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Etiquette on gift opening at my shower...

deenice1122deenice1122 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum

Hey everyone!

What is the etiquette on gift opening for my shower, when gifts will be through honeyfund and also, traditional registry (bed bath and beyond). Should cards be opened in front of all my guests? Can I opt to be non-traditional (seems my honeyfund registry is non-traditional) and not open gifts at all?

Thanks in advance!

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Re: Etiquette on gift opening at my shower...

  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Open your cards and traditional registry gifts for your guests at the bridal shower. It is polite, and expected.
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    deenice1122 said:

    Hey everyone!

    What is the etiquette on gift opening for my shower, when gifts will be through honeyfund and also, traditional registry (bed bath and beyond). Should cards be opened in front of all my guests? Can I opt to be non-traditional (seems my honeyfund registry is non-traditional) and not open gifts at all?

    Thanks in advance!

    Yes, please open all gifts at your shower as that's the point of a shower.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yes, you should open any gifts you receive. That's the whole point of a shower. Just don't mention the amount of anything cash or honeyfund.  (Honeyfund is really inappropriate, btw.) 
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  • deenice1122deenice1122 member
    First Comment
    I'm confused why a honeyfund is inappropriate. I went to a shower where they already lived together so instead of having ppl upgrade their pots and pans, we bought them dinner on the beach, ect. They loved it and us as guests thought it was awesome to contribute to this
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  • deenice1122deenice1122 member
    First Comment
    RebeccaB88 said:
    Yes, you should open any gifts you receive. That's the whole point of a shower. Just don't mention the amount of anything cash or honeyfund.  (Honeyfund is really inappropriate, btw.) 


    I'm confused why a honeyfund is inappropriate. I went to a shower where they already lived together so instead of having ppl upgrade their pots and pans, we bought them dinner on the beach, ect. They loved it and us as guests thought it was awesome to contribute to this


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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2014
    deenice1122 said:
    I'm confused why a honeyfund is inappropriate. I went to a shower where they already lived together so instead of having ppl upgrade their pots and pans, we bought them dinner on the beach, ect. They loved it and us as guests thought it was awesome to contribute to this

    The reason honey fund is inappropriate is because it's registering for cash. When you bought "dinner on the beach," you actually sent a check minus fees.
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  • deenice1122deenice1122 member
    First Comment
    misshart00 said:
    deenice1122 said:
    I'm confused why a honeyfund is inappropriate. I went to a shower where they already lived together so instead of having ppl upgrade their pots and pans, we bought them dinner on the beach, ect. They loved it and us as guests thought it was awesome to contribute to this
    o
    The reason honey fund is inappropriate is because it's registering for cash. When you bought "dinner on the beach," you actually sent a check minus fees.
         my point.. my money, whether used for pots and pans and was opened in front of people, or my "check" or cash was used towards their honeymoon, is a gift they are requesting. people go to showers all of the time and give cash or a gift card
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If you don't want or need traditional wedding gifts (traditionally, people give household goods, like kitchenware, dinnerware, linens, etc), that's okay. Just don't register. Or have a small registry.

    A lot of people are registering at places like REI or Home Depot. So if you (the couple) love camping or hiking and need new gear, REI is a good choice. If you own a home and want to make a lot of improvements, Home Depot is great.

    But your honeymoon is something that you need to pay for yourself. It's a wedding expense. If you can't afford a honeymoon, that's okay; a lot of people are doing 1-year anniversary trips instead, so their bank accounts can recover first. So a honeyfund is not appropriate.
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  • Grabows14Grabows14 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    deenice1122
    Just to reiterate. Aunt Sally may be intrigued to give you a dinner on the beach for $50, however you are only going to see $45 of those dollars because of fees. But if she was going to give you a $50 check you would just receive a check for $50. 

    ETA: You are basically having a company lie to your guests about what they are buying, because aunt sally DID NOT buy dinner on the beach for you; instead the honeyfund is going to issue you a check for you to use the money ANY way you want to. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Two reasons why your honeyfund is inappropriate:

    1) It is registering for cash, which is a violation of etiquette.  If people want to give you cash, they will do so without you having to ask for it.
    2) Your honeymoon is a very personal experience that nobody else but you and your FI should be paying for.

    As for opening gifts at a shower, that is what a shower is for.  If you don't want to do that or just want to receive cash, then don't have a shower.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    STARMOON44 said:
    In my circle Grandma often gives a sizable cash gift at the shower (antiquated dowry type tradition?) and the bride always opens the card, and says something like "grandma how generous thank you so much!" And then moves onto the next gift. Not a big deal at all. I just can't with the honey funds anymore)
    Yup.

