Etiquette

Everyone I know does it this way!

VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
So this basically the cash bar/gap/special day battle cry. And I was just thinking about how almost every wedding I've been to hasn't had assigned seating. In fact I figured I wouldn't do it either because "everyone I know does this", until I went to a wedding with assigned seating and OMG those people who put forth that effort...amazing! It was so fantastic. So yep, we're doing it. And even though most everyone we know doesn't bother with assigned seating, we are. And it'll be ok. Our friends won't hate us for making sure they have a place to sit with people we think they'll mix well with.
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Re: Everyone I know does it this way!

  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2014
    Same here. I don't recall ever going to a wedding with seating assignments (granted, i haven't been to many weddings) so I really never considered doing it until my cousin made a great point.  We're doing a buffet style reception and she said, "You don't want people wandering around with plates wondering where to sit or which seat is already taken"...so we're definitely doing assigned tables, not seats though.
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  • I love assigned seating! It makes things sooo much easier, since I don't have to hunt for a place for me, my husband and daughters (if invited). Plus, since the seat is mine, I don't have to worry about losing it when I get up to dance.
  • We haven't decided what we are going to do yet. We'll probably decide what to do at the last minute. In my group weddings over 100 have assigned seating. Under 100 doesn't.
    windie
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
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    I flat-out prefer to be assigned!

    However, I was not crazy about the wedding where the couple deliberately "mixed" us with people we didn't know/the "other" family. It was kind of fun at the rehearsal, but less so at the reception. I want to be with my people at the reception so I can be my weird loud self without worrying.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
    Dottie05d2va
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I prefer assigned seating every time. At least that way I don't have to worry about being asked to move.
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
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    Assigned seating is great unless you get assigned to sit next to a total creep which was the case at one of my cousin's weddings when I was single. I guess she thought it would be fun to put us "single folks" together. That sucked.
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Assigned seating is great unless you get assigned to sit next to a total creep which was the case at one of my cousin's weddings when I was single. I guess she thought it would be fun to put us "single folks" together. That sucked.
    I hate anytime someone lumps all the singles together on the basis of them being single. That is not a thing people have in common with each other!
    sarawifenow
  • It's rare slow day at work here.  I actually set up my preliminary seating chart  (we are still waiting for about 10 rsvp's to come back)today,  it took me under 20 minutes.  I want FI to look at it too, and wait for the few rsvp's we have left to come back before we set it in stone..  I've never been to a wedding without at least assigned tables. 

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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
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    Maybe it's just me, but the seating chart SERIOUSLY took me all of about 20 minutes. MAYBE a half-hour. That was it. Honest to God, it was the easiest part of everything. 

    We grouped people either based on genetics (my aunt, uncle, their son, daughter, SIL and two grandkids) together, or by shared interests (my parents' friends who'd all been friends for 40+ years) or by people we thought would get along well. 

    Seriously. SO fucking easy. And given the number of people who were invited to the wedding and have now FB-friended each other, I'd say we did a good job.
    We're still a ways out, so making one now is pointless, but I'm very excited about it. I've bought some little sticky flags that I can write people's names on so I can move then around the poster board until I get it the way I want it. FI is less excitied about this so it became my project. I'm like "Oh, so and so loves model trains and so does this other guy, they should sit together!", I'm really possibly too excited about this.
  • About half of the weddings I've been to have assigned seating. Whether I like it or not depends on who I get assigned to sit by :-)

    We won't have one at ours, but only because we are only having 20 people and we will all be at one big table.
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I hate fend-for-yourself seating. However... the thing I'm looking most forward to is buying all the color coded sticky notes with which to make my poster board. Guests' comfort is a mere happy accident compared to wanting to play with fun office supplies.

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    VulgarGirlwuerfleinrstrulymarvelousbeharrington
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I have never been to a wedding that did not have assigned tables.  I honestly would be unsure of what to do if there was no seating chart.  I would be afraid that I would pick the wrong table to sit at or not be fast enough to grab a seat with people I like.

    I mean, I know from stories I have heard on here that not having a seating chart does work but if I don't have to think too much when I get to your wedding the better.

  • My seating chart took a while because there was a bit of drama between guests...

    One bridesmaid is dating a guy who use to date one of the other guests. He cheated on the guest with bridesmaid and is still with bridesmaid. 

    Family who didn't want to sit next to so and so because they didn't go to their wedding. 

    My evil side wanted to sit them all in one table and call it the "cry me a river" table. 

    It made seating chart a little tricky, but I was able to get it right after an hour or so. 

    Why can't adults behave?
    DH's grandmother didn't want to sit with one of her nieces because she doesn't like the niece's husband. I thought that was a big ol' instance of 'not my fucking problem' and seated them together anyway, because too bad, so sad, NMFP.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    trulymarvelous
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I've never been to a wedding without assigned seating. I'm definitely very thankful for it! I too, would find it stressful to pick a table and then tablemates, 

  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    What's annoying me about my seating arrangements is we have 2 groups of 13 (one on my side, one on my FI side) but our tables seat 12 max. So a few people from each group are going to have to sit with someone else. It's not going to be perfect, but people are going to have to deal.

    As long as everyone is with at least one other person/couple they know, it should be fine.


