• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Outdoor Weddings

How do people view the phrase "CASUAL Wedding"?

I just recently started planning my wedding.  We have chosen the date to be October 12, 2014.  That gives me about 5 months to get everything organized.  I don't think this is too short of a time period since we are planning an ultra-casual wedding.  However, guests keep talking to me as if this will be a fancy event even after I've made it clear that it's casual.  Let me start from the beginning...

My older sister got married last year and spent well over $20,000 on her event.  It was beautiful and turned out just the way she wanted, however I personally feel that a wedding is just a big party.  The average cost of a wedding in my city is $32,000.  My fiance and I just bought a house and would really like to start having children soon.  That said, it's not currently in our budget to throw around that kind of money for nothing more than a glorified party.  I totally understand and respect the point of a wedding and understand that each bride has different views on what her wedding day should be.  However, we are trying to keep our budget within $1500 with 100 guests.  So far with food and venue already chosen, we are right on track to meet our budget.  I think a wedding should focus more on joining families and less on how much was spent on the dress or cake.  Our wedding will have games (Photo Booth, giant chess, etc.), music and hopefully just a really fun day outdoors with loved ones.

For a while, my fiance and I were actually considering eloping.  However, I really want all of our friends and relatives to be a part of our wedding day.  The idea we came up with was to throw a very casual wedding at the local park.  I found a beautiful pavilion there right next to a big open lake and a brand new, large playground for the kids.  My wedding dress will be more of a white sundress (possibly with shorts underneath so i can play with the kids and be comfortable) and I am telling guests on our wedding website to dress comfortable/casual.  I also let them know that heels aren't recommended since there will be a lot of grass around.  The way I envision my wedding day is a bit more like a family-reunion park day where my fiance and I just happen to get married.  There will be no aisle either.  I am thinking of just having me and my fiance walk over to where the ceremony will be after mingling with guests for a while.

The main thing that has been baffling me is that even when I tell family or friends "comfortable/casual... no heels... like a family reunion at the park", they still want to wear fancy dresses and ask me things like "oh you're JUST wearing a sundress?! that looks too plain".  I'm all for guests wearing whatever they want and whatever makes them happy.  My main concern is that they don't actually understand how casual my event is going to be.  I want to focus the panning on what it's meant to be about and not on the overpriced odds & ends.  My biggest concern is that guests won't actually be comfortable the day of the wedding in their heels and dresses.  I honestly wouldn't even mind if they came in jeans.  I've printed on the invites "comfortable/casual attire" and wrote a whole paragraph on our website with a photo of heels sinking into the grass how they should dress casual if they want to be comfortable and that rain or shine the party will go on.  Even after all of this one of the bridesmaids said she plans to wear her favorite dress that she never gets to wear anywhere.  Is there a better way to get this message across or should I just let them wear what they want and they'll learn the hard way?
«1

Re: How do people view the phrase "CASUAL Wedding"?

  • I'm not sure that casual wedding necessarily means dress code.

    My wedding is three days before yours! :)

    In my situation, I am planning a wedding for 20 people in an outdoor location. It's not going to be traditional at all. Just really a really small dinner party really. But I actually want everyone to dress up in tuxes and all. I'm having the opposite problem too though. Where people are not dressing up as much as I want them to.

    I consider my wedding casual. Maybe that's just because it's so informal. Also, I'm only spending about $3000 on the whole thing.

    I think that you should just have the dress code on your invitation. That's my plan. And if people don't show up crazy dressed up, then that's ok too. It won't be exactly what I want but at least I'll get marry my perfect guy.


  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    @KarlaJudithZ - so you're having an informal and casual wedding, but you want people to dress in formal wear? That doesn't make much sense at all. I hope you realize that people will spend at least a couple hundred bucks just to rent a tux, unless most of those people actually own one, which I find unlikely.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If people want to get all dressy then that is their prerogative.  You can't control what people wear.  If they want to be overdressed then so be it.

    lc07
  • Oh god, here come the wedding parade.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Oh god, here come the wedding parade.
    Why do you think it is okay to tell adults how to dress? Really, I want to know.

    doeydo
  • What do you guys care about my wedding? I didn't ask for your opinion at all. I commented on this person's post to try and be helpful. And now here you come to be judgmental.

    Don't you have anything better to do?
    leelabear0Paris0
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    What do you guys care about my wedding? I didn't ask for your opinion at all. I commented on this person's post to try and be helpful. And now here you come to be judgmental.

    Don't you have anything better to do?
    I just asked a question.  I want to know why you think it is okay to tell people how to dress?  It is a simple question.

