Okay, I now have a bridal shower etiquette dilemma. So last weekend I had bridal shower, which was thrown by my bridesmaid and mother. I pretty much backed off and let them handle the planning. For invites, I sent them my wedding guest list with addresses and said I wanted to keep it pretty simple and pretty much just family invited to shower. Keep in mind, I'm having a destination wedding with limited guest list. I invited my immediate family, aunts/uncles, and that was about it. We invited about 60 people and have 30 attending. Inviting my cousins would have doubled our guest list. And my family is still in contact with 3rd and 4th cousins, so going that far could have killed any size guest list.
The shower was actually very nice. There were some relatives I haven't seen in years, since I live across the country now. There were also some old family friends that I hadn't seen in 15-20 years. I received a gift from 3rd cousin, with an apology for not being able to make it to my shower. And there were some of my parents close friends who I haven't ever met. That being said, we had 28 guests attend the shower, but only 10 of them were actually invited to my wedding. They all knew in advance that they weren't invited to wedding and nobody seemed upset by it or asked. Okay, whatever... it's done.
But, then you get into the resulting dilemma... I have no addresses to send thank you cards to the non-wedding guests! My mother, who sent the shower invites, does have them all and I have asked her to send them to me. But, she has the list at work, she just had surgery and won't be able to go to work for at least a couple weeks. I'm pretty anxious to get the thank you cards send ASAP, especially since many of these people were generous enough to come, and even bring gifts, when they weren't invited to wedding and some have never met me. I'm trying to push to get addresses sooner, but there is only so much that can be done. Everyone says its bad etiquette to invite people to shower and not wedding, but they rarely mention consequences like this.
I am being repeatedly shocked by the lack of etiquette I'm seeing from my family lately, particularly involving weddings. In addition to the shower issue, over the last couple weeks, I've seen plans for: tiered reception, PPD, inviting more than venue can hold (30% more with no available funds/options for expanding venue), 3-hour unhosted wedding gap (with ceremony & reception at same venue), a wedding un-invite, B-list, and having RSVP date 2 months before wedding (so she has time to b-list with new RSVP date). Oh, and I only received ONE RSVP back from my side of the family for my wedding. I am amazed that I have any manners at all!