled to a b party when it's really not all that necessary.

Hear, hear!

lilacck28 · May 2014

My good friend and bridesmaid keeps telling me she is worried about my expectations. I keep telling her that my only expectation is that we remain friends and that she come to my wedding wearing a dress, unless something major comes up. Thanks to the wedding industry, she doesn't seem to believe me.

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