  • Oh god, here come the wedding parade.
    Why do you think it is okay to tell adults how to dress? Really, I want to know.
    I honestly think that the 20 people that I'm inviting to my wedding will appreciate it only for one reason: As soon as I said I was getting married, every single one of them said "What should I wear?" That's not that uncommon.

    Also, why do you think it's ok to harass people? Why do you think it's ok to be a self righteous bitch? Why do you think it's ok to attack people via internet forum board?  Why don't you have anything better going on in your life to focus on?
    IstoleahaloKnottie04135568
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    @karlajudithZ you put information about yourself on a public forum. So its natural that people will comment and ask questions. If you dont want people to comment, then dont post anything about yourself or your wedding.

    I am geniunely curious as to why you think its okay to have people wear tuxes to a casual wedding? It doesnt sounds like you are hosting a truly black tie event that would call for tuxes. Do all your males guests own tuxes? Why would you want them to waste $200 to rent a tux? Let me guess... pictures.

    FWIW, I had a black tie wedding, and am not against the concept as long as its done right.

    BabyFruit Ticker
    doeydo
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Oh god, here come the wedding parade.
    Why do you think it is okay to tell adults how to dress? Really, I want to know.
    I honestly think that the 20 people that I'm inviting to my wedding will appreciate it only for one reason: As soon as I said I was getting married, every single one of them said "What should I wear?" That's not that uncommon.

    Also, why do you think it's ok to harass people? Why do you think it's ok to be a self righteous bitch? Why do you think it's ok to attack people via internet forum board?  Why don't you have anything better going on in your life to focus on?
    How the hell am I harassing you or attacking you?  I asked you a question, is that not allowed now?

    And when people ask you "what should I wear?"  You say, "whatever you want."  You don't put a dress code on the invite.

    doeydo
  • Oh god, here come the wedding parade.
    Why do you think it is okay to tell adults how to dress? Really, I want to know.
    I honestly think that the 20 people that I'm inviting to my wedding will appreciate it only for one reason: As soon as I said I was getting married, every single one of them said "What should I wear?" That's not that uncommon.

    Also, why do you think it's ok to harass people? Why do you think it's ok to be a self righteous bitch? Why do you think it's ok to attack people via internet forum board?  Why don't you have anything better going on in your life to focus on?


    Whenever I get an invite with a dress code, I think to myself "the hosts must think I'm really effing stupid".

    I'm an adult, I know how to dress, please don't tell me to dress "beachy casual" or "burlap and lace country casual" or whatever the trend is now.

    Also no one is harassing you, people are trying to help other people not make stupid-ass decisions.

     Wedding Countdown Ticker




    image 59 Invited
    image 36 Yes
    image 2 No
    image 21 Unknown
    doeydo
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2014
    I'm not sure that casual wedding necessarily means dress code.

    My wedding is three days before yours! :)

    In my situation, I am planning a wedding for 20 people in an outdoor location. It's not going to be traditional at all. Just really a really small dinner party really. But I actually want everyone to dress up in tuxes and all. I'm having the opposite problem too though. Where people are not dressing up as much as I want them to.

    I consider my wedding casual. Maybe that's just because it's so informal. Also, I'm only spending about $3000 on the whole thing.

    I think that you should just have the dress code on your invitation. That's my plan. And if people don't show up crazy dressed up, then that's ok too. It won't be exactly what I want but at least I'll get marry my perfect guy.


    (SITB)
     
    I would be livid if I was told an event black tie and when i showed up in formal wear, its just a backyard picnic. Which is what it sounds like you are having.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    casey8784
  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    What do you guys care about my wedding? I didn't ask for your opinion at all. I commented on this person's post to try and be helpful. And now here you come to be judgmental.

    Don't you have anything better to do?
    You're not being helpful....unless giving someone bad advice can somehow be misconstrued as helpful. Seriously, you're asking people to dress in black tie attire for your "casual" wedding. You are totally delusional if you think that is okay. A black tie wedding is actually a thing. You must meet very specific requirements in order for your wedding to be "black tie".
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
    doeydo
  • This thread was created by DianaBrad who was asking an important question for her wedding.

    I answered it to the best of my abilities.

    Then you guys came in here and started busting out your unsolicited opinions about my wedding? All of which were negative? That's not attacking?

    If you're not here to comment on DianaBrad's question, then go away.

    You're honestly wasting your time on trying to bring me down. I don't care about you guys and you're stupid ideas about what weddings should be. It's sad to thin kthat you guys spend so much time on here looking to give out your opinions so aggressively. That just makes me think that whoever you have at home doesn't listen to you or pay as much attention to you as they should. Take it out on them and NOT ME!!
    Knottie04135568
  • This thread was created by DianaBrad who was asking an important question for her wedding.