    And I got cash at my shower from my MIL.  She was on vacation for two weeks prior and she came back early just to attend.  Needless to say she was occupied and couldn't make it to the store so she gave me some cash instead.  I opened it, said "oh wow, thank you so much!" and moved on.

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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    The entire purpose of a shower is to get presents. You HAVE TO open the presents in front of everyone. No exceptions.  This is why people typically give boxed gifts at showers. It is awkward (most of the time) to open cash in front of people. Can you imagine sitting there with a stack of cards to open in front of everyone, and nothing to hold up to show?! I would be so uncomfortable! 

    Any etiquette issues with the Honeyfund aside, if you registered for traditional items as well as the honeyfund, and someone bought you a honeyfund thing, you would open the card and say "Oh, horseback riding on the beach in Jamaica! Thanks", or whatever, and then move on to the next item. 

    If you did not have a traditional registry but had a shower, I would expect people to bring all kinds of random household items that you don't want or don't need to open. People know how awkward it will be to sit there while you open cash. So they likely won't give cash for a shower. 

    That being said, there's no law that you have to have a shower. I don't need many household items (and I hate traditional showers), so I'm not having one. I'm refusing them when offered. Instead, someone is planning to throw some kind of girls-day-out event, with the understanding that people are coming to celebrate my upcoming marriage, but no gifts are expected. We did set up a traditional registry, so people can buy us stuff off of that for the wedding if they want to. 

    In essence, there is no polite way to have a shower if you don't want boxed gifts.

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  • yogablossomyogablossom member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @artbyallie - this!! Showers are definitely more for boxed gifts that the bride can open in front of her guests.  I've seen more people give envelopes with money at the actual wedding. OP, if all you want is cash for your honeymoon, delete your honey fund (because it is inappropriate) and use whatever cash you may receive at your wedding to go on your honeymoon. (not a wise use of the gift money, but basically the same thing as the honey fund without the advertisement to your guests).
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  • ladyamanuetladyamanuet member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    Ok so I have a question. I offered to host a shower for a friend months and month ago - basically right after they got engaged. So, since the shower will be in August, I wanted to start getting things together.

    So, now I come to find out they are registered for basically a total of 10 things at BBB and C&B - and have listed to contribute to their honeymoon in Bermuda via paypal under the registry section and when I asked the groom (it is a couples shower) he said "the money thing is what we'd prefer".

    So now I don't know what to do. Because most of the (very few) gifts on the registry are expensive, and a shower isn't really meant for cash gifts. I don't know how to tell the B&G that this is rude, since our relationship has become tenuous at best, but I also don't want to be the host of a shower that is basically asking for cash gifts!  Should I just say "hey, since you aren't registered, let's skip the shower and just have a hang out day with friends?"
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  • ladyamanuetladyamanuet member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    Musikalbunni said:

    I don't understand wedding showers if you are only registered for a few items. Unless there are like 10 people invited to the shower. It's dumb! Don't panhandle for money for your wedding people!
    I completely agree, but when I offered to host the shower, I was not aware that there would be little to no registry - I assumed there would be at least a midsized traditional registry. So, now I've offered, she's sent me a guest list, and after that I found out they are basically "registered" for money.... so I have no idea what to do.
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  • KGold80KGold80 member
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    ladyamanuet said:
    Ok so I have a question. I offered to host a shower for a friend months and month ago - basically right after they got engaged. So, since the shower will be in August, I wanted to start getting things together.

    So, now I come to find out they are registered for basically a total of 10 things at BBB and C&B - and have listed to contribute to their honeymoon in Bermuda via paypal under the registry section and when I asked the groom (it is a couples shower) he said "the money thing is what we'd prefer".

    So now I don't know what to do. Because most of the (very few) gifts on the registry are expensive, and a shower isn't really meant for cash gifts. I don't know how to tell the B&G that this is rude, since our relationship has become tenuous at best, but I also don't want to be the host of a shower that is basically asking for cash gifts!  Should I just say "hey, since you aren't registered, let's skip the shower and just have a hang out day with friends?"

    SITB:

    Yep. I think that's exactly what you should say.
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    If you really want to host it, you could just put the BBB registry on the invites. Then the couple may get stuff from that registry and random other things.
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  • ladyamanuetladyamanuet member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited May 2014
    He's a big cook, and she's a foodie. What if it was a "recipe" shower?  I don't know how to make that a couple thing yet, but would that solve my problem?

    Edited to ask: do I ask them if this is ok, or just plan it since I am the hostess?
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    HONEYFUND
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited May 2014
    Everyone else touched on the etiquette of the honeyfund, so I will just say what I did for the gift cards I received. No one was paying that much attention to me opening the gifts anyway, but when I opened a card that had a gift card in it, I read the card, turned the girl and said "thank you!"

    People understand what the gift is (cash) if there's no box to open. 
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