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  • melbensomelbenso Hoth, apparently member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    @huskypuppy14 I'm having the same issue, only with tables of 8. Apparently, they can seat up to 10, but DOC doesn't recommend it. Trying to decide whether to split larger groups in half and mix them with another larger group or just make that one couple sit with people they don't know (but share interests with).
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  • For her wedding, my sister called me up and asked me if I wouldn't mind sitting at a table with my cousins because she wanted to make sure her SIL would be able to sit with her younger children, but that would mean that I didn't get to sit at the "family" table (parents and siblings of bride and groom).  I was honestly delighted to be able to sit with my cousins rather than with my parents and my BIL's family.  If you have a particularly outgoing couple you know, maybe they can be the ones to get "bumped" to a table with people they kinda don't know.  But I'd stay away from seating them with people who know each other REALLY well lest they get ignored at their own table.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Assigned seating is great unless you get assigned to sit next to a total creep which was the case at one of my cousin's weddings when I was single. I guess she thought it would be fun to put us "single folks" together. That sucked.
    That sucked, but something else that sucks is when there is no assigned seating at all, and you are a single person who keeps getting asked to move so that couples, families, and friends can sit together.
    [Deleted User]HisGirlFriday13
  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I've been to weddings with and without assigned seating.  I have also been to a variety of conferences, luncheons, banquets, etc., again with and without assigned seating.  I much prefer assigned seating.  

    I was recently talking with some other women and our weddings came up (we all met after being married) and I mentioned doing table numbers at the reception venue in my veil before heading to the church.  The other women said they had a buffet so they didn't do table numbers.  I said I had a buffet too, I still did table numbers.  It seemed like it was an odd concept to them.  Like the only reason they knew for table numbers was to get the food to the right person (which is very important).  
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  • I feel like if you don't have assigned tables, you need to have additional seats/tables.  It's inevitable that odd sized groups will be sitting together and you'll have the random single seats left over.

    I know for my wedding which was tiny, I had to pay per table and seat, so I wasn't going to have a ton of extras for no reason.
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  • I wasn't sure about the assigned seating thing until my mom pointed out that I have cousins with several children and it might be hard for them to find a table with seats for all of them. My fiance is taking control of this because just the thought of taking this on give me a headache. He already has it done (even though we haven't even sent out invites yet). Most of the tables look really good and I think our guests will have a great time. The funny thing is that when I brought the subject up with some friends they said they had "never been to a wedding that was that fancy" Hopefully it all goes over well.
    [Deleted User]
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    We're having 14 people at our wedding inclding us, so I don't have to deal with seating (yay!), but I can say that assigned seating would have been a godsend at every wedding I've been to. That seems to be quite uncommon here in SoDak.
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  • I love assigned seating personally. One time I went to a wedding that didn't have ENOUGH seating. When you were done eating you were expected to move so someone else could sit down. Granted this was several years ago. Cray! Anyway, I am doing assigned seating for my DW for 40 and am really looking forward to it too.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm an assigned table girl.    Like Hisgirlfriday it didn't take much time.  

    In my family aunts/uncles all sit together.   They like to sit with their siblings.  There you have it 1 table.   A 2 aunts have 6 kids, with spouses that is 24.  Boom, there you have 3 tables of 8.   Then there were more tables of cousins.  Then friends. Then DH's side.   Sure I had a few randoms, but for the most part everyone fit into their own tables.

    Now I had to rent all my tables and chairs, so I didn't have extra.  I had a mix of 6,8 and 10 tops so it made fitting in people easier.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • csuavecsuave member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper

    I only went to one wedding (out of many) without assigned tables.  There were less than 50 people and three tables with the exact number of seats per person.  After cocktail hour was over and the people took their seats (previously reserved with purses, jackets, etc) we found the only empty seats were at two different tables. 

    I have always liked my assigned table.  The hosts make sure to seat me with at least some of the people that I know.  I have been at the singles table a couple of times but always with at least a couple of other single friends so it is fun. 

    Assigning tables was pretty easy for us because most were natural family or friend groups.  My two friends (a married couple) are usually at the "left over" table because they don't know the other people at the weddings they get invited to.  They told me after the wedding that they really enjoyed their table and the people they were sitting with...so much better than the random tables they sometimes get stuck at.  Made my day to hear that compliment. 

  • alpacalunchalpacalunch Toronto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Jen4948 said:
    Assigned seating is great unless you get assigned to sit next to a total creep which was the case at one of my cousin's weddings when I was single. I guess she thought it would be fun to put us "single folks" together. That sucked.
    That sucked, but something else that sucks is when there is no assigned seating at all, and you are a single person who keeps getting asked to move so that couples, families, and friends can sit together.
    THIS. I am the person this inevitably happens to. On planes, trains, automobiles, weddings, bar mitzvahs, you name it. Hateithateithateit.

    I'm all for assigned seats. When it's a free-for-all, I feel like I'm 12 again, walking through the cafetorium with my lunch tray.
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  • After the creeper fun reception - if a reception has unassigned seats, I'll sooner stand than risk the creeper sitting with his chair touching mine and making very graphic comments about me. I was 15, my father, my brother, the FOG and groom all went off on creeper. And the most memorable part was FOG (military police) zip tieing creeper hands back then frog marching him out to wait for the cops and my dad holding my mother back from using a butter knife to castrate creeper after he grabbed my butt and tried to pull down my dress.

    Our tables are for 6 people, but small wedding of no more than 60 guests. I'm assigning tables. I made a spreadsheet with the info on each person (which family or friend, who they need to sit with, etc) then added a bit about each person. Then I can see that Joe needs to sit with his wife Jane or Aunt Gertrude needs to have as little walking around tables as possible. Then just went table A1-6, B1-6, and so on. Plus, the list helps our photographer on who should be in what picture or that Aunt Gertrude is unable to walk far or stand for hours, so please let her do whatever she needs to be comfortable.

    To me, assigned tables/seats are to keep our guests comfortable, so it's part of being a good host.
  • My own wedding will be the first I've been to since I was a kid, but I think I'd much rather be assigned to a table at a wedding than not. You don't want your guests to feel like kids in the cafeteria on the first day of high school.
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