    I answered it to the best of my abilities.

    Then you guys came in here and started busting out your unsolicited opinions about my wedding? All of which were negative? That's not attacking?

    If you're not here to comment on DianaBrad's question, then go away.

    You're honestly wasting your time on trying to bring me down. I don't care about you guys and you're stupid ideas about what weddings should be. It's sad to thin kthat you guys spend so much time on here looking to give out your opinions so aggressively. That just makes me think that whoever you have at home doesn't listen to you or pay as much attention to you as they should. Take it out on them and NOT ME!!
     
    SITB:
     
    To the bolded, your answer was wrong though and we're trying to steer the OP away from the ONE wrong answer that she'll probably follow.

     Wedding Countdown Ticker




    image 59 Invited
    image 36 Yes
    image 2 No
    image 21 Unknown
    doeydo
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    This thread was created by DianaBrad who was asking an important question for her wedding.

    I answered it to the best of my abilities.

    Then you guys came in here and started busting out your unsolicited opinions about my wedding? All of which were negative? That's not attacking?

    If you're not here to comment on DianaBrad's question, then go away.

    You're honestly wasting your time on trying to bring me down. I don't care about you guys and you're stupid ideas about what weddings should be. It's sad to thin kthat you guys spend so much time on here looking to give out your opinions so aggressively. That just makes me think that whoever you have at home doesn't listen to you or pay as much attention to you as they should. Take it out on them and NOT ME!!
    No it is not.  It is stating my opinion about something that you posted.  It doesn't matter if this thread was started by you or someone else.  You post something you will get opinions.  Period.

    And myself and others are not trying to bring you down.  Seriously you need to grow up.  We are just stating that telling adults how to dress by including a dress code can be seen as rude.  But apparently you read way too much into things and turn things around to make yourself look like a victim.  When in fact you are the one throwing around the insults and acting like a child because people are disagreeing with you.

    doeydoNYCMercedes
  • You don't have a right to say what's wrong and whats right. Obviously you don't know any better.

    Every single wedding is different, and requires different things.
    Knottie04135568
  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    This thread was created by DianaBrad who was asking an important question for her wedding.

    I answered it to the best of my abilities.

    Then you guys came in here and started busting out your unsolicited opinions about my wedding? All of which were negative? That's not attacking?

    If you're not here to comment on DianaBrad's question, then go away.

    You're honestly wasting your time on trying to bring me down. I don't care about you guys and you're stupid ideas about what weddings should be. It's sad to thin kthat you guys spend so much time on here looking to give out your opinions so aggressively. That just makes me think that whoever you have at home doesn't listen to you or pay as much attention to you as they should. Take it out on them and NOT ME!!
    Why do you keep making assumptions about our relationships? We're questioning your bad decisions when it comes to your wedding - not your relationship. If you're going to post details about your wedding on a public forum, you may not like the responses you get. Deal. Or leave. Your choice.

    Don't tell people they should show up in fancy dress to your informal wedding. That's ridiculous. Putting a dress code on the invite is also ridiculous. At one point I wanted to do the same (although not black tie) and then I realized how stupid it was. And rude. Because you shouldn't be in the business of telling other adults what to wear, especially when you're going to make them spend about 10% of your total wedding budget just to dress themselves to your standard.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
    doeydo
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    @karlajudithZ given your response to this thread and how you reacted when people told you it was rude to post registry info on facebook and your invites; I am going to say the internet is not for you. As you tend to overreact. We are trying to help by asking questions and offering suggestions that are in line with modern day etiquette. You are the one getting huffy, not us.

    And I think its because you know what you are doing is rude and tacky, but just dont care enough about your guests to budge on what you envision you special day to be.

    BabyFruit Ticker
    Maggie0829beetherydoeydoNYCMercedes
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You don't have a right to say what's wrong and whats right. Obviously you don't know any better.

    Every single wedding is different, and requires different things.
    You know what? I am done. You don't get it and you never will. I am sorry that trying to help people treat their guests well is so hard for you to understand or appreciate. But apparently the age of treating your guests with respect and courtesy is now gone, which is really sad if you think about it.

  • No, you are  all ridiculous. And it's my wedding, I'll do what I want. I'm glad I don't know any of you outside of this forum.


    Knottie04135568
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    No, you are  all ridiculous. And it's my wedding, I'll do what I want. I'm glad I don't know any of you outside of this forum.

    image

    [Deleted User]chibiyui
  • No, you are  all ridiculous. And it's my wedding, I'll do what I want. I'm glad I don't know any of you outside of this forum.


    image

     Wedding Countdown Ticker




    image 59 Invited
    image 36 Yes
    image 2 No
    image 21 Unknown
    [Deleted User]
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    I'm not sure that casual wedding necessarily means dress code.

    My wedding is three days before yours! :)

    In my situation, I am planning a wedding for 20 people in an outdoor location. It's not going to be traditional at all. Just really a really small dinner party really. But I actually want everyone to dress up in tuxes and all. I'm having the opposite problem too though. Where people are not dressing up as much as I want them to.

    I consider my wedding casual. Maybe that's just because it's so informal. Also, I'm only spending about $3000 on the whole thing.

    I think that you should just have the dress code on your invitation. That's my plan. And if people don't show up crazy dressed up, then that's ok too. It won't be exactly what I want but at least I'll get marry my perfect guy.


    There are three classes of weddings:  formal (Black tie), semi-formal (Suits) and informal (short dresses and sports jackets.)  This is traditional.
    If you do not want to be traditional, then you can  have cowboy boots, jeans, whatever.  This does not fall into the tradition of weddings.
    People traditionally dress up for weddings.  Most people will not rent a tuxedo to attend a wedding as a guest, unless "black tie" is printed on the invitation.  If you do have "black tie" printed on your invitation, then your guests have every right to expect a very formal, indoor wedding ceremony with full open bar, plated dinner (lobster and fillet mignon) served by formally dressed gloved waiters,live big band, and no expense spared.
    NOBODY WEARS TUXEDOS TO A CASUAL WEDDING!!!  What are you thinking?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    doeydocasey8784
  • Rebl90Rebl90 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    No, you are  all ridiculous. And it's my wedding, I'll do what I want. I'm glad I don't know any of you outside of this forum.


    image
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Oh god, here come the wedding parade.
    Why do you think it is okay to tell adults how to dress? Really, I want to know.
    I honestly think that the 20 people that I'm inviting to my wedding will appreciate it only for one reason: As soon as I said I was getting married, every single one of them said "What should I wear?" That's not that uncommon.

    Also, why do you think it's ok to harass people? Why do you think it's ok to be a self righteous bitch? Why do you think it's ok to attack people via internet forum board?  Why don't you have anything better going on in your life to focus on?
    Holy hell, you're the one harassing and attacking.  I so badly want to call you names right back, but that would be breaking the TOS.  @KnotPorscha ;
    image
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    You don't have a right to say what's wrong and whats right. Obviously you don't know any better.

    Every single wedding is different, and requires different things.
    Actually, most weddings have a lot of similarities and it is very hard to have a truly unique wedding these days.  Anyways, why would you not care about the comfort and feelings of your guests?  Because that is what PPs are trying to keep you from offending, believe it or not.  And you threw a hissy fit when they told you what you were doing was wrong, probably because you knew they were right.
    image
  • Have your invitations gone out yet?

    I'm just going to provide my view from some experiences I've had. I had a friend recently who went to a beach wedding and had no idea what to wear. She didn't know how to dress since it was on the beach. Heels would have been impossible but as for the dress, she didn't know. She ended up asking the bride if what she wanted to wear would be appropriate since she didn't know how formal the bride wanted the ceremony.

    Given that, it's very possible some of your guests are going to be curious about what attire would be appropriate (especially since someone commented that you were only wearing a sundress). I don't see anything wrong with putting down that it's okay to wear jeans or to dress casually. I think the paragraph on your website about heels is a great tip for your guests! There are going to be those who are very used to more formal weddings and will choose to dress up anyway. That's perfectly okay, if they want to dress up for you they may be less comfortable but take it as a compliment that they cared to be there for you in heels or the like. 

    I hope you have a great wedding! 
  • ACEsqACEsq member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    Guests can judge the formality of the event by the invitations. If you think your level of formality is sundresses and rolled up shirt sleeves with khakis, great, just use a really simple invitation (no calligraphy, no tri-fold, huge affair in a plush box, etc). If I were a guest and I received an invitation telling me to wear this, this, and this, and then lecturing me about my heels sinking into the grass, I would be annoyed. 

    As long as you tell your guests where the wedding is, they'd know it's in a park, and since probably most of your guests are adults, they would consider the heels-sinking-in-the-grass thing. If someone wants to come in an evening gown and stilettos, I guess you can kick them out (kidding! just kidding.). They're your guests - if that's what they're comfortable in, why does it matter to you?
  • Call me crazy, but I think that putting the dress code on the invite is probably appreciated. I often worry about what to wear to a wedding. I wouldn't go overkill though. Say "casual dress" and let them decide from there.

    Sounds like a fun wedding!!

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards