Wedding Etiquette Forum

My venue is stressing me out!

FI and I booked our ceremony and reception at a local beach hotel. The ceremony, about 20 minutes, will be on the beachfront deck that is covered with a tent. Their tent is old, ugly, and orange. So I paid ~$500 to have it draped to cover the ugly orange.
Last night I got an email from the coordinator at the venue telling me we have to be off the deck by 5:00 so they can set up for a reception at 6:00. No big deal, our ceremony is at 4:00. My issue is the draping that I paid so much money for. Why should another bride benefit from this decoration I paid for?? I emailed coordinator lady back and told her I will contact the drapery vendor to see about staying on site for the ceremony so the drapery could be taken down immediately. She actually emailed back and said she had already told this other bride the tent would already be draped! I gave her the contact information for the drapery vendor and suggested she pass that on to the other bride so she can make her own arrangements for the drapery, or she can pay me half of what I paid for it. No response.
Am I being unreasonable? I just don't think another event should benefit from my, rather expensive, decorations. UGH!
«1

Re: My venue is stressing me out!

  • This would piss me off, yes. Because they didn't ask.

    Since they didn't respond, I think you would be well within your rights to arrange for it to be taken down. If the drapery company won't do it ASAP, let it go - you'll still be getting what you paid for at the price you already decided to pay. If they will, just pass on the information to the coordinator that that the drapery will be removed, and let them deal with the shit from the other bride. Don't sell things you don't own. If they email back freaking out, tell them that either it is coming down, as you the client have arranged, or they can arrange with the vendor to pay for your drapery.

    I would say just don't even tell the venue it's coming down, but if you do care for this other (innocent) bride, it'll give her the chance to figure out whether she's okay with the orange tent or for paying for her own drapery OR for telling the venue "you sold me on this, you best provide it."

    I didn't even think about this, but you're absolutely right! It's not my place, or right, to promise this service to another bride who has not contracted with the drapery vendor.
    I need to look at my contract. I'm honestly not even sure when the vendor planned on removing the drapery.
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would really be angry about this and I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. And I would definitely have it taken down before the next ceremony. 

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    FI and I booked our ceremony and reception at a local beach hotel. The ceremony, about 20 minutes, will be on the beachfront deck that is covered with a tent. Their tent is old, ugly, and orange. So I paid ~$500 to have it draped to cover the ugly orange. Last night I got an email from the coordinator at the venue telling me we have to be off the deck by 5:00 so they can set up for a reception at 6:00. No big deal, our ceremony is at 4:00. My issue is the draping that I paid so much money for. Why should another bride benefit from this decoration I paid for?? I emailed coordinator lady back and told her I will contact the drapery vendor to see about staying on site for the ceremony so the drapery could be taken down immediately. She actually emailed back and said she had already told this other bride the tent would already be draped! I gave her the contact information for the drapery vendor and suggested she pass that on to the other bride so she can make her own arrangements for the drapery, or she can pay me half of what I paid for it. No response. Am I being unreasonable? I just don't think another event should benefit from my, rather expensive, decorations. UGH!
    That actually happens more than you think it does.  If you had not decided on the draping and they did it would have been possible you would have gotten the free draping because of the time it takes to put up and they have might have had to do it before your own wedding.

    I'm not saying it's "fair" it just something that happens sometimes.  I get your feelings.  They are very valid, however I don't think that same way.   We had an arbor made for our wedding (the venue's was awful).   Spent a great deal of money.   The next day was another wedding and we decided to give it to the venue to be used for the couple and the future.  Fact is we paid for what we wanted, its served it's purpose for us, that event is over so why not let others benefit in the future?

    While it's not a hill I'm willing to die on I understand why you think it is.   First get with the drapeing company to see if they can take it down during that tight turn over. It might be that they have other events and not able to take it down then. (it's not unusual for these types of companies to show up the next day).   If they can take it down, let the coordinator know that is the plan and if they other bride wants to pay for half the costs it can stay up.  

    Good luck.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • melbensomelbenso Hoth, apparently member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Also, if my venue did something like this to me, I wouldn't be tipping the DOC or whoever it was contracted with the other party for this without your consent.  It's unprofessional.  And unprofessional behavior doesn't get rewarded.
    image
    SoontobeMrsNytesPrettyGirlLostsmgold6[Deleted User]
  • The contract with the draping company is between them and me. I feel it was completely inappropriate for them to offer a service I contracted and paid for outside of them.
    @melbenso, you also make a very good point about potential damages. I don't know anything about the party coming in behind me, and certainly do not want to be held responsible for damages they may cause. I think there may be more of a legal issue than Oh sure, since it's there someone else may as well use it. I don't own the drapery. I'm merely renting it. This other party does not have a contract with the vendor providing the drapery. So, if they caused damages, the vendor would seek restitution from me. I'm not interested in that legal liability.
    I think part of my issue with this is that lately I've been having multiple issues with the venue. They still haven't sent me a final banquet order and my wedding is now only 4 days away, and they gave my room away, despite the contract I've had in place with them since December. Largely because of the stress they've caused me over the last week, I'm really not interested in doing anything that benefits them in any way, besides paying my bill of course.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yeah, I'd let the draping company know that this is inappropriate.  They should reimburse you for letting the other couple use your paid-for drapery.
    SoontobeMrsNytesPrettyGirlLost
  • But, who is actually responsible; the venue for offering a service I paid for and they do not otherwise offer, or the other bride for taking advantage of a service she did not contract for?
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    But, who is actually responsible; the venue for offering a service I paid for and they do not otherwise offer, or the other bride for taking advantage of a service she did not contract for?
    Did the other bride even know that it was only available because someone else was paying for it?  I'd give her (and her groom, BTW) the benefit of the doubt on that.

    The party who actually offered them the service is the party at fault, and I'd renegotiate your contract with them to get a rebate or something that indicates a gesture of apology.
    pinkshorts27aleighc3[Deleted User]
  • I don't know, but I'd venture to give her the benefit of the doubt as well. Although, it is completely possible in touring the deck area, the venue coordinator may have said something along the lines of The tent will already be draped for another event.
    I could see that being a selling point, because the tent really is that ugly!
  • melbenso said:
    Also, if my venue did something like this to me, I wouldn't be tipping the DOC or whoever it was contracted with the other party for this without your consent.  It's unprofessional.  And unprofessional behavior doesn't get rewarded.

    She lost her tip last week when she emailed me and told me she gave away my room despite having a contract! Fortunately, the Director at the hotel was able to fix it, but I was livid that she would make such a mistake and then not even attempt to fix it. It still makes me angry I had to go over her head to get that issue resolved.
    [Deleted User]
  • I think the other bride would have assumed that the venue was providing it. If my DOC told me the thing would be draped and that I could have it for free, I would assume that this was a service they provided in order to book more weddings in an ugly tent. I put the venue on the hook for this.

    I tend to agree with you.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It sounds to me like you need to sit down with the venue coordinator and her boss and let them know that her "I don't give a crap about you" attitude is a serious problem for you.  Maybe you even need a new venue if there's still time to find one.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I don't know, but I'd venture to give her the benefit of the doubt as well. Although, it is completely possible in touring the deck area, the venue coordinator may have said something along the lines of The tent will already be draped for another event. I could see that being a selling point, because the tent really is that ugly!
    when having tight turns on events like yours the coordinator most likely used it as a selling point. Although I do not know the timing of when they booked and when you decided to get the drapery,  
    She might know that drapery company is known for not taking down the stuff to the next day.   Not saying it's right, but it's their job to sell.  If they have to 2 functions on the same day sometimes you do not have a choice because there is not enough time to remove certain things.

    I see this happen often at many venues around the country.  Unfortunately, it's not unique.   You need to get with the drapery company to see your options when it comes to them.   The drapery is "yours" but the space is not yours anymore. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948 said:
    It sounds to me like you need to sit down with the venue coordinator and her boss and let them know that her "I don't give a crap about you" attitude is a serious problem for you.  Maybe you even need a new venue if there's still time to find one.

    I thought about that, but unfortunately, my wedding is this Sunday!
    I did, however, send an email to the coordinator and her Director and told them this, in addition to the multiple issues I've had over the last week, is completely unacceptable. It may be too late for me to move my venue, but I am a member of several online planning forums (yay for TK!), and will not hesitate to leave reviews details the issues I've had and their reluctance to rectify the situations they've caused.
    I did also just hire my own DOC. so, I also told them future communication needs to go through her. I already talked to her about the drapery issues, and she said she would contact the vendor and work it out to have the drapery removed immediately following my ceremony. She says, as is the case with most wedding decorations, tear down does not take the same amount of time as set up, and it should be no problem.
    Thank you all for your advice and input, and validating I'm really not a crazy bridezilla for being upset about this!
  • lyndausvi said:
    I don't know, but I'd venture to give her the benefit of the doubt as well. Although, it is completely possible in touring the deck area, the venue coordinator may have said something along the lines of The tent will already be draped for another event. I could see that being a selling point, because the tent really is that ugly!
    when having tight turns on events like yours the coordinator most likely used it as a selling point. Although I do not know the timing of when they booked and when you decided to get the drapery,  
    She might know that drapery company is known for not taking down the stuff to the next day.   Not saying it's right, but it's their job to sell.  If they have to 2 functions on the same day sometimes you do not have a choice because there is not enough time to remove certain things.

    I see this happen often at many venues around the country.  Unfortunately, it's not unique.   You need to get with the drapery company to see your options when it comes to them.   The drapery is "yours" but the space is not yours anymore. 

    I booked the venue in March of last year and contracted the drapery in May. I don't know about the other bride because I was just given this information yesterday. But, I do know at the time we booked, we were the only wedding that whole weekend. All I know about the other event is her ceremony is somewhere else in the area, and her reception is in the tent.
    Had I known they were going to try to squeeze in so many weddings in only 48 hours and it would turn into such a clustermess as it has, we'd have looked elsewhere.
  • The draping company might hold you liable ANYWAY if the drape stays up for her event, gets damaged, despite you having the venue sign an indemnification contract. Your original contract probably says something along the lines of "this contract is legally binding and supersedes any and all other legal documents" i.e., this is the only piece of paper that matters concerning this drape, and if it puts you on the hook for damages, you're on the hook for damages no matter what. In the event that something did happen, the best you could hope for is being reimbursed by the venue for anything you might have to pay to the draping company.... but it sounds like they don't have their shit together enough for you to rely on that.

    I would contact the draping company immediately and let them know the situation. Tell the draping company that your venue has promised the use of your rented drape to another party after your event concludes, and what their typical policy is for handling such a situation. They might say A) That's fine, happens all the time, we'll be there at X time/day to pick it up; B) That's fine with us as long as you're willing to assume liability for any damages since you're the one who paid for it; C) This is unacceptable as per your contract, we will be there to pick up the drape as soon as your event concludes; or D) Thank you for letting us know, we'll be in contact with the venue to make sure this other party pays the rental fee.

    My best guess is that the draping company is not concerned with making sure you get reimbursed for the other event to use, especially if the company planned to leave the drape for the amount of time it takes for both your wedding and her's, and you've already paid the $500. The best you can do is find out what the company has to say about it, and depending on their reaction, you can tell the venue that it's unfair for you to have paid the rental fee that another party gets to benefit from and insists that someone on that end alleviate your cost for the drape since they are utilizing it as well.
    SoontobeMrsNytesSP29
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    I don't know, but I'd venture to give her the benefit of the doubt as well. Although, it is completely possible in touring the deck area, the venue coordinator may have said something along the lines of The tent will already be draped for another event. I could see that being a selling point, because the tent really is that ugly!
    when having tight turns on events like yours the coordinator most likely used it as a selling point. Although I do not know the timing of when they booked and when you decided to get the drapery,  
    She might know that drapery company is known for not taking down the stuff to the next day.   Not saying it's right, but it's their job to sell.  If they have to 2 functions on the same day sometimes you do not have a choice because there is not enough time to remove certain things.

    I see this happen often at many venues around the country.  Unfortunately, it's not unique.   You need to get with the drapery company to see your options when it comes to them.   The drapery is "yours" but the space is not yours anymore. 

    I booked the venue in March of last year and contracted the drapery in May. I don't know about the other bride because I was just given this information yesterday. But, I do know at the time we booked, we were the only wedding that whole weekend. All I know about the other event is her ceremony is somewhere else in the area, and her reception is in the tent.
    Had I known they were going to try to squeeze in so many weddings in only 48 hours and it would turn into such a clustermess as it has, we'd have looked elsewhere.
    I worked for a place that only did 1 wedding  a day.  It was great.  I've worked others that have multiple in one day.   It sucked.   Not that I was the coordinator, but I saw and heard the stories.    

    Right now where I work there is an special arbor being built for a couple.  They are removing the venue's and putting in their own.   There is a wedding the next day.   The coordinator told the 1st wedding they need to have the arbor removed immediately so they can put the venue's back.  the couple said they are not moving it until sometime Sunday.   Ah, yeah, not happening there is a wedding.    Coordinator said either move it or the other couple will use it.   Then the first couple said if that is the case they want the next day's couple to pay for half.  The next day couple doesn't want to pay.  They are just as happy with the venue's arbor.       It's a mess right now.  The wedding is only a month out and at this point the 2nd bride has no idea what arbor she is using and her wedding is a good 18 hours after the other.  So not a tight turn around.

    I guess my point is I know you have had problems with your venue, but it's not always the venue being vindictive. They are put between a rock and a hard place sometimes.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • delujm0delujm0 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    My venue contacted my wedding planner to ask her if we had any plans for our centerpieces after the wedding, because if not they would like to use them for a fundraising event on Sunday.  The florist doesn't care whether she picks everything up on Sunday or Monday.  At first I was like "maybe if they give me a discount on the booze (which has to be purchased through them) but then the florist told me that because the venue is a not-for-profit i can get the value of the certerpieces as a tax deduction (something i should have thought of myself as a CPA) so i'm pretty pleased with that.  Just have to make sure they give me a receipt!

     

    OP, what your venue did is unacceptable - and I'd have the draping company do their pickup immediately after your wedding.  Even if the other bride reimbures you, if it gets ruined you're going to be the one to blame because you're the one on the contract.  if she wants it too, she can get a separate contract with the draping company, and then the draping company can decide if they want to take it down in between events or not.

    SoontobeMrsNytes
  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    We might have another bride's decor up for our event, but the decor belongs to the venue, so a little different. They have lanterns that they hang in the backyard. I told my venue coordinator to not worry about moving them if the bride for the evening event wants to pay $750 for some lights, however I don't see how it wouldn't benefit me one way or the other...

  • My wedding was this past October and my decorations were very fall-esque.  The venue asked me if they could keep some of the fall decor for the event the next morning and they would ship it back to me.  Because they asked so nicely - I was MORE than happy to oblige - and actually told them they could keep all of it except for one strand of autumn leaves garland (wanted it for my mantle at home). It also saved me the time of having to pack it up and find storage for it all!!

    I'd be disappointed if the venue handled it differently - but that is part of the reason I chose them because they were the most courteous and on point.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • What makes me mad for you is the way the venue handled it.  How about ASKING you if you would please make sure you have cleared out 5pm, "and is there anything we can do to make it easier for you?"

    I don't know you but I'm willing to bet you're not a raging bitch, and if they had simply approached you in a better manner, you wouldn't be feeling all defensive and pushed around and you probably wouldn't care about leaving the draping.
    ladyamanuetSoontobeMrsNytesschellzinator
  • melbensomelbenso Hoth, apparently member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    @SoontobeMrsNytes - any update from the draping company?

    Either way, I'm sure you will have a beautiful wedding this weekend.  If things haven't been resolved by now, just let it go, be excited that you are getting married, and have a wonderful time!
    image
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]SoontobeMrsNytes
  • melbenso said:
    @SoontobeMrsNytes - any update from the draping company?

    Either way, I'm sure you will have a beautiful wedding this weekend.  If things haven't been resolved by now, just let it go, be excited that you are getting married, and have
     a wonderful time!



    SITB:
    Thank you!
    Well, to update, apparently this hotel has a very busy weekend. I was told this afternoon in addition to the wedding reception after my ceremony on the deck, they also have a beachside BBQ on the very same deck from 11-2! Now, they tell me! My ceremony is scheduled to begin at 4! Hopefully the 2 hours will be enough turn around time. But, right now, I'm really regretting choosing this venue.
    My planner spoke with the drapery vendor and he said he will stay on site for my ceremony, and that it shouldn't take him more than 30-45 minutes to remove it. He told my planner he's worked alot with this venue and never had these issues come up. So, I'm really not sure what's going on there, but the last week or so has been one big clustermess after another. I am sorry for the other bride, and I do hope she can work out whatever she needs to, but ultimately my priority is protecting my legal liabilities.
  • melbenso said:
    @SoontobeMrsNytes - any update from the draping company?

    Either way, I'm sure you will have a beautiful wedding this weekend.  If things haven't been resolved by now, just let it go, be excited that you are getting married, and have
     a wonderful time!



    SITB:
    Thank you!
    Well, to update, apparently this hotel has a very busy weekend. I was told this afternoon in addition to the wedding reception after my ceremony on the deck, they also have a beachside BBQ on the very same deck from 11-2! Now, they tell me! My ceremony is scheduled to begin at 4! Hopefully the 2 hours will be enough turn around time. But, right now, I'm really regretting choosing this venue.
    My planner spoke with the drapery vendor and he said he will stay on site for my ceremony, and that it shouldn't take him more than 30-45 minutes to remove it. He told my planner he's worked alot with this venue and never had these issues come up. So, I'm really not sure what's going on there, but the last week or so has been one big clustermess after another. I am sorry for the other bride, and I do hope she can work out whatever she needs to, but ultimately my priority is protecting my legal liabilities.
  • Sorry for the double post. I don't know why it did that.
  • What makes me mad for you is the way the venue handled it.  How about ASKING you if you would please make sure you have cleared out 5pm, "and is there anything we can do to make it easier for you?"

    I don't know you but I'm willing to bet you're not a raging bitch, and if they had simply approached you in a better manner, you wouldn't be feeling all defensive and pushed around and you probably wouldn't care about leaving the draping.
    No, I promise, I'm not a raging bitch. However, what they did was unacceptable. I don't think I would have agreed to allow another party to use my rented drapery even she had asked nicely. I may have considered it if I owned them, but I don't. And ultimately, the drapery company will look for restitution from me in the event it's damaged. I'm glad I just happened to find out now though, and not the day of.
    Maybe I've worked in the legal system too long, but I've seen people get stuck paying the bill over things like this. People frequently think if it's already there, why not?  If my rental was $500, how much would it cost me to replace it if the other party caught it on fire? I don't want to find out.
  • I just think that the drapery company should charge the other party if they left the drape up... it costs $500 to rent the drape for a single event, right? So if that drape remains in place beyond that event, then either the drapery company should charge the second person utilizing it, they should pack it up, or they can leave it where it is and absolve you of any liability since your event has come to a close. I'm dying to read your contract lol just out of sheer curiosity
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OP- What did the venue say after your coordinator spoke to the drapery vendor? I'm curious how they'll tell this other bride they can't deliver what they promised. I agree, that is really unprofessional of the venue. 
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Very unprofessional of the venue. I'd be pissed too. I agree with what you have done. The contract is between you and the drapery company, if something happens, you're on the hook. I agree with telling the venue that no, the drapery will be taken down and if they want drapery, they can arrange their own contract with the drapery company. Glad the drapery company also knows what is going on. So for now- breathe! Enjoy the next few days. Just remember, at the end of all of this, you'll be MARRIED